A New Start on Old Habits // Chapter 5
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
It was the buzz and vibration near his ear of the discarded phone which woke Ruki and he fumbled in the dark for the jewelled case, flipping the thing open and holding it flush against his nose, squinting at the brightly lit screen to find that the message was from his sister-in-law, Hoshi.
Happy New Year little brother. It said, Where are you? Will we see you later?
Ruki stared at the words for a moment before dropping the still open phone back down onto the pillow. He dug his fingertips into his scalp and rubbed as hard as he could, stimulating the circulation and clearing his head at the same time. He blinked, once then again, dragging his hands down through his hair and over his face before finally sitting up and letting the quilt fall from his bare chest. He picked the phone back up.
A thumb well used to messaging moved over the buttons as he slowly typed something in response.
With Aki. Back later.
It wasn’t a surprise that she was awake at this time of the morning, he imagined that her and his mother would both be up and about, making coffee and miso and crispy grilled red snapper with that mysterious glaze that he never could really decide if he liked or not but ate all the same. At the thought of food, his stomach growled almost on queue to remind him that he really hadn’t eaten properly in the last twenty-four hours. Breakfast was a fine idea.
He picked the phone up again, once more holding it up close to his face - he had actually remembered to take his contact lenses out before tumbling into Reita’s arms the night before and the display, although it’s brightness was a stark contrast to the complete darkness of the room around him, was not very clear. 4.47am, they had been in bed less than four hours. He couldn’t hear any other noises in the apartment so he assumed that he was the only one awake; next to him, Reita was certainly fast asleep and not even a nudge of his foot against the bassist’s leg had any effect at rousing him.
Using the light from his open phone he found his socks first and then the remainder of his clothes from the night before - naturally as he had left them, neatly folded on the top of a stack of boxes. The room technically was a guest room but that didn’t stop it from acting as yet another store room for the Morii’s perpetually growing collection of ‘stuff’.
Ruki left the apartment veiled in silent darkness with Reita’s key in his hand and he took the elevator down to the ground floor to pay a visit to the wall of vending machines there. As he stood in front of his chosen machine reaching into his pocket for some coins a young couple walked past him, the man holding a small child asleep to his chest. And once again Ruki found himself thinking about Yune.
“Takara…” he sighed, leaning against the machine with his newly purchased can of coffee in his hand. “Ta-ka-ra… Oh Ma-chan, why did you have to come back now, after all this time?”
It had only ever happened the once and things hadn’t quite been the same for the three or so weeks afterwards, before Yune and Mari had left for Aomori. But no matter how much he might have liked the events of that night to have been different, there was nothing Ruki could ever do to erase the fact that Yune was the man who he had lost his virginity to. His then best friend, their ex-drummer and Reita knew nothing of any of it.
Ruki twisted the bottom of his coffee can, mixing the two chemicals inside which would mix and heat the drink and made his way back up to the Morii’s apartment with the can warming in his hand. Something had changed, there was a light on and it wasn’t one which he had forgotten to turn off; he tiptoed into the main room to find Reita’s grandmother sitting in her chair, smoking one of her long cigarettes.
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
“I’ve always been an early riser.” She held up the cigarette with somewhat of a guilty look on her kind face. “Kariko doesn’t like me smoking…” She moved the couple of magazines which had somehow accumulated since bedtime and patted the sofa beside her, “Come and keep an old lady company for a while?”
Ruki nodded, sitting next to her and sipping his now warmed coffee. She offered him a cigarette which he accepted, nearly coughing at the first inhale of the unfamiliarly strong tobacco.
“Why do you drink that terrible machine-stuff? You should have made yourself some. We have coffee you know… somewhere.”
He stared at the opened can, desperately wishing that Reita would wake up and come through to rescue him from the interrogation which he was sure he was about to suffer. Taking another tentative drag of the cigarette, he tried to ignore the burning in his throat
“I didn’t like to… being a guest and all…”
She inhaled heavily, the smoke billowing up around her face as she spoke.
“Nonsense! You’re no more a guest than Akira is. You’re family now, and family are allowed to make their own damn coffee.”
He wasn’t expecting that, not in the slightest and he sipped the coffee which, rightly so, was horrible. “I… I don’t understand.”
“Matsumoto, you love my grandson, don’t you.”
He didn’t reply, he couldn’t, he was too stunned. He scoured his conscience for an appropriate denial which, if his vocal chords weren’t charred to a cinder by the strong cigarette, he wouldn’t be able to say truthfully anyway; his mumbled answer was ignored by the old lady.
“Well, I know that he loves you. I can tell by the way in which he acts around you and the way that he looks at you,” she inhaled once more, this time the smoke spurting out of both nose and mouth in her laughter. “And I may be old, but I’m not deaf yet either…”
“You..? I…” Ruki was then well and truly speechless and he could feel his face growing hot. If she had heard them having sex the night before he might possibly die from ebarassment, there was no two ways about it.
Please come and save me Aki!
There was no need for him to worry though, for the old lady smiled at him and reached over to grab his knee with a wrinkled hand.
“You just make sure that you keep that smile on his face, that’s all I care about.”
Ruki stubbed the cigarette out, he was sure that one more dose of it’s acrid smoke would permanently scar his voice and render him completely useless as a singer. None of this made any sense to him; if she was as comfortable with his and Reita’s relationship as this, why was the bassist so determined to keep it from her? His expression must have clearly conveyed the confusion running through his mind for she smiled at him again and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Go and get rid of that terrible coffee and make a proper cup and I’ll tell you a story.”
A short time later after having easily navigated his way around the kitchen, Ruki sat back down next to the grandmother with a mug of hot, real coffee between his hands. He was curious as to what this story was going to be about, wondering if it was something which Reita already knew and hadn’t told him.
“Akira’s grandfather Reitarou had a brother and his name was Kennichi. He was older than my Reitarou and he was such a very handsome man, he turned all the ladies heads he did! He could have had any one of those girls in our village, but he never gave them a second glance.” She reached back to his leg, squeezing his knee once more. “He was like you, you see Matsumoto, he wasn’t interested in the girls, only the boys.”
She paused for a moment, seeming to regress back into her memories and she closed her eyes and Ruki thought that maybe she had fallen asleep. He rubbed her hand with his, “Morii-san? Are you OK?”
“Things were so different back then…” she continued wistfully, “Kennichi loved a boy called Yoshii, they were best friends more than anything but his love was completely one sided. But people are cruel and their taunts drove Yoshii to hate Kennichi, abandoning their friendship and leaving Kennichi alone and heart broken.”
She patted Ruki’s hand with hers, “That’s why Kariko worries so much about Akira, she grew up being taught that two men can never love each other, and she’s so protective of that boy she can’t bear to think of the same thing happening to him.” Reaching for another cigarette she sighed, lighting it and puffing away thoughtfully. “They all seem to think that I’m too old to understand about boys liking boys or girls liking girls, but I know about love and that’s what I see when I look at you two.”
“So, you’re not angry?”
“Angry about what?” Reita had clothed himself from the waist down and walked in stretching his arms above his head and yawning, running his fingers through his tousled hair and leaning down to kiss his grandmother on the cheek. “Happy new year Babachan, what are you two talking about? Who’s angry?”
“Takanori was just telling me about your girlfriends” she said with a sly smile, letting him help her up off the sofa and then watching as he took her warm seat next to Ruki.
“But I don’t have any girlfriends…” he said quickly, Ruki said nothing.
Her sing-song reply was bright and breezy, fading out of the room as she left them alone “I know! I know!”
Reita stamped his feet, hugging his arms around his chest and wishing that he had worn a thicker coat. It was just after six-thirty in the morning and Kariko hadn‘t let either of them leave before she had overseen a large bowl of miso soup disappear into each of their bellies. It was just the same as it always had been on the many nights when Ruki had stayed over after school, only this time they weren‘t pulling on school uniforms and forgetting text books - some things hadn’t changed though and Ruki had lit a cigarette the moment they were outside.
"My grandmother heard us having sex."
"Yeah."
"She heard it. She heard me nailing my best and completely male friend to the bed. She heard that."
"Yeah, all of it." Ruki inhaled hard, feeling the sting still there from the much stronger brand of Reita's grandmother.
"What did she say?"
"Nothing much" he lied, not knowing if Reita knew the story or not and deciding that it wasn't his place to tell him if he didn't.
"What am I going to do?!" He pulled on Ruki's sleeve to stop him, the expression on his face complete despair.
Ruki shrugged and tried to hide his smile, "It could be worse..."
"How could this be any worse Takanori, my own grandmother heard us fucking!"
"You could have heard her having sex... surely that would be much worse..." he chuckled, pulling his arm from Reita's grasp. "Get over it, she knows and your mother knows and your sister probably knows too and if you keep complaining I will hack into your blog and write it there for all the fanclub to know!"
"You wouldn't dare..." Reita glared at the back of Ruki's hooded head, not knowing wether to take him at his word or just dismiss it as a joke.
"Oh wouldn't I?" he reply slyly, his lips curling into a smile around his cigarette. "Just try me..."
The walk that should have taken them no more than twenty minutes, thirty at most if they had been supremely slow but they had talked and joked with each other, holding hands intermittently and paying little attention to the growing groups of people who strode past them.
It was well after seven when Ruki felt the sand squashing underneath his boots, the lights around them eerie and washed out in the slight haze of the morning. As he breathed out, his breath condensed into a cloud of quickly vanishing vapour and as more people gathered around them, the low hum of chatter gradually grew quiet and then near silence as the first splash of gold appeared low across the misty bay. The silence was broken by first one and then another and another as each and every ship moored in Yokohama harbour let their horns call out and welcome that first sunrise of 2008.
The two young men then joined the growing applause and cheering that swelled around them, hugging each other briefly as two young men might at such a moment before their hug was interrupted by a familiar voice.
“Happy new year girls…” Kazuo stopped behind Ruki, pulling the hood from his brother's head and ruffling untidy brown hair.
Reita felt the man in his arms bristle at the voice before noticeably shrugging off the anger and then kissing him softly on the lips. He pressed his own lips warily against Ruki’s, not too sure about kissing in public and especially as it was in front of Ruki’s family. Gently pushing Ruki away and regaining some personal space, Reita turned to bow to them and offer his salutations and greetings for the new year.
“Would you like to walk back to the house with us?” Hoshi asked. She was wearing a dark viridian kimono with pale yellow flowers around the bottom hem, the obi about her middle the same yellow and even the cross-bars of her sandals were patterned with tiny yellow flowers. Completely different to her usual ultra-high fashion image.
He could tell that the singer was probably about to decline the offer so Reita stepped forwards with a reply that yes, they would very much like to accompany them back to their home. Ruki said nothing, he only pouted a little and glared at Reita before he pulled his hood especially low over his face and stuffed both hands in his pockets to signify that he wasn’t happy about the situation. The grudge formed against his older brother from the night before was still very strong and he didn’t feel like being sociable towards him, not just yet.
There was something gnawing at his subconscious and no matter how much he tried to ignore it as the four of them walked back towards the Matsumoto home, it refused to slip away. Yune was back in Yokohama. Yune, his one time best friend and one time lover.
“But it was so long ago…” he muttered to himself, not realising that they had reached their destination and that Reita was saying goodbye to his brother and sister-in-law.
“What are you mumbling about?” the blonde asked, digging deep in his pocket to retrieve his car key. He opened the door and leant in to start the engine, leaning on the open door and looking quizzically at his friend. “You’ve been really quiet all day, are you okay Taka?”
“It’s not even nine, that’s hardly all day,” Ruki cracked a smirk at him, “New year always make me think. I wonder what I’m going to do for the next twelve months and how will Gazette be this time next year? And me and you, will we still be together..?”
A frown followed by a confused half-laugh, “Why? Are you thinking of ditching me?”
“No… No! Shit, of course not!” Ruki mentally kicked himself and left Reita with a wet, messy kiss on the cheek, smacking his lips as if he’d just licked an especially good ice cream. “No one else would be able to tolerate me, would they?”
Reita grimaced, wiping the wet patch from his cheek and punching him playfully on the arm. “I’m surprised that even I manage to tolerate you sometimes Taka. I’ll see you tonight, I’m going home for some more sleep and hopefully some more food.”
“OK, see you later.”
He held his hand up to wave, watching Reita’s car disappear around the corner at the end of the street. And then, alone he turned to face his parents’ front door hoping for the holidays to end so that he could get away from Yokohama and the one person he both desperately wanted to see and was scared to death of meeting.
Ruki closed his eyes to compose himself before opening the door and all he could see was Yune right there behind his eyelids and nothing he could do would budge him.
Chapter 6