i <3 boy meets world.
Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't give out hotel room numbers.
Eric: Well...
[produces $1]
Eric: perhaps my friend Mr. Washington will change your mind!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little boy: I just want to have my picture taken, so I can send it to my grandma so she sends me a check.
Eric: After she sends the check, tell her she forgot the check. Works every time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: There's no such thing as good news before I've had my Grape Nuts.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: We're gonna have a child? Wait, we've only kissed! I mean, I knew I was a good kisser, but *wow*!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Okay, Coreena, I don't know how to say this, so I'm going to choose my words very carefully. I think you're a psycho. I want to get as far away from you as I possibly can.
Coreena: What?
Eric: I'm just not the guy for you. You need a guy who's happy, and perky all the time. Maybe a guy whose had part of his brain removed and he thinks he's a bunny, and you can go off and be bunnies together.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: Do you think this is funny?
Cory: No, I think it's the opposite of funny. I think it's... wood.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coreena: I don't know what Uncle David could've possibly meant by life experience. I'm 18 years old. I've been to sleep-away camps... I even got on the wrong bus once. I had a goldfish who died.
Eric: Suicide, was it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: I said to myself, Kyle...sometimes I like to call myself Kyle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chet Hunter: I got two stupid boys. Y'all embarrass me in front of my dead friends
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Jack and Eric are dressed up as girls to avoid bullies]
Mr. Feeny: Hmm, double d's, just like your grades.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: I believe in love like I believe in God: you can't touch it, you can't see it, but you can feel its wrath.
Shawn Hunter: And its goodness. You can feel love's goodness.
Cory: I wouldn't know
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan Turner: [referring to Shawn] I talk, he sleeps. Its just like class.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: I, Cory Matthews, am a PO-TAY-TO.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: [Singing] When a crime brakes out, all the cute girls shout, "Get the- Good Lookin' Guy!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: So, what's it like to have that kind of money?
Jack: ...Good
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[John Turner is in a coma]
Shawn Hunter: John, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anything. I'm the screw-up, remember? C'mon you remember...Don't do this to me, John. I don't do alone real good... I know you're in there but it's like you're not really here. You're not talking but I know you're here. So I'm just gonna talk, you can listen.
[pause]
Shawn Hunter: John, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, John!
[Looks up]
Shawn Hunter: Don't blow me off, God! I never asked you for anything before and I never wanted to come to you like this, but don't take Turner away from me; he's not yelling at me yet. God, you're not talking but I know you're here, so I'm gonna talk, and you can listen.
[pause]
Shawn Hunter: God, I don't wanna be empty inside anymore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jack: Eric?
Eric: [dressed like Noah] No, not Eric, not anymore
Jack: OK that's fine... ok, what is your name *now*?
Eric: Plays With Squirrels
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Eric is anxious preparing for the SAT test.]
Jason: Your brain needs a rest.
Eric: No, no. Brain needs oxygen. There's just not enough of it in here. But I bet there's some outside.
Eric: Ahh... good old H2O.
Jason: Has your house been tested for radon?
Eric: Not another test!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Feeney!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: Kiss, kiss!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: I'm real screwed up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: See, duckies are good, cuz not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed 'em crackers and you can ride 'em. See, duckies are the horsies of the ocean. No, I mean they are.
Cory: Okay, someone explain to me about duckies before I hit him with a spoon.
Amy Matthews: It's wallpaper.
Topanga: It's adorable.
Alan Matthews: It's for you room.
Eric: DUCKIES RULE!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[repeated line]
Jon Turner: Are you kidding me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory thinks he is turning into a werewolf]
Madame Mosbenskias: Come to me, Werewolf Boy.
Cory: You know!
Madame Mosbenskias: I know many things, I know you were bitten by a wolf.
Cory: It's true!
Madame Mosbenskias: I know you are now becoming a wolf.
Cory: That's amazing!
Madame Mosbenskias: I know you are recently divorced.
Cory: What?!
Madame Mosbenskias: You're not Billy Joel?
Cory: No.
Madame Mosbenskias: Well, then, you're just a wolf.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory loses a geography bee.]
Cory: I'm hitting my head. I'm hitting the northern-most part of my head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Mr. F...F...F...Feeny
Mr. Feeny: I love the Feeny call
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: [singing] For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow..
Cory: Oh my god, it's happening! Eric, look what you did!
Eric: [singing] The curtains are on fire, the curtains are on fire. They're chopping down the dorm room, they're chopping down the dorm room.
Cory: [singing] My brother is a moron!
Eric: [singing] Which nobody can deny!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory and his mother are compromising.]
Amy Matthews: Thirty minutes.
Cory: Half an hour.
Amy Matthews: Deal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: [to Cory] Hey, be careful. Not that I care.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: [sees a spider on his arm] What do you think Mr. Birdy?
[slurred]
Eric: Birdy bit me...left side paralyzed...losing consciousness...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Was it the dream with the dummy again?
Cory: Yes...he was on foot...and he had a gun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: It was raining...you had an umbrella...I grabbed it, stuffed it down your throat, and then I opened it! Shawn, I Mary Poppinsed ya!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Last night T.K. and me talked on the phone for two hours. That beats my previous time spent on the phone with a girl by like...two hours.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: It was one of those nights. You know the kind. Like day, but darker.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Eric returns from the future, where Cory is called Rory.]
Eric: Rory?
Cory: Reric?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[In the future, Eric goes by the name Plays With Squirrels.]
Mr. Feeny: Mr. Matthews?
Eric: Mr. Squirrels.
Cory: Eric?
Eric: Plays With.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: How far are the slopes from here?
Ranger Mark: Two miles.
Shawn Hunter: How far walking?
Ranger Mark: Two miles.
Shawn Hunter: [to Cory] Well, that's only one mile each.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: I'm no rocket scientologist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amy Matthews: C'mon, Morgan. Let's go in the other room and watch TV.
Morgan Matthews: But TV's not funny. Cory's life is funny.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: What are you doing?
Morgan Matthews: Filling out college applications.
Eric: But, you're only in the third grade, you can't go to college.
Morgan Matthews: Cory said that if you can go to college, anyone can go to college.
Eric: Morgan, isn't it time to bother someone else?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: We're supposed to see other people.
Cory: I'm supposed to see other people, you're supposed to wait until I die.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Guess who's got pictures of Cory running naked through the sprinkler?
Cory: Eric, I was four.
Eric: You were twelve.
Cory: It was...refreshing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Today in class, I did something I don't normally do. A lot of thinking. And not about that whole war part two.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory is trying to find a topic to talk about on his radio show.]
Cory: There's a dark side to a bake sale too, isn't there? Fat. Cholesterol! What about that?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amy Matthews: Apparently, Cory would rather listen to the game then try and understand the emotional content of Romeo & Juliet.
Cory: Mom, I'm a kid! I don't understand the emotional content of Full House!
Morgan Matthews: I do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Feeny: Friendship for example, is a real gift. It's given with no expectations and no gratitude is needed, not between real friends.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: She's got style. She's got elegance. She's got parents.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan Turner: Anybody you like.
Cory: Anybody?
Jonathan Turner: Anybody.
Cory: Absolutely anybody?
Jonathan Turner: Absolutely anybody.
Cory: I pick Shawn.
Shawn Hunter: I pick Cory.
Topanga: You know, you walked right into that.
Jonathan Turner: I did, didn't I?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: I don't skate. At all.
Jason: Canadians skate. How hard could it be?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[discussing how nice looking Mr. Turner's bike is.]
Frankie: You could eat it.
Joey: You mean "eat off it".
Frankie: I said what I said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: I live in a trailer park.
Cory: And what a trailer park! It's great. It's got a pool...when it rains.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Frankie: When you've got something you could wrap a grand jury around, then give us a jingle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Shawn wants a bigger role with the thugs.]
Shawn Hunter: What happens after I get the look down?
Joey: Alright, this morning...you get the bagels.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Life's tough, get a helmet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Pittsburgh: The Big Apple, City of Angels.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: It's hard to imagine you as a boy. Did your parents call you Mr. Feeny?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: [about Topanga] She goes away for the summer and comes back a woman.
Shawn Hunter: Yeah. Kinda like Coach Franklin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: My grades aren't good enough to get me into college?
Mr. Feeny: Your grades, my friend, aren't good enough to get you a Slurpee.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan Turner: When they kick you out of your apartment, you'll always have a place to stay.
Mr. Williams: I appreciate that.
Jonathan Turner: Yeah, the park across the street.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Would you be my girlfriend?
[Topanga kisses Cory.]
Cory: Yes or no?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[trying to straighten Cory's hair.]
Cory: Is this stuff supposed to be burning?
Shawn Hunter: Why, is it burning?
Cory: No, I was just trying to make conversation, because we don't get enough chances to talk anymore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Morgan Matthews: Mommy, if my dolly is cold, can I put her in the toaster oven?
Amy Matthews: No, Morgan, that would be a mistake.
Morgan Matthews: Mommy, I made a mistake.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Tell them how you got out of study hall.
Larry: I told her I was training for the Olympic decathlon.
Cory: And she believed you?
Larry: She bought me a discus.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quarterback: What's your last name?
Eric: Matthews.
Quarterback: Wow. Same as your brother's.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Remember the goldfish I used to have?
Cory: The turtle?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: I have a question that I'm going to need a yes or no answer to. How many people get into Yale each year?
Mr. Feeny: No.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Morgan, how do we really know the light bulb goes off when you close the refrigerator?
Morgan Matthews: Why don't you get in there and find out?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Mr. Turner and Mr. Williams break up a fight between Cory and Shawn.]
Jonathan Turner: Hunter? Matthews?
Eli Williams: Did you guys know you were fighting each other?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Someday, Topanga's going to be a mother, and I'm going to be the father. Or, the uncle. Or, the way I'm going, the guy down the street with the binoculars.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Don't blow me off God!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Is it just me or does anyone else wanna hurl from boredom?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: An operation? Operations are bad. Do you remember our cat, Fluffy. He died during an operation.
Eric: Cory, Fluffy fell out of a tree. They were trying to sew his head back on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Look at me, I'm breakin' the law!
[Sirens]
Cory: Well we all so that one coming.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lauren: Yes, sir, can I help you?
Cory: I don't want to have feelings for another girl.
Lauren: Neither do I.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: No kissy?
Cory: Just talky!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: I never asked to be the man in this relationship!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Tommy wants Eric to adopt him]
Tommy: Do you know what Scooby did when Shaggy fell in the well?
Eric: This isn't a cartoon, Tommy.
Tommy: He SAVED him! He saved him because he LOVED him.
Eric: Tommy, you know I love you.
Tommy: Then why won't you save me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[on Cory's attempt to ask Topanga out]
Shawn Hunter: What did you do?
Cory: I saluted her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory is hitch-hiking and an Amish man approaches in a carriage]
Amish Man: Hello, young man. Are you in need of a ride? I'm going to that farmhouse there.
[he points]
Cory: That farmhouse there?
[points]
Amish Man: That farmhouse there.
[pointing]
Cory: Well, I'm going to Philadelphia.
Amish Man: Well, I can take you as far as that farmhouse there.
[points]
Cory: Yes, but, you see, I'm going to Philadelphia, so that really does me no good.
Amish Man: That may be, but, my will is just and my heart is pure.
[drives off]
Cory: ...Which also does me no good.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Listen, I want you to know that I am completely secure in our relationship, and if you want to spend your summer away at camp, I am totally okay with it.
Topanga: That is so mature.
Cory: 'cause I'm going with ya.
Topanga: Cory, it's an all girls camp.
Cory: What time's swim'n?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Topanga is interviewing Shawn about love]
Shawn Hunter: Well, love is the most rare and precious thing in the whole world.
Topanga: Have you ever fallen in love?
Shawn Hunter: About five times a day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Feeny: [finishing a speech] And that, Mr. Hunter, is how babies are made.
Shawn Hunter: I still don't believe it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[After Topanga decided at the last minute to not marry Cory, by not saying "I do."]
Topanga: I don't know what to say.
Cory: "Do"! You know, "do"? It's the first half of your favorite word, "don't"!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: Cory, the worst thing that ever happened when we were kids was that your Pop-Tart fell on the ground!
Cory: Yeah, and *you* convinced me to eat it. You said, "God made dirt, dirt won't hurt."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: He says one thing, and does another. He's a hypochondriac!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: You know, I can take you.
Angela Moore: Girl, you don't want to dance with me.
Topanga: Ready?
Angela Moore: Ready.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: His name is Lianol, we met today and we are getting along just fabulously. Because I'm young Hunter, I'm vital and I have a lot to offer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Cory and Topanga aren't together anymore.
Mr. Feeny: Yes, I know, I too read Teen Beat, Mr. Hunter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: When I'm here with you, I'm fine, but over there with Topanga it's like I'm a... a... a sea monkey.
Shawn Hunter: That's a bad animal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Thats just what I want - to be Topanga's boyfriend. And then we can name our children Chubaka and Plankton!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Shawnzie?
Shawn Hunter: Whatzie?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alan Matthews: Things aren't always easy in the real world.
Eric: I'm going to Yale! I'm going to Yale!
Alan Matthews: Things are a little bit easier in Eric's world.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Where were you?
Cory: [whispering] There was a Fortune Teller at the yogurt parlor.
Shawn Hunter: You tortured a feller named Yogi Tyler?!
Cory: ...Yeah.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory thinks he is turning into a werewolf]
Shawn Hunter: Come on, you couldn't have been bitten by a wolf.
Cory: Shawn, look at the bite.
Shawn Hunter: I don't see anything.
Cory: Of course you don't. Everybody knows werewolf bites heal overnight!
Shawn Hunter: Wow. Then, you're covered with them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[it is Halloween at a yogurt parlor]
Cory: Got any special flavors?
Cashier: Well, we've got Bucket of Blood, that's like Strawberry, and we've got Bucket of Guts, that's more or less Chocolate, and we've got Smashed and Severed Hair Steins, I don't recommend that.
Cory: Can you mix the Blood, and the Guts?
Cashier: All the time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Radio: Well, the search for the missing wolf continues, and with the day being Halloween, we've been receiving prank calls of reports of wolves and even werewolves.
Cory: Werewolves, isn't that silly?
[sees the cashier's face]
Cory: Isn't it?
Cashier: There are things, and then there are *things*.
Cory: You mean... There are things such as werewolves?
Cashier: There are places were such things are revealed. For five dollars complete.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory is writing a note]
Turner: Matthews, you're amazing, you have no idea what's going on, and yet you're still taking notes. Watcha writin'?
[Cory stuffs the note in his mouth]
Turner: Watcha eatin'?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: Yeah, Shawn, you were wrong about Feeny and you're wrong about this.
Shawn Hunter: You were wrong to break up with Cory!
Topanga: What does that have to do with anything?
Shawn Hunter: Did any of this happen while you two were still together?
Topanga: No.
Shawn Hunter: You've killed us. You've killed us all.
Eric: Hey, hey! Now there's only two people horribly dead here, that's an acceptable loss!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: If the sun never sets in the British Empire, then when do they watch Letterman?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Feeny: Alan, there is a large rusty object not only blocking my driveway, but most of the light into my kitchen!
Eric: Hey, that's my new car!
Feeny: May I assume it moves?
Eric: Like the wind! Especially downhill. Oh! You want me to move it?
Feeny: Well, we certainly can't count on anyone stealing it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: I need chocolate.
Debbie: That's 16 grams of fat! And you have a purse!
Shawn Hunter: Yeah, I do.
Cory: That's not really his purse. He found that purse.
Debbie: Well, he found an ugly one.
Shawn Hunter: Hey! I happen to like this purse!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Where's my lucky tube socks?
Cory: [holding up two very tiny socks] I don't think they're so lucky anymore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: What's wrong?
Cory: My hosiery is still bunching!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela Moore: My soap opera name is Shinaynay Martin Luther King Boulevard...Boy, I've got to get some black friends.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: If I was only going to be alive for one more minute, I'd spend it looking in your eyes.
Angela Moore: And if you were only going to be alive for one more minute, I'd tell you to stop lookin'...and start kissin'.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: A girl wrote seven numbers on my hand. What could this possibly mean?
Shawn Hunter: It means, call her.
Cory: Shawn, how could I call her when I don't even have her- Aaaahhhh!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Hey, what's up with the Weasel? She's locked herself in the bathroom singing, "On the first day of Christmas, I murdered Santa Claus!".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Mr. Feeny, under my desk is a key. It opens locker 703 in a Florida station. In there is all my homework from the past 5 years. I'm actually a wonderful student. I listen and I know everything!
Mr. Feeny: What's the capital of Montana?
[Pause]
Cory: You're not going to Florida, are you?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Shawn, I refuse to believe anything from those idiotic supermarket tabloids.
Shawn Hunter: It's the New York Times, baby.
Cory: The New York Times trailer park edition!
Shawn Hunter: It's exactly the same thing, except you can eat it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Feldspar: Is there a history of mental illness in the family?
Cory: My uncle Morrie thinks he's Sammy Sosa.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: I married a moose.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Eric is dressed as a woman]
Eric: It's great to be so in touch with my feminine side
[pretty girl walks past Eric]
Eric: and now I'm gonna get in touch with her feminine side. Hey! Hey! We can be friends! Come on everyone experiments in college.
Eric: Well...
[produces $1]
Eric: perhaps my friend Mr. Washington will change your mind!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little boy: I just want to have my picture taken, so I can send it to my grandma so she sends me a check.
Eric: After she sends the check, tell her she forgot the check. Works every time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: There's no such thing as good news before I've had my Grape Nuts.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: We're gonna have a child? Wait, we've only kissed! I mean, I knew I was a good kisser, but *wow*!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Okay, Coreena, I don't know how to say this, so I'm going to choose my words very carefully. I think you're a psycho. I want to get as far away from you as I possibly can.
Coreena: What?
Eric: I'm just not the guy for you. You need a guy who's happy, and perky all the time. Maybe a guy whose had part of his brain removed and he thinks he's a bunny, and you can go off and be bunnies together.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: Do you think this is funny?
Cory: No, I think it's the opposite of funny. I think it's... wood.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coreena: I don't know what Uncle David could've possibly meant by life experience. I'm 18 years old. I've been to sleep-away camps... I even got on the wrong bus once. I had a goldfish who died.
Eric: Suicide, was it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: I said to myself, Kyle...sometimes I like to call myself Kyle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chet Hunter: I got two stupid boys. Y'all embarrass me in front of my dead friends
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Jack and Eric are dressed up as girls to avoid bullies]
Mr. Feeny: Hmm, double d's, just like your grades.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: I believe in love like I believe in God: you can't touch it, you can't see it, but you can feel its wrath.
Shawn Hunter: And its goodness. You can feel love's goodness.
Cory: I wouldn't know
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan Turner: [referring to Shawn] I talk, he sleeps. Its just like class.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: I, Cory Matthews, am a PO-TAY-TO.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: [Singing] When a crime brakes out, all the cute girls shout, "Get the- Good Lookin' Guy!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: So, what's it like to have that kind of money?
Jack: ...Good
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[John Turner is in a coma]
Shawn Hunter: John, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anything. I'm the screw-up, remember? C'mon you remember...Don't do this to me, John. I don't do alone real good... I know you're in there but it's like you're not really here. You're not talking but I know you're here. So I'm just gonna talk, you can listen.
[pause]
Shawn Hunter: John, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, John!
[Looks up]
Shawn Hunter: Don't blow me off, God! I never asked you for anything before and I never wanted to come to you like this, but don't take Turner away from me; he's not yelling at me yet. God, you're not talking but I know you're here, so I'm gonna talk, and you can listen.
[pause]
Shawn Hunter: God, I don't wanna be empty inside anymore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jack: Eric?
Eric: [dressed like Noah] No, not Eric, not anymore
Jack: OK that's fine... ok, what is your name *now*?
Eric: Plays With Squirrels
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Eric is anxious preparing for the SAT test.]
Jason: Your brain needs a rest.
Eric: No, no. Brain needs oxygen. There's just not enough of it in here. But I bet there's some outside.
Eric: Ahh... good old H2O.
Jason: Has your house been tested for radon?
Eric: Not another test!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Feeney!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: Kiss, kiss!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: I'm real screwed up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: See, duckies are good, cuz not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed 'em crackers and you can ride 'em. See, duckies are the horsies of the ocean. No, I mean they are.
Cory: Okay, someone explain to me about duckies before I hit him with a spoon.
Amy Matthews: It's wallpaper.
Topanga: It's adorable.
Alan Matthews: It's for you room.
Eric: DUCKIES RULE!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[repeated line]
Jon Turner: Are you kidding me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory thinks he is turning into a werewolf]
Madame Mosbenskias: Come to me, Werewolf Boy.
Cory: You know!
Madame Mosbenskias: I know many things, I know you were bitten by a wolf.
Cory: It's true!
Madame Mosbenskias: I know you are now becoming a wolf.
Cory: That's amazing!
Madame Mosbenskias: I know you are recently divorced.
Cory: What?!
Madame Mosbenskias: You're not Billy Joel?
Cory: No.
Madame Mosbenskias: Well, then, you're just a wolf.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory loses a geography bee.]
Cory: I'm hitting my head. I'm hitting the northern-most part of my head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: Mr. F...F...F...Feeny
Mr. Feeny: I love the Feeny call
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: [singing] For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow..
Cory: Oh my god, it's happening! Eric, look what you did!
Eric: [singing] The curtains are on fire, the curtains are on fire. They're chopping down the dorm room, they're chopping down the dorm room.
Cory: [singing] My brother is a moron!
Eric: [singing] Which nobody can deny!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cory and his mother are compromising.]
Amy Matthews: Thirty minutes.
Cory: Half an hour.
Amy Matthews: Deal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: [to Cory] Hey, be careful. Not that I care.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: [sees a spider on his arm] What do you think Mr. Birdy?
[slurred]
Eric: Birdy bit me...left side paralyzed...losing consciousness...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Was it the dream with the dummy again?
Cory: Yes...he was on foot...and he had a gun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: It was raining...you had an umbrella...I grabbed it, stuffed it down your throat, and then I opened it! Shawn, I Mary Poppinsed ya!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Last night T.K. and me talked on the phone for two hours. That beats my previous time spent on the phone with a girl by like...two hours.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: It was one of those nights. You know the kind. Like day, but darker.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Eric returns from the future, where Cory is called Rory.]
Eric: Rory?
Cory: Reric?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[In the future, Eric goes by the name Plays With Squirrels.]
Mr. Feeny: Mr. Matthews?
Eric: Mr. Squirrels.
Cory: Eric?
Eric: Plays With.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: How far are the slopes from here?
Ranger Mark: Two miles.
Shawn Hunter: How far walking?
Ranger Mark: Two miles.
Shawn Hunter: [to Cory] Well, that's only one mile each.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: I'm no rocket scientologist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amy Matthews: C'mon, Morgan. Let's go in the other room and watch TV.
Morgan Matthews: But TV's not funny. Cory's life is funny.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eric: What are you doing?
Morgan Matthews: Filling out college applications.
Eric: But, you're only in the third grade, you can't go to college.
Morgan Matthews: Cory said that if you can go to college, anyone can go to college.
Eric: Morgan, isn't it time to bother someone else?
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Topanga: We're supposed to see other people.
Cory: I'm supposed to see other people, you're supposed to wait until I die.
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Eric: Guess who's got pictures of Cory running naked through the sprinkler?
Cory: Eric, I was four.
Eric: You were twelve.
Cory: It was...refreshing.
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Shawn Hunter: Today in class, I did something I don't normally do. A lot of thinking. And not about that whole war part two.
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[Cory is trying to find a topic to talk about on his radio show.]
Cory: There's a dark side to a bake sale too, isn't there? Fat. Cholesterol! What about that?
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Amy Matthews: Apparently, Cory would rather listen to the game then try and understand the emotional content of Romeo & Juliet.
Cory: Mom, I'm a kid! I don't understand the emotional content of Full House!
Morgan Matthews: I do.
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Mr. Feeny: Friendship for example, is a real gift. It's given with no expectations and no gratitude is needed, not between real friends.
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Shawn Hunter: She's got style. She's got elegance. She's got parents.
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Jonathan Turner: Anybody you like.
Cory: Anybody?
Jonathan Turner: Anybody.
Cory: Absolutely anybody?
Jonathan Turner: Absolutely anybody.
Cory: I pick Shawn.
Shawn Hunter: I pick Cory.
Topanga: You know, you walked right into that.
Jonathan Turner: I did, didn't I?
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Eric: I don't skate. At all.
Jason: Canadians skate. How hard could it be?
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[discussing how nice looking Mr. Turner's bike is.]
Frankie: You could eat it.
Joey: You mean "eat off it".
Frankie: I said what I said.
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Shawn Hunter: I live in a trailer park.
Cory: And what a trailer park! It's great. It's got a pool...when it rains.
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Frankie: When you've got something you could wrap a grand jury around, then give us a jingle.
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[Shawn wants a bigger role with the thugs.]
Shawn Hunter: What happens after I get the look down?
Joey: Alright, this morning...you get the bagels.
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Eric: Life's tough, get a helmet.
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Shawn Hunter: Pittsburgh: The Big Apple, City of Angels.
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Cory: It's hard to imagine you as a boy. Did your parents call you Mr. Feeny?
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Cory: [about Topanga] She goes away for the summer and comes back a woman.
Shawn Hunter: Yeah. Kinda like Coach Franklin.
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Eric: My grades aren't good enough to get me into college?
Mr. Feeny: Your grades, my friend, aren't good enough to get you a Slurpee.
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Jonathan Turner: When they kick you out of your apartment, you'll always have a place to stay.
Mr. Williams: I appreciate that.
Jonathan Turner: Yeah, the park across the street.
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Cory: Would you be my girlfriend?
[Topanga kisses Cory.]
Cory: Yes or no?
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[trying to straighten Cory's hair.]
Cory: Is this stuff supposed to be burning?
Shawn Hunter: Why, is it burning?
Cory: No, I was just trying to make conversation, because we don't get enough chances to talk anymore.
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Morgan Matthews: Mommy, if my dolly is cold, can I put her in the toaster oven?
Amy Matthews: No, Morgan, that would be a mistake.
Morgan Matthews: Mommy, I made a mistake.
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Cory: Tell them how you got out of study hall.
Larry: I told her I was training for the Olympic decathlon.
Cory: And she believed you?
Larry: She bought me a discus.
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Quarterback: What's your last name?
Eric: Matthews.
Quarterback: Wow. Same as your brother's.
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Shawn Hunter: Remember the goldfish I used to have?
Cory: The turtle?
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Eric: I have a question that I'm going to need a yes or no answer to. How many people get into Yale each year?
Mr. Feeny: No.
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Shawn Hunter: Morgan, how do we really know the light bulb goes off when you close the refrigerator?
Morgan Matthews: Why don't you get in there and find out?
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[Mr. Turner and Mr. Williams break up a fight between Cory and Shawn.]
Jonathan Turner: Hunter? Matthews?
Eli Williams: Did you guys know you were fighting each other?
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Cory: Someday, Topanga's going to be a mother, and I'm going to be the father. Or, the uncle. Or, the way I'm going, the guy down the street with the binoculars.
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Shawn Hunter: Don't blow me off God!
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Cory: Is it just me or does anyone else wanna hurl from boredom?"
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Cory: An operation? Operations are bad. Do you remember our cat, Fluffy. He died during an operation.
Eric: Cory, Fluffy fell out of a tree. They were trying to sew his head back on.
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Cory: Look at me, I'm breakin' the law!
[Sirens]
Cory: Well we all so that one coming.
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Lauren: Yes, sir, can I help you?
Cory: I don't want to have feelings for another girl.
Lauren: Neither do I.
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Shawn Hunter: No kissy?
Cory: Just talky!
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Cory: I never asked to be the man in this relationship!
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[Tommy wants Eric to adopt him]
Tommy: Do you know what Scooby did when Shaggy fell in the well?
Eric: This isn't a cartoon, Tommy.
Tommy: He SAVED him! He saved him because he LOVED him.
Eric: Tommy, you know I love you.
Tommy: Then why won't you save me?
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[on Cory's attempt to ask Topanga out]
Shawn Hunter: What did you do?
Cory: I saluted her.
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[Cory is hitch-hiking and an Amish man approaches in a carriage]
Amish Man: Hello, young man. Are you in need of a ride? I'm going to that farmhouse there.
[he points]
Cory: That farmhouse there?
[points]
Amish Man: That farmhouse there.
[pointing]
Cory: Well, I'm going to Philadelphia.
Amish Man: Well, I can take you as far as that farmhouse there.
[points]
Cory: Yes, but, you see, I'm going to Philadelphia, so that really does me no good.
Amish Man: That may be, but, my will is just and my heart is pure.
[drives off]
Cory: ...Which also does me no good.
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Cory: Listen, I want you to know that I am completely secure in our relationship, and if you want to spend your summer away at camp, I am totally okay with it.
Topanga: That is so mature.
Cory: 'cause I'm going with ya.
Topanga: Cory, it's an all girls camp.
Cory: What time's swim'n?
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[Topanga is interviewing Shawn about love]
Shawn Hunter: Well, love is the most rare and precious thing in the whole world.
Topanga: Have you ever fallen in love?
Shawn Hunter: About five times a day.
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Mr. Feeny: [finishing a speech] And that, Mr. Hunter, is how babies are made.
Shawn Hunter: I still don't believe it.
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[After Topanga decided at the last minute to not marry Cory, by not saying "I do."]
Topanga: I don't know what to say.
Cory: "Do"! You know, "do"? It's the first half of your favorite word, "don't"!
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Topanga: Cory, the worst thing that ever happened when we were kids was that your Pop-Tart fell on the ground!
Cory: Yeah, and *you* convinced me to eat it. You said, "God made dirt, dirt won't hurt."
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Shawn Hunter: He says one thing, and does another. He's a hypochondriac!
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Topanga: You know, I can take you.
Angela Moore: Girl, you don't want to dance with me.
Topanga: Ready?
Angela Moore: Ready.
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Cory: His name is Lianol, we met today and we are getting along just fabulously. Because I'm young Hunter, I'm vital and I have a lot to offer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shawn Hunter: Cory and Topanga aren't together anymore.
Mr. Feeny: Yes, I know, I too read Teen Beat, Mr. Hunter.
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Cory: When I'm here with you, I'm fine, but over there with Topanga it's like I'm a... a... a sea monkey.
Shawn Hunter: That's a bad animal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cory: Thats just what I want - to be Topanga's boyfriend. And then we can name our children Chubaka and Plankton!
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Cory: Shawnzie?
Shawn Hunter: Whatzie?
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Alan Matthews: Things aren't always easy in the real world.
Eric: I'm going to Yale! I'm going to Yale!
Alan Matthews: Things are a little bit easier in Eric's world.
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Shawn Hunter: Where were you?
Cory: [whispering] There was a Fortune Teller at the yogurt parlor.
Shawn Hunter: You tortured a feller named Yogi Tyler?!
Cory: ...Yeah.
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[Cory thinks he is turning into a werewolf]
Shawn Hunter: Come on, you couldn't have been bitten by a wolf.
Cory: Shawn, look at the bite.
Shawn Hunter: I don't see anything.
Cory: Of course you don't. Everybody knows werewolf bites heal overnight!
Shawn Hunter: Wow. Then, you're covered with them.
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[it is Halloween at a yogurt parlor]
Cory: Got any special flavors?
Cashier: Well, we've got Bucket of Blood, that's like Strawberry, and we've got Bucket of Guts, that's more or less Chocolate, and we've got Smashed and Severed Hair Steins, I don't recommend that.
Cory: Can you mix the Blood, and the Guts?
Cashier: All the time.
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Radio: Well, the search for the missing wolf continues, and with the day being Halloween, we've been receiving prank calls of reports of wolves and even werewolves.
Cory: Werewolves, isn't that silly?
[sees the cashier's face]
Cory: Isn't it?
Cashier: There are things, and then there are *things*.
Cory: You mean... There are things such as werewolves?
Cashier: There are places were such things are revealed. For five dollars complete.
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[Cory is writing a note]
Turner: Matthews, you're amazing, you have no idea what's going on, and yet you're still taking notes. Watcha writin'?
[Cory stuffs the note in his mouth]
Turner: Watcha eatin'?
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Topanga: Yeah, Shawn, you were wrong about Feeny and you're wrong about this.
Shawn Hunter: You were wrong to break up with Cory!
Topanga: What does that have to do with anything?
Shawn Hunter: Did any of this happen while you two were still together?
Topanga: No.
Shawn Hunter: You've killed us. You've killed us all.
Eric: Hey, hey! Now there's only two people horribly dead here, that's an acceptable loss!
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Shawn Hunter: If the sun never sets in the British Empire, then when do they watch Letterman?
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Feeny: Alan, there is a large rusty object not only blocking my driveway, but most of the light into my kitchen!
Eric: Hey, that's my new car!
Feeny: May I assume it moves?
Eric: Like the wind! Especially downhill. Oh! You want me to move it?
Feeny: Well, we certainly can't count on anyone stealing it.
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Shawn Hunter: I need chocolate.
Debbie: That's 16 grams of fat! And you have a purse!
Shawn Hunter: Yeah, I do.
Cory: That's not really his purse. He found that purse.
Debbie: Well, he found an ugly one.
Shawn Hunter: Hey! I happen to like this purse!
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Eric: Where's my lucky tube socks?
Cory: [holding up two very tiny socks] I don't think they're so lucky anymore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topanga: What's wrong?
Cory: My hosiery is still bunching!
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Angela Moore: My soap opera name is Shinaynay Martin Luther King Boulevard...Boy, I've got to get some black friends.
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Shawn Hunter: If I was only going to be alive for one more minute, I'd spend it looking in your eyes.
Angela Moore: And if you were only going to be alive for one more minute, I'd tell you to stop lookin'...and start kissin'.
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Cory: A girl wrote seven numbers on my hand. What could this possibly mean?
Shawn Hunter: It means, call her.
Cory: Shawn, how could I call her when I don't even have her- Aaaahhhh!
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Eric: Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself.
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Eric: Hey, what's up with the Weasel? She's locked herself in the bathroom singing, "On the first day of Christmas, I murdered Santa Claus!".
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Cory: Mr. Feeny, under my desk is a key. It opens locker 703 in a Florida station. In there is all my homework from the past 5 years. I'm actually a wonderful student. I listen and I know everything!
Mr. Feeny: What's the capital of Montana?
[Pause]
Cory: You're not going to Florida, are you?
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Cory: Shawn, I refuse to believe anything from those idiotic supermarket tabloids.
Shawn Hunter: It's the New York Times, baby.
Cory: The New York Times trailer park edition!
Shawn Hunter: It's exactly the same thing, except you can eat it!
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Dr. Feldspar: Is there a history of mental illness in the family?
Cory: My uncle Morrie thinks he's Sammy Sosa.
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Eric: I married a moose.
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[Eric is dressed as a woman]
Eric: It's great to be so in touch with my feminine side
[pretty girl walks past Eric]
Eric: and now I'm gonna get in touch with her feminine side. Hey! Hey! We can be friends! Come on everyone experiments in college.