Something For The Fellas (that like the fellas)
Title: Something For The Fellas (that like the fellas)
Author:emo_chick_87
Pairing,Character(s): Kurt/Puck
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Word Count:2400ish words
Spoilers: Season One and all seasons of Queer as Folk.
Genre: Romance/Humor(I hope)
Warnings: None... Heavy borderline abusive use of italics
Summary: Jonny McGovern help Puck tell Kurt he's gay and wants to bang him.
Links that will help:
Something for the Fellas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wt7pMDuoenI
Looking Cute/Feeling Cute http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=za8EXkiqdPo&feature=related
Stand-Up set that explains fagette and the hanky code. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCcGSVa0k_I
From the corner of his eye Kurt had noticed the neanderthal with the slushie coming towards him and his favorite girl. He was actually pretty proud that he hadn’t even flinched when he saw the cup raise past hip level. He screwed his eyes closed tight and waited. The onslaught was interrupted by the screaming diva to his left and the fact that this particular time wasn’t his turn. He began the turn to drag Mercedes into the girls bathroom when he heard it. Whispered low but loud enough to make his blood boil.
"That what that bitch gets for being such a fag hag." Followed by the mumbled laughs of agreement. Kurt stopped short and made sharp heel turn on his beautiful Ralph Laurens. Leaving a shivering Mercedes , he took three long strides and grabbed Karofsky spinning him around violently.
"She is not a fag hag. She is a fagette. Get it right, asshole." Leaving one stunned jock and another wearing a knowing smile in his wake.
Puck had been wracking his brain trying to think of a way to come out to Kurt without actually saying the words. A simple "I’m gay" would be easily dismissed as a lie that would somehow play a role in Kurt’s humiliation. He needed to prove to Kurt that his gayness was genuine. He needed to let him know that it was short brown locks and soft plump lips he thought of when he was jerking off. That the cougars were a "well crafted relationship urban myth". That yes he had just quoted ‘Sex and the City’ in his head. That all the dumpster dives and slushie facials were just pigtail pulling. That hidden underneath his bed with boy on boy porn was all five seasons of ‘Queer as Folk’ and a copy of ‘Paris is Burning’. That not only was he gay, he was that kind of gay guy. Him and Kurt had a lot more in common than everyone else thought. Without knowing it Kurt had just given him a perfect way to let him know it too.
This was gonna be fun.
~~
By the time he got to glee Kurt could still feel the blood rushing through his ears. It was all well and good to go after him but if anyone fucked with one of his girls because of him, he just couldn’t let that stand. Just like his dad, they loved him for who he was and they definitely deserved more credit than that Karofsky fucker was willing to give them. He also knew that he would soon pay for his outburst, probably in blood. Walking towards his fabulous group of fagettes, he knew they were worth it.
By the time Puck strolled past Kurt he was in the middle of schooling all the girls and Artie on just what a fagette was. The smirk stayed firmly on his face until Schue gave him a disappointed sad head tilt, that told him he once again wasn’t paying attention.
~~
“Seriously baby boy, what the hell is the difference? Once I got over the whole love thing I always took pride in being your number one hag.”
“Trust, you are not a fag hag. It’s not my word but I’ll put it as best I can. Try to remember there is some paraphrasing here. Okay so, a fag hag goes with you to the club and when you want to go home with a hot trick, she says, how could you just abandon me? A fagette says, Work your shit, baby. A fag hag says, do you like my purse? I got it at TJ Max on sale. A fagette says, It was a gift from the designer. A fag hag says, Why are you making out with that guy? Why aren’t you paying attention to me? A fagette says, Baby, hold my purse while I go fuck that security guard.”
When he broke out of his Jonny McGovern trance he saw three mouth agape looks of shock. “ What? I know we haven’t really done that stuff yet. But I always kind of saw us like that.” When he saw Mercedes shoot him a shy smile he knew she took it the right way. It was meant to be a compliment.
The whole thing was pretty much forgotten until the end of glee. He was gathering his things when he felt a Puck shaped shadow behind him. Kurt gave him his best bitch face. Puck just cocked his head to one side and looked at him hard for a few seconds. Kurt practically feel the pink creep up his neck, at being so closely scrutinized by his newest crush. But as quickly as it started it end with Puck lightly clicking his tongue.
“Yep. You’re right. She’s totally Maxine to your Jonny. See ya later, Gay Pimp.”
This time it was Kurt’s turn to imitate a gold fish. Looking back, Kurt could pin point this as the exact moment Puck really had lost his mind.
~~
He really had no idea how Puck had made such a deep and wholly true Jonny McGovern reference but by that one comment alone he knew there was definitely more to Puck than could be seen at first glance. The fact that anyone besides himself even knew who Jonny was surprised Kurt. He hadn't even told Mercedes about the podcast he indulged in every week. It was something that was his and his alone. The thought that now he might share that with Puck made the pit of his stomach ignite in a pleasurable burn.
If only Puck knew that during every dumpster dive Runway in My Street Clothes was the only thing that got him through. He wondered if Puck listened as soon as it went up every week. If he did, that meant they were always listening together.
Also this wasn't definitive proof Puck was queer but it definitely made Kurt more aware of any clues that would follow. As always Puck never seemed to disappoint and the next clue came in the midst of a heated discussion about Queer as Folk before glee was about to start.
There were very few things Kurt and Mercedes didn't see eye to eye on. This was the most contentious debate they had and they had been having for the past three weeks. That would teach him to indulge in a Queer as Folk marathon with a Brian/Justin shipper. See that was the rub. Mercedes shipped Brian/Justin while Kurt was a Brian/Michael shipper to his very core. He had passionate message board arguments about it, read fan fiction about it and might have even tried his hand at writing a few himself. He would not be swayed on this issue. Unfortunately Mercedes was just as fervent. In truth they both knew it was a pointless argument but it was really fun.
“Are you kidding me? Justin was more devoted to Brian? Last time I checked he basically cheated on him when he broke their agreement and slept with that fiddler more than once. Who did Brian go to when his dad died? Who sat with him the entire night after Justin was bashed? Michael. I rest my case.”
“Boy, who do you think you're talking to? Why did Justin get bashed in the first place? Because Brian showed up just so Justin could show him off at the prom. Michael was just waiting around for the fuck Brian would never give him. Brian said it best, he was pathetic.”
“Excuse me. But that bashing had more to do with a closeted self-loather than Brian showing up. If that's what Michael was waiting around for that he could have taken it on more than one occasion. He loved him. He wanted to be with him but if he could only be his friend that was better than not being in his life at all. True love.” Kurt practically feel his body start to fume and he was having trouble keeping his voice down.
He could see Mercedes was about to start a truly righteous tirade. He braced himself until he felt warmth invade his space as Puck leaned down between Kurt and Mercedes' shoulders.
“Actually I'm with Kurt here. Even Ben saw it. The companion books show that every romantic moment he shared with Justin were just recreations of moments he wanted to have with Michael. And he totally would have objected at that Canadian wedding if it weren't for Debbie. Shit man, he was ready to die of cancer until Michael told him how scared he was to lose him. Brian got chemo for Mikey. If that's not love I don't know what is.” Puck started to withdraw back to his seat.
Mercedes looked like her eyes were about to bulge out of her head and Kurt was smiling so wide he was worried he would actually break his face. He saw Mr Schue walk in and started to face forward until the warmth invaded his space again.
“Yeah and Stuart and Vince totally get together at the end of the British one. Why wouldn't their American counterparts.” Kurt opened his mouth to agree with him and was rudely interrupted.
“Kurt, Puck whenever you're ready.” Mr Schue looked disappointed and Rachael was beside him tapping her K-Mart Mary Janes against the linoleum. Outwardly Kurt looked shamed. Inwardly he was smiling and adding another point in the Puck Might Be Gay column.
~~
Over the next week Kurt became Puck’s go to guy for a quick grope-fest.
At first he tried to be subtle. A quick slide of his hand across the curve of Kurt’s ass. A hand on Kurt’s thigh as he braced himself to stand up. Then instead of asking Kurt to move out of his way so he could get past, Puck would grab Kurt around the waist, pick him up and carry him forward.
It seemed like Puck had made it his life goal to fluster, arouse and embarrass him to death. That’s why when Puck said something about his Balenciaga scarf being worthy of the hanky code he quickly snapped that Puck wouldn’t know the proper hanky code etiquette if it bit him in the ass.
This seemed to buy him a small respite from any attention that would surely lead to his utter humiliation. He had been lulled into a tiny sense of security and had a brief fever dream about the world finally righting itself. Puck was the straight running back of an Ohio football team. He couldn’t actually return Kurt’s affection. Surely to think anything else was insanity.
After a few days that he remained unaccosted he had convinced himself it meant Puck had obviously come to his senses, had a small little gay freak out and everything would go back to normal. That why when Puck strutted into glee the next Thursday with black lace hanky sticking out of the right pocket of his jeans, Kurt nearly swallowed his tongue. He pulled Puck aside and asked him if he had any idea just what he was advertising.
“It means I like an un-circumcised man.” Puck smirked as he palmed Kurt quickly through his jeans. The, ‘yeah, you’ll do’, was whispered lightly against his ear. It was the reason he remained hard and red-faced for the entire class.
~~
After what Kurt was now calling the hanky incident, Puck had considerable cooled his advances. It was almost as if he knew he had pushed Kurt a bit too far and now it was Kurt's turn to come to him. After three days Kurt couldn't wait anymore. He waited until lunch and sidled up to Puck on the bleacher he always ate on. Puck continued to stare straight ahead but handed Kurt a Red Gala apple. Hmm.. his favorite. Kurt started to polish it on his argyle. They sat in silence for awhile, the only noise between them was Kurt's booted heel jumping nervously against the metal bleachers.
A soft whisper broke the silence. “So, you listen to Jonny McGovern?”
“Yep. The how to fuck a straight guy episode helped me fuck half the football team and a couple from the baseball team too.”
“Wow, so when I was getting thrown into the dumpster for sex I wasn't even having yet you were fucking the football team left and right?” A quiet fury simmered within him.
“Yeah well haven't you heard the rumors? We weren't exactly discreet about it.”
“I think everyone heard about the threesome with Matt and April in the locker room but that's it.” Kurt seemed to catch something halfway through saying it,”“ Wait are you gay?”
“Let's just say that April wasn't the meat in that particular sandwich.”
“Oh my god. What about Queer as Folk? Even if you like guys isn't that a bit soap opera/romantic for your tastes.”
“Please that show ruled my life for years. Hottest man meat I ever saw, until I started playing football. Plus I'm totally capable of romance. I'd be a kick-ass boyfriend.”
“Sure if you could keep it away from vagina for two minutes.'
“Listen, talk goes along way in this town. The only chick I ever fucked was Quinn and we all saw how that turned out. I wanted to make sure. Now I'm sure.”
“What about Santana?”
“She kept my secret and I kept hers.”
“Huh...”
“I just came out to you in a pretty elaborate way and all you have to say is huh?”
“Well you could have just asked me out.”
“Do you wanna see a movie with me tonight?”
“Pick me up at seven.”
“Bossy bottom.”
Kurt smirked.” All those dirty tricks, I got 'em”
Kurt spun on his heel and started to across the field towards the school.
If he put an extra swing in his hips it wasn't because he knew Puck was watching. It was because he was singing Something for the fellas(that like the fellas) under his breath.
“I know you wanna get in my Balenciaga. All night fucking on a bed of dollars. I can make you come. I can make you holla. I pump a look and the bitches follow.”
Puck watched Kurt walk away and inexplicably started to hum Looking Cute/Feeling Cute.
Tonight he started this with Kurt for real. This is gonna be fun.
Author:emo_chick_87
Pairing,Character(s): Kurt/Puck
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Word Count:2400ish words
Spoilers: Season One and all seasons of Queer as Folk.
Genre: Romance/Humor(I hope)
Warnings: None... Heavy borderline abusive use of italics
Summary: Jonny McGovern help Puck tell Kurt he's gay and wants to bang him.
Links that will help:
Something for the Fellas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wt7pMDuoenI
Looking Cute/Feeling Cute http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=za8EXkiqdPo&feature=related
Stand-Up set that explains fagette and the hanky code. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCcGSVa0k_I
From the corner of his eye Kurt had noticed the neanderthal with the slushie coming towards him and his favorite girl. He was actually pretty proud that he hadn’t even flinched when he saw the cup raise past hip level. He screwed his eyes closed tight and waited. The onslaught was interrupted by the screaming diva to his left and the fact that this particular time wasn’t his turn. He began the turn to drag Mercedes into the girls bathroom when he heard it. Whispered low but loud enough to make his blood boil.
"That what that bitch gets for being such a fag hag." Followed by the mumbled laughs of agreement. Kurt stopped short and made sharp heel turn on his beautiful Ralph Laurens. Leaving a shivering Mercedes , he took three long strides and grabbed Karofsky spinning him around violently.
"She is not a fag hag. She is a fagette. Get it right, asshole." Leaving one stunned jock and another wearing a knowing smile in his wake.
Puck had been wracking his brain trying to think of a way to come out to Kurt without actually saying the words. A simple "I’m gay" would be easily dismissed as a lie that would somehow play a role in Kurt’s humiliation. He needed to prove to Kurt that his gayness was genuine. He needed to let him know that it was short brown locks and soft plump lips he thought of when he was jerking off. That the cougars were a "well crafted relationship urban myth". That yes he had just quoted ‘Sex and the City’ in his head. That all the dumpster dives and slushie facials were just pigtail pulling. That hidden underneath his bed with boy on boy porn was all five seasons of ‘Queer as Folk’ and a copy of ‘Paris is Burning’. That not only was he gay, he was that kind of gay guy. Him and Kurt had a lot more in common than everyone else thought. Without knowing it Kurt had just given him a perfect way to let him know it too.
This was gonna be fun.
~~
By the time he got to glee Kurt could still feel the blood rushing through his ears. It was all well and good to go after him but if anyone fucked with one of his girls because of him, he just couldn’t let that stand. Just like his dad, they loved him for who he was and they definitely deserved more credit than that Karofsky fucker was willing to give them. He also knew that he would soon pay for his outburst, probably in blood. Walking towards his fabulous group of fagettes, he knew they were worth it.
By the time Puck strolled past Kurt he was in the middle of schooling all the girls and Artie on just what a fagette was. The smirk stayed firmly on his face until Schue gave him a disappointed sad head tilt, that told him he once again wasn’t paying attention.
~~
“Seriously baby boy, what the hell is the difference? Once I got over the whole love thing I always took pride in being your number one hag.”
“Trust, you are not a fag hag. It’s not my word but I’ll put it as best I can. Try to remember there is some paraphrasing here. Okay so, a fag hag goes with you to the club and when you want to go home with a hot trick, she says, how could you just abandon me? A fagette says, Work your shit, baby. A fag hag says, do you like my purse? I got it at TJ Max on sale. A fagette says, It was a gift from the designer. A fag hag says, Why are you making out with that guy? Why aren’t you paying attention to me? A fagette says, Baby, hold my purse while I go fuck that security guard.”
When he broke out of his Jonny McGovern trance he saw three mouth agape looks of shock. “ What? I know we haven’t really done that stuff yet. But I always kind of saw us like that.” When he saw Mercedes shoot him a shy smile he knew she took it the right way. It was meant to be a compliment.
The whole thing was pretty much forgotten until the end of glee. He was gathering his things when he felt a Puck shaped shadow behind him. Kurt gave him his best bitch face. Puck just cocked his head to one side and looked at him hard for a few seconds. Kurt practically feel the pink creep up his neck, at being so closely scrutinized by his newest crush. But as quickly as it started it end with Puck lightly clicking his tongue.
“Yep. You’re right. She’s totally Maxine to your Jonny. See ya later, Gay Pimp.”
This time it was Kurt’s turn to imitate a gold fish. Looking back, Kurt could pin point this as the exact moment Puck really had lost his mind.
~~
He really had no idea how Puck had made such a deep and wholly true Jonny McGovern reference but by that one comment alone he knew there was definitely more to Puck than could be seen at first glance. The fact that anyone besides himself even knew who Jonny was surprised Kurt. He hadn't even told Mercedes about the podcast he indulged in every week. It was something that was his and his alone. The thought that now he might share that with Puck made the pit of his stomach ignite in a pleasurable burn.
If only Puck knew that during every dumpster dive Runway in My Street Clothes was the only thing that got him through. He wondered if Puck listened as soon as it went up every week. If he did, that meant they were always listening together.
Also this wasn't definitive proof Puck was queer but it definitely made Kurt more aware of any clues that would follow. As always Puck never seemed to disappoint and the next clue came in the midst of a heated discussion about Queer as Folk before glee was about to start.
There were very few things Kurt and Mercedes didn't see eye to eye on. This was the most contentious debate they had and they had been having for the past three weeks. That would teach him to indulge in a Queer as Folk marathon with a Brian/Justin shipper. See that was the rub. Mercedes shipped Brian/Justin while Kurt was a Brian/Michael shipper to his very core. He had passionate message board arguments about it, read fan fiction about it and might have even tried his hand at writing a few himself. He would not be swayed on this issue. Unfortunately Mercedes was just as fervent. In truth they both knew it was a pointless argument but it was really fun.
“Are you kidding me? Justin was more devoted to Brian? Last time I checked he basically cheated on him when he broke their agreement and slept with that fiddler more than once. Who did Brian go to when his dad died? Who sat with him the entire night after Justin was bashed? Michael. I rest my case.”
“Boy, who do you think you're talking to? Why did Justin get bashed in the first place? Because Brian showed up just so Justin could show him off at the prom. Michael was just waiting around for the fuck Brian would never give him. Brian said it best, he was pathetic.”
“Excuse me. But that bashing had more to do with a closeted self-loather than Brian showing up. If that's what Michael was waiting around for that he could have taken it on more than one occasion. He loved him. He wanted to be with him but if he could only be his friend that was better than not being in his life at all. True love.” Kurt practically feel his body start to fume and he was having trouble keeping his voice down.
He could see Mercedes was about to start a truly righteous tirade. He braced himself until he felt warmth invade his space as Puck leaned down between Kurt and Mercedes' shoulders.
“Actually I'm with Kurt here. Even Ben saw it. The companion books show that every romantic moment he shared with Justin were just recreations of moments he wanted to have with Michael. And he totally would have objected at that Canadian wedding if it weren't for Debbie. Shit man, he was ready to die of cancer until Michael told him how scared he was to lose him. Brian got chemo for Mikey. If that's not love I don't know what is.” Puck started to withdraw back to his seat.
Mercedes looked like her eyes were about to bulge out of her head and Kurt was smiling so wide he was worried he would actually break his face. He saw Mr Schue walk in and started to face forward until the warmth invaded his space again.
“Yeah and Stuart and Vince totally get together at the end of the British one. Why wouldn't their American counterparts.” Kurt opened his mouth to agree with him and was rudely interrupted.
“Kurt, Puck whenever you're ready.” Mr Schue looked disappointed and Rachael was beside him tapping her K-Mart Mary Janes against the linoleum. Outwardly Kurt looked shamed. Inwardly he was smiling and adding another point in the Puck Might Be Gay column.
~~
Over the next week Kurt became Puck’s go to guy for a quick grope-fest.
At first he tried to be subtle. A quick slide of his hand across the curve of Kurt’s ass. A hand on Kurt’s thigh as he braced himself to stand up. Then instead of asking Kurt to move out of his way so he could get past, Puck would grab Kurt around the waist, pick him up and carry him forward.
It seemed like Puck had made it his life goal to fluster, arouse and embarrass him to death. That’s why when Puck said something about his Balenciaga scarf being worthy of the hanky code he quickly snapped that Puck wouldn’t know the proper hanky code etiquette if it bit him in the ass.
This seemed to buy him a small respite from any attention that would surely lead to his utter humiliation. He had been lulled into a tiny sense of security and had a brief fever dream about the world finally righting itself. Puck was the straight running back of an Ohio football team. He couldn’t actually return Kurt’s affection. Surely to think anything else was insanity.
After a few days that he remained unaccosted he had convinced himself it meant Puck had obviously come to his senses, had a small little gay freak out and everything would go back to normal. That why when Puck strutted into glee the next Thursday with black lace hanky sticking out of the right pocket of his jeans, Kurt nearly swallowed his tongue. He pulled Puck aside and asked him if he had any idea just what he was advertising.
“It means I like an un-circumcised man.” Puck smirked as he palmed Kurt quickly through his jeans. The, ‘yeah, you’ll do’, was whispered lightly against his ear. It was the reason he remained hard and red-faced for the entire class.
~~
After what Kurt was now calling the hanky incident, Puck had considerable cooled his advances. It was almost as if he knew he had pushed Kurt a bit too far and now it was Kurt's turn to come to him. After three days Kurt couldn't wait anymore. He waited until lunch and sidled up to Puck on the bleacher he always ate on. Puck continued to stare straight ahead but handed Kurt a Red Gala apple. Hmm.. his favorite. Kurt started to polish it on his argyle. They sat in silence for awhile, the only noise between them was Kurt's booted heel jumping nervously against the metal bleachers.
A soft whisper broke the silence. “So, you listen to Jonny McGovern?”
“Yep. The how to fuck a straight guy episode helped me fuck half the football team and a couple from the baseball team too.”
“Wow, so when I was getting thrown into the dumpster for sex I wasn't even having yet you were fucking the football team left and right?” A quiet fury simmered within him.
“Yeah well haven't you heard the rumors? We weren't exactly discreet about it.”
“I think everyone heard about the threesome with Matt and April in the locker room but that's it.” Kurt seemed to catch something halfway through saying it,”“ Wait are you gay?”
“Let's just say that April wasn't the meat in that particular sandwich.”
“Oh my god. What about Queer as Folk? Even if you like guys isn't that a bit soap opera/romantic for your tastes.”
“Please that show ruled my life for years. Hottest man meat I ever saw, until I started playing football. Plus I'm totally capable of romance. I'd be a kick-ass boyfriend.”
“Sure if you could keep it away from vagina for two minutes.'
“Listen, talk goes along way in this town. The only chick I ever fucked was Quinn and we all saw how that turned out. I wanted to make sure. Now I'm sure.”
“What about Santana?”
“She kept my secret and I kept hers.”
“Huh...”
“I just came out to you in a pretty elaborate way and all you have to say is huh?”
“Well you could have just asked me out.”
“Do you wanna see a movie with me tonight?”
“Pick me up at seven.”
“Bossy bottom.”
Kurt smirked.” All those dirty tricks, I got 'em”
Kurt spun on his heel and started to across the field towards the school.
If he put an extra swing in his hips it wasn't because he knew Puck was watching. It was because he was singing Something for the fellas(that like the fellas) under his breath.
“I know you wanna get in my Balenciaga. All night fucking on a bed of dollars. I can make you come. I can make you holla. I pump a look and the bitches follow.”
Puck watched Kurt walk away and inexplicably started to hum Looking Cute/Feeling Cute.
Tonight he started this with Kurt for real. This is gonna be fun.