Blinded
Author: 
emmachase
Requested by: No One
Title: Blinded
Rating: R - with some NC-17
Genre: Not really sure... happy... but angsty... ish?
Pairing: HikaNoo
Summary: Hikaru's confession goes awry... but who is there to pick up the pieces when all feels lost?
Notes: I, myself am not entirely sure what to make of this story..... i'm not even sure where I got the idea for this story.... but hopefully you'll like it.
“Unhh…. Annhh… “ Kei’s back arched backward as he felt himself become completely rigid, his body bent backwards on itself and he cried silently as he bore the brunt of an intense and tiring climax, the fourth of the night……
It was calm now, the room’s lights had been left off, and the single window that allowed any sort of moonlight into the pitch black bedroom had its blinds closed tight. Three days had already passed like this, each day more tiring than the last… but he couldn't bring himself to leave….
Kei opened his tired eyes to stare at the boy who had dominated his body for the last hour, and he smiled weakly… he hoped this sort of peace would stay for just a little while longer, but it never did… not for long….
“Nnnh… H-Hikaru… please… just a little bit… longer…It still.. hurts….” Kei pleaded, but he knew it would be no use, it never was….
“Oh… I know you’re tired… don't worry….” The other boy said softly, as he removed his hand from Kei’s painfully sensitive lower half.
“H-Hikaru…” Inoo groaned as he felt arms encircle him, not to hold him, but instead to turn him around, and he braced himself as he felt the familiar feeling of Hikaru’s fingers sliding down his back. They would trace along his spine, making him shiver as a small tingling sensation came. It would last though, until the slender digits found their target, and when they did, Kei would moan and cry out again…
“Still nice and ready for me…. “ Hikaru said softly, his voice more melancholy than seductive. Kei bit his lip as he gripped the white blankets that lay spread beneath his bare body. He could feel first one finger, then another, probing him, his insides still slicked from the deposits Hikaru had put there not more than a few hours ago….
“H-Hiiikaaru!” Kei cried as he felt the third finger enter him and almost immediately after, they were replaced with a long, hard and throbbing rod… Inoo cried into the blankets as he felt himself be penetrated and violated over and over again….He was sure with how tight his fingers were grabbing the blanket and the bedsheets that if he were to press any hard, he could cut holes into them. Over and over again he felt the pounding that slammed his petite and slender body into the bed, driving him into the fabric and rubbing his delicate parts into the soft silk bedding. The hands that had so lovingly stroked down his backside came now to trace along his sides, making him squirm and squeeze his eyes shut until they hurt. He felt the hands brace against his hips and he fell helpless to their mercy…. Hikaru’s warm breath swept across the back of his neck and he quivered as the thrusting never ceased and he cried out the boy’s name with every thrust.
Then… in a flurry of movements, lips and warmth it was over, and Kei was spent again, his body on the verge of collapsing completely. He hadn’t been able to drag himself out of bed these last three days to eat anything other than a small portion of rice he had made a week or so ago. He didn't have the energy to make anything now anyway, so he lay in bed now, naked except for the blankets that would occasionally find their way around his body. Looking at Hikaru he felt happy…. And exhausted…. This was… what he wanted… wasn't it? He loved Hikaru… he loved him… and he wanted to be here… didn't he?
“Hi-Hikaru….” Kei’s voice was hoarse, his vision began to blur as exhaustion set in. But there was no time for that…. Hikaru’s hands were moving again… and while his mind protested violently, his body had no will to carry out any movements. He felt the firm grasp against his now slowly hardening erection and whimpered.
It was just then that the sound of the doorbell interrupted, and he felt Hikaru leave him, vulnerable and alone on the cool silk bed. He must have been quite the sight, laying against the crimson silk sheets, scantily covered with a white blanket that so clearly contrasted his jet black hair that lay in a mess.
“Hikaru-kun…?” Inoo heard a familiar voice…
“Hikaru! Put some clothes on!!” Another familiar voice.
“What if someone sees you!?” The first voice said, followed by the sound of the door being shut quickly.
“Hikaru…. Where is Kei…? He hasn't been home in the last three days, and he said he was going to come here to see you…” It took a few moments before it registered in Inoo’s head that the voice belonged to Daiki…. And that must have meant the other voice was Ryosuke’s.
In an act almost like shame, Kei pulled the blanket over his body and curled up on the bed, his body shaking weakly as he tried his best to tense his tired muscles. He didn't want them to see him like this…. and he closed his eyes.
“Kei-Chan?!” Ryosuke’s voice called out into the small home.
“Hikaru, where is Kei?” Daiki repeated, his voice more stern this time, but the older boy never said a thing. Instead, the shuffling of footsteps against the wooden floor outside came and Inoo heard a door open and shut, followed by another, and another… then he heard the door to the bedroom open, and the bright light from the hallway outside streamed in and nearly blinded him as he shut his eyes quickly and tightly, curling further into himself.
“Kei!” Daiki shouted as he ran to the bed, and gathered the exhausted boy in his arms.
“Hikaru-kun… what did you do…?” Ryosuke asked worriedly, as he took Kei’s other side. He carefully inspected the boy’s pale body and he shook his head.
But still… Hikaru said nothing, he turned instead now trying to leave, but stopped when Yamada ran ahead and slammed the door shut, throwing his hand out he flicked on the light and Kei squinted against the light. He had forgotten everything that was in the bedroom… he had forgotten that there was a small doll sitting in the corner, a present he had once given to Hikaru on Christmas eve. He had forgotten that there was a mirror sitting to his left, reflecting his bareback and Daiki’s firm arm holding him up.
“Hikaru…. I know you’re upset…. I know that it hurts… I do…. But you cant do this…. not to him, its just not fair….” Ryosuke said sternly, and his eyes widened as he could see that the other boy was getting angrier, a firm grasp to his shoulders and Kei jumped a little as he heard the slam of Ryosuke’s body into the wooden dresser, followed by a moan as the younger boy rubbed his head where it struck the wood panel.
“N-No… H-Hikaru… please… h-here….” Kei said as the boy he loved reached for the knob, he slipped off the blanket that Daiki had wrapped around him and he felt ashamed doing this in front of his friends… but this was what he could do….. this was all he could do… but as Hikaru turned and zipped up the jacket that Daiki had managed to make him put on, the sound of the door slamming shut behind him signaled that all he could do… wasn’t enough….
“Kei-chan… are you okay?” Ryosuke asked, making his way over to the bed, stumbling a few times as his senses returned slowly.
“H-Hikaru…” Inoo panted, his body was tired and a second away from breaking down….
The blurry figures that represented his friends spread now as black spots appeared in his vision and Kei blinked, his eyes refusing to open anymore, and as he drifted between consciousness and a deep darkness, he imagined the scene that had led to all this….
“Hikaru?” Inoo approached shyly, he had just gotten out of his own photoshoot. Unfortunately for him, school was next in the schedule, so he had changed into his uniform, holding his books in his hands he had noticed Hikaru standing outside as if waiting for something.
“Hikaru? Are you okay? You… should go inside, it’s cold…” Kei suggested, a bit worried. He had always had a crush on Hikaru, since their days filming for Ya-ya-yah, he had never dared to act on it though. He knew that he wouldn't get a response if he did anyway, Hikaru was always about one thing: Yabu.
At that moment though, something unexpected happened, as he laid a hand on Hikaru’s shoulder, the boy turned around and grabbed him, pulling him in and kissing him deeply, his arms squeezing him tighter and tighter. The books he held in his arms fell to the ground and he watched himself fall weak at the knees as Hikaru kissed him deeply, passionately, wantonly….
Then in the blink of an eye he saw himself being pushed into Hikaru’s bedroom and onto the bed. He was scared…. He had never been with anyone like this before…. He had never… done anything… like this before….
Hikaru took care of him though, and he felt himself tremble still as he watched Hikaru strip him of his clothes, his tongue tracing his frame and outlining every crevice of his body…..
Hikaru destroyed him that first day…. They had become intimate three times that day, and despite missing class, Kei’s uniform never found its way back onto his body. When the Hikaru had gotten up to go to the restroom, Kei grabbed for his bag but instead found the other’s in the darkness. He found in the bag the blue cell phone, still open and a single message that stared back at him. It was from Yabu, carefully he read the text,
“Hikaru, I love you too, but… as a friend. I’m already in love with Yuya…. I’m sorry. But please… don't be mad, call me okay? I still want us to be friends, please?”
It was then that Kei understood, since his spirit had been crushed by Yabu’s rejection… Hikaru was drowning himself in…. sex. Something that would make him feel good… instead of what he had to face out in the world….That night Kei slept for the first time in Hikaru’s bed, at night he pulled the other boy’s arm and draped it around him, snuggling into the body he had dreamed of for so long Kei had fallen asleep that night, completely content, but now….. it had been three days already and Kei’s legs were weak and his body wrecked.
“Kei? Kei?” A familiar voice called to him now as hands gently shook him. Blinking slowly, Kei opened his eyes, finding Ryosuke sitting holding him as he lay in his friend’s lap. His body felt better, but sore, rejuvenated, but pained. They were alone in the bedroom, the room was almost warm now. With the lights on, and the small but comfortable blanket wrapped around his body, it was almost….a peaceful place. Nothing like what it had been only a few hours before.
“Hikaru…?” He asked hopefully, but the younger boy shook his head.
“W-Wait!” A hand grabbed his shoulder when he tried to sit up.
“I.. I have to go…”
“No…. Daiki is with him…. its okay… just… rest…”
“But…”
“No buts, just sit, just wait, okay?”
“It was okay! It was all okay! Why did you have to come!?” Kei shouted almost angrily as his situation sunk in.
“Kei-Chan… what are you talking about? Don't you know what Hikaru was doing to you?”
“I knew! I always knew! And I was okay with it…. So long…… so long as he was with me… and not out there with some random person…. I was okay with being used….. I was okay with it…. So long as he was…. with me.” The conviction in Kei’s voice drifted away slowly as he spoke.
“But is this…. really what you wanted when you wanted to be with Hikaru….. to just be a body for him to play with? You deserve so much more than that…. so much more. How can you say that this….. whatever this is…. Is all you wanted?” Yamada’s voice grew in strength and as he spoke he could feel Kei cower away.
“I just wanted… him to be here with me… even if it was like this… I could have helped him… and he wanted me…. It was better that he was with me… then with someone else…” The older boy said weakly… his eyes closed.
“Then all we can do is wait… so…lay down…. And just rest….”
Kei knew his friend was just trying to help him, but he wanted to go out and look for Hikaru, but seemingly Yamada knew what he was thinking, and in an instant the petite body hugged him and pushed him back onto the bed, holding onto him tightly.
“Just lay here… and wait with me….. okay?”
Kei’s eyes closed gently now…. And sighed.
“Okay.”
-----
“Hikaru! STOP!” Daiki ran down the stairs after his friend. He called down the stairway but no matter how loud he shouted the resounded slam of the building door drowned him out. He ran out into the cold and shouted again.
“Hikaru!”
“GO AWAY!”
“NO! Stop! Just STOP!” Daiki lunged, pushing the skinny boy against a brick wall. He tried his best to hold the boy still, but Hikaru kept finding a way to slither out of his grasp.
Daiki ran after him, chasing him through three blocks and finally managed to slam himself into him, pushing Hikaru onto the ground.
“WHY are you like this!?” He shouted angrily and his only response was a swing to the face, almost barely grazing his nose. In a fit of rage Daiki threw his fist back and shoved it forward. Somewhere in the split second he managed to correct himself and his fist shifted positions until it made contact with Hikaru’s shoulder instead of his cheek. The minute his fist hit…. Daiki recoiled in horror, his mind reeling with the realization of what he’d done.
“Hikaru… I’m…. I’m sorry….but please… just tell me…. why are you like this?”
“Get off me Daiki….” The voice was different now, the older boy’s eyes closed in shame and his voice was somber. They walked quietly now, until they reached a small alcove between what looked to be a closed convenience store and a run down but somehow operational video rental store. The small walls that formed the alcove gave them some privacy but it wasn't really needed, no one was around, and Hikaru was grateful for that. He fell against the wall and slumped down now, putting his head in his hand and his knees drew themselves to his chest.
“Are you going to tell me about it?” Daiki said, squatting down next to his friend.
“I just… I just want to forget… is that too much to ask? I just want… to not knw any of it…” Hikaru said softly, his eyes closing as tears fell down from his tired eyes.
“Forget what? What happened?”
“Yabu…”
“Yabu?”
“He… told e… that there was no way he and I would every work… he said…. He loved Yuya… “
“O-Oh…u-uh…” Daiki didn't know quite how to comfort his friend now. He sat down opposite him and placed his hand on Hikaru’s.
“Hikaru, you loved Yabu…. And he didn't love you back….. is that it?”
“I more than loved him…. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to be by his side forever…. Even when we were little, I followed him around…. Because I thought Yabu would never leave me…. I loved him more than I love breathing…. But now… I cant even breath when I think about him…. I wanted so much to tell him…. but… “
“Oh Hikaru….”
“I wanted to do greater things… Yabu got into a musical, he had his name in lights, he’s done all sorts of wonderful things, but me…. I haven’t… so I tried out for the drama… and I got it, and I thought, now that I have something too…. He would accept me if I told him……but I told him too late….. I was too late….. and I missed my chance……. I missed it….”
“Hikaru…. It’s not the end of the world…. And maybe….. Yabu just isn’t the one for you…. Maybe there’s someone else you’re supposed to be with…. Have you ever thought of that?”
“He doesn't love me…. he doesn't…. no one does…. No one…. There’s no one else…”
“I know it hurts….. I do…. But you've got to remember…. You have all of us by yourside, even Yabu, maybe not in the same way that you want, but we all love you. We want to see you happy, if only you’d let yourself be happy….”
“How can I…. there’s no one….. no one…. I chased after him for so long, and when I finally felt confident enough to make my move…. It hurts… I wanted it so bad… I wanted it….”
“Hikaru… there’s someone… there’s someone who loves you… someone so close that you don't even see…”
“There’s no one….”
The minute those words left his mouth, a swift slap across his face shocked him, he looked up now as Daiki jumped to his feet, a look of sheer anger on his face.
“Hikaru STOP IT! You’re acting all pathetic and useless but you don't even see that there’s someone who loves you as much as you loved Yabu, someone who suffered with you through all of this… It isn’t fair to him for you to be here, it isn’t fair that he’s up there alone because you’re so selfish and ran off trying to find Yabu. It just isn’t fair to him….. that you used him like you did….that you hurt him like you did….” Daiki said angrily. But as soon as he finished speaking, his anger melted away and instead a look of pity replaced it.
“Hikaru…. Don't you see…. There’s someone whos there for you… who was so brave for you…. Don't you see him? He was so happy just to be with you… he let you walk all over him…. don't you see him? Don't you know who it is that you should be with?” Daiki said softly, trying his best to help Hikaru up.
“Kei…?” Hikaru’s breath hung in the air, a thick cloud of air that quickly faded away into the cold as he realized what he had done…. He remembered how he ravaged Kei’s body… he times where he would plead for just a little more rest…. All the horrible things he had done….
He dropped his shoulders now, his head suddenly heavy, Hikaru’s body trembled as he relived the scenes in his head, the way that version of himself…. Touched the soft skin that had so willingly surrendered to him. He hated it… what he had become in those days…. He had used Kei… over and over… and over…
“Hey!” Daiki called as he took off again, following the older boy back to the apartment building. He flew up the few stairs that separated his small abode and the ground below. Within only a few seconds he had his hand on the doorknob of his apartment and with a deep breath he pushed forward. A slight turn to the bedroom found Ryosuke and Inoo in bed. The older boy was huddled tightly into a small ball, almost pitiful and the younger was busily setting the blanket around the barren body.
“Ryo-“ Daiki quickly gestured, and the younger boy seemed to understand.
“We’ll be just outside okay Inoo-Chan…. Just outside…..” The look that Hikaru received at that exact moment was enough to cut diamonds with, but he stuck his ground, letting those furious eyes burn holes through him. He couldn't blame Yamada for his actions through…
As Hikaru approached, Inoo looked up, and noticing who it was he sprang quickly to attention,
“H-Hikaru…. You’re back… I… I….”The younger boy begin to let the blanket slide off his shoulders, revealing more and more of his milky white skin.
“N-no… that isn’t what I want…” He shook his head, doing his best to calm the shaky body in his hands. He took off the jacket he wore and placed it around Kei’s shoulders, and he rubbed the boy’s arms to warm them, hoping to stop the shivers.
“Hikaru… are you okay?” Kei’s voice trembled as he noted the small darkening bruise that was forming on his shoulder.
“I’m okay…… its nothing… but you…Kei… I’m so sorry…. I’m so sorry….. I’m so sorry….” Hikaru repeated his legs wanted to give out now, but he refused to sit anywhere on the bed, not where the place where he had done those….. things. Not there.
Kei didn't say a word…. What could he say to ease the boy’s feelings? He wasn't angry with him… he couldn't be. He loved him…. regardless of what Hikaru did to him.
“Kei please… forgive me…I’m so… sorry… this isn’t what you deserved…. And… I promise… I’ll… make it up to you…. I promise….” Hikaru’s legs gave way now, and he knelt onto the hard ground, his face buried in his hands.
Seeing him like that, Inoo’s heart died a little, he didn't know what to do…. Until his body moved by instinct and he knelt down on the floor too… he put his hands under Hikaru’s chin and gently pushed them up. For a brief moment, their eyes met. Hikaru’s were red with tears, and his own were wide and shaking with unease.
“Oh Hikaru…” Kei said now, leaning forward he gently kissed those now soft and tender lips that had been the most intimate with his body. They didn't tease him now, nor did they feel cold and demanding…. And the two stayed in that moment for what they wished was an eternity, but as it passed, Kei pressed his forehead against Hikaru’s and smiled, the tears still flowing from their eyes.
“I was never mad…. Just sad that you lost your way…. But you’re back…. And I’ve been waiting for you…..” Kei said, helping them to stand.
Kei insisted that Daiki and Ryosuke go home, and while they were unwilling at first, they eventually left, leaving the two of them alone in the small home. Kei smiled now as he helped brush the last remaining tears away from Hikaru’s check.
“Silly boy… what are you crying about still….?” He said, wrapping his arms around Hikaru.
“Kei… I loved Yabu….. “
“I know…”
“And I’m so sorry I never saw you…. “
“Are you still apologizing?” Kei said, stepping back.
“I just wa-“
“Stop…. I knew what you were doing….. and I knew what this was going to be… but I went through it anyway… Its not your fault….” The two of them sat on the bed now, Hikaru more reluctantly…
“Kei-Chan… if….. if you’d like… I’d like to… take you out… properly….If-If you’d like to I mean, I mean uh… “ Though Hikaru didn't see it, as he was busy looking at his fidgeting hands, Kei burst out in the widest of grins at that moment and he kissed Hikaru again, smiling brightly as he nodded.
Greatly relieved, Hikaru smiled lightly back, his face turned blank now though as he felt Kei’s hands grab his own and pull him closer, he felt the hands guide his, encircling himself with around Kei’s body, Inoo smiled as he snuggled tightly against Hikaru’s chest, and the two of them lay down on the bed, their eyes closed as they waited for sleep to take them away…
Hikaru didn't dare to move… until he felt a sort of soothing feeling, one that told him….. this was right… and before he could say anything else, it hit him. This was the feeling he had always dreamed about, in his dreams he had always imagined laying like this with Yabu, this warmth and subtle softness. His dream evaporated and where Yabu had once lain, Kei lay now…. And his dream became reality. He pulled Kei in further and he smiled as he nudged himself against Inoo’s neck and gave him a kiss.
“Kei… I love you…”
Inoo never turned around, instead there was only the soft rise and fall of his chest as he slept contently in Hikaru’s arms. And while the older boy never knew it, Kei smiled as he heard the words that sent tingles up and down his body. His smile grew broader as he felt the blankets be thrown over him, and Hikaru’s legs brush up against his own.
I love you too… Hikaru.
--
Uwa~…. I hope you all enjoyed it and I look forward to hearing from you…. (again under no obligation to comment if you don't want to). I don't really know how this story idea came about…. But I wonder if I executed it well?
~Emmie
emmachase
Requested by: No One
Title: Blinded
Rating: R - with some NC-17
Genre: Not really sure... happy... but angsty... ish?
Pairing: HikaNoo
Summary: Hikaru's confession goes awry... but who is there to pick up the pieces when all feels lost?
Notes: I, myself am not entirely sure what to make of this story..... i'm not even sure where I got the idea for this story.... but hopefully you'll like it.
“Unhh…. Annhh… “ Kei’s back arched backward as he felt himself become completely rigid, his body bent backwards on itself and he cried silently as he bore the brunt of an intense and tiring climax, the fourth of the night……
It was calm now, the room’s lights had been left off, and the single window that allowed any sort of moonlight into the pitch black bedroom had its blinds closed tight. Three days had already passed like this, each day more tiring than the last… but he couldn't bring himself to leave….
Kei opened his tired eyes to stare at the boy who had dominated his body for the last hour, and he smiled weakly… he hoped this sort of peace would stay for just a little while longer, but it never did… not for long….
“Nnnh… H-Hikaru… please… just a little bit… longer…It still.. hurts….” Kei pleaded, but he knew it would be no use, it never was….
“Oh… I know you’re tired… don't worry….” The other boy said softly, as he removed his hand from Kei’s painfully sensitive lower half.
“H-Hikaru…” Inoo groaned as he felt arms encircle him, not to hold him, but instead to turn him around, and he braced himself as he felt the familiar feeling of Hikaru’s fingers sliding down his back. They would trace along his spine, making him shiver as a small tingling sensation came. It would last though, until the slender digits found their target, and when they did, Kei would moan and cry out again…
“Still nice and ready for me…. “ Hikaru said softly, his voice more melancholy than seductive. Kei bit his lip as he gripped the white blankets that lay spread beneath his bare body. He could feel first one finger, then another, probing him, his insides still slicked from the deposits Hikaru had put there not more than a few hours ago….
“H-Hiiikaaru!” Kei cried as he felt the third finger enter him and almost immediately after, they were replaced with a long, hard and throbbing rod… Inoo cried into the blankets as he felt himself be penetrated and violated over and over again….He was sure with how tight his fingers were grabbing the blanket and the bedsheets that if he were to press any hard, he could cut holes into them. Over and over again he felt the pounding that slammed his petite and slender body into the bed, driving him into the fabric and rubbing his delicate parts into the soft silk bedding. The hands that had so lovingly stroked down his backside came now to trace along his sides, making him squirm and squeeze his eyes shut until they hurt. He felt the hands brace against his hips and he fell helpless to their mercy…. Hikaru’s warm breath swept across the back of his neck and he quivered as the thrusting never ceased and he cried out the boy’s name with every thrust.
Then… in a flurry of movements, lips and warmth it was over, and Kei was spent again, his body on the verge of collapsing completely. He hadn’t been able to drag himself out of bed these last three days to eat anything other than a small portion of rice he had made a week or so ago. He didn't have the energy to make anything now anyway, so he lay in bed now, naked except for the blankets that would occasionally find their way around his body. Looking at Hikaru he felt happy…. And exhausted…. This was… what he wanted… wasn't it? He loved Hikaru… he loved him… and he wanted to be here… didn't he?
“Hi-Hikaru….” Kei’s voice was hoarse, his vision began to blur as exhaustion set in. But there was no time for that…. Hikaru’s hands were moving again… and while his mind protested violently, his body had no will to carry out any movements. He felt the firm grasp against his now slowly hardening erection and whimpered.
It was just then that the sound of the doorbell interrupted, and he felt Hikaru leave him, vulnerable and alone on the cool silk bed. He must have been quite the sight, laying against the crimson silk sheets, scantily covered with a white blanket that so clearly contrasted his jet black hair that lay in a mess.
“Hikaru-kun…?” Inoo heard a familiar voice…
“Hikaru! Put some clothes on!!” Another familiar voice.
“What if someone sees you!?” The first voice said, followed by the sound of the door being shut quickly.
“Hikaru…. Where is Kei…? He hasn't been home in the last three days, and he said he was going to come here to see you…” It took a few moments before it registered in Inoo’s head that the voice belonged to Daiki…. And that must have meant the other voice was Ryosuke’s.
In an act almost like shame, Kei pulled the blanket over his body and curled up on the bed, his body shaking weakly as he tried his best to tense his tired muscles. He didn't want them to see him like this…. and he closed his eyes.
“Kei-Chan?!” Ryosuke’s voice called out into the small home.
“Hikaru, where is Kei?” Daiki repeated, his voice more stern this time, but the older boy never said a thing. Instead, the shuffling of footsteps against the wooden floor outside came and Inoo heard a door open and shut, followed by another, and another… then he heard the door to the bedroom open, and the bright light from the hallway outside streamed in and nearly blinded him as he shut his eyes quickly and tightly, curling further into himself.
“Kei!” Daiki shouted as he ran to the bed, and gathered the exhausted boy in his arms.
“Hikaru-kun… what did you do…?” Ryosuke asked worriedly, as he took Kei’s other side. He carefully inspected the boy’s pale body and he shook his head.
But still… Hikaru said nothing, he turned instead now trying to leave, but stopped when Yamada ran ahead and slammed the door shut, throwing his hand out he flicked on the light and Kei squinted against the light. He had forgotten everything that was in the bedroom… he had forgotten that there was a small doll sitting in the corner, a present he had once given to Hikaru on Christmas eve. He had forgotten that there was a mirror sitting to his left, reflecting his bareback and Daiki’s firm arm holding him up.
“Hikaru…. I know you’re upset…. I know that it hurts… I do…. But you cant do this…. not to him, its just not fair….” Ryosuke said sternly, and his eyes widened as he could see that the other boy was getting angrier, a firm grasp to his shoulders and Kei jumped a little as he heard the slam of Ryosuke’s body into the wooden dresser, followed by a moan as the younger boy rubbed his head where it struck the wood panel.
“N-No… H-Hikaru… please… h-here….” Kei said as the boy he loved reached for the knob, he slipped off the blanket that Daiki had wrapped around him and he felt ashamed doing this in front of his friends… but this was what he could do….. this was all he could do… but as Hikaru turned and zipped up the jacket that Daiki had managed to make him put on, the sound of the door slamming shut behind him signaled that all he could do… wasn’t enough….
“Kei-chan… are you okay?” Ryosuke asked, making his way over to the bed, stumbling a few times as his senses returned slowly.
“H-Hikaru…” Inoo panted, his body was tired and a second away from breaking down….
The blurry figures that represented his friends spread now as black spots appeared in his vision and Kei blinked, his eyes refusing to open anymore, and as he drifted between consciousness and a deep darkness, he imagined the scene that had led to all this….
“Hikaru?” Inoo approached shyly, he had just gotten out of his own photoshoot. Unfortunately for him, school was next in the schedule, so he had changed into his uniform, holding his books in his hands he had noticed Hikaru standing outside as if waiting for something.
“Hikaru? Are you okay? You… should go inside, it’s cold…” Kei suggested, a bit worried. He had always had a crush on Hikaru, since their days filming for Ya-ya-yah, he had never dared to act on it though. He knew that he wouldn't get a response if he did anyway, Hikaru was always about one thing: Yabu.
At that moment though, something unexpected happened, as he laid a hand on Hikaru’s shoulder, the boy turned around and grabbed him, pulling him in and kissing him deeply, his arms squeezing him tighter and tighter. The books he held in his arms fell to the ground and he watched himself fall weak at the knees as Hikaru kissed him deeply, passionately, wantonly….
Then in the blink of an eye he saw himself being pushed into Hikaru’s bedroom and onto the bed. He was scared…. He had never been with anyone like this before…. He had never… done anything… like this before….
Hikaru took care of him though, and he felt himself tremble still as he watched Hikaru strip him of his clothes, his tongue tracing his frame and outlining every crevice of his body…..
Hikaru destroyed him that first day…. They had become intimate three times that day, and despite missing class, Kei’s uniform never found its way back onto his body. When the Hikaru had gotten up to go to the restroom, Kei grabbed for his bag but instead found the other’s in the darkness. He found in the bag the blue cell phone, still open and a single message that stared back at him. It was from Yabu, carefully he read the text,
“Hikaru, I love you too, but… as a friend. I’m already in love with Yuya…. I’m sorry. But please… don't be mad, call me okay? I still want us to be friends, please?”
It was then that Kei understood, since his spirit had been crushed by Yabu’s rejection… Hikaru was drowning himself in…. sex. Something that would make him feel good… instead of what he had to face out in the world….That night Kei slept for the first time in Hikaru’s bed, at night he pulled the other boy’s arm and draped it around him, snuggling into the body he had dreamed of for so long Kei had fallen asleep that night, completely content, but now….. it had been three days already and Kei’s legs were weak and his body wrecked.
“Kei? Kei?” A familiar voice called to him now as hands gently shook him. Blinking slowly, Kei opened his eyes, finding Ryosuke sitting holding him as he lay in his friend’s lap. His body felt better, but sore, rejuvenated, but pained. They were alone in the bedroom, the room was almost warm now. With the lights on, and the small but comfortable blanket wrapped around his body, it was almost….a peaceful place. Nothing like what it had been only a few hours before.
“Hikaru…?” He asked hopefully, but the younger boy shook his head.
“W-Wait!” A hand grabbed his shoulder when he tried to sit up.
“I.. I have to go…”
“No…. Daiki is with him…. its okay… just… rest…”
“But…”
“No buts, just sit, just wait, okay?”
“It was okay! It was all okay! Why did you have to come!?” Kei shouted almost angrily as his situation sunk in.
“Kei-Chan… what are you talking about? Don't you know what Hikaru was doing to you?”
“I knew! I always knew! And I was okay with it…. So long…… so long as he was with me… and not out there with some random person…. I was okay with being used….. I was okay with it…. So long as he was…. with me.” The conviction in Kei’s voice drifted away slowly as he spoke.
“But is this…. really what you wanted when you wanted to be with Hikaru….. to just be a body for him to play with? You deserve so much more than that…. so much more. How can you say that this….. whatever this is…. Is all you wanted?” Yamada’s voice grew in strength and as he spoke he could feel Kei cower away.
“I just wanted… him to be here with me… even if it was like this… I could have helped him… and he wanted me…. It was better that he was with me… then with someone else…” The older boy said weakly… his eyes closed.
“Then all we can do is wait… so…lay down…. And just rest….”
Kei knew his friend was just trying to help him, but he wanted to go out and look for Hikaru, but seemingly Yamada knew what he was thinking, and in an instant the petite body hugged him and pushed him back onto the bed, holding onto him tightly.
“Just lay here… and wait with me….. okay?”
Kei’s eyes closed gently now…. And sighed.
“Okay.”
-----
“Hikaru! STOP!” Daiki ran down the stairs after his friend. He called down the stairway but no matter how loud he shouted the resounded slam of the building door drowned him out. He ran out into the cold and shouted again.
“Hikaru!”
“GO AWAY!”
“NO! Stop! Just STOP!” Daiki lunged, pushing the skinny boy against a brick wall. He tried his best to hold the boy still, but Hikaru kept finding a way to slither out of his grasp.
Daiki ran after him, chasing him through three blocks and finally managed to slam himself into him, pushing Hikaru onto the ground.
“WHY are you like this!?” He shouted angrily and his only response was a swing to the face, almost barely grazing his nose. In a fit of rage Daiki threw his fist back and shoved it forward. Somewhere in the split second he managed to correct himself and his fist shifted positions until it made contact with Hikaru’s shoulder instead of his cheek. The minute his fist hit…. Daiki recoiled in horror, his mind reeling with the realization of what he’d done.
“Hikaru… I’m…. I’m sorry….but please… just tell me…. why are you like this?”
“Get off me Daiki….” The voice was different now, the older boy’s eyes closed in shame and his voice was somber. They walked quietly now, until they reached a small alcove between what looked to be a closed convenience store and a run down but somehow operational video rental store. The small walls that formed the alcove gave them some privacy but it wasn't really needed, no one was around, and Hikaru was grateful for that. He fell against the wall and slumped down now, putting his head in his hand and his knees drew themselves to his chest.
“Are you going to tell me about it?” Daiki said, squatting down next to his friend.
“I just… I just want to forget… is that too much to ask? I just want… to not knw any of it…” Hikaru said softly, his eyes closing as tears fell down from his tired eyes.
“Forget what? What happened?”
“Yabu…”
“Yabu?”
“He… told e… that there was no way he and I would every work… he said…. He loved Yuya… “
“O-Oh…u-uh…” Daiki didn't know quite how to comfort his friend now. He sat down opposite him and placed his hand on Hikaru’s.
“Hikaru, you loved Yabu…. And he didn't love you back….. is that it?”
“I more than loved him…. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to be by his side forever…. Even when we were little, I followed him around…. Because I thought Yabu would never leave me…. I loved him more than I love breathing…. But now… I cant even breath when I think about him…. I wanted so much to tell him…. but… “
“Oh Hikaru….”
“I wanted to do greater things… Yabu got into a musical, he had his name in lights, he’s done all sorts of wonderful things, but me…. I haven’t… so I tried out for the drama… and I got it, and I thought, now that I have something too…. He would accept me if I told him……but I told him too late….. I was too late….. and I missed my chance……. I missed it….”
“Hikaru…. It’s not the end of the world…. And maybe….. Yabu just isn’t the one for you…. Maybe there’s someone else you’re supposed to be with…. Have you ever thought of that?”
“He doesn't love me…. he doesn't…. no one does…. No one…. There’s no one else…”
“I know it hurts….. I do…. But you've got to remember…. You have all of us by yourside, even Yabu, maybe not in the same way that you want, but we all love you. We want to see you happy, if only you’d let yourself be happy….”
“How can I…. there’s no one….. no one…. I chased after him for so long, and when I finally felt confident enough to make my move…. It hurts… I wanted it so bad… I wanted it….”
“Hikaru… there’s someone… there’s someone who loves you… someone so close that you don't even see…”
“There’s no one….”
The minute those words left his mouth, a swift slap across his face shocked him, he looked up now as Daiki jumped to his feet, a look of sheer anger on his face.
“Hikaru STOP IT! You’re acting all pathetic and useless but you don't even see that there’s someone who loves you as much as you loved Yabu, someone who suffered with you through all of this… It isn’t fair to him for you to be here, it isn’t fair that he’s up there alone because you’re so selfish and ran off trying to find Yabu. It just isn’t fair to him….. that you used him like you did….that you hurt him like you did….” Daiki said angrily. But as soon as he finished speaking, his anger melted away and instead a look of pity replaced it.
“Hikaru…. Don't you see…. There’s someone whos there for you… who was so brave for you…. Don't you see him? He was so happy just to be with you… he let you walk all over him…. don't you see him? Don't you know who it is that you should be with?” Daiki said softly, trying his best to help Hikaru up.
“Kei…?” Hikaru’s breath hung in the air, a thick cloud of air that quickly faded away into the cold as he realized what he had done…. He remembered how he ravaged Kei’s body… he times where he would plead for just a little more rest…. All the horrible things he had done….
He dropped his shoulders now, his head suddenly heavy, Hikaru’s body trembled as he relived the scenes in his head, the way that version of himself…. Touched the soft skin that had so willingly surrendered to him. He hated it… what he had become in those days…. He had used Kei… over and over… and over…
“Hey!” Daiki called as he took off again, following the older boy back to the apartment building. He flew up the few stairs that separated his small abode and the ground below. Within only a few seconds he had his hand on the doorknob of his apartment and with a deep breath he pushed forward. A slight turn to the bedroom found Ryosuke and Inoo in bed. The older boy was huddled tightly into a small ball, almost pitiful and the younger was busily setting the blanket around the barren body.
“Ryo-“ Daiki quickly gestured, and the younger boy seemed to understand.
“We’ll be just outside okay Inoo-Chan…. Just outside…..” The look that Hikaru received at that exact moment was enough to cut diamonds with, but he stuck his ground, letting those furious eyes burn holes through him. He couldn't blame Yamada for his actions through…
As Hikaru approached, Inoo looked up, and noticing who it was he sprang quickly to attention,
“H-Hikaru…. You’re back… I… I….”The younger boy begin to let the blanket slide off his shoulders, revealing more and more of his milky white skin.
“N-no… that isn’t what I want…” He shook his head, doing his best to calm the shaky body in his hands. He took off the jacket he wore and placed it around Kei’s shoulders, and he rubbed the boy’s arms to warm them, hoping to stop the shivers.
“Hikaru… are you okay?” Kei’s voice trembled as he noted the small darkening bruise that was forming on his shoulder.
“I’m okay…… its nothing… but you…Kei… I’m so sorry…. I’m so sorry….. I’m so sorry….” Hikaru repeated his legs wanted to give out now, but he refused to sit anywhere on the bed, not where the place where he had done those….. things. Not there.
Kei didn't say a word…. What could he say to ease the boy’s feelings? He wasn't angry with him… he couldn't be. He loved him…. regardless of what Hikaru did to him.
“Kei please… forgive me…I’m so… sorry… this isn’t what you deserved…. And… I promise… I’ll… make it up to you…. I promise….” Hikaru’s legs gave way now, and he knelt onto the hard ground, his face buried in his hands.
Seeing him like that, Inoo’s heart died a little, he didn't know what to do…. Until his body moved by instinct and he knelt down on the floor too… he put his hands under Hikaru’s chin and gently pushed them up. For a brief moment, their eyes met. Hikaru’s were red with tears, and his own were wide and shaking with unease.
“Oh Hikaru…” Kei said now, leaning forward he gently kissed those now soft and tender lips that had been the most intimate with his body. They didn't tease him now, nor did they feel cold and demanding…. And the two stayed in that moment for what they wished was an eternity, but as it passed, Kei pressed his forehead against Hikaru’s and smiled, the tears still flowing from their eyes.
“I was never mad…. Just sad that you lost your way…. But you’re back…. And I’ve been waiting for you…..” Kei said, helping them to stand.
Kei insisted that Daiki and Ryosuke go home, and while they were unwilling at first, they eventually left, leaving the two of them alone in the small home. Kei smiled now as he helped brush the last remaining tears away from Hikaru’s check.
“Silly boy… what are you crying about still….?” He said, wrapping his arms around Hikaru.
“Kei… I loved Yabu….. “
“I know…”
“And I’m so sorry I never saw you…. “
“Are you still apologizing?” Kei said, stepping back.
“I just wa-“
“Stop…. I knew what you were doing….. and I knew what this was going to be… but I went through it anyway… Its not your fault….” The two of them sat on the bed now, Hikaru more reluctantly…
“Kei-Chan… if….. if you’d like… I’d like to… take you out… properly….If-If you’d like to I mean, I mean uh… “ Though Hikaru didn't see it, as he was busy looking at his fidgeting hands, Kei burst out in the widest of grins at that moment and he kissed Hikaru again, smiling brightly as he nodded.
Greatly relieved, Hikaru smiled lightly back, his face turned blank now though as he felt Kei’s hands grab his own and pull him closer, he felt the hands guide his, encircling himself with around Kei’s body, Inoo smiled as he snuggled tightly against Hikaru’s chest, and the two of them lay down on the bed, their eyes closed as they waited for sleep to take them away…
Hikaru didn't dare to move… until he felt a sort of soothing feeling, one that told him….. this was right… and before he could say anything else, it hit him. This was the feeling he had always dreamed about, in his dreams he had always imagined laying like this with Yabu, this warmth and subtle softness. His dream evaporated and where Yabu had once lain, Kei lay now…. And his dream became reality. He pulled Kei in further and he smiled as he nudged himself against Inoo’s neck and gave him a kiss.
“Kei… I love you…”
Inoo never turned around, instead there was only the soft rise and fall of his chest as he slept contently in Hikaru’s arms. And while the older boy never knew it, Kei smiled as he heard the words that sent tingles up and down his body. His smile grew broader as he felt the blankets be thrown over him, and Hikaru’s legs brush up against his own.
I love you too… Hikaru.
--
Uwa~…. I hope you all enjoyed it and I look forward to hearing from you…. (again under no obligation to comment if you don't want to). I don't really know how this story idea came about…. But I wonder if I executed it well?
~Emmie