my one class got cancelled. i have a million things to do and i am not doing them. i don't know why. i don't feel particularly lazy today. i feel okay i guess, but i can feel the sadness coming on. i'm trying to ignore it until i figure out a way to prevent it from coming at all. maybe i should do something productive. i am getting tired of this ( Read more... )

are you happy?

i am diagnosing myself as bi-polar and borderline.
and avoidant.

i'm way behind in my reading, like always. i'm joining the psychology club and i might even have a government position. we'll see. i want to get Alphonso Lingis to come and lecture. i have a huge test in my Germanic Myths class next week and i'm really worried about it. I am so far behind in the readings for that class that every time i look at ( Read more... )

i thought i was doing okay. how did it get so bad?
i have to stop eating. and drinking. and maybe living, but i haven't decided on that one yet.

when breathing becomes difficult, it is time to get out.

i need to say no.
i need to have more respect for myself.
maybe it is too late for that.

i can't do this right now.

oh, why do i keep doing these things?

i couldn't sleep last night. in my first dream a man broke into my apartment and was trying to kill me and my baby. he shot up all the windows and i tried to call 911 but i kept getting a recording over and over again. then i woke up. i rolled around for a while. in my second dream i was walking through a city with someone, it was a guy but i'm ( Read more... )

I told Bruce my plans. He said I can do it and I will do it. He said I will do everything I want to do and in 15 years when we run into each other he'll tell me "I told you so." I only hope he's right. The biggest thing that is holding me back is money, and there are ways around that, I just have to get motivated and actually believe in myself. ( Read more... )