Just my two cents...
anonymous
February 16 2009, 22:34:47 UTC
I have been wondering about the same thing lately. What's the meaning of virgin nowadays? I really don't know. The worst part is that this question has been in my head for months. And I think I will have to agree with you, virginity is what you want it to mean. I have never had sex, but with all the media bombarding sex-related things at us, I hardly think of myself as innocent or naive, which used to go hand in hand with virginity once.
Anyways, I really like the last line "Why do people make it such a big deal, and an issue of shame?" It goes both ways. If a person has already experienced sex they get called many a colourful expletives, the tamest of them being loose. On the other hand, if a person has not experienced it, they are freaks. It is incredibly frustrating.
You know, I actually have a half-finished draft of a post about this very topic sitting around on wordpress, which I started way back in October... but you've managed to make one of the main points I was going for so much more concisely than I could have done. Very well-said!
I think that part of the reason that virginity persists is that is serves as a way to talk about boundaries and experience. If someone is a virgin they have permission to make having sex a bigger deal than if they aren't a virgin. Virginity is a way of saying "I have boundaries around sex." (Though the latter sentence is better communication and much clearer.)
I've run into this in an interesting way in my relationships, where sexual (and sexually experienced) people often have little experience with certain types of nonsexual intimacy. Sometimes they've never been in a close relationship without the scripts and protocols of sexuality, and they find things like just holding someone and talking for hours to be both desirable and outside of their comfort zone. I'm technically the "virgin," but often times their inexperience and boundaries around nonsexual intimacy are what we wind up exploring and challenging, which makes for some asexy times.
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anonymous
February 20 2011, 14:06:20 UTC
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February 22 2011, 08:37:29 UTC
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Comments 10
Anyways, I really like the last line "Why do people make it such a big deal, and an issue of shame?" It goes both ways. If a person has already experienced sex they get called many a colourful expletives, the tamest of them being loose. On the other hand, if a person has not experienced it, they are freaks. It is incredibly frustrating.
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I've run into this in an interesting way in my relationships, where sexual (and sexually experienced) people often have little experience with certain types of nonsexual intimacy. Sometimes they've never been in a close relationship without the scripts and protocols of sexuality, and they find things like just holding someone and talking for hours to be both desirable and outside of their comfort zone. I'm technically the "virgin," but often times their inexperience and boundaries around nonsexual intimacy are what we wind up exploring and challenging, which makes for some asexy times.
Reply
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