The Snow's Lament - Part 5 (Final)
Author: emmachase
Requested by: Everyone who took part in my poll
Title: The Snow's Lament - Part 5 (Final)
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, Family, some fluff
Pairing: RyuuJima (Yuto/Ryutaro) <- Brotherly love
Summary: Remember that little poll I had a while ago? Well, I finally got around to making a quick story about it! I hope you like it
Notes: That's all folks! Thank you to everyone who read my story however bad *Gomen gomen* I really enjoyed writing this series actually, so maybe I'll think about writing another like this some other time.
Previous Parts can be found >>here<< at my story index under the "RyuuJima" Section
“Master Ryutaro!” One of the men said as he shook him.
“Calm down….. please…. You are safe now..”
“Let me see him! Let me see him!” Ryutaro threw away arm after arm that reached out to console him. He hated the men who crowded around Yuto, blocking him from his view. He cried as the arms around him pulled him away and he sobbed harder as exhaustion came and drew away his strength.
----- Two Days Later-----
“Mmnnh….unh…” Ryutaro winced as he stirred. His body ached from being tossed into the ground, and his head hurt from being asleep for so long.
“Ryuu-Chan!” Aiko’s voice rang out as he felt a pair of arms encircle him and squeeze tightly.
“A-Ai..ko…” He mumbled as he tried to sit up. He was back in his room…. The damages to the mansion had been repaired and he was resting in his own bed…. In his own room…
“Yuto!” Ryutaro’s body jumped straight up, he turned to look at Aiko
“W-What happened to Yuto!? Where is he!? Is he okay!?” Ryutaro threw question after question.
“Ryuu..chan…. “ Aiko looked away, and from her expression… he knew it wasn’t going to be good news.
“When we found you… you looked…. So terrible….. all that…. blood…. And … and Yuto-kun… was… “
“What happened to him!? Ryutaro asked
“He….he’s here…. But he doctors say he is so weak… they’re not sure…. He’ll live…”
“He’s alive!?” Ryutaro wanted to jump up and run, but Aiko’s hands rested on his shoulders, keeping him down.
“Ryuu-Chan… you shouldn’t get your hopes up… he hasn't moved or woken up in these last two days…. they say he looks so weak…and… he might..”
“Don't even say it!” Ryutaro shouted at her, his chest hurt still.
“I. I want to go see him!” Ryutaro said as he looked at his hands, he remembered the feeling of Yuto’s blood rushing through his fingers, and the feeling of Yuto’s life slipping away….
“Ryuu-chan…. I don't think you sh-“ Aiko was cut short as she came face to face with the most intense glare Ryutaro had ever given, and she knew better than to try and argue. She helped him stand up, after which he insisted that he would be fine on his own.
Slowly Ryutaro opened the door and began his walk to Yuto’s room, and the sense of familiarity returned. He loved those nights where he would walk to Yuto’s room, and they would talk…. And his heart always felt so warm as he approached the door… but now…. He felt a sense of foreboding…
The door to Yuto’s room never seemed to daunting. Behind it……. He would find Yuto… and he wasn't sure if he wanted to see what state he was in…
“Ah… Young master Ryutaro…I’m glad to see you have awoken…” A man spoke as he walked out of the room, snapping Ryutaro out of his trance.
“D-Doctor… is he…?”
“Yuto-kun’s body is very weak right now… he hasn't moved once in all the time we’ve been observing him… it …. Doesn't seem good…” We’ve treated his wounds, but its very common for the body to shut itself down after trauma like that…We don't know though…. If Yuto-kun will be able to survive……”
“Th-Thank you…” Ryutaro bowed as he held back the tremors of fear.
“Spend some time with him… while you still have it…” The man said as he walked away, his head low with pity.
Quietly Ryutaro walked into the room, the pale white boy rested in the middle of the room, a few lamps were lit to provide warmth for the room and placed around him carefully. Now…. He openly wept… he was genuinely scared of losing Yuto now… and he couldn’t bear it…
Yuto looked so pale, almost corpselike…. His lips were pale and dry….. even his skin no longer glowed with the moon’s light. Gently, fearfully, Ryutaro reached out to clasp Yuto’s arm, his hand felt cold…. No longer warm like it had been when it would wrap around him in those nights. Ryutaro kept looking at those closed eyes, almost expecting them to open at any moment and say hello to him... but they never did… and he wasn't sure they ever would..
“Thank you for coming to see him… Ryutaro-kun”
Ryutaro turned around to see Lady Nakajima, Yuto’s mother….. his mother sitting in the corner. She bowed as she gave him a look of thanks, and he bowed in return, feeling a little awkward.
“Ja… Ryutaro-kun… can I leave Yuto in your care?” She asked as she stood up, smiling gently at him.
“H-Hai…”
With a look of understanding she closed the door behind her, and Ryutaro was grateful to her for not saying at word more than she had to. He was afraid if he was to talk about Yuto… he’d begin to cry again. He wanted his brother back… and he wanted to be a family again…….
“Yuto…Yuto? Can you hear me?”
No response.
“Yuto…. I’m sorry….. that I said I hated you… I’m sorry… that I said all those terrible things to you before….but I’d take it all back if you’d just wake up… I’ll call you Nii-chan…. Yuto nii-chan? Please…. I’m begging… just… be okay… just wake up….”
Still nothing.
“How did things turn out like this….? I tried my best…. To protect our family... I tried my best! And you still ended up like this…. Nii-chan…” Ryutaro gripped the cool hand tighter, trying to force his warmth into it. He quickly looked up at the ceiling as his thoughts repeated themselves in his head, the tears that were threatening to appear fell backward as he looked at the ceiling. He wasn’t going to cry here, not now…
The rest of the night followed swiftly, Ryutaro sat at the table he and Yuto loved, staring at the still unconscious boy before him. He never moved…. He never spoke… and the soft rise and fall of his chest became harder and harder to distinguish.
Dad after day, night after night Ryutaro sat there, making promises to himself and to Yuto. He promised he would do his best in school, he would become a good person, donate drawings to charity….. all if only Yuto would wake him and call his name. It wasn't much… but it was all the little boy could offer.
It had been six days now… and Yuto still hadn’t awoken..Everytime Ryutaro would ask the doctors about the boy’s condition, they would always tell him the same things. That Yuto’s body was still recovering.. and that there was no telling when he would wake up, if at all. He hated hearing that, it was always such a helpless answer.
The nights always came and went in silence now… Ryutaro couldn’t bring himself to play the flute, and none of the servants could find a way to comfort the boy who always sat at the table, his head resting in his arms, and stared at his brother with such forlorn eyes.
Another week passed, and still…. He waited. The doctors were at a loss, they all insisted that Yuto’s body was healed enough for him to regain consciousness… but…
“He’s still sleeping…” Ryutaro murmured as they would shake their heads and give him a helpless look.
“You should talk to him Ryutaro-kun, perhaps, hearing the voice of a family member will help him wake up.” One of the doctors said as the group closed the doors behind them.
“Thank you…” Ryutaro bowed politely before turning around to look at Yuto again. Nothing had changed…. His face was still pale, his expression emotionless, and even his skin still felt cold to the touch.
“Nii-Chan…. When are you going to wake up?”
The little boy sighed as he sat down beside the spread tatamis. He himself had taken on the duty of replacing them with newly washed ones, much to the servant maid’s dismay. It had almost been two weeks… and he was beginning to feel scared that Yuto….. might not wake up at all…
“When will you wake up… ?” Taking Yuto’s hand, Ryutaro laid down as he closed his eyes, letting his warmth flow into the cold hand.
“Yuto?” A boy dressed in white stood amongst a sea of black. Ryutaro walked forward slowly. Yuto was…. alone. Out of the darkness rose a face and Ryutaro stopped. He watched as the face of an unknown man emerged with fury in his eyes. The face’s mouth opened as scream after scream erupted from the cavern and Yuto fell upon his knees, his head clutched between his hands. And just as Ryutaro wanted to step forward, the face disappeared and another appeared from the darkness below Yuto. This time it was a little girl… her eyes gleamed with tears and as she opened her mouth cries sprung forth and Yuto cringed.
“Yuto!” Ryutaro ran after the huddled boy. He knelt beside the boy in white and saw the streaming tears fall from his face.
“I deserve this Ryutaro…. I deserve this nightmare….” Yuto shook his head.
“Yuto….”
“These…. Are all the people… all the people.. that I’ve killed…. All of them… their faces are all still in my mind. All of them…” The taller boy was on the verge of completely break down.
“Yuto…”
“This is what it’s going to be like for me. I’m scared Ryutaro… if I wake up…. Will these faces always haunt me…. in my mind? These people… they all have a right to be angry at me… I killed them Ryutaro… I killed them!”
As he spoke another face appeared, this time of a woman her face bespoke vengeance as her lips opened and a roar of anger swept through the hollow darkness. Ryutaro hugged Yuto tightly as the gust of wind from the woman’s mouth pushed him forward.
“Nii-Chan… it’ll be okay… you don’t have to be scared… you have to put all of this behind you….”
The woman’s face vanished now, and for a few moments Yuto wept to himself. But the peace wasn’t there for long. An emerging face appeared now… and this one Ryutaro cringed at the sight of. Akira’s face…. the boy now had deadly eyes, glaring at the kneeling boy before him.
“I killed…. My best friend…..” Yuto cried into his hands as Akira’s face did nothing except stare at him.
“Best…. Friend?” Ryutaro questioned.
“A-Akira…. I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry!” Yuto cried harder still.
“What…. what do you mean….?” The mouth that had spoken such vile and evil words opened now, and instead of a howl of wind, Ryutaro cringed as it lunged toward them, engulfing him and Yuto. On the other side though, he was alone…. He felt himself standing a world apart from everyone around him. Everything was a little… fuzzy….blurry. But out of all the darkness, came a scene… a little boy being led into the building.
“Hoi! This is Akira, he will be joining your group today. Take care of him.” A gruff man said as he threw the boy by the collar into the room. There were sounds coming from him… and Ryutaro walked closer. He realized…. These.. short breaths…. Were sniffles…the boy was crying… and he reached out only to find his hand was not his own.
“Are you okay?” Yuto’s voice came out instead of his. He understood now… this was what Akira was like… before… all that.
Ryutaro watched painfully, as the other boy followed Yuto around. He watched as the two of them smiled together, laughed together. But just as all those fun times came surging through, they began to dissolve as Ryutaro found himself standing beside the kneeling Yuto again.
“A-Akira….. wasn’t always like th-that….” Yuto said as he had managed to calm himself down slightly.
“Nii-Chan…”
“I wanted to protect him… from all the killing…. His parents still wanted him! But all the blood…. The horrible things they made us do… it changed him…. and I lost him along the way…it’s all my fault Ryutaro…. It’s all my fault he became that way…. It was because I was too weak to protect him… it was because I couldn’t save him… and now… I killed him…for my own weakness…” Yuto said quietly as he felt so defeated.
“Nii-Chan…. It’s not your fault…..” Ryutaro hugged him again.
“Ryutaro…I… want…..”
“Hm?”
“I want…. To die….” Yuto said as Ryutaro’s heart froze. His eyes locked on Yuto’s and they pulsed with the tears of his emotions, aching to burst through. Those words struck a chord within his already weakened heart.
“P-Please… Nii-Chan… don’t say that… don’t say that…”
“Look at my personal hell Ryutaro…. If I wake up…. This is what it’ll be like in my mind…. Forever…. I can’t handle it… I’m not… not strong enough…” Yuto said.
“You promised me… that we could be a family… the family that you always wanted… I want a brother…. I want you as my brother… Nii-Chan…. Yuto Nii-Chan… and when you wake up… and we’re a whole family again. I Promise, I will help you with all that you can’t handle…. And all that you will face. I promise… it will be okay… we'll face it together! When you wake up, all this will be over, and I promise... you'll never think about this.... stuff again.” Ryutaro said, his own words sounded alien coming out of his mouth, and he himself didn't know how much stock he could put into them. But somehow…. He wanted to make this work.
Yuto said nothing…. And sensing the tension, Ryutaro smiled as he awkwardly sat up straight.
“B-Beside…. How many times do you want me to say it? Yuto Nii-Chan… O-nii-chan…Yuto O-nii-Chan.” Ryutaro teased as he called Yuto by the name he had become so used to.
He stopped as he heard the sniffles appear again, this time from Yuto, and when he stopped his teasing, Yuto turned to him and with those sorrowful eyes he smiled through his tears.
“I’m would be… so happy… to live on with you… my otouto….Ryutaro…”
And in that instant, the whole world seemed to crack, as fragments of his being shattered into a all-consuming light…
“Hunh!” Ryutaro bolted upright, one of the servants had come in to blow out the lights and place a blanket over him. He felt his hand still clasping Yuto’s, and he turned immediately to look at him.
“Nii-Chan… wake up….” He encouraged.
“Please… Yuto nii-chan… wake up… you don’t have to be scared of living like that…. I’ll help you…. I promise… just… wake up….” Then he paused, his breathing paused as he listened for a second. He thought… he had just seen Yuto’s face move…
“Yu-Yuto?” He asked again as slowly the sleeping boy’s eyes twitched a little before they slowly opened, revealing the most beautiful soft brown eyes.
“Ryu…ta..ro..” Yuto’s voice was coarse, his body felt so frail to him and when he tried even to move a little, a massive pain from the wound on his back made him cringe with effort.
“Yuto!? Yuto! You’re awake! S-Somebody! Get a doctor! Somebody!” Ryutaro shouted into the house, not really caring if it was the middle of the night.
“M-master Ryutaro!? Wh-Whats happened?!” One of the servants threw the door open. He was still dressed in his sleeping clothes but seeing Yuto’s eyes open he nodded immediately and turned to fetch the doctor, stumbling a little over his own feet.
“Ryu…ta…ro…w-wa..ter….” Yuto rasped as his hand trembled when he tried to move it.
“H-Here!” The younger boy jumped to the table, bringing back a cup of hastily poured cool water. He helped Yuto sit up, he noticed the way Yuto bit his lip when he accidentally brushed against the cut on his back. It had been exceptionally deep, but fortunately not fatal.
Gingerly he tipped the cup against Yuto’s lips and he sighed in relief as Yuto drank it down with dire need. What little water they had managed to get him to drink in his coma, clearly wasn't enough.
“I-Is there… anything else I can do… do you need anything? A-anything!” Ryutaro scrambled as he went to get more water. And Yuto could only smile weakly as he leaned against the wall, unable to hold himself up anymore, and shook his head.
“I’m glad… you’re okay… Ryutaro.” Yuto said as Ryutaro stopped pouring and stared at the wall in front of him.
“I’m glad… you’re alive…”
“Yuto nii-chan…” Ryutaro felt the tears welling up again as he remembered the day he saw Yuto… like that.
When Ryutaro finally convinced himself to be strong, he turned around to face his brother and he noted how different everything was. Where Yuto always had looked so strong, he was so frail now. His body was barely moving, and his frame seemed as if a sudden gust could take him away.
“Yuto… How…. are you feeling?” He asked as he held the cup of water to the older boy’s lips again.
“It hurts… a little… “ Yuto winced as he leaned forward a little to drink.
“I’m… sorry. It’s my fault… you’re like this.” Ryutaro felt so ashamed.
“Why…?” Yuto asked as he raised a trembling hand and guided the cup to the ground again.
“Because… if it wasn't for me… you… would have been able to defend yourself… you would have been fine…” Ryutaro couldn't even bring himself to look Yuto in the eyes now.
“Ryutaro….. oh my stupid little brother… don't you know… its never your fault. I wanted… to protect you… and that is something that will never change. You shouldn’t ever think that its your fault I’m hurt, when I’m glad to do it.”
“Yuto… nii-ch-“ The last few sounds never made it out, as the little boy felt sniffles overtake him. He was losing the battle within himself.
“Ryutaro… I know you’re trying to be strong… I know you’re trying your best. But for tonight… be my little brother, and be your age. If you want to cry, then just let it out… for tonight, be a little kid again..” Yuto said as Ryutaro began to cry openly now.
“It’s okay… Ryutaro… its not your fault…” Yuto said as he encircled the weeping boy in his arms and held him with what strength he could muster.
For the next few minutes, Ryutaro cried his heart out, wetting Yuto’s clothes. He kept whispering “I’m sorry” but Yuto only shook his head and held on tighter.
“I tri-tried … my best…Yuto Nii-chan… I tried…”
“I know Ryutaro… I know…”
“But it wasn't good enough…. Y-you’re… like this..”
“Its not your fault… Ryutaro… you did your best…. I’m so proud of you. Its not your fault, do you understand?” Yuto asked as he brushed away the tears on Ryutaro’s face with his sleeve. And the younger boy only nodded.
“Why are you still crying Ryutaro? You have nothing to be sad about anymore right?” Yuto asked as he smiled that weak smile.
“I’m…. so happy.. nii-chan.. is okay….” Ryutaro sniffled, trying and failing to regulate his breathing back to normal.
Yuto’s heart melted at hearing those words and he grinned broadly as he pulled Ryutaro closer and hugged him. For the first time in so many years, he felt as if he had someone who depended on him, he had someone who needed him…. who’s life would be so different if he wasn’t around. This was what it meant to be part of a family… wasn’t it?
“It’s all over… Otouto…. We’ll never have to go back to that world again….” Yuto whispered as he rocked Ryutaro back and forth in his arms.
The doctors came, all looking a little flustered to be called in the middle of the night. Some their wives had forced them awake for fear of offending the Morimoto family, while others had managed to stumble their way to the mansion on their own accords. One by one they gave Yuto a complete check all nodding to each other with their results.
“Yuto-kun has recovered from his wounds, and is in good health. We believe that with a bit of rest and plenty of water he will return to normal soon. The wound on his back is still healing, but for the most part is out of danger. He will be a little sore, until the healing process is complete, but to ease his pain we can give him some medicine.” The doctor reported to Ryutaro’s father and Yuto’s mother nodded gratefully as she rushed to her son’s side.
Ryutaro sat down in the corner so as not to get in the way as Yuto received his last few bits of advice and warnings from the doctors.
“Ryutaro-kun, why don't you rest in your room tonight? Now that Yuto-kun has recovered, you should get some rest too. You’ve been in here every night.” Yuto’s mother asked as he awkwardly opened his mouth to refuse but…
“It’s okay…. Ryutaro…. Get some rest…” Yuto said as the doctors marveled at how good his hearing must have been to hear a conversation across the room.
Somehow, just knowing that Yuto was okay.. made Ryutaro a little easier… and a little hungrier… he clutched his stomach as he growled.
“Well…. That’s only natural… seeing as how you haven’t been eating much either. Since Yuto is awake…. How about… I make us some food?” Ryutaro looked up at the former Ms. Nakajima.
“That… would be nice…okaasan.” Ryutaro said as the woman looked a bit surprised but pleased. Out of the corner of his eye, Ryutaro could see his father grinning as he nodded his approval and walked after his wife.
“Thanks for staying by my side the whole time.. Otouto-kun.” Yuto said as the room cleared out.
“Ne… that… er…. I had a dream… about… you.. faces.” The words came to him now, but wouldn’t form sentences.
“Yes… I know…” Yuto nodded solemnly.
“Was… it….real? Is that what… really goes on in your head?” Ryutaro asked, drawing himself closer. Yuto put on a smile and looked at the table.
“Yes… I see their faces everyday Ryutaro, I can hear the way the begged me not to kill them. Some of them were lucky, they didn't even see me coming, but I still saw their faces, the look of horror on some of them…” Yuto said sounding more and more miserable by the second, and Ryutaro was sorry he ever brought the subject up.
“But…that part of you…. Is all over now… right?” Ryutaro asked and Yuto could only nod. Though, he himself wasn’t sure. Ryutaro grinned happily as he allowed his shoulders to slump for the first time in all these days. He could finally relax….
That night, was the most wonderful night Ryutaro hard ever experienced. He got his brother back, an dhe tried Yuto’s favorite dish of porrige. It warmed his body as he giggled happily listening to his father and mother talking about how they met. Occasionally he would look up to see Yuto wrinkle his nose as his mother talked about a particularly embarrassing date, and Ryutaro couldn’t help but giggle harder. While the porriage’s warmth coursed through his body, warming his frame, his family warmed his heart and soul and he was so happy…. This was what it was like to truly be a family….
“Oh! Boys….. it’s so late already… we have to let Yuto sleep ne? And Ryutaro… I want you to get some rest too okay?” Ryutaro’s father said as he clapped his hands lightly summing things up. The servants that had volunteered to stay up with them grinned as they nodded and began to pick up the dishes. The moments they had witnessed reminded them of why they loved being a part of the Morimoto family so much, and even they felt the warmth of love.
When the tables were put away and Yuto lay down on his tatami again Ryutaro stood up and walked to the door.
“Good night…. Yuto-Nii-Chan.” He said
“Good night.. Otouto-kun.” Yuto smiled as he watched the younger boy slide the door close and everything was peaceful again. The sounds of the soft waters running from the nearby creeks filled the air and Yuto closed his eyes to the first real night of serenity he had ever had.
-----Yuto’s Private Letter - 5 years later-----
It’s been five whole years now since I’ve had those nightmares, everything seems like it had just been a dream now. But, everyday I wake up and there’s this little boy who keeps poking me in the sides, calling me “Nii-Chan” with a cute grin on his face, and telling me to wake up so we can have breakfast together. Every time I look at him. I cant help but smile and think to my self, “This is my life now”.
Ryutaro’s grown up so much in such a short time, he’s not so short anymore, and I think this is what they call older brother’s pride? He’s doing so well in school I know he’ll become something wonderful. Mother and father have gone out on a trip around the capital for their anniversary leaving me and Ryutaro to watch the house, we’ve been sneaking in chocolates for Ryutaro lately, but… I can’t help it. Is it wrong for me to want to spoil him? It’s such a refreshing feeling to run out on the grasses with him in regular clothes and feel the wind rush against my face. I’ve thrown all the remnants of my past life back into that trunk and stowed it all away in the corner of the closet. I cant throw it away…. It was a part of me, but at the same time, I don't think I want to see it anymore. Those white clothes don't seem to compliment me anymore, I don't have to pretend to be as pure as the white snow anymore. I think, with Ryutaro and my family beside me, I can finally wash off all the blood on my hands, and I don't think I’ll be seeing it again.
The Snow is no more.
~Yuto Nakajima.
-----Ryutaro’s Letter To His Parents - 5 years later-----
Dear Mom and Dad,
I hope you’re having fun on your anniversary trip!
I’m just writing to let you know that Nii-Chan and I are doing fine! Yuto Nii-Chan is happier now ne? He doesn't wear just white anymore, he wears a lot of different clothes now, and I think he looks great in them! He took an interest in the arts with me and I’m currently trying to catch up to him in calligraphy! His words seem so beautiful when he runs the brush across the paper. But most of all, I’m so happy because he plays with me now! We go running through the small forest and playing with the kids whose mothers take classes here. Everyone always tells me how wonderful, how cool my brother is, and all I can do is nod as I had figured that out looooong ago! I’m a bit older now, but Yuto Nii-Chan still takes care of me, he’s spending a lot of time reading now, but when he isn’t doing that, he’s helping with me with my homework or we do some kendo training. Guess what!? I beat him once in a sword match! But…. I think he let me win. Oh well.
Speaking of swords, I never knew what became of all those white Kimonos, and those swords. Sometimes, I think I would have liked to keep one of those Kimonos, but…. maybe not.
School is ending soon, and when it does, Nii-Chan is going to take me on a mountain trip! I can’t wait!
~Ryutaro
(>'_')><('_'<) (>'_')><('_'<) (>'_')><('_'<) (>'_')><('_'<) (>'_')><('_'<)
Uwa.... I really hope you all enjoy this story lol. Its my first time writing something like this.... so please let me know what you think!
~Emmie
Requested by: Everyone who took part in my poll
Title: The Snow's Lament - Part 5 (Final)
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, Family, some fluff
Pairing: RyuuJima (Yuto/Ryutaro) <- Brotherly love
Summary: Remember that little poll I had a while ago? Well, I finally got around to making a quick story about it! I hope you like it
Notes: That's all folks! Thank you to everyone who read my story however bad *Gomen gomen* I really enjoyed writing this series actually, so maybe I'll think about writing another like this some other time.
Previous Parts can be found >>here<< at my story index under the "RyuuJima" Section
“Master Ryutaro!” One of the men said as he shook him.
“Calm down….. please…. You are safe now..”
“Let me see him! Let me see him!” Ryutaro threw away arm after arm that reached out to console him. He hated the men who crowded around Yuto, blocking him from his view. He cried as the arms around him pulled him away and he sobbed harder as exhaustion came and drew away his strength.
----- Two Days Later-----
“Mmnnh….unh…” Ryutaro winced as he stirred. His body ached from being tossed into the ground, and his head hurt from being asleep for so long.
“Ryuu-Chan!” Aiko’s voice rang out as he felt a pair of arms encircle him and squeeze tightly.
“A-Ai..ko…” He mumbled as he tried to sit up. He was back in his room…. The damages to the mansion had been repaired and he was resting in his own bed…. In his own room…
“Yuto!” Ryutaro’s body jumped straight up, he turned to look at Aiko
“W-What happened to Yuto!? Where is he!? Is he okay!?” Ryutaro threw question after question.
“Ryuu..chan…. “ Aiko looked away, and from her expression… he knew it wasn’t going to be good news.
“When we found you… you looked…. So terrible….. all that…. blood…. And … and Yuto-kun… was… “
“What happened to him!? Ryutaro asked
“He….he’s here…. But he doctors say he is so weak… they’re not sure…. He’ll live…”
“He’s alive!?” Ryutaro wanted to jump up and run, but Aiko’s hands rested on his shoulders, keeping him down.
“Ryuu-Chan… you shouldn’t get your hopes up… he hasn't moved or woken up in these last two days…. they say he looks so weak…and… he might..”
“Don't even say it!” Ryutaro shouted at her, his chest hurt still.
“I. I want to go see him!” Ryutaro said as he looked at his hands, he remembered the feeling of Yuto’s blood rushing through his fingers, and the feeling of Yuto’s life slipping away….
“Ryuu-chan…. I don't think you sh-“ Aiko was cut short as she came face to face with the most intense glare Ryutaro had ever given, and she knew better than to try and argue. She helped him stand up, after which he insisted that he would be fine on his own.
Slowly Ryutaro opened the door and began his walk to Yuto’s room, and the sense of familiarity returned. He loved those nights where he would walk to Yuto’s room, and they would talk…. And his heart always felt so warm as he approached the door… but now…. He felt a sense of foreboding…
The door to Yuto’s room never seemed to daunting. Behind it……. He would find Yuto… and he wasn't sure if he wanted to see what state he was in…
“Ah… Young master Ryutaro…I’m glad to see you have awoken…” A man spoke as he walked out of the room, snapping Ryutaro out of his trance.
“D-Doctor… is he…?”
“Yuto-kun’s body is very weak right now… he hasn't moved once in all the time we’ve been observing him… it …. Doesn't seem good…” We’ve treated his wounds, but its very common for the body to shut itself down after trauma like that…We don't know though…. If Yuto-kun will be able to survive……”
“Th-Thank you…” Ryutaro bowed as he held back the tremors of fear.
“Spend some time with him… while you still have it…” The man said as he walked away, his head low with pity.
Quietly Ryutaro walked into the room, the pale white boy rested in the middle of the room, a few lamps were lit to provide warmth for the room and placed around him carefully. Now…. He openly wept… he was genuinely scared of losing Yuto now… and he couldn’t bear it…
Yuto looked so pale, almost corpselike…. His lips were pale and dry….. even his skin no longer glowed with the moon’s light. Gently, fearfully, Ryutaro reached out to clasp Yuto’s arm, his hand felt cold…. No longer warm like it had been when it would wrap around him in those nights. Ryutaro kept looking at those closed eyes, almost expecting them to open at any moment and say hello to him... but they never did… and he wasn't sure they ever would..
“Thank you for coming to see him… Ryutaro-kun”
Ryutaro turned around to see Lady Nakajima, Yuto’s mother….. his mother sitting in the corner. She bowed as she gave him a look of thanks, and he bowed in return, feeling a little awkward.
“Ja… Ryutaro-kun… can I leave Yuto in your care?” She asked as she stood up, smiling gently at him.
“H-Hai…”
With a look of understanding she closed the door behind her, and Ryutaro was grateful to her for not saying at word more than she had to. He was afraid if he was to talk about Yuto… he’d begin to cry again. He wanted his brother back… and he wanted to be a family again…….
“Yuto…Yuto? Can you hear me?”
No response.
“Yuto…. I’m sorry….. that I said I hated you… I’m sorry… that I said all those terrible things to you before….but I’d take it all back if you’d just wake up… I’ll call you Nii-chan…. Yuto nii-chan? Please…. I’m begging… just… be okay… just wake up….”
Still nothing.
“How did things turn out like this….? I tried my best…. To protect our family... I tried my best! And you still ended up like this…. Nii-chan…” Ryutaro gripped the cool hand tighter, trying to force his warmth into it. He quickly looked up at the ceiling as his thoughts repeated themselves in his head, the tears that were threatening to appear fell backward as he looked at the ceiling. He wasn’t going to cry here, not now…
The rest of the night followed swiftly, Ryutaro sat at the table he and Yuto loved, staring at the still unconscious boy before him. He never moved…. He never spoke… and the soft rise and fall of his chest became harder and harder to distinguish.
Dad after day, night after night Ryutaro sat there, making promises to himself and to Yuto. He promised he would do his best in school, he would become a good person, donate drawings to charity….. all if only Yuto would wake him and call his name. It wasn't much… but it was all the little boy could offer.
It had been six days now… and Yuto still hadn’t awoken..Everytime Ryutaro would ask the doctors about the boy’s condition, they would always tell him the same things. That Yuto’s body was still recovering.. and that there was no telling when he would wake up, if at all. He hated hearing that, it was always such a helpless answer.
The nights always came and went in silence now… Ryutaro couldn’t bring himself to play the flute, and none of the servants could find a way to comfort the boy who always sat at the table, his head resting in his arms, and stared at his brother with such forlorn eyes.
Another week passed, and still…. He waited. The doctors were at a loss, they all insisted that Yuto’s body was healed enough for him to regain consciousness… but…
“He’s still sleeping…” Ryutaro murmured as they would shake their heads and give him a helpless look.
“You should talk to him Ryutaro-kun, perhaps, hearing the voice of a family member will help him wake up.” One of the doctors said as the group closed the doors behind them.
“Thank you…” Ryutaro bowed politely before turning around to look at Yuto again. Nothing had changed…. His face was still pale, his expression emotionless, and even his skin still felt cold to the touch.
“Nii-Chan…. When are you going to wake up?”
The little boy sighed as he sat down beside the spread tatamis. He himself had taken on the duty of replacing them with newly washed ones, much to the servant maid’s dismay. It had almost been two weeks… and he was beginning to feel scared that Yuto….. might not wake up at all…
“When will you wake up… ?” Taking Yuto’s hand, Ryutaro laid down as he closed his eyes, letting his warmth flow into the cold hand.
“Yuto?” A boy dressed in white stood amongst a sea of black. Ryutaro walked forward slowly. Yuto was…. alone. Out of the darkness rose a face and Ryutaro stopped. He watched as the face of an unknown man emerged with fury in his eyes. The face’s mouth opened as scream after scream erupted from the cavern and Yuto fell upon his knees, his head clutched between his hands. And just as Ryutaro wanted to step forward, the face disappeared and another appeared from the darkness below Yuto. This time it was a little girl… her eyes gleamed with tears and as she opened her mouth cries sprung forth and Yuto cringed.
“Yuto!” Ryutaro ran after the huddled boy. He knelt beside the boy in white and saw the streaming tears fall from his face.
“I deserve this Ryutaro…. I deserve this nightmare….” Yuto shook his head.
“Yuto….”
“These…. Are all the people… all the people.. that I’ve killed…. All of them… their faces are all still in my mind. All of them…” The taller boy was on the verge of completely break down.
“Yuto…”
“This is what it’s going to be like for me. I’m scared Ryutaro… if I wake up…. Will these faces always haunt me…. in my mind? These people… they all have a right to be angry at me… I killed them Ryutaro… I killed them!”
As he spoke another face appeared, this time of a woman her face bespoke vengeance as her lips opened and a roar of anger swept through the hollow darkness. Ryutaro hugged Yuto tightly as the gust of wind from the woman’s mouth pushed him forward.
“Nii-Chan… it’ll be okay… you don’t have to be scared… you have to put all of this behind you….”
The woman’s face vanished now, and for a few moments Yuto wept to himself. But the peace wasn’t there for long. An emerging face appeared now… and this one Ryutaro cringed at the sight of. Akira’s face…. the boy now had deadly eyes, glaring at the kneeling boy before him.
“I killed…. My best friend…..” Yuto cried into his hands as Akira’s face did nothing except stare at him.
“Best…. Friend?” Ryutaro questioned.
“A-Akira…. I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry!” Yuto cried harder still.
“What…. what do you mean….?” The mouth that had spoken such vile and evil words opened now, and instead of a howl of wind, Ryutaro cringed as it lunged toward them, engulfing him and Yuto. On the other side though, he was alone…. He felt himself standing a world apart from everyone around him. Everything was a little… fuzzy….blurry. But out of all the darkness, came a scene… a little boy being led into the building.
“Hoi! This is Akira, he will be joining your group today. Take care of him.” A gruff man said as he threw the boy by the collar into the room. There were sounds coming from him… and Ryutaro walked closer. He realized…. These.. short breaths…. Were sniffles…the boy was crying… and he reached out only to find his hand was not his own.
“Are you okay?” Yuto’s voice came out instead of his. He understood now… this was what Akira was like… before… all that.
Ryutaro watched painfully, as the other boy followed Yuto around. He watched as the two of them smiled together, laughed together. But just as all those fun times came surging through, they began to dissolve as Ryutaro found himself standing beside the kneeling Yuto again.
“A-Akira….. wasn’t always like th-that….” Yuto said as he had managed to calm himself down slightly.
“Nii-Chan…”
“I wanted to protect him… from all the killing…. His parents still wanted him! But all the blood…. The horrible things they made us do… it changed him…. and I lost him along the way…it’s all my fault Ryutaro…. It’s all my fault he became that way…. It was because I was too weak to protect him… it was because I couldn’t save him… and now… I killed him…for my own weakness…” Yuto said quietly as he felt so defeated.
“Nii-Chan…. It’s not your fault…..” Ryutaro hugged him again.
“Ryutaro…I… want…..”
“Hm?”
“I want…. To die….” Yuto said as Ryutaro’s heart froze. His eyes locked on Yuto’s and they pulsed with the tears of his emotions, aching to burst through. Those words struck a chord within his already weakened heart.
“P-Please… Nii-Chan… don’t say that… don’t say that…”
“Look at my personal hell Ryutaro…. If I wake up…. This is what it’ll be like in my mind…. Forever…. I can’t handle it… I’m not… not strong enough…” Yuto said.
“You promised me… that we could be a family… the family that you always wanted… I want a brother…. I want you as my brother… Nii-Chan…. Yuto Nii-Chan… and when you wake up… and we’re a whole family again. I Promise, I will help you with all that you can’t handle…. And all that you will face. I promise… it will be okay… we'll face it together! When you wake up, all this will be over, and I promise... you'll never think about this.... stuff again.” Ryutaro said, his own words sounded alien coming out of his mouth, and he himself didn't know how much stock he could put into them. But somehow…. He wanted to make this work.
Yuto said nothing…. And sensing the tension, Ryutaro smiled as he awkwardly sat up straight.
“B-Beside…. How many times do you want me to say it? Yuto Nii-Chan… O-nii-chan…Yuto O-nii-Chan.” Ryutaro teased as he called Yuto by the name he had become so used to.
He stopped as he heard the sniffles appear again, this time from Yuto, and when he stopped his teasing, Yuto turned to him and with those sorrowful eyes he smiled through his tears.
“I’m would be… so happy… to live on with you… my otouto….Ryutaro…”
And in that instant, the whole world seemed to crack, as fragments of his being shattered into a all-consuming light…
“Hunh!” Ryutaro bolted upright, one of the servants had come in to blow out the lights and place a blanket over him. He felt his hand still clasping Yuto’s, and he turned immediately to look at him.
“Nii-Chan… wake up….” He encouraged.
“Please… Yuto nii-chan… wake up… you don’t have to be scared of living like that…. I’ll help you…. I promise… just… wake up….” Then he paused, his breathing paused as he listened for a second. He thought… he had just seen Yuto’s face move…
“Yu-Yuto?” He asked again as slowly the sleeping boy’s eyes twitched a little before they slowly opened, revealing the most beautiful soft brown eyes.
“Ryu…ta..ro..” Yuto’s voice was coarse, his body felt so frail to him and when he tried even to move a little, a massive pain from the wound on his back made him cringe with effort.
“Yuto!? Yuto! You’re awake! S-Somebody! Get a doctor! Somebody!” Ryutaro shouted into the house, not really caring if it was the middle of the night.
“M-master Ryutaro!? Wh-Whats happened?!” One of the servants threw the door open. He was still dressed in his sleeping clothes but seeing Yuto’s eyes open he nodded immediately and turned to fetch the doctor, stumbling a little over his own feet.
“Ryu…ta…ro…w-wa..ter….” Yuto rasped as his hand trembled when he tried to move it.
“H-Here!” The younger boy jumped to the table, bringing back a cup of hastily poured cool water. He helped Yuto sit up, he noticed the way Yuto bit his lip when he accidentally brushed against the cut on his back. It had been exceptionally deep, but fortunately not fatal.
Gingerly he tipped the cup against Yuto’s lips and he sighed in relief as Yuto drank it down with dire need. What little water they had managed to get him to drink in his coma, clearly wasn't enough.
“I-Is there… anything else I can do… do you need anything? A-anything!” Ryutaro scrambled as he went to get more water. And Yuto could only smile weakly as he leaned against the wall, unable to hold himself up anymore, and shook his head.
“I’m glad… you’re okay… Ryutaro.” Yuto said as Ryutaro stopped pouring and stared at the wall in front of him.
“I’m glad… you’re alive…”
“Yuto nii-chan…” Ryutaro felt the tears welling up again as he remembered the day he saw Yuto… like that.
When Ryutaro finally convinced himself to be strong, he turned around to face his brother and he noted how different everything was. Where Yuto always had looked so strong, he was so frail now. His body was barely moving, and his frame seemed as if a sudden gust could take him away.
“Yuto… How…. are you feeling?” He asked as he held the cup of water to the older boy’s lips again.
“It hurts… a little… “ Yuto winced as he leaned forward a little to drink.
“I’m… sorry. It’s my fault… you’re like this.” Ryutaro felt so ashamed.
“Why…?” Yuto asked as he raised a trembling hand and guided the cup to the ground again.
“Because… if it wasn't for me… you… would have been able to defend yourself… you would have been fine…” Ryutaro couldn't even bring himself to look Yuto in the eyes now.
“Ryutaro….. oh my stupid little brother… don't you know… its never your fault. I wanted… to protect you… and that is something that will never change. You shouldn’t ever think that its your fault I’m hurt, when I’m glad to do it.”
“Yuto… nii-ch-“ The last few sounds never made it out, as the little boy felt sniffles overtake him. He was losing the battle within himself.
“Ryutaro… I know you’re trying to be strong… I know you’re trying your best. But for tonight… be my little brother, and be your age. If you want to cry, then just let it out… for tonight, be a little kid again..” Yuto said as Ryutaro began to cry openly now.
“It’s okay… Ryutaro… its not your fault…” Yuto said as he encircled the weeping boy in his arms and held him with what strength he could muster.
For the next few minutes, Ryutaro cried his heart out, wetting Yuto’s clothes. He kept whispering “I’m sorry” but Yuto only shook his head and held on tighter.
“I tri-tried … my best…Yuto Nii-chan… I tried…”
“I know Ryutaro… I know…”
“But it wasn't good enough…. Y-you’re… like this..”
“Its not your fault… Ryutaro… you did your best…. I’m so proud of you. Its not your fault, do you understand?” Yuto asked as he brushed away the tears on Ryutaro’s face with his sleeve. And the younger boy only nodded.
“Why are you still crying Ryutaro? You have nothing to be sad about anymore right?” Yuto asked as he smiled that weak smile.
“I’m…. so happy.. nii-chan.. is okay….” Ryutaro sniffled, trying and failing to regulate his breathing back to normal.
Yuto’s heart melted at hearing those words and he grinned broadly as he pulled Ryutaro closer and hugged him. For the first time in so many years, he felt as if he had someone who depended on him, he had someone who needed him…. who’s life would be so different if he wasn’t around. This was what it meant to be part of a family… wasn’t it?
“It’s all over… Otouto…. We’ll never have to go back to that world again….” Yuto whispered as he rocked Ryutaro back and forth in his arms.
The doctors came, all looking a little flustered to be called in the middle of the night. Some their wives had forced them awake for fear of offending the Morimoto family, while others had managed to stumble their way to the mansion on their own accords. One by one they gave Yuto a complete check all nodding to each other with their results.
“Yuto-kun has recovered from his wounds, and is in good health. We believe that with a bit of rest and plenty of water he will return to normal soon. The wound on his back is still healing, but for the most part is out of danger. He will be a little sore, until the healing process is complete, but to ease his pain we can give him some medicine.” The doctor reported to Ryutaro’s father and Yuto’s mother nodded gratefully as she rushed to her son’s side.
Ryutaro sat down in the corner so as not to get in the way as Yuto received his last few bits of advice and warnings from the doctors.
“Ryutaro-kun, why don't you rest in your room tonight? Now that Yuto-kun has recovered, you should get some rest too. You’ve been in here every night.” Yuto’s mother asked as he awkwardly opened his mouth to refuse but…
“It’s okay…. Ryutaro…. Get some rest…” Yuto said as the doctors marveled at how good his hearing must have been to hear a conversation across the room.
Somehow, just knowing that Yuto was okay.. made Ryutaro a little easier… and a little hungrier… he clutched his stomach as he growled.
“Well…. That’s only natural… seeing as how you haven’t been eating much either. Since Yuto is awake…. How about… I make us some food?” Ryutaro looked up at the former Ms. Nakajima.
“That… would be nice…okaasan.” Ryutaro said as the woman looked a bit surprised but pleased. Out of the corner of his eye, Ryutaro could see his father grinning as he nodded his approval and walked after his wife.
“Thanks for staying by my side the whole time.. Otouto-kun.” Yuto said as the room cleared out.
“Ne… that… er…. I had a dream… about… you.. faces.” The words came to him now, but wouldn’t form sentences.
“Yes… I know…” Yuto nodded solemnly.
“Was… it….real? Is that what… really goes on in your head?” Ryutaro asked, drawing himself closer. Yuto put on a smile and looked at the table.
“Yes… I see their faces everyday Ryutaro, I can hear the way the begged me not to kill them. Some of them were lucky, they didn't even see me coming, but I still saw their faces, the look of horror on some of them…” Yuto said sounding more and more miserable by the second, and Ryutaro was sorry he ever brought the subject up.
“But…that part of you…. Is all over now… right?” Ryutaro asked and Yuto could only nod. Though, he himself wasn’t sure. Ryutaro grinned happily as he allowed his shoulders to slump for the first time in all these days. He could finally relax….
That night, was the most wonderful night Ryutaro hard ever experienced. He got his brother back, an dhe tried Yuto’s favorite dish of porrige. It warmed his body as he giggled happily listening to his father and mother talking about how they met. Occasionally he would look up to see Yuto wrinkle his nose as his mother talked about a particularly embarrassing date, and Ryutaro couldn’t help but giggle harder. While the porriage’s warmth coursed through his body, warming his frame, his family warmed his heart and soul and he was so happy…. This was what it was like to truly be a family….
“Oh! Boys….. it’s so late already… we have to let Yuto sleep ne? And Ryutaro… I want you to get some rest too okay?” Ryutaro’s father said as he clapped his hands lightly summing things up. The servants that had volunteered to stay up with them grinned as they nodded and began to pick up the dishes. The moments they had witnessed reminded them of why they loved being a part of the Morimoto family so much, and even they felt the warmth of love.
When the tables were put away and Yuto lay down on his tatami again Ryutaro stood up and walked to the door.
“Good night…. Yuto-Nii-Chan.” He said
“Good night.. Otouto-kun.” Yuto smiled as he watched the younger boy slide the door close and everything was peaceful again. The sounds of the soft waters running from the nearby creeks filled the air and Yuto closed his eyes to the first real night of serenity he had ever had.
-----Yuto’s Private Letter - 5 years later-----
It’s been five whole years now since I’ve had those nightmares, everything seems like it had just been a dream now. But, everyday I wake up and there’s this little boy who keeps poking me in the sides, calling me “Nii-Chan” with a cute grin on his face, and telling me to wake up so we can have breakfast together. Every time I look at him. I cant help but smile and think to my self, “This is my life now”.
Ryutaro’s grown up so much in such a short time, he’s not so short anymore, and I think this is what they call older brother’s pride? He’s doing so well in school I know he’ll become something wonderful. Mother and father have gone out on a trip around the capital for their anniversary leaving me and Ryutaro to watch the house, we’ve been sneaking in chocolates for Ryutaro lately, but… I can’t help it. Is it wrong for me to want to spoil him? It’s such a refreshing feeling to run out on the grasses with him in regular clothes and feel the wind rush against my face. I’ve thrown all the remnants of my past life back into that trunk and stowed it all away in the corner of the closet. I cant throw it away…. It was a part of me, but at the same time, I don't think I want to see it anymore. Those white clothes don't seem to compliment me anymore, I don't have to pretend to be as pure as the white snow anymore. I think, with Ryutaro and my family beside me, I can finally wash off all the blood on my hands, and I don't think I’ll be seeing it again.
The Snow is no more.
~Yuto Nakajima.
-----Ryutaro’s Letter To His Parents - 5 years later-----
Dear Mom and Dad,
I hope you’re having fun on your anniversary trip!
I’m just writing to let you know that Nii-Chan and I are doing fine! Yuto Nii-Chan is happier now ne? He doesn't wear just white anymore, he wears a lot of different clothes now, and I think he looks great in them! He took an interest in the arts with me and I’m currently trying to catch up to him in calligraphy! His words seem so beautiful when he runs the brush across the paper. But most of all, I’m so happy because he plays with me now! We go running through the small forest and playing with the kids whose mothers take classes here. Everyone always tells me how wonderful, how cool my brother is, and all I can do is nod as I had figured that out looooong ago! I’m a bit older now, but Yuto Nii-Chan still takes care of me, he’s spending a lot of time reading now, but when he isn’t doing that, he’s helping with me with my homework or we do some kendo training. Guess what!? I beat him once in a sword match! But…. I think he let me win. Oh well.
Speaking of swords, I never knew what became of all those white Kimonos, and those swords. Sometimes, I think I would have liked to keep one of those Kimonos, but…. maybe not.
School is ending soon, and when it does, Nii-Chan is going to take me on a mountain trip! I can’t wait!
~Ryutaro
(>'_')><('_'<) (>'_')><('_'<) (>'_')><('_'<) (>'_')><('_'<) (>'_')><('_'<)
Uwa.... I really hope you all enjoy this story lol. Its my first time writing something like this.... so please let me know what you think!
~Emmie