(no subject)
alexander, my darling tiny boy:
i have been nursing you for nigh on a year now, and it has been by far and away the most fulfilling experience of my life. we've had a pretty easy road--no birth complications (just a little prolonged jaundice, which didn't cause any problems but being yellow for a couple of weeks), no real latch issues (just a little poky the first couple of days, most likely due to my nubain and epidural during the birth), no mastitis or plugged ducts, no need to supplement, no real supply worries, no huge issues with non-supportive family (your grandmother pretty much sucks, but i always just took the snarky comments and cried about them later--never did it make me think about quitting--only the best for my baby boy). there have been a few small bumps along the way as you've gotten older--persistent thrush when you were a week old (lasted to 3 months and took prescriptions for me and gentian violet for you to kick), dealing with my post-partum depression (nothing a little lexapro won't fix!), various forays into working and pumping (which, really, was no fun at all--things are a lot cooler since i never leave you), slow weight gain (which hasn't changed, even with the increase in solids/calories, so we've all decided you're just a little guy), and having to deal with some common older-baby issues like biting and nursing manners (no, pinching mommy's underarm skin is *not* okay--fortunately, you're starting to understand that).
however, despite the hurdles we've had--which, believe me kiddo, we've had it good--99% of the time nursing you is my favorite time of day. i love being able to just stop and reconnect with you, even though you're so into everything else in the world now. i love looking at you--all 16 pounds of you--and knowing that you--this bright, beautiful, happy little boy who eats grown-up food and runs and climbs and talks and dances and can play catch with daddy, who loves gwen stefani, the gym class heroes, and the "scrubs" and "full house" theme songs, who makes sure at least *some* of mommy's books are on the floor at all times and who will sometimes just put down the blocks, run over, and give me a kiss before returning to playing--are the way you are because of me, that you've grown into an amazing little toddler on something that my body makes from nothing. i love cuddling and nursing you, i love it when you can't latch because you're smiling too much, i love when you make me eat your feet while we're nursing. i love it when you look up at me and i can just see pure love in your eyes, and i love being able to return that feeling. on a more practical (and selfish) side of things, i love that my milk is always there, ready, and perfect--and there's nothing to clean up. i also think i've found my true life's passion--because of the experience i've had nursing you in the last year, i intend to return to school to become an IBCLC.
in short, i love nursing and i love you.