Today? Yeah not my day....
My day started out like the last couple days. All sunshiney and happy, enjoying an awesome day off. I walked merrily down to my dentist to get my fillings done, totally forgetting the hell they put you through to fill said fillings.
First: I had to ruin my awesome hair do because they decided I had to lay down to do the damn fillings. Sarcastic WTF?!
Second: First they spot froze my tooth, which is weird enough on its own, but then without warning my dentist whips out the mother fucking needle. Did I mention he didn't warn me? This is important because I have a major pokey needle phobia and just looking at that mother for the split second before I squeezed my eyes shut sent my pulse spiking. I had moments when I was breathing too much (which equals hyper ventilation) and not breathing at all (which ends up in a bad case of blue face)
Third: My mouth got all tingly and heavy, then my cheek feels like it's puffing up and my tongue is asleep. Oddly interesting sensation that I would have liked to get to know better before the bastard went and started drilling. Oh yes. I was not numb all the way through... that was just mean.
Fourth: About half way through, when I got to that happy place where I could sorta breathe while not choking on my own spit my dentist mentions his eye appointment to the assistant. "Yeah turns out they said I might need a little *ahem* help"
My eyebrows have never shot so high up my forehead in distress! DUDE you're operating pointy machinery IN MY MOUTH! And that was all it took for me to get those gruesome images of him slashing up the numb side of my mouth while I can't feel anything but damn will I feel it when the freezing wears off.
"Oh don't worry. He said I only needed a little help seeing."
A little too late my friend. A little too late.
Fifth: Two fillings and an hour and a half later and I'm almost ready to go! The assistant takes off that giant green thing that keeps my tongue and spit from the place where he's working. She goes to take off the thing that's anchoring it to my mouth and SNAP something metal breaks in my mouth.
My first thought: Shit she broke a filling.
Assistant: Uh oh....
Me (with numb mouth): Wha-?
Assistant: I broke a filling. I've never done that before in all my four years working here. How odd eh?
Me (in my head): Yes. TOTALLY odd...
Sixth:FINALLY I'm all done and I'm scared to death that she broke the wire thing behind my bottom teeth. So I go to check (keep in mine, one half of my tongue is frozen) and run my tongue over it and I can't find the other half of the bar. So I start freaking out, look like a weirdo and stick my finger in my mouth and thank god it's still there. Then I start having this horrible vision of me chewing the crap out of my frozen cheek while it feels like I'm gonna swallow my tongue (if you haven't guessed, I don't like the dentist).
Seventh: I get to do this all again tomorrow.
Moral of the story: Good oral health care is the way to not have to go through that hell.
First: I had to ruin my awesome hair do because they decided I had to lay down to do the damn fillings. Sarcastic WTF?!
Second: First they spot froze my tooth, which is weird enough on its own, but then without warning my dentist whips out the mother fucking needle. Did I mention he didn't warn me? This is important because I have a major pokey needle phobia and just looking at that mother for the split second before I squeezed my eyes shut sent my pulse spiking. I had moments when I was breathing too much (which equals hyper ventilation) and not breathing at all (which ends up in a bad case of blue face)
Third: My mouth got all tingly and heavy, then my cheek feels like it's puffing up and my tongue is asleep. Oddly interesting sensation that I would have liked to get to know better before the bastard went and started drilling. Oh yes. I was not numb all the way through... that was just mean.
Fourth: About half way through, when I got to that happy place where I could sorta breathe while not choking on my own spit my dentist mentions his eye appointment to the assistant. "Yeah turns out they said I might need a little *ahem* help"
My eyebrows have never shot so high up my forehead in distress! DUDE you're operating pointy machinery IN MY MOUTH! And that was all it took for me to get those gruesome images of him slashing up the numb side of my mouth while I can't feel anything but damn will I feel it when the freezing wears off.
"Oh don't worry. He said I only needed a little help seeing."
A little too late my friend. A little too late.
Fifth: Two fillings and an hour and a half later and I'm almost ready to go! The assistant takes off that giant green thing that keeps my tongue and spit from the place where he's working. She goes to take off the thing that's anchoring it to my mouth and SNAP something metal breaks in my mouth.
My first thought: Shit she broke a filling.
Assistant: Uh oh....
Me (with numb mouth): Wha-?
Assistant: I broke a filling. I've never done that before in all my four years working here. How odd eh?
Me (in my head): Yes. TOTALLY odd...
Sixth:FINALLY I'm all done and I'm scared to death that she broke the wire thing behind my bottom teeth. So I go to check (keep in mine, one half of my tongue is frozen) and run my tongue over it and I can't find the other half of the bar. So I start freaking out, look like a weirdo and stick my finger in my mouth and thank god it's still there. Then I start having this horrible vision of me chewing the crap out of my frozen cheek while it feels like I'm gonna swallow my tongue (if you haven't guessed, I don't like the dentist).
Seventh: I get to do this all again tomorrow.
Moral of the story: Good oral health care is the way to not have to go through that hell.