And I like the way you talk to me, and I like your whole philosophy
The panic attacks have started again. Bloody exam stress. But this time they are in the day. Still, I am strangely happy with life.
Even my brothers watching football stressed me out. Football stresses me out - it just seems so tedious! I don't get how people can be so passionate about it. In fact I don't get the whole identity thing, whereby I should be proud of my country/local football team/school etc etc just because I happen to live in a certain place. It is purely for conviniece I live in England - I was born here, I still live with and (on the most part) supported by my parents, I speak English therefore it only seems logical that I should live in England. Yes, it has some great points as a country, but equally it has some shitty points. My brother thinks it is sad I am so un-patriotic. I just don't get patriotism, to me there seems little difference between patriotism and racism. "All cultures are equal but be proud because you are living in the best culture." Yes, I am greatful for living in a country where I have (relative) free speech, where I can vote (just not in this god-damn election - I was born 13 days too late) but it is as if the answer to any critisism of good 'ol England is just to be called unpatriotic. One of my best friends told me today "I'm glad you can't vote Emma, because you would just waste it...It scares me that some people are just so stupid that they can't see that the Tories are the only party they can trust"! The saddest thing about her little speech is you can tell that every word has been spoon-fed to her by her mother and father. "Don't you want lower taxes Emma?". It wouldn't get me so aggitated if I thought that she was basing her decision on her own rational thought out opinions, based around fact as oppossed to Mr Murdoch's propoganda.
Do you know what also pisses me off. How everybody pities you if you don't have a boyfriend. You would think we were living in the 1800's - "quick, quick, she's nearly 18 and we haven't found a suitor for her yet, increase the dowrey, ring round your distant cousins, marry her off quick!". I went to the doctor a few months ago and this was part of our conversation:
"What about your boyfriend?"
"I don't have a boyfriend"
"Ahhh, Sweetheart" *look of empathic concern*
What is a boyfriend anyway, except for a really good friend you occassionally have sex with? If I can find the emotional satisfaction in my friendships then I can get everything else that you get in a relationship from Ann Summers. And when I'm old and people start saying "Ah, you're nearly 35 and you don't have children, you'll regret it" I'll find the local sperm bank.
But fuck me, that boy in Virgin is cute.
I'm in a really venomous mood tonight. I've come on here to air my frustration so that I can be kind, pleasant, little Emma when I wake up for 6th Form tommorow.
P.S. What's the best way to make yourself sick? I think having a really big party for your 18th birthday, then waking up early the next day to visit Alton Towers and ride all the new rollercoasters (not Oblivion again though - once was enough) has to be pretty high on that list... Roll on Firday the 13th!
Even my brothers watching football stressed me out. Football stresses me out - it just seems so tedious! I don't get how people can be so passionate about it. In fact I don't get the whole identity thing, whereby I should be proud of my country/local football team/school etc etc just because I happen to live in a certain place. It is purely for conviniece I live in England - I was born here, I still live with and (on the most part) supported by my parents, I speak English therefore it only seems logical that I should live in England. Yes, it has some great points as a country, but equally it has some shitty points. My brother thinks it is sad I am so un-patriotic. I just don't get patriotism, to me there seems little difference between patriotism and racism. "All cultures are equal but be proud because you are living in the best culture." Yes, I am greatful for living in a country where I have (relative) free speech, where I can vote (just not in this god-damn election - I was born 13 days too late) but it is as if the answer to any critisism of good 'ol England is just to be called unpatriotic. One of my best friends told me today "I'm glad you can't vote Emma, because you would just waste it...It scares me that some people are just so stupid that they can't see that the Tories are the only party they can trust"! The saddest thing about her little speech is you can tell that every word has been spoon-fed to her by her mother and father. "Don't you want lower taxes Emma?". It wouldn't get me so aggitated if I thought that she was basing her decision on her own rational thought out opinions, based around fact as oppossed to Mr Murdoch's propoganda.
Do you know what also pisses me off. How everybody pities you if you don't have a boyfriend. You would think we were living in the 1800's - "quick, quick, she's nearly 18 and we haven't found a suitor for her yet, increase the dowrey, ring round your distant cousins, marry her off quick!". I went to the doctor a few months ago and this was part of our conversation:
"What about your boyfriend?"
"I don't have a boyfriend"
"Ahhh, Sweetheart" *look of empathic concern*
What is a boyfriend anyway, except for a really good friend you occassionally have sex with? If I can find the emotional satisfaction in my friendships then I can get everything else that you get in a relationship from Ann Summers. And when I'm old and people start saying "Ah, you're nearly 35 and you don't have children, you'll regret it" I'll find the local sperm bank.
But fuck me, that boy in Virgin is cute.
I'm in a really venomous mood tonight. I've come on here to air my frustration so that I can be kind, pleasant, little Emma when I wake up for 6th Form tommorow.
P.S. What's the best way to make yourself sick? I think having a really big party for your 18th birthday, then waking up early the next day to visit Alton Towers and ride all the new rollercoasters (not Oblivion again though - once was enough) has to be pretty high on that list... Roll on Firday the 13th!