(no subject)
I am going to tell this story in parts because I feel it is told best that way.
PS. If I say parents, I mean my adoptive family
Before I was adopted my adoptive mother had 4 tubular pregnancys, during one of which she almost died. Her and my father decided after the last one to give up on having a child, in order to save her life. They never expected a child until one night they recieved a phone call.
This weekend I was at my sister house with my parents when I started asking questions about getting a hold of my medical records. I recently came across a syndrome in my biology book in which I fit many of the characterisitcs. When I confronted my mother about getting a hold of them she first made it as if it were not important. After I bugged her time and again, and began to get very angry because it seemed as if she did not care about my heath she finally gave me an answer I didnt expect. She told me she would get my medical records from my mother if it was that big of a concern. I stopped in my foot steps. As far as I had known my mother had no way of contacting my biological parents but now she was saying she did. She proceeded to tell me she has talked to my biological mother throughout my entire life and that my biological parents had pictures of me and knew everything that had happened. As I proceeded to ask questions she told me once my father arrived tomorrow they would sit down and explain to me all that happened.
The next day my father arrived and he called me and my mother up stairs to talk. As soon as he sat down he looked and me and said "your biological mother is someone you have known your entire life, and someone whom you love very much. It is your Aunt Lou."
My Aunt Lou is 5 years older than my mother, which would make her 60 right now. When she was 40 she unknowingly concieved me. She smoke and drank the first 3 months of her pregnancy because she thought her missed period was due to medopause. When she found out she was pregnant her and my uncle Jim believed they had no choice but to have an abortion. They already had 4 older children and were very poor. They never would have had enough money to feed me let alone provide any quality of life. My Aunt Lou was ready to go through with the abortion when her sister, my mother, had her 4th tubular pregnancy. My Aunt Lou and My Uncle Jim decided, if my parents would be willing they would allow them to adopt me. At first my parents were skeptical because they beleived it would be to hard for me to be kept in the family but then decided to go with it. When my aunt was carrying me they doctors did not know how I would turn out. She was an older woman and she both smoke and drank during the pregnancy. My parents said they would accept me no matter what. I was born healthy but very small.
No one in my family ever knew. My Aunt Lou lived in Georgia, and so no one knew she was pregnant. My parents told everyone I was adopted through an adoption agency from a family that lived in Georgia.
This answers a lot of questions. Why I am so small, why I look so much like my mother. I never again have to wonder if my biological family thought about me after they gave me away because the were always a part of my life.
This is the letter I wrote to my Aunt Lou. (her and my uncle Jim are divorced now, and he is an alcoholic. That is why it is just addressed to her.)
To the women who gave me life:
It’s hard to begin a letter I never imagined I’d ever write. Growing up I was always satisfied with the family that I had been given, and an urge to find my biological parents was never something I experienced as a child. People always thought that was strange, that I had an entire family out there that I would never know but for some reason I was more than content. Now, I understand the reason why I never had the need to find my family was because I had them all along.
To think I would be angry or disappointed with the choices you made is crazy. You conceived me at a point in your life when you knew you could not provide the type of lifestyle a child needs. The love that you would have provided me with during my childhood had you kept me, was made up for in the love it took for you to give me away.
A thousand thank yous do not even come close to the gratitude I feel towards you and Uncle Jim. You were unselfish enough to carry me for 9 months knowing it was only a matter of time before you would give me away. You chose the happiness of your sister and of a little girl you had yet to meet and suffered the pain of a loss so they could be happy. You stayed close enough to make sure I was being taken care of and always made sure I knew you loved me. You listened to my problems growing up, gave me advice, and never judged me. Without ever knowing you were my biological mother, you some how still played that sort of role. I love you Aunt Lou. If I can ever become ½ of the women you are I will be happy. You have watched me grow up and I can only hope I have become the type of women you wanted me to be. I am proud to call you my family and my aunt but even prouder to know I am a product of your love. I thank you for everything you have ever done for me. Without you, I would be nothing. Thank you for giving me life and for being strong enough to remain a part of it. You are an amazing women and I hope understand how much I admire you. You are my more than just my biological mother; you are my angel on earth. I love you.
P.S. Please encourage everyone to write me if they want to. I’d love to hear from them
Love always
Carissa
For those of you who have known me forever you know my adoption has always been something I have been proud of and thankful for. But now it just makes everything so much better. In reality I am only 1/2 adopted. My adoptive mother is really my aunt, and my sister is really my cousin. But none of that mattters. All that matters is I now how 2 families who loved me enough to do what needed to be done to be sure I would have a good life. I am so blessed.