Asuka's Redemption
Authoremmachase
Requested by: No One
Title: Asuka's Redemption
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Absolute SMUT/ REALLY Angst
Pairing: Yabu/Inoo (InooBu)
Summary: Inoo's life hasnt been easy, but when Yabu stumbles across him....
Notes: This fic is COMPLETELY angst driven.... so do not read if you are uncomfortable with these.
Warnings: RAPE. This fic is ABSOLUTE SMUT, don't read if you are offended or are disturbed by theses.
“Unnh!”
“Yes! Oh Yes!”
“U-Unhh! Y-You’re… s-so… big…”
It was always the same for me…these men that always came to me looking for “a good time.” It worked out well I guess, all they wanted was my body… and that was something I had to give. I gave myself to so many lonely souls, and in exchange, they gave themselves to me, if not for just those few short hours.. I wasn't so alone…
The money I got… was good, enough to put myself through school, and now, its enough to put myself through university. I wonder what my teachers and classmates would say… if they knew what I was doing to afford the books, the classes…
“Unnnh!!!!!” I groaned as usual as the boy who dominated me for the last hour spilled his seed for the third time in my body. He was young…. And eager…. With money to spend… and I was lonely. Isn’t that enough?
“A-Asuka…. Th-that was amazing…” He panted as he collapsed on the bed beside me. I felt him withdraw from me… and I was left to myself again. A few years ago… this would be the part that I hated… I would feel so dirty… so used…. And now… nothing. I learned to smile at my “father”, at my “brother”, at my “master” and at anyone else who would want me.
“I love you.. Asuka…” That's what they always say… but none of them mean it…
This boy had become my regular…. Asking for me to come and see him every few days… he never did talk to me… except for telling me to call his name… he never touched me… if not to pleasure himself. Yeah, he loved me… but maybe, this was all love was…
“I love you… Masaki….” I would say and around that time… he’d be asleep already… his arm drifting lazily around me. For a while… I wanted to tell him my real name… maybe if I heard that sentence with my real name… it would seem real to me. But… I couldn't tell him, and I somewhere deep inside I knew he didn't mean anything he said to me.
During the day I am your average college student, Inoo Kei, top of my class, handsome, hard working….. But during the night, I’m Asuka, the boy who offers himself to the first person willing to spend time with me…
“Masaki!!!”
I awoke to the sound of someone barreling through the house in the middle of the night. The door to the room flew open and there stood another boy, about my age, his auburn brown hair soaked with rain.
“Masaki! HOW could you sleep…. W-with that whore!?” He screamed and the boy who slept with his arm so firmly around my waist jumped up in a scramble. He looked at him then at me.
“K-Kisuke! I-It’s not what it seems! It’s just… this…. boy… he came on to me…” Masaki lied to protect himself…. And all I could do was nod as his boyfriend called me name after name. After a few minutes of shouting… I found myself thrown out of the house in nothing but a blanket that had been so generously thrown onto my naked body. I was used….. and tired…. And in no mood or condition to protest the rough treatment I received from Masaki’s hands. He cast me out into the rain like I was a bundle of trash… and I couldn't blame him.
As soon as I was outside, the heavy dark sheets that encircled my body grew even heavier as the rain soaked them through and through.
“Good choice… Kei…” I whispered to myself as I stumbled onto the road and tried to make my way home.
I felt so tired… so exhausted… I made it a few feet before I realized… I wasn't going to make it home…. Quietly I crept up to a small alleyway between a bakery and some building that I couldn't make out. The brick wall never felt so soft as I bolstered myself against it. My eyes were getting blurry now…. The rain caught in my eyelashes and cried the tears that my mind could not. I wasn't sad anymore… just lonely.
Just as the last dying glimmers of light were fading from my vision, the side door to the bakery opened and I was blinded.
“Okay Tanaka-san! I’m going home!”
I heard someone call and I couldn't see anything except a large black umbrella blocking out the light from the open door. Before I could do anything, my knees gave out on me, and I collapsed onto my hands and knees. I swayed back and forth as my mind began to whirl.
“H-Hey! A-Are you okay!?” I felt something warm catch me as I fell backwards.
“O-Oi! A-Are you okay!? C-Can you hear me!?” The figure asked and I opened my mouth to speak, but was drowned by the rain. My last vision that night, was of a boy about 20, his hair tinted red and his eyes warm as the hands he held me with.
Yes… I could hear you….
A few hours later, I woke up in a bed, my clothes.. or rather my blanket folded neatly next to me, and a small glass of water on a small bedstand next to me. Someone had changed me into a pair of soft cotton pajamas and for that I was grateful. The sky was still dark outside, and I couldn't see anything else in the room. I felt around until I hit a small switch that turned out the lamp beside me. It was a quiet room, a small and quaint room. And in one corner sat a sleeping figure, the same one who had comforted me through the night. I got up slowly from the bed, my head still pounding from whatever it was that had caught me.
“H-Hey you’re awake..” He said as I turned around to face him, perhaps a bit too fast as my headache grew worse and my knees betrayed me again.
“W-Whoa!” The boy darted forward and caught me, helping me back to the bed.
“You have a serious fever… you should be more careful…..”
“I… want to go home…”
“Your house? Tell me where it is and I’ll call one of your family members to come and get yo-“ He paused as I shook my head.
“No one… will come..”
“T-Then… “
“I want….. to go home….” I repeated as I tried to get up again, this time to have him stop me.
“W-Wait… you cant go home and be by yourself…. It’s too dangerous…! W-Why don’t you stay here…. And rest up before huh?”
“W-What….. do you want….” I asked, my words slurred as if I was drunk, but my head pounded twice as badly.
“Nothing…. Just… rest okay?”
“I know… what you want…. Its what they always want….” I stumbled again as I laid back onto the bed and I opened my shirt to him.
“W-What?”
“You want…. My innocence, you want my body, you want to devour me… just tell me which one it is…..” I slurred again and I felt his hands just barely brush my side and to my surprise…. They pulled together my pajama tops and re-buttoned them.
“What I want…. Is for you to get better.” He said as he helped me move back to a lying position on the bed.
“Why….? Wh~”
Before I could finish, the light in my head disappeared again and I saw no more….
---
Another few hours later, I woke up to find it was midday now, and the house smelled of food. I felt my stomach growl and I got up slowly, remembering how much my head spun when I moved too quickly. The soft carpet below my feet welcomed my steps and at first… I felt so uneasy, this was…. a complete stranger to me….and here I was… about to go out and ask for food…
“Ah! You’re awake! I was going to wake you up anyway so good timing!” The red-haired boy walked in carrying a tray of what looked to be carefully steamed egg, with a few pieces of bread and a bowl of soup.
“W-What…?”
“It’s all healthy food for you! So you can get over the fever faster” His smile was so bright, and for a moment I blanked out..
“-And so then I put your blanket….a-are you listening?”
“H-Huh!?”
“I put your blanket into the wash and I changed you into some of my clothes…. Is… is that okay?” He looked a bit shy.
“Its…. Fine…” I shrugged it off and sat down on the bed again as he took his place on the other side of the bed. Tension hung in the air as neither of us really knew what to say to get a conversation going. He resorted to absent-mindedly trying to straighten out creases in the bed sheets while I gazed around the room and focused on a small photoframe with neatly carved letters into the wooden frame.
“A-Ah… I’m - er… my name is”
“-Yabu Kouta”
“Y-Yes. Um… How did you know?” Yabu blushed and I held up the small photoframe for him to see.
“O-Oh..” He nodded his understanding and took the frame from my hands. It had been a picture of him on some trip, where he and another boy were proudly holding up fish that they had caught.
“How…does it feel?”
“Hm?” Yabu set down the frame and looked at me, puzzled.
“To be….. that happy?” As soon as the words left my lips, my fingers flew to seal my mouth shut, why had I just blurted out such a stupid question?
“To be… this happy?” I turned to look at him and his soft brown eyes stared back at me. I hated it, the way he pitied me…. that look that people always gave me…
“Never mind.” I said flatly, picking up the small bowl of soup from the tray.
“Have you… never been happy?” He asked
“There are few things in my life to be happy about….” I said, annoyed with myself for even starting this line of conversation.
“W-Whats your name?”
“Inoo.. Kei.” I said cautiously, trying to debate between giving him my real name and my… stage name.
“Kei… what did you mean….. last night… when you said you knew what I wanted… what “they” all wanted?”
And with that question, I froze.
“Kei… when… I put you into those pajamas… I saw some bruises….. some scratches….. a-are you okay?”
“I’m… fine.” I said quietly, remembering the way Masaki dug his fingers into my back, the way his fists would slam down onto me to make me scream his name as he drove himself into my body.
“Kei…. Are you… sure you’re okay?” I felt a hand on my back and I jumped, almost splattering the soup on my hands.
“Kei?” He asked standing up.
“S-Sorry…” I apologized and set the bowl down on the tray again.
Gently Yabu walked towards me and I backed into the wall. Here it comes….. I thought as I closed my eyes and I felt the gentle brush of his fingers.
“You’ve got some of the liquid on you.” Yabu explained as I realized he had a napkin in his hands and was trying to mop up what little of the soup had spilled.
“Kei… “
It was the fifth time he had said my name in the same hour, and hearing it over and over with his voice…. Was so alien to me…
“I just… want to make sure… you’re okay….” He said again and this time placed his hand gently on mine, and it was then that I understood. It wasn't pity in his eyes... it was concern…. Genuine concern.
Knowing that…. I faltered a bit as I pushed him away and ran out of the room. My body moved by itself as I sprinted through the unknown maze of his house and I found the front door. Just as I pried open the door I felt a hand clasp around my wrist and I turned to see him staring at me.
“Wait…. Please…..”
He begged me with his eyes, with his voice…. With his heart.
“Please… don't go….” He said again and my knees betrayed me again as they buckled with his gaze.
“I-I’m sorry…I… I shouldn't have touched you… I shouldn't have asked so many questions…” He began rambling on and on. Looking at the boy who had just saved me lecture himself…. I began to pity him… and it was then that I found the positions reversed, how I hated the look that I was giving right now…
“Yabu…. Why did you help me? Why do you care so much?”
“Why.. wouldn't I?” The reply was simple, pure…. Innocent. He meant it….. and I couldn't explain to him why either.
“Kei… just…. stay ere until you’re better okay? Just that much…”
“Yabu…. Are you… lonely?” I asked bluntly and his eyes lit up at the mention of the word.
He merely stared at me, and that was all I needed…
“Then…. Lets be lonely together…” I said sighing and closing the door. It was just my luck to be saved.. by such a baby….
---
That night I learned so much about my host… his name was Yabu Kouta, the son of a doctor and a medical student himself. He had been sent into the heart of Tokyo to attend school and lived by himself. He lived here in his parents’ house, though for most of the year, it was just him.
He told me of his life, he told me of what he wanted, his dreams of being a musician, his desires for someone… to “ease the nights.”
He told me he wanted my friendship, not my body.
“If you’d like… maybe… you can move things from your apartment to here? I-It might be closer to your school anyway…” He offered shyly and I couldn't reply as the scenarios ran in my head. I would wake up every morning and stumble into him, I would have meals with him, and as these images swam in my mind… I trembled.
“Y-You don't have to! If you don't want to…” Yabu quickly added.
I didn't know if the warmth I felt, was from the raging fire before me in the fireplace, or from the embrace my imaginary Yabu was giving me.
“Are you lonely at night?” I asked, shaking off the image of that Yabu. When he didn't reply, I could tell what he wanted to say and I nodded.
“Then I’ll move here… and we can be lonely at night together as well.”
“Then… will you let me do one more thing?”
“What?”
“Let me…” I jumped as I felt his hands on my back and I turned to look at him, those same concerned eyes stared back.
“Let me… treat your bruises…. Okay?” He said, and that stern voice that he seemed to have acquired, shook me, and I could do nothing more than nod.
I lay on my side, as he set down a small kit of medicine and gently placed his hand on my bare side. His hands were so warm…
“It’s going to sting a little okay?” He said in the tone that all doctors use.
The medicine that he spread across my back burned and I hissed as it only got worse with time.
“It’ll help heal the bruises faster and make the cuts and scrapes heal normally without scarring.” He said as he rubbed away the lotion like stuff.
Gently he helped me sit up and slip on my shirt again, and as I buttoned it I looked at Yabu in the mirror in front of me
“T-Thank you..” I said barely above a whisper, and I don't know if he heard me or not, but he smiled, and my humility suddenly didn't seem so stupid.
That night in particular, was so different. I had never really laid in such a big and comfortable bed by myself. It would usually be me and one of my “clients” or just me alone in my small bed back home. Peace surrounded me, the cool air of the room, the soft rustling of the small bushes just outside the window, and even the occasional fluttering of wings from the birds the landed and took off.
It was just too quiet… and my restless mind wouldn't let me sleep, I wasn't used to… peace.
Quietly and sneakily I got up from the bed and opened the door to the hallway, the marvelous cool stone floor beneath my feet made me shiver a little as I tread down the path to some unknown part of the house. Although I expected to see nothing, I caught a glimmer of light from the far room.
Stealthily I crept to the door and looked through the crack. Yabu sat on his bed, his legs drawn up to his chest and his eyes forward, glued to a television set. He smiled occasionally but never laughed…
“Whos there?” He must have noticed me, and he got up to see.
“Kei?” He called as I cursed my slow feet for not being able to carry be out of his sight fast enough.
“Kei?” He repeated as his warm hands clasped around my wrist again, and my knees trembled.
“Are you…. Lonely?” He asked me and I could only look at him. Just as soon as those concerned eyes appeared, they changed into a beaming smile. Yabu pulled me into his room and he sat me down on his bed, pulling the blankets up around me.
“Would… you spend the night in my room?” He asked and I turned away, my pride wouldn't let me show him my blushing face.
He left the TV on through the night, and I listened to the comedian tell his jokes, but the thing that brought me to a grin, wasn't him, but the sound of Yabu’s laugh. He tried to hold it back out of respect for me who was supposedly “sleeping” but sometimes… I wish he didn't…. this kind of peace, I loved.
---
The next morning I woke up to the sunlight streaming through the laced window and onto my face. I heard the soft melodies of the flowers as the winds rushed through their petals and just as I made to move, I felt a weight around my waist. Turning slowly, I found Yabu, his sleeping… adorable… face… just inches from mine. He had the appearance of an angel, gently dozing, his lips just barely open and his eyes fluttering gently between sleep and consciousness.
I stared at him, for a while, unable to make up my mind as to what I should do. Should I leave…. Should I… stay? Right now, the latter sounded better, and I gave in to my body’s need for warmth. I curled into Yabu’s body, feeling his warm firm frame behind me, and in doing so, his arm tightened around my waist and I felt… loved. Not my kind of love… but a real love, one that felt as if it would last beyond a day and beyond a night in bed. It was this feeling, that was hard to come by.
But as I lay there, a curiosity boiled within me and soon after I turned around again to look at the boy who encircled me. Slowly I pushed myself up a bit, just enough so that I could just barely press my lips against his… and I relished the feeling of such soft lips, ones that wouldn’t bite me, ones that wouldn't shout at me to “ride harder” or “scream my name”.
“mmnnh..” Yabu moaned and I shrunk back down into his embrace, and closed my eyes.
“Mnh… K-Kei?” He mumbled and I pretended not to stir.
I felt the motions behind me as the arm around my waist slowly withdrew and I felt cold again
“Sorry for taking advantage of you…” He whispered under his breath before setting the blankets around me to keep me warm. I watched through my pretend sleep eyes as the tall thin boy walked into my view and into the bathroom. He took off his shirt and I felt his radiance, the blankets were far warmer now, and I was hopelessly trapped within them. Yabu made to close the door and just as he did, I caught the small glimmer in his eyes as he stared at me with a smile before shutting the door.
I sat up in the bed alone and I took many deep breaths, Why… was I like this? I’ve bared my body to so many men and boys, but… why with him? Why… was I… embarrassed?
Pulling my knees to my chest, I sat against the bed’s headboard and I must have looked like a sulking little boy. But before I had time to really pity myself, I heard the door of the bathroom wiggling and open.
“Kei! You’re awake… Hi… “Yabu stepped out in only a towel.
“I.. forgot to grab my change of clothes…” He explained as he reached into the dresser and pulled out his pants and shirt.
“G-Good morning…” I said quietly
“Would… you like to take a bath with me?” Yabu asked innocently as he stepped back into the bathroom.
“I-It’s okay… I don't want to in-“
“You wont be intruding… it’s okay… really…c’mon.” He walked over and grabbed my wrist again, the moment his hand touched my skin, I knew I wouldn't be able to protest, and I felt myself dragged along into the now warm bathroom.
Gently he helped me take off my shirt, and slowly stripped off my pants.
“I-I don't want to… make this… awkward for you… gomen…” Yabu blushed slightly before turning around and leaving me to finish undressing myself.
I heard the waters ripple, and I turned to find him laying against the bottom of the tub, his eyes still closed. Somehow, I think if his eyes had been open… I would have been… embarrassed.
Gently the warm waters slid over my body and I paused a little as I accidentally brushed against him. The tub was certainly big enough for the two of us to fit without touching, but…
“It’s okay… Kei…” Yabu smiled, his eyes still closed, and I felt inclined… to sit down before him. Two strong arms reached across my shoulders and embraced me, bringing me back down until my head rested against his chest.
His hands were strong, his fingers gentle… they traced over me and brushed the soap onto my body, and as they drew ever slowly downwards, he paused and stopped.
“Gomen…” He said quietly, as he brought the water in his hand crashing down upon me, and the suds disappeared.
“I… shouldn’t have made you come in here… maybe… it was too soon” Yabu said under his breath, and for some reason, I grinned.
“It’s okay…but… just… stay with me for a little while okay? And… you can open your eyes…” I laughed to myself at his innocence. This moment here, surrounded by the water’s warmth, his warmth, and the warmth of the sun, was perfect. We stared through the window that obscured everything from the outside garden, talking about the blurs of color that represented the blooming roses just beyond the wall. We talked of things beyond our imagining, and things we’d thought we knew. And all the while, his arms never left their place around me, and I was grateful…
Yabu let me leave the bath first, his eyes closed again and I appeared to him next in the bedroom, dressed in the same pajamas I had on before, except now my hair was a little bit messier. He smiled at me saying that I had never looked more natural, and threw on a small thin t-shirt the color of crimson red.
“I’m going to go out and take care of some errands okay Kei?” He called as he grabbed his keys.
“S-Should I go…?” I asked sheepishly and he shook his head
“Just rest… and maybe… consider… staying with me?” He said quickly, and before I could look up at him, he was gone.
I heard the car leave the house, and the silence that followed left me with nothing else to do but think. If I stayed here, would my days be like this? Would I be happy here, would I still be lonely?
Through all my thoughts, the small picture of a smiling boy, the one who had hugged me just moments before shone through, and I stared at the picture of him grinning broadly, holding his catch of the day.
What was I saying? There was no way, someone like him, could possibly live with someone like me. We’re not even in the same world… and we could never be. He and all my other…
“they’re the same…” I said to myself, and I set down the picture frame. Finding a set of old clothes that Yabu seemed to have grown out of, I slipped them on before walking out the door of the ornate house. Standing on the street before it, I looked at the place that had brought me such peace, and smiled as I kept the memory, but knew I wouldn’t be coming back. I had left Yabu a note, pinned against the picture frame that now rested on the pajamas he had lent me, and with a gentle kiss to the boy in the frame, I left.
The walk home was long, and my feet began to ache as I drew near.
“Asuka!”
The voice shook me.
“Asuka!” It grew louder and I tried to speed up. I heard the falls of his feet behind me and I ran. But it was no use, I felt a hand grab my shoulder..
A clatter of metal rang out as I was shoved sideways into the small alleyway behind a row of stores, my head hit the side of a metal trash can and my vision blurred.
“Where do you think you’re goin?”
“M-Masaki..”
“That's right… you remember me? You remember how good… I made you feel?” I felt his breath against me.
“You know… Kisuke broke up with me.. because of you… all because of you…” His voice grew angrier and I trembled as my body refused to move and my head ached.
“The least you could do… is give yourself to me… to pass the time… don't you want me again Asuka? Don't you want to feel that good again? Your face always said what you were feeling… don't you want it now?” His fury and his rage culminated together brought him up to me on the ground.
“Don't you remember this?” He asked as he shoved me against the corner, banging my head against the metal again. I could barely make out with my blurred eyes, the small movements he made against his crotch and I could see him, moving forward, his own punishment waiting for me.
“Don't you remember how good this made you feel?” He said as he kicked me and I gasped in pain. I felt his member enter my mouth and I gagged. Masaki pulled my hair forward, impaling me onto him, and I cried out as he roughly tore off the shirt I had on. I begged him with my eyes and he merely laughed at me, before he pulled me up and shoved me down onto the top of the metal can that had hit me so many times.
“P-Please… N-“
“I know you want it… you’ve always wanted it… Asuka…” He said as he pushed me down still and my head spun. I felt my pants leave my waist as they slipped off my body and onto the ground below. I felt his hands running over me, roughly grabbing me, his nails scratching and cutting me as they went.
I screamed in pain as I felt him thrust viciously into me, while his fists beat down on my back, and soon I couldn’t feel him anymore, just the impacts of his hands against my body. This time was different, he was so angry… his fists rained down upon me with a fury, and could only I sob to myself and beg for him to stop. I could taste the flavor of the iron as blood leaked from the corner of my mouth, more of it being beaten out of me.. and I could do nothing about it… And so it went… until my body gave out, and I was left alone in the alleyway. My last memory of him, was the cut his nails gave me as they dug in and he cried my name, his vile seed spilling within me. He tossed money at me and left, his rage satisfied, for that moment. The world turned black for me, as my eyes refused to stay open any longer… and my body gave up trying.
“Kei?”
“Kei!?”
“Kei! Wake up! Please!”
I felt myself be shaken and my eyes cleared as I saw the familiar red shock of hair, and Yabu’s face came into view.
“Kei!? Can you hear me?! Who did this to you!?” He asked urgently as he tried to wake me up.
“Ya-bu…” My voice slurred as my tired body refused to focus.
“H-Here..” I felt a hand touch my cheek and I hissed as the water he had poured into his hand felt cold against me, he gently rubbed the water on my face, and I felt it cool and bring me back to reality.
“Drink more… it’ll help..” He said, pouring some of the water from his bottle onto my lips and I drank, feeling the cool revitalizing liquid course through me. I looked around to see the alley that had now been etched into my memory, and I looked at the boy who gave me that look… the concerned one. My eyes couldn't bear to look at him and I stared down at the ground. Around his feet were bags of groceries, and I began to tear up as I realized the contents. He had gone out on his errands, to buy me the foods that I had told him were my favorite in the tub. He had gone to get the small Sakura Mochi from the small bakery that I had told him about, I could see the small bits of orange that signified carrots, the big bulbous ones for my favorite curry…
“Kei? Are you okay?” He asked again.
“I’m sorry… Yabu…” I said
“S-Silly boy… what are you sorry for?” He asked, taking off his coat and throwing it over my body.
“I shouldn’t do this to you… bring you into this… existence of mine.”
“If you knew… what I did, who I am… you wouldn’t love me… and I know that.”
“Kei…”
“If you knew what I am, what kind of dirty… terrible person I am… you wouldn’t want to be with me…”
“Kei”
“I was so happy with you Yabu, those moments where everything was quiet, and I felt loved. Just having experienced it once… was enough…and the best thing I could do for you… was to get out of your life… I want you to be happy too… I just… I want you…. To be happ-”
“Kei!” Yabu shouted at me and I fell silent.
His hands wrapped around me again and he pulled me into him.
“Kei… why are you saying such stupid things… these stupid… stupid things”
“Yabu..”
“I want to know everything about you, the good and the bad, I want to know all about you, who you are, what you do. It doesn't matter to me what you are or aren’t. Just that you’re by my side now. All I care about is that… you’re the boy who I… fell in love with…. And I’ll take you just the way you are.”
“Yabu… you don't know what I’ve done, you don't kno-“
The older boy’s lips pressed against mine, shutting me up and in that brief moment, my body relaxed into the sweetest kiss I had ever experienced.
“I know all that I need to know… and now… I have all that I’ll ever need…” He said smiling as his hand squeezed mine.
“Arigatou… Yabu….” I smiled and I knew I had lost this one.
“You’re beautiful Kei… when you smile… wont you share that with me? That beauty?”
“Ya-Yabu..” my body was on its last legs as the refreshing effects of the water began to vanish. The bright auburn sky began to darken again, and I fell back to sleep..
“Let’s go home Kei, all you have to do is smile to make me happy. All you have to do is smile… and I’ll know all I need to know about you. Just smile.”
And so… I smiled…
---Epilogue---
I woke up a day later, with Yabu by my side, he had been nursing me, healing my wounds and bruises. He handed me the note that I had written, still unsealed, and asked if I still felt he should read it. And I nodded. I watched as he unfolded the letter and the three simple words:
I love you
came into view, and he smiled with that same childish grin he had in the picture and hugged me. That night, he never left my side, and I couldn't be happier…
As I lay in bed, and he changed out the small bandage that covered the deep cuts along my back, I told him about myself, the real me, and I told him about Asuka. He nearly flew into a frenzy when I told him about Masaki, and if I hadn’t be fast enough to grab his wrist, he would have stormed out on the warpath.
He stayed by my side for that whole week, feeding me, talking to me, caring for me, until I felt strong enough to get up and my body no longer ached. Kota brought me a entire box of my favorite Sakura Mochi, and he grinned as he ate half the box, saying he had never had them before, and didn't know they were this good.
We would lay in bed together most of the day, talking and watching TV. He would stay with me, until I’d fall asleep, and then appear by my side again with lunch or dinner, everything carefully made with love.
Masaki, was eventually outted by someone else, and was arrested as a abusive sexual predator by the police. I remember Yabu yelling at him as the news showed his arrest one evening. He promised that he would never treat me like that, and I told him that I believed him and knew he never would.
Just days after that, I began to settle into my life at Yabu’s house. His parents came and gave me their full approval, provided that I “Keep their son happy” And upon hearing that, Yabu blushed when he noticed his father added a small wink at the end.
I attended college with their support, and graduated from the architectural school, and now I spend my days at home, drawing plans for homes and office buildings, sending them off to my own little architecture firm that I created, with a generous investment from Yabu’s father that is.
I haven’t told Yabu yet, but I sneak off from my work every once in a while to draw and work on the plans for a home of our own, one that I want to build for our future. I want to build us a home that we can live in for the rest of our lives, and one that would represent the love we share.
Another thing I don't tell him, is that I secretly love when we go to sleep every night, the way that he wraps his arms around me and tells me he loves me, I think it would make him go overboard….
Yabu’s been focusing on his medical school education, as well as going out and playing his guitar, he seems happier this way, and in a way is fulfilling both his dreams at once. I think when he graduates this coming year, I want to take him on a vacation, and maybe there… I’ll tell him about the house, and maybe… ask another question…
Let’s hope he says yes….
-------------
Uwa…. Minna, sorry it’s been so long since I’ve last posted! But now that I’ve gotten my computer back I hope I can get back on track!
Lately my fics have been kind dark ne? I wonder why….
~Emmie
Requested by: No One
Title: Asuka's Redemption
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Absolute SMUT/ REALLY Angst
Pairing: Yabu/Inoo (InooBu)
Summary: Inoo's life hasnt been easy, but when Yabu stumbles across him....
Notes: This fic is COMPLETELY angst driven.... so do not read if you are uncomfortable with these.
Warnings: RAPE. This fic is ABSOLUTE SMUT, don't read if you are offended or are disturbed by theses.
“Unnh!”
“Yes! Oh Yes!”
“U-Unhh! Y-You’re… s-so… big…”
It was always the same for me…these men that always came to me looking for “a good time.” It worked out well I guess, all they wanted was my body… and that was something I had to give. I gave myself to so many lonely souls, and in exchange, they gave themselves to me, if not for just those few short hours.. I wasn't so alone…
The money I got… was good, enough to put myself through school, and now, its enough to put myself through university. I wonder what my teachers and classmates would say… if they knew what I was doing to afford the books, the classes…
“Unnnh!!!!!” I groaned as usual as the boy who dominated me for the last hour spilled his seed for the third time in my body. He was young…. And eager…. With money to spend… and I was lonely. Isn’t that enough?
“A-Asuka…. Th-that was amazing…” He panted as he collapsed on the bed beside me. I felt him withdraw from me… and I was left to myself again. A few years ago… this would be the part that I hated… I would feel so dirty… so used…. And now… nothing. I learned to smile at my “father”, at my “brother”, at my “master” and at anyone else who would want me.
“I love you.. Asuka…” That's what they always say… but none of them mean it…
This boy had become my regular…. Asking for me to come and see him every few days… he never did talk to me… except for telling me to call his name… he never touched me… if not to pleasure himself. Yeah, he loved me… but maybe, this was all love was…
“I love you… Masaki….” I would say and around that time… he’d be asleep already… his arm drifting lazily around me. For a while… I wanted to tell him my real name… maybe if I heard that sentence with my real name… it would seem real to me. But… I couldn't tell him, and I somewhere deep inside I knew he didn't mean anything he said to me.
During the day I am your average college student, Inoo Kei, top of my class, handsome, hard working….. But during the night, I’m Asuka, the boy who offers himself to the first person willing to spend time with me…
“Masaki!!!”
I awoke to the sound of someone barreling through the house in the middle of the night. The door to the room flew open and there stood another boy, about my age, his auburn brown hair soaked with rain.
“Masaki! HOW could you sleep…. W-with that whore!?” He screamed and the boy who slept with his arm so firmly around my waist jumped up in a scramble. He looked at him then at me.
“K-Kisuke! I-It’s not what it seems! It’s just… this…. boy… he came on to me…” Masaki lied to protect himself…. And all I could do was nod as his boyfriend called me name after name. After a few minutes of shouting… I found myself thrown out of the house in nothing but a blanket that had been so generously thrown onto my naked body. I was used….. and tired…. And in no mood or condition to protest the rough treatment I received from Masaki’s hands. He cast me out into the rain like I was a bundle of trash… and I couldn't blame him.
As soon as I was outside, the heavy dark sheets that encircled my body grew even heavier as the rain soaked them through and through.
“Good choice… Kei…” I whispered to myself as I stumbled onto the road and tried to make my way home.
I felt so tired… so exhausted… I made it a few feet before I realized… I wasn't going to make it home…. Quietly I crept up to a small alleyway between a bakery and some building that I couldn't make out. The brick wall never felt so soft as I bolstered myself against it. My eyes were getting blurry now…. The rain caught in my eyelashes and cried the tears that my mind could not. I wasn't sad anymore… just lonely.
Just as the last dying glimmers of light were fading from my vision, the side door to the bakery opened and I was blinded.
“Okay Tanaka-san! I’m going home!”
I heard someone call and I couldn't see anything except a large black umbrella blocking out the light from the open door. Before I could do anything, my knees gave out on me, and I collapsed onto my hands and knees. I swayed back and forth as my mind began to whirl.
“H-Hey! A-Are you okay!?” I felt something warm catch me as I fell backwards.
“O-Oi! A-Are you okay!? C-Can you hear me!?” The figure asked and I opened my mouth to speak, but was drowned by the rain. My last vision that night, was of a boy about 20, his hair tinted red and his eyes warm as the hands he held me with.
Yes… I could hear you….
A few hours later, I woke up in a bed, my clothes.. or rather my blanket folded neatly next to me, and a small glass of water on a small bedstand next to me. Someone had changed me into a pair of soft cotton pajamas and for that I was grateful. The sky was still dark outside, and I couldn't see anything else in the room. I felt around until I hit a small switch that turned out the lamp beside me. It was a quiet room, a small and quaint room. And in one corner sat a sleeping figure, the same one who had comforted me through the night. I got up slowly from the bed, my head still pounding from whatever it was that had caught me.
“H-Hey you’re awake..” He said as I turned around to face him, perhaps a bit too fast as my headache grew worse and my knees betrayed me again.
“W-Whoa!” The boy darted forward and caught me, helping me back to the bed.
“You have a serious fever… you should be more careful…..”
“I… want to go home…”
“Your house? Tell me where it is and I’ll call one of your family members to come and get yo-“ He paused as I shook my head.
“No one… will come..”
“T-Then… “
“I want….. to go home….” I repeated as I tried to get up again, this time to have him stop me.
“W-Wait… you cant go home and be by yourself…. It’s too dangerous…! W-Why don’t you stay here…. And rest up before huh?”
“W-What….. do you want….” I asked, my words slurred as if I was drunk, but my head pounded twice as badly.
“Nothing…. Just… rest okay?”
“I know… what you want…. Its what they always want….” I stumbled again as I laid back onto the bed and I opened my shirt to him.
“W-What?”
“You want…. My innocence, you want my body, you want to devour me… just tell me which one it is…..” I slurred again and I felt his hands just barely brush my side and to my surprise…. They pulled together my pajama tops and re-buttoned them.
“What I want…. Is for you to get better.” He said as he helped me move back to a lying position on the bed.
“Why….? Wh~”
Before I could finish, the light in my head disappeared again and I saw no more….
---
Another few hours later, I woke up to find it was midday now, and the house smelled of food. I felt my stomach growl and I got up slowly, remembering how much my head spun when I moved too quickly. The soft carpet below my feet welcomed my steps and at first… I felt so uneasy, this was…. a complete stranger to me….and here I was… about to go out and ask for food…
“Ah! You’re awake! I was going to wake you up anyway so good timing!” The red-haired boy walked in carrying a tray of what looked to be carefully steamed egg, with a few pieces of bread and a bowl of soup.
“W-What…?”
“It’s all healthy food for you! So you can get over the fever faster” His smile was so bright, and for a moment I blanked out..
“-And so then I put your blanket….a-are you listening?”
“H-Huh!?”
“I put your blanket into the wash and I changed you into some of my clothes…. Is… is that okay?” He looked a bit shy.
“Its…. Fine…” I shrugged it off and sat down on the bed again as he took his place on the other side of the bed. Tension hung in the air as neither of us really knew what to say to get a conversation going. He resorted to absent-mindedly trying to straighten out creases in the bed sheets while I gazed around the room and focused on a small photoframe with neatly carved letters into the wooden frame.
“A-Ah… I’m - er… my name is”
“-Yabu Kouta”
“Y-Yes. Um… How did you know?” Yabu blushed and I held up the small photoframe for him to see.
“O-Oh..” He nodded his understanding and took the frame from my hands. It had been a picture of him on some trip, where he and another boy were proudly holding up fish that they had caught.
“How…does it feel?”
“Hm?” Yabu set down the frame and looked at me, puzzled.
“To be….. that happy?” As soon as the words left my lips, my fingers flew to seal my mouth shut, why had I just blurted out such a stupid question?
“To be… this happy?” I turned to look at him and his soft brown eyes stared back at me. I hated it, the way he pitied me…. that look that people always gave me…
“Never mind.” I said flatly, picking up the small bowl of soup from the tray.
“Have you… never been happy?” He asked
“There are few things in my life to be happy about….” I said, annoyed with myself for even starting this line of conversation.
“W-Whats your name?”
“Inoo.. Kei.” I said cautiously, trying to debate between giving him my real name and my… stage name.
“Kei… what did you mean….. last night… when you said you knew what I wanted… what “they” all wanted?”
And with that question, I froze.
“Kei… when… I put you into those pajamas… I saw some bruises….. some scratches….. a-are you okay?”
“I’m… fine.” I said quietly, remembering the way Masaki dug his fingers into my back, the way his fists would slam down onto me to make me scream his name as he drove himself into my body.
“Kei…. Are you… sure you’re okay?” I felt a hand on my back and I jumped, almost splattering the soup on my hands.
“Kei?” He asked standing up.
“S-Sorry…” I apologized and set the bowl down on the tray again.
Gently Yabu walked towards me and I backed into the wall. Here it comes….. I thought as I closed my eyes and I felt the gentle brush of his fingers.
“You’ve got some of the liquid on you.” Yabu explained as I realized he had a napkin in his hands and was trying to mop up what little of the soup had spilled.
“Kei… “
It was the fifth time he had said my name in the same hour, and hearing it over and over with his voice…. Was so alien to me…
“I just… want to make sure… you’re okay….” He said again and this time placed his hand gently on mine, and it was then that I understood. It wasn't pity in his eyes... it was concern…. Genuine concern.
Knowing that…. I faltered a bit as I pushed him away and ran out of the room. My body moved by itself as I sprinted through the unknown maze of his house and I found the front door. Just as I pried open the door I felt a hand clasp around my wrist and I turned to see him staring at me.
“Wait…. Please…..”
He begged me with his eyes, with his voice…. With his heart.
“Please… don't go….” He said again and my knees betrayed me again as they buckled with his gaze.
“I-I’m sorry…I… I shouldn't have touched you… I shouldn't have asked so many questions…” He began rambling on and on. Looking at the boy who had just saved me lecture himself…. I began to pity him… and it was then that I found the positions reversed, how I hated the look that I was giving right now…
“Yabu…. Why did you help me? Why do you care so much?”
“Why.. wouldn't I?” The reply was simple, pure…. Innocent. He meant it….. and I couldn't explain to him why either.
“Kei… just…. stay ere until you’re better okay? Just that much…”
“Yabu…. Are you… lonely?” I asked bluntly and his eyes lit up at the mention of the word.
He merely stared at me, and that was all I needed…
“Then…. Lets be lonely together…” I said sighing and closing the door. It was just my luck to be saved.. by such a baby….
---
That night I learned so much about my host… his name was Yabu Kouta, the son of a doctor and a medical student himself. He had been sent into the heart of Tokyo to attend school and lived by himself. He lived here in his parents’ house, though for most of the year, it was just him.
He told me of his life, he told me of what he wanted, his dreams of being a musician, his desires for someone… to “ease the nights.”
He told me he wanted my friendship, not my body.
“If you’d like… maybe… you can move things from your apartment to here? I-It might be closer to your school anyway…” He offered shyly and I couldn't reply as the scenarios ran in my head. I would wake up every morning and stumble into him, I would have meals with him, and as these images swam in my mind… I trembled.
“Y-You don't have to! If you don't want to…” Yabu quickly added.
I didn't know if the warmth I felt, was from the raging fire before me in the fireplace, or from the embrace my imaginary Yabu was giving me.
“Are you lonely at night?” I asked, shaking off the image of that Yabu. When he didn't reply, I could tell what he wanted to say and I nodded.
“Then I’ll move here… and we can be lonely at night together as well.”
“Then… will you let me do one more thing?”
“What?”
“Let me…” I jumped as I felt his hands on my back and I turned to look at him, those same concerned eyes stared back.
“Let me… treat your bruises…. Okay?” He said, and that stern voice that he seemed to have acquired, shook me, and I could do nothing more than nod.
I lay on my side, as he set down a small kit of medicine and gently placed his hand on my bare side. His hands were so warm…
“It’s going to sting a little okay?” He said in the tone that all doctors use.
The medicine that he spread across my back burned and I hissed as it only got worse with time.
“It’ll help heal the bruises faster and make the cuts and scrapes heal normally without scarring.” He said as he rubbed away the lotion like stuff.
Gently he helped me sit up and slip on my shirt again, and as I buttoned it I looked at Yabu in the mirror in front of me
“T-Thank you..” I said barely above a whisper, and I don't know if he heard me or not, but he smiled, and my humility suddenly didn't seem so stupid.
That night in particular, was so different. I had never really laid in such a big and comfortable bed by myself. It would usually be me and one of my “clients” or just me alone in my small bed back home. Peace surrounded me, the cool air of the room, the soft rustling of the small bushes just outside the window, and even the occasional fluttering of wings from the birds the landed and took off.
It was just too quiet… and my restless mind wouldn't let me sleep, I wasn't used to… peace.
Quietly and sneakily I got up from the bed and opened the door to the hallway, the marvelous cool stone floor beneath my feet made me shiver a little as I tread down the path to some unknown part of the house. Although I expected to see nothing, I caught a glimmer of light from the far room.
Stealthily I crept to the door and looked through the crack. Yabu sat on his bed, his legs drawn up to his chest and his eyes forward, glued to a television set. He smiled occasionally but never laughed…
“Whos there?” He must have noticed me, and he got up to see.
“Kei?” He called as I cursed my slow feet for not being able to carry be out of his sight fast enough.
“Kei?” He repeated as his warm hands clasped around my wrist again, and my knees trembled.
“Are you…. Lonely?” He asked me and I could only look at him. Just as soon as those concerned eyes appeared, they changed into a beaming smile. Yabu pulled me into his room and he sat me down on his bed, pulling the blankets up around me.
“Would… you spend the night in my room?” He asked and I turned away, my pride wouldn't let me show him my blushing face.
He left the TV on through the night, and I listened to the comedian tell his jokes, but the thing that brought me to a grin, wasn't him, but the sound of Yabu’s laugh. He tried to hold it back out of respect for me who was supposedly “sleeping” but sometimes… I wish he didn't…. this kind of peace, I loved.
---
The next morning I woke up to the sunlight streaming through the laced window and onto my face. I heard the soft melodies of the flowers as the winds rushed through their petals and just as I made to move, I felt a weight around my waist. Turning slowly, I found Yabu, his sleeping… adorable… face… just inches from mine. He had the appearance of an angel, gently dozing, his lips just barely open and his eyes fluttering gently between sleep and consciousness.
I stared at him, for a while, unable to make up my mind as to what I should do. Should I leave…. Should I… stay? Right now, the latter sounded better, and I gave in to my body’s need for warmth. I curled into Yabu’s body, feeling his warm firm frame behind me, and in doing so, his arm tightened around my waist and I felt… loved. Not my kind of love… but a real love, one that felt as if it would last beyond a day and beyond a night in bed. It was this feeling, that was hard to come by.
But as I lay there, a curiosity boiled within me and soon after I turned around again to look at the boy who encircled me. Slowly I pushed myself up a bit, just enough so that I could just barely press my lips against his… and I relished the feeling of such soft lips, ones that wouldn’t bite me, ones that wouldn't shout at me to “ride harder” or “scream my name”.
“mmnnh..” Yabu moaned and I shrunk back down into his embrace, and closed my eyes.
“Mnh… K-Kei?” He mumbled and I pretended not to stir.
I felt the motions behind me as the arm around my waist slowly withdrew and I felt cold again
“Sorry for taking advantage of you…” He whispered under his breath before setting the blankets around me to keep me warm. I watched through my pretend sleep eyes as the tall thin boy walked into my view and into the bathroom. He took off his shirt and I felt his radiance, the blankets were far warmer now, and I was hopelessly trapped within them. Yabu made to close the door and just as he did, I caught the small glimmer in his eyes as he stared at me with a smile before shutting the door.
I sat up in the bed alone and I took many deep breaths, Why… was I like this? I’ve bared my body to so many men and boys, but… why with him? Why… was I… embarrassed?
Pulling my knees to my chest, I sat against the bed’s headboard and I must have looked like a sulking little boy. But before I had time to really pity myself, I heard the door of the bathroom wiggling and open.
“Kei! You’re awake… Hi… “Yabu stepped out in only a towel.
“I.. forgot to grab my change of clothes…” He explained as he reached into the dresser and pulled out his pants and shirt.
“G-Good morning…” I said quietly
“Would… you like to take a bath with me?” Yabu asked innocently as he stepped back into the bathroom.
“I-It’s okay… I don't want to in-“
“You wont be intruding… it’s okay… really…c’mon.” He walked over and grabbed my wrist again, the moment his hand touched my skin, I knew I wouldn't be able to protest, and I felt myself dragged along into the now warm bathroom.
Gently he helped me take off my shirt, and slowly stripped off my pants.
“I-I don't want to… make this… awkward for you… gomen…” Yabu blushed slightly before turning around and leaving me to finish undressing myself.
I heard the waters ripple, and I turned to find him laying against the bottom of the tub, his eyes still closed. Somehow, I think if his eyes had been open… I would have been… embarrassed.
Gently the warm waters slid over my body and I paused a little as I accidentally brushed against him. The tub was certainly big enough for the two of us to fit without touching, but…
“It’s okay… Kei…” Yabu smiled, his eyes still closed, and I felt inclined… to sit down before him. Two strong arms reached across my shoulders and embraced me, bringing me back down until my head rested against his chest.
His hands were strong, his fingers gentle… they traced over me and brushed the soap onto my body, and as they drew ever slowly downwards, he paused and stopped.
“Gomen…” He said quietly, as he brought the water in his hand crashing down upon me, and the suds disappeared.
“I… shouldn’t have made you come in here… maybe… it was too soon” Yabu said under his breath, and for some reason, I grinned.
“It’s okay…but… just… stay with me for a little while okay? And… you can open your eyes…” I laughed to myself at his innocence. This moment here, surrounded by the water’s warmth, his warmth, and the warmth of the sun, was perfect. We stared through the window that obscured everything from the outside garden, talking about the blurs of color that represented the blooming roses just beyond the wall. We talked of things beyond our imagining, and things we’d thought we knew. And all the while, his arms never left their place around me, and I was grateful…
Yabu let me leave the bath first, his eyes closed again and I appeared to him next in the bedroom, dressed in the same pajamas I had on before, except now my hair was a little bit messier. He smiled at me saying that I had never looked more natural, and threw on a small thin t-shirt the color of crimson red.
“I’m going to go out and take care of some errands okay Kei?” He called as he grabbed his keys.
“S-Should I go…?” I asked sheepishly and he shook his head
“Just rest… and maybe… consider… staying with me?” He said quickly, and before I could look up at him, he was gone.
I heard the car leave the house, and the silence that followed left me with nothing else to do but think. If I stayed here, would my days be like this? Would I be happy here, would I still be lonely?
Through all my thoughts, the small picture of a smiling boy, the one who had hugged me just moments before shone through, and I stared at the picture of him grinning broadly, holding his catch of the day.
What was I saying? There was no way, someone like him, could possibly live with someone like me. We’re not even in the same world… and we could never be. He and all my other…
“they’re the same…” I said to myself, and I set down the picture frame. Finding a set of old clothes that Yabu seemed to have grown out of, I slipped them on before walking out the door of the ornate house. Standing on the street before it, I looked at the place that had brought me such peace, and smiled as I kept the memory, but knew I wouldn’t be coming back. I had left Yabu a note, pinned against the picture frame that now rested on the pajamas he had lent me, and with a gentle kiss to the boy in the frame, I left.
The walk home was long, and my feet began to ache as I drew near.
“Asuka!”
The voice shook me.
“Asuka!” It grew louder and I tried to speed up. I heard the falls of his feet behind me and I ran. But it was no use, I felt a hand grab my shoulder..
A clatter of metal rang out as I was shoved sideways into the small alleyway behind a row of stores, my head hit the side of a metal trash can and my vision blurred.
“Where do you think you’re goin?”
“M-Masaki..”
“That's right… you remember me? You remember how good… I made you feel?” I felt his breath against me.
“You know… Kisuke broke up with me.. because of you… all because of you…” His voice grew angrier and I trembled as my body refused to move and my head ached.
“The least you could do… is give yourself to me… to pass the time… don't you want me again Asuka? Don't you want to feel that good again? Your face always said what you were feeling… don't you want it now?” His fury and his rage culminated together brought him up to me on the ground.
“Don't you remember this?” He asked as he shoved me against the corner, banging my head against the metal again. I could barely make out with my blurred eyes, the small movements he made against his crotch and I could see him, moving forward, his own punishment waiting for me.
“Don't you remember how good this made you feel?” He said as he kicked me and I gasped in pain. I felt his member enter my mouth and I gagged. Masaki pulled my hair forward, impaling me onto him, and I cried out as he roughly tore off the shirt I had on. I begged him with my eyes and he merely laughed at me, before he pulled me up and shoved me down onto the top of the metal can that had hit me so many times.
“P-Please… N-“
“I know you want it… you’ve always wanted it… Asuka…” He said as he pushed me down still and my head spun. I felt my pants leave my waist as they slipped off my body and onto the ground below. I felt his hands running over me, roughly grabbing me, his nails scratching and cutting me as they went.
I screamed in pain as I felt him thrust viciously into me, while his fists beat down on my back, and soon I couldn’t feel him anymore, just the impacts of his hands against my body. This time was different, he was so angry… his fists rained down upon me with a fury, and could only I sob to myself and beg for him to stop. I could taste the flavor of the iron as blood leaked from the corner of my mouth, more of it being beaten out of me.. and I could do nothing about it… And so it went… until my body gave out, and I was left alone in the alleyway. My last memory of him, was the cut his nails gave me as they dug in and he cried my name, his vile seed spilling within me. He tossed money at me and left, his rage satisfied, for that moment. The world turned black for me, as my eyes refused to stay open any longer… and my body gave up trying.
“Kei?”
“Kei!?”
“Kei! Wake up! Please!”
I felt myself be shaken and my eyes cleared as I saw the familiar red shock of hair, and Yabu’s face came into view.
“Kei!? Can you hear me?! Who did this to you!?” He asked urgently as he tried to wake me up.
“Ya-bu…” My voice slurred as my tired body refused to focus.
“H-Here..” I felt a hand touch my cheek and I hissed as the water he had poured into his hand felt cold against me, he gently rubbed the water on my face, and I felt it cool and bring me back to reality.
“Drink more… it’ll help..” He said, pouring some of the water from his bottle onto my lips and I drank, feeling the cool revitalizing liquid course through me. I looked around to see the alley that had now been etched into my memory, and I looked at the boy who gave me that look… the concerned one. My eyes couldn't bear to look at him and I stared down at the ground. Around his feet were bags of groceries, and I began to tear up as I realized the contents. He had gone out on his errands, to buy me the foods that I had told him were my favorite in the tub. He had gone to get the small Sakura Mochi from the small bakery that I had told him about, I could see the small bits of orange that signified carrots, the big bulbous ones for my favorite curry…
“Kei? Are you okay?” He asked again.
“I’m sorry… Yabu…” I said
“S-Silly boy… what are you sorry for?” He asked, taking off his coat and throwing it over my body.
“I shouldn’t do this to you… bring you into this… existence of mine.”
“If you knew… what I did, who I am… you wouldn’t love me… and I know that.”
“Kei…”
“If you knew what I am, what kind of dirty… terrible person I am… you wouldn’t want to be with me…”
“Kei”
“I was so happy with you Yabu, those moments where everything was quiet, and I felt loved. Just having experienced it once… was enough…and the best thing I could do for you… was to get out of your life… I want you to be happy too… I just… I want you…. To be happ-”
“Kei!” Yabu shouted at me and I fell silent.
His hands wrapped around me again and he pulled me into him.
“Kei… why are you saying such stupid things… these stupid… stupid things”
“Yabu..”
“I want to know everything about you, the good and the bad, I want to know all about you, who you are, what you do. It doesn't matter to me what you are or aren’t. Just that you’re by my side now. All I care about is that… you’re the boy who I… fell in love with…. And I’ll take you just the way you are.”
“Yabu… you don't know what I’ve done, you don't kno-“
The older boy’s lips pressed against mine, shutting me up and in that brief moment, my body relaxed into the sweetest kiss I had ever experienced.
“I know all that I need to know… and now… I have all that I’ll ever need…” He said smiling as his hand squeezed mine.
“Arigatou… Yabu….” I smiled and I knew I had lost this one.
“You’re beautiful Kei… when you smile… wont you share that with me? That beauty?”
“Ya-Yabu..” my body was on its last legs as the refreshing effects of the water began to vanish. The bright auburn sky began to darken again, and I fell back to sleep..
“Let’s go home Kei, all you have to do is smile to make me happy. All you have to do is smile… and I’ll know all I need to know about you. Just smile.”
And so… I smiled…
---Epilogue---
I woke up a day later, with Yabu by my side, he had been nursing me, healing my wounds and bruises. He handed me the note that I had written, still unsealed, and asked if I still felt he should read it. And I nodded. I watched as he unfolded the letter and the three simple words:
I love you
came into view, and he smiled with that same childish grin he had in the picture and hugged me. That night, he never left my side, and I couldn't be happier…
As I lay in bed, and he changed out the small bandage that covered the deep cuts along my back, I told him about myself, the real me, and I told him about Asuka. He nearly flew into a frenzy when I told him about Masaki, and if I hadn’t be fast enough to grab his wrist, he would have stormed out on the warpath.
He stayed by my side for that whole week, feeding me, talking to me, caring for me, until I felt strong enough to get up and my body no longer ached. Kota brought me a entire box of my favorite Sakura Mochi, and he grinned as he ate half the box, saying he had never had them before, and didn't know they were this good.
We would lay in bed together most of the day, talking and watching TV. He would stay with me, until I’d fall asleep, and then appear by my side again with lunch or dinner, everything carefully made with love.
Masaki, was eventually outted by someone else, and was arrested as a abusive sexual predator by the police. I remember Yabu yelling at him as the news showed his arrest one evening. He promised that he would never treat me like that, and I told him that I believed him and knew he never would.
Just days after that, I began to settle into my life at Yabu’s house. His parents came and gave me their full approval, provided that I “Keep their son happy” And upon hearing that, Yabu blushed when he noticed his father added a small wink at the end.
I attended college with their support, and graduated from the architectural school, and now I spend my days at home, drawing plans for homes and office buildings, sending them off to my own little architecture firm that I created, with a generous investment from Yabu’s father that is.
I haven’t told Yabu yet, but I sneak off from my work every once in a while to draw and work on the plans for a home of our own, one that I want to build for our future. I want to build us a home that we can live in for the rest of our lives, and one that would represent the love we share.
Another thing I don't tell him, is that I secretly love when we go to sleep every night, the way that he wraps his arms around me and tells me he loves me, I think it would make him go overboard….
Yabu’s been focusing on his medical school education, as well as going out and playing his guitar, he seems happier this way, and in a way is fulfilling both his dreams at once. I think when he graduates this coming year, I want to take him on a vacation, and maybe there… I’ll tell him about the house, and maybe… ask another question…
Let’s hope he says yes….
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Uwa…. Minna, sorry it’s been so long since I’ve last posted! But now that I’ve gotten my computer back I hope I can get back on track!
Lately my fics have been kind dark ne? I wonder why….
~Emmie