. and to this day when i see a pizza king car drive by . i think of you .
Dear Ryan,
I don't know if they have the internet where you are, but then again, who DOESN'T have the internet nowadays?
Well... I just wanted to say what everyone else will most likely say.
I just won't make it sound so cutie-pa-tootie.
I first came to Holy Names in grade 10.
I had no friends.
And I didn't wanna be there.
Until I walked into 4th Period and I saw you.
You looked like someone I had known, but could never place a finger on it.
My days started off horrible, because I hated my first period class...
But at the end of the day I always had a smile on my face because of that last hour in the school day.
Walking into class and seeing you there made me so happy.
I'm sure you remember all those pictures I drew of you.
Yeah, they were of you.
I know I tried playing it off like it was someone else that I knew by slightly changing the looks--
But I think you knew all along.
I read a lot of my old entries last night.
I'm sorry I was so effing annoying.
I wanted you to like me so bad.
I stayed up late every single night waiting for you to get online.
I even downloaded effing Insane Clown Posse songs just to get in your head and get you to like me more!
I guess I'll admit to liking at MOST two of their songs. =P
I stayed up last night like the good ol' days again...
I went through all my old papers just DYING to find some of the drawings and poems that I did all about you.
I was really looking for this one drawing...
You and me... with the poem I wrote in the background...
I still have the poem, but it's so terribly embarrassing.
Unfortunately you're prolly not gonna be the only person to read this.
Internet is such a crazy thing.
I found the comic strip I did about 4th Period.
Do you remember it?
Haha, I never got to finish it, tho' the whole class really wanted me to.
I'll admit, I started it out in a way to get you to notice me,
And the fact that I could say things to you that only the Amanda in the comic would have the guts to say to you.
My character had the biggest crush on you.
I had the biggest crush on you.
But I know you knew.
At one point, almost the whole school knew.
Haha I'm sorry I put you through that.
I'd also like to apologize for never drawing your "pitchur"
((I can still hear you saying it in that cute voice of yours))
But you asked me for a different picture like every week!
Haha
And the whole school thought I was a lesbian for how many pictures of naked girls I drew for you.
But I didn't care...
I couldn't care less if everyone in the world laughed at me,
As long as I got to hear you say "Wow! Thanks!" and smile at me. =]
Okay, so nobody else thought you had an award-winning smile...
But man oh man I loved it...
Don't even get me started on your hair.
And "the contours of your face!"
*LMAO* Remember that?!
Hahaha ohhh shit man.
Oh no. Good thing this is only the internet and you can't see me crying right now.
Haha... or can you?
Man. Send me an e-mail or something and let me know what shit is like over thurr'.
You know...so I can be a lil' prepared?
If that's against the rules then just... I dunno...
You were good at breaking the rules most of the time anyways sooo...
Haha Iiii'm just kiddin'. ^_^
And I know you really wanted me to draw that tattoo for you.
I'm so sorry.
I'm regretting it now, because if I would have done it,
You would've had a little bit of me with you...
I dunno.
Just...do me a favor...
Don't forget about me.
Or anyone else.
I've got all these memories of you,
That you prolly wouldn't remember
((that one time you touched my waist to explain the way Salem touched yours...*siiigh*))
But... I dunno...
There are a lot of videotapes for your life up there right now.
I dunno which tape you're going to pick...
I obviously don't expect one with me in it.
But pick one that sums up your life the best.
Pick that one greatest day or moment in your life.
And I hope that everytime you relive it, it'll feel just as beautiful as the first time it happened.
Thank you so much for being the first guy here in Windsor to acknowledge me as not just some freak or new kid.
Thank you so much for just being.
You're in my prayers and I'll never forget you man.
<3
Love always,
Amanda Shallal
((p.s. - sorry for posting this picture... i know you were mad that you forgot about dress down day, so you took off your school shirt and walked around with that shirt and the uniform pants... hahaha.. but it was the only real pic that i had of you that wasn't a drawing. my bad yo yo.))
. rest in peace ryan pires .
<3
"the artist in the ambulance"
.late night . brakes lock . hear the tires squeal.
.red light . can't stop . so i spin the wheel.
.my world goes black before i feel an angel lift me up.
.and i open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white.
.they flip the siren, hit the lights.
.close the doors and i am gone.
.now i lay here owing my life to a stranger.
.and i realize that empty words are not enough.
.i'm left here with the question of just.
.what have i to show except the promises i never kept?.
.i lie here shaking on this bed.
.under the weight of my regrets.
.i hope that i will never let you down.
.i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.
.look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares.
.it gets me down but i'm still gonna try to do what's right, i know that there's.
.a difference between sleight of hand.
.and giving everything you have.
.there's a line drawn in the sand.
.i'm working up the will to cross it and.
.i hope that i will never let you down.
.i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.
.rhetoric can't raise the dead.
.i'm sick of always talking when there's no change.
.rhetoric can't raise the dead.
.i'm sick of empty words.
.let's lead and not follow.
.late night . brakes lock . hear the tires squeal.
.red light . can't stop . so i spin the wheel.
.my world goes black before i feel an angel steal me from the.
.greedy jaws of death and chance.
.and pull me in with steady hands.
.they've given me a second chance.
.the artist in the ambulance.
.i hope that i will never let you down.
.i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.
.can we pick you off the ground?.
.more than flashing lights and sound.
-- thrice