[fic] sherlock - equilibrium [dvd commentary version] (2/3)
_____
John doesn’t mind eating dinner by himself. He doesn’t even mind the fact that Sherlock’s stopped texting him demands. He worries, though, that Sherlock is spending too much time at crime scenes and not enough time eating or sleeping. (Because even though he's been infected with a virus, he's still John Watson and has the impulsive need to look after Sherlock.)
John does mind, however, when Sherlock sits at the living room table and ignores John’s “Oh, hello,” and “New case then?” and “What’s it about?” Fifteen minutes later, John tries with “So how about dinner?” and “Do you need any help?”
“I don’t need your help,” Sherlock snaps.
John is too tired to feel angry, “Is this what this is all about then? Afraid that I’m going to swoop in and steal your glory?”
“I’ve been solving these cases for half a decade,” Sherlock says, “I know what I’m good at, John.”
“Christ,” John says, “Sherlock, might I remind you who locked me in a laboratory for an experiment? Who terrified the shit out of me just to test his hypothesis?”
Sherlock goes rigid in his chair, knuckles whitening around the armrests.
“I never asked for this,” John snaps and leaves to his room.
(Sometimes I think that maybe I should have characterized John as angrier--this is definitely one of those weaker scenes where I wasn't entirely sure. But I think John is just so used to Sherlock being self-absorbed and he's just too tired of all this bullshit and having to deal with the infection and all of these headaches that he can't even muster the energy to properly shout at Sherlock.)
_____
John avoids Sherlock by staying late at the surgery and reading the pathology textbooks that Molly still refers to every once in a while.
“What are you two fighting about?” Molly asks as she peers through a microscope at a liver sample sent from the Yard, “Sherlock’s asked me to lend him my badge. I thought he had you for that?”
John’s half distracted by epidemiological statistics and thinking up possibilities for anti-malarial treatments, “I’ve threatened his ego and he’s sulking.” He wants to add what Sherlock did to him, but the confidentially papers he signed at Baskerville prevent him from saying anything more.
“I didn’t know his ego could be threatened,” Molly says, looking up and smiling at him, “I thought it was a bit like a black hole-can’t be destroyed but sucks up everything around it.”
“Evidently not,” John says and motions at the textbook, “These are very old statistics, aren’t they?”
_____
Chelsea Harbour, kidnapping, 5 minutes. - SH
John? - SH
Bogged down at the hospital, have fun. - JW
(Bets on how long John made him wait for an answer?)
_____
John takes two Nurofen and tries to sleep but he can’t stop thinking long enough to doze off. After ten minutes of trying, John gives up and goes into the kitchen. Might as well as try to do something productive.
The kitchen table has been a mess for the last two weeks-Sherlock’s samples have all dehydrated in their petri dishes and John is willing to bet that there is lost correspondence under the mess of newspapers and scrap paper. He starts by stacking Sherlock’s experiments and sifts through the papers.
One flutters to the floor. John picks it up and recognizes it as a page from the articles Sherlock stole from Baskerville when they had gone in for his initial check-up. The article is cut off but there are two figures taking up the bottom half of the paper, two panels of immunohistochemistry: wild type and infected brain tissue from chimpanzees. (Immunohistochemistry is where they actually take slices of tissue and stain it with different dyes to reveal the cellular organization/structure. It differs from immunofluorscence where cells are actually grown on a microscope slide and treated with things to make certain structures light up under the microscope.)
John stares at it for a long time. His brain is filling in all of the gaps-the stains they used, the stains they could have used to get a better picture, the function of the brain structure that the figure has been taken from. He’s extrapolating implications, possible treatments, therapeutic uses. But one conclusion keeps coming back, over and over again and suddenly his migraines make so much more sense.
Dr. Stapleton answers on the third ring: “Hello, John? Has something happened?”
John’s still staring at the paper when he says, “You’ve been keeping data from me.”
_____
“I’m going to Baskerville,” John tells Sherlock.
“I’ve got a case,” Sherlock replies.
_____
“Where’s the boyfriend, then?” the innkeeper asks as he pencils John into one of their rooms, “Everything alright?”
“We’re fine, thanks,” John says as he takes the keys.
_____
“This looks like cancer,” John says, slapping down the page he has kept in his pocket all the way from London. Dr. Stapleton looks down at it.
“You told me that you didn’t know where my migraines were coming from,” John hisses, “You told me that none of the animals had shown any sign of discomfort. What the hell was the point in lying to me?”
“We thought it would be more humane,” Dr. Stapleton says in a small voice, “If you didn’t know. If you didn’t know what was going to happen.”
John’s knuckles whiten as he stares down at her, “And what’s going to happen?”
_____
Sequential proliferation and degeneration of neurons in prolonged NTV infection
Abstract
NTV infection has been previously characterized to significantly change the behaviour of mice over the course of two months. Previous literature has shown that for the first month, cognitive abilities appear to increase before reaching a peak and then declining. Our studies show that this behavioural change is mirrored by changes in neural tissue. Histologic analysis of infected murine samples taken bi-weekly over the course of two months show two distinct phases. The first phase occurs initially after infection and is characterized by axon growth, high proliferation of astrocytes, and limited re-entry of neurons into the G1 phase. The second phase occurs approximately one month after initial infection and is characterized by the degeneration of the neural tissue. Future studies will aim to determine the origin of the degenerated tissue during phase 2.
_____
“Is it painful?” John asks. He looks into her face, shoulders straight.
“You have to understand that our results so far have been limited to only a few studies,” Dr. Stapleton begins.
“Don’t sugarcoat it,” John says. His voice is flat. He feels like he’s twenty-eight again with the Afghan wind sweeping sand into his face and the roar of helicopters above. “Is it painful?”
She hesitates, but then she admits, “By the end of the infection, our animals seemed distressed.”
_____
There was a coping technique that John adopted when he was a field medic.
It was that he was already dead. The bullet just hadn’t found him yet.
(I totally stole this from Captain Nate Fick--who you guys might recognize from Generation Kill. If you're interested in war memoirs from the Iraq invasion you should definitely check out his book, One Bullet Away)
_____
“Why?” Sarah asks him when he tells her that he needs to resign from the surgery, “You’ve been a great physician! You’ve been on fire these last few weeks. Terry and I were discussing promotions for the end of the year and your name came up.”
“Personal reasons,” John says over the phone, “I don’t think I’ll be in London for much longer.”
“Are you all right, John?”
“Yes,” John says and he makes himself smile, “I’m fine. Don’t worry.” (He's smiling even though he's talking on the phone--he's totally trying to convince himself more than he's trying to convince her.)
_____
Was expecting you back this morning. - SH
Not sure when I’ll be back. - JW
Has something happened? - SH
More tests. How is your case? - JW
Not boring. - SH
_____
He reads the developmental neurology he’d only skimmed over in university, the stuff he crammed during foundation training but didn’t fully understand. He reads about epigenetic markers in cancer biology, reads every virology paper he can get his hands on. He exhausts all of the remotely relevant papers in Science, Nature, and Cell before methodically moving into Neurology and the Annals of Neurology.
“Have you slept?” Dr. Stapleton asks when they prep him for a cognitive assessment, “You look terrible.”
John is too busy thinking about using growth cones to target the creation of specific synapses to give her more than an absent smile.
They test him with a different set of Raven’s Progressive Matrices. His mind is preoccupied but he manages to finish in fifteen minutes anyway.
_____
John hasn’t left the research facility in over thirty-six hours. He’s consumed two sandwiches, five Nurofens, and several cups of coffee. He’s discussing the possibility of storing memory in the form of epigenetic markers with one of the neurologists when she tilts her head and says, “You’ve got a-”
She touches her nose and John frowns. He lifts his hand to wipe his nose and it comes away with blood.
Five minutes later, he’s hit with the worst migraine he’s had yet. It feels like his entire head is cramping up, insistent on squeezing his brain into an even tinier space than his skull.
“Are you all right?” the neurologist asks.
He’s about to wave her off, tell her that he’s fine-and then everything goes black.
_____
When John wakes up, he lies on the hospital bed with his eyes closed, wishing that the silence in his head would stay that way.
He opens his eyes and recognizes the hospital from the colour of the walls and the layout of the room. Not Bart’s, but he’s back in London.
Sherlock sits in a chair next to him, staring at his phone.
“How long was I out?”
Sherlock’s fingers still and he looks at John. “Eighteen hours. They gave you a lumbar puncture to relieve the intracranial pressure.” (John's brain was growing and taking up space too fast for the pressure receptors in the intracranial space to keep up--this was also the source of all of his headaches.)
John winces at the idea and resists the urge to touch the bandage.
Sherlock puts his phone away and moves closer to John’s bed, “Mycroft told me everything.”
John shuts his eyes again.
“Why didn’t you?”
John doesn’t know how to reply to that clipped tone. He doesn’t owe Sherlock anything and he doesn’t have time or energy to deal with Sherlock’s ego right now.
“How long?” Sherlock asks.
John keeps his eyes closed.
“How long?” he demands again.
“Five months.”
He opens his eyes. He can’t read the expression on Sherlock’s face.
“I did this,” Sherlock says.
John swallows. He thinks that perhaps he should deny it, that he should absolve Sherlock. But what he says instead is, “It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not,” Sherlock says and John doesn’t know what to say to that.
(Probably my second favorite part of this fic--something about the rhythm of the dialogue that fits okay here.)
_____
“Oxford,” Mycroft says as he hands John an envelope of papers, “They’ve got excellent facilities there and several leading scientists in their field. I’ve already set you up with one of the research groups. They know about your situation and they’re eager to begin working with you.” (Was torn between Oxford and Cambridge--surprise surprise!--and I don't remember why I ended up going with Oxford. Probably just picked one at random.)
John pulls out the first page and sees the profile of an elegant older Indian woman-Dr. Patel, trained in the States, PhD in neuroscience. He recognizes some of the published papers on her CV as ones that he has already read.
“I’ve ordered furniture to a flat near the research facilities,” Mycroft continues, handing over a set of keys, “They’re a bit economical but I hope they’ll do.”
“Thank you, Mycroft, really,” John says, “But isn’t this is too much?”
Mycroft pauses and then, “My brother revealed the circumstances of the initial infection.”
“Is that it?” John’s fingers tighten over the keys, “This is penance for his actions?”
Mycroft looks at the ground and clears his throat. “I suppose this is a good moment as any to inform you that Sherlock will be joining you in Oxford.”
_____
Won’t Lestrade need you? - JW
London has survived for hundreds of years without me. - SH
_____
Sherlock packs a small bag of clothes. He leaves his experiments and his violin in 221B. John packs up a few shirts and laptop and fits all of his personal belongings in a duffel bag.
They tell Mrs. Hudson they’re going to be on holiday in the countryside and she winks at them and tells them to have a good time. John goes in to sign his resignation and Sarah hugs him before he leaves. She tells him to call if he wants to come back, or if he ever needs anything.
The new flat is smaller than 221B. John lets Sherlock claim the bigger bedroom because he doesn’t foresee sleeping much for the next three months. Maybe two months. His brain offers up calculated probabilities based off several different variables. He stops thinking about it before he terrifies himself.
The morning after they move in, John wakes up to Sherlock wiping down the counters in the kitchen.
“You never clean,” John says.
“It’s a new flat,” Sherlock replies and doesn’t meet John’s eyes.
John accepts the silent apology.
_____
“This building just went up in the last five years so all of the facilities are very new,” Dr. Patel says as she shows them around her lab, “I just had a PhD graduate so I’m giving you his bench. We’ve cleared out the desk at the end.” She glances at Sherlock who’s examining the radioactivity benchspace, “We can clear out the desk behind you too, for Sherlock. The tech sits there, but we can just move her to the other side.”
John takes a seat at his new desk. Someone has left scratch paper and a four-coloured pen next to the keyboard. He picks up the pen, already imagining ways to fill the blank pages.
“Mr. Holmes told me that he’s arranged it with the university so that you have access to any of the research facilities here,” Dr. Patel says, “The government is sparing no expenses in funding your project. I’ve been assigned to hire you senior research associates and you’ll meet them before the end of this week.”
“Thank you.”
“We’re all excited to have you here, John.”
John looks up at her. She smiles at him.
He starts to feel optimistic.
_____
(This section is kind of interesting because it sketches out what I was thinking for the final solution.)
femptometer - small, isolation of spin properties (The machine works with a modified MRI that zones in on a specific sort of spin I think.)
dimensions, which one? (I think I was trying to pull in some quantum physics here, can't fully remember.)
modify C (Carbon isn't magnetic, so if he was going to direct the growth of the axons via magnetic pull, he'd have to incorporate something magnetic into organic compounds.)
growth cones (And the way that I wanted it to be done was by injection of growth cones that had been tagged with something magnetic-inject it directly into the spine/intracranial space?--and then let the magnets draw the growth cones to the 3D space where they need to be to induce axonal growth into the area. There's about fifty million factors here that could go wrong but that was my general idea haha.)
atomic targeting
materials scientist, bioengineer, programmer
neuron tracking -
zebrafish
murine
_____
The research associate that Dr. Patel hires is named Clarinda. She’s in her late thirties and was in the process of getting tenure at MIT before jumping at the chance to work with John.
“They released the existence of NTV to the scientific community just last month,” she says the first time she meets John, “I knew immediately that this was the topic I had been waiting for all my life. And then the call went out for this position, and well-” she smiles and shakes his hand, “-it’s an honor, Dr. Watson.”
Later, when John has his head down on the kitchen table and his eyes closed in effort to organize his thoughts, Sherlock sets two aspirins and a cup of water down next to his arm and says, “I don’t like that woman.”
“You don’t like anybody,” John replies, not lifting his head. (Except John, obviously.)
“She sees you nothing more than a curious experiment.” John hears the chair scrape across the ground as Sherlock takes a seat. “A unique specimen to be tested on.”
“Isn’t that how you saw me?” John asks, half distracted.
Sherlock doesn’t answer. John eventually lifts his head.
Sherlock stares back at him, his lips pressed into a thin line.
_____
“You friend, Sherlock,” Clarinda says one day as she cuts slices of paraffin embedded brain tissue, “He’s not traditionally trained, is he?”
“He has a degree in chemistry,” John replies, scanning through a paper on drug targeting using magnetic nanoparticles, “He’s a brilliant forensic pathologist.”
“I don’t mean any offense,” Clarinda says, “But you need researchers who have dedicated their lives to the study of the brain. For your circumstance, I mean.”
John puts down the paper, “Sherlock is here volunteering his time.” His voice is sharper than he intended it to be.
Clarinda’s hands are steady on the machine and she doesn’t look up from her work, “If I’m to help you, I need a team. One that knows what they’re doing. One that I can communicate effectively with, without stopping to explain neurological concepts that would have been covered during someone’s PhD.”
John stares down at the paper. He doesn’t want to admit that she’s right.
“I’m sorry, John,” she adds, “I can see how close you two are.”
_____
Sherlock fights with the hairnet when they’re suiting up to look at the Baskerville chimpanzees which have been shipped to Oxford’s animal facilities. Clarinda pulls a hair tie from her wrist and offers it to him, but Sherlock scowls and ignores it.
“Some of these animals are many months post-infection,” Dr. Stapleton tells them. She’s in Oxford only for the week to transition the animals but John’s working with Dr. Patel to offer her a position on their research team. “I’m going to warn you now that they’re not going to be the most energetic.”
John straightens his posture as the door opens. He’s just examining patients, nothing more.
“These cages are three months post-infection,” Dr. Stapleton says as they walk past five chimpanzees split up into two groups. The chimpanzees turn their heads as they walk in-two of them move to the front of the cage to get a better look. Their cages are organized neatly, food in one area, sleeping quarters in another. Someone has given the animals a pencil and sheets of paper and John can see recognizable pictographs scrawled across the pages.
“Here we have five months post infection,” Dr. Stapleton says as they stop near another set of cages. The three chimpanzees in here are curled in on themselves, turned away from one another. The food has been untouched. The animals stare out into space.
John looks at them and feels sick.
Sherlock circles the five month cage once. He walks over to the three month cage. One chimpanzee reaches out for him. He looks at it, then leaves the room altogether.
“They know,” John hears himself say. His mind is slowing down, becoming curiously blank.
“Pardon?” Dr. Stapleton asks.
“Them,” John nods in the direction of the three-month post infection animals, “They know what’s coming. You should separate these groups.”
There is silence. And then Clarinda says, “I’ll see if we can requisition another room.”
John stares at the unmoving chimpanzees and for the first time in weeks, doesn’t think at all.
_____
They order Chinese take-away. Sherlock gets as far as opening the box of pineapple fried rice. John manages to eat two pieces of broccoli from his beef and broccoli before he’s done too.
“I’m-” Sherlock starts, staring at his food, “-useless, aren’t I?”
“No,” John says.
“I can’t solve this,” Sherlock says, “I’ve set this in motion and now I just have to step aside and watch it play out.”
“I need you,” John says, “Here. With me.” (I've come to realize that I write in a way that shows that I am terrible with grammar. I like putting dashes and periods where I think there should be longer pauses to create fragments and at the same time, I also write super run-on sentences. I think I can safely say that one of the philosophies I run with is "lol what grammar?")
Sherlock stares at him. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
“Please,” John says and it scares him how much he means it.
_____
I’m going to pick up my violin and a few of the things I left behind. - SH
See you then. - JW
_____
To: jhwatson@medsci.ox.ac.uk
From: mholm2972@cabinetoffice.gov.uk
Subject: Clearance for Baskerville
John,
Did you just request clearance for Baskerville? I thought all of the animals and material had been transferred already?
I’ve personally expedited Dr. Stapleton’s paperwork and she will be officially joining you before the end of the week.
- MH
_____
Tell me you didn’t lie about London and head straight to Baskerville. - JW
What were you thinking? - JW
No, I know exactly what you were thinking and: ARE YOU MAD? - JW
Where are you? - JW
(Ugh Sherlock, John has enough on his plate & shouldn't have to deal with your shit.)
_____
The taxi gets into London late at night. John’s spent a full day talking to one of the most talented computer scientists at Oxford and he’s not even sure if Sherlock’s going to be at 221B by the time that he arrives. He doesn’t know what he wants to say to the other man beyond the wild burst of panic in his chest, the way that his mind had automatically gone to project timelines, phase one, phase two-and then with sickening clinical detachment, how absolutely brilliant Sherlock might have become. (I think in a sick sense, both of them wanted to see this scenario. Because Sherlock would have definitely been egotistical and curious enough to try and he wouldn't even hide it. And maybe because John wanted, deep down--really far down in his subconscious--for Sherlock--who's saved him from himself, who's saved so many people through his detective work--to come save him too. But John is not John if not for his self-control and his loyalty so he doesn't even think twice about putting precautions in place to prevent exactly that from happening.)
He takes the stairs two at a time and finds Sherlock sitting in the dark with only the moonlight and the upstairs light to illuminate the entire flat. He doesn’t turn as John flips on the light.
“Jesus Christ,” John breathes.
Sherlock steeples his hands and looks straight ahead.
“You didn’t,” John says.
“Couldn’t get past the guards,” Sherlock affirms.
“Are you-what did you think would happen, Sherlock?”
Sherlock looks up at him. “I would find an answer. The cure.”
“Fuck you,” John says disbelievingly, “Fuck you, you absolute bastard.”
Sherlock stands to face John, “Am I wrong? Who better than me to try?”
“I can’t,” John tries to deliver his words steadily but the words choke him, “Your death wish. I’m not going to stand by it, Sherlock.”
“And you would rather I stand by and watch you die?” Sherlock snarls as he stalks forward, “You would rather I watch you become like one of those chimpanzees, who can’t tell their head from their arse, let you wither away in the most undignified way possible?”
“I can fix this,” John shouts back, “I’ve still got time! Why can’t you trust me?”
Sherlock shoves him and his shoulderblades hit the wall. Sherlock closes in, hands fisting at John’s collar. John can feel him trembling. His voice shakes when he speaks.
“I cannot lose you,” Sherlock says, “Do you understand?”
(Ugh I ship these two so much.)
_____
To: kbarrymore@cs.ox.ac.uk
From: jhwatson@medsci.ox.ac.uk
Subject: Relevant papers and query
Hello Keith,
I’ve attached two papers that are relevant to the discussion we had yesterday. The 2003 Kaiser et al. paper is similar to the sort of framework I think would be appropriate for this system, albeit it’s not nearly as complex as ours will be. Let me know what your thoughts are. Also this is a long shot but would you happen to know any materials scientists who might be appropriate for this project? I’m meeting with a couple of biochemists at the end of this week but all of them have worked primarily in drug targeting and I’m looking more for an engineer.
Thanks,
John
_____
To: jhwatson@medsci.ox.ac.uk
From: michxu@pharm.ox.ac.uk
Subject: Specificity?
Hi John,
I really enjoyed our discussion yesterday and you definitely had me thinking about noninvasive measures of tracking, especially with the problem of the blood-brain barrier. In trying to think of ways why your proposed mechanism wouldn’t be feasible, I came across a paper which I am attaching for your consideration. Let me know how you might work around the specificity problem this paper addresses?
Michael
_____
To: jhwatson@medsci.ox.ac.uk
From: clagerman@medsci.ox.ac.uk
Subject: shipments
Made and ordered the primers you wanted. The four antibodies we ordered on Tuesday came in. (Wow I wish I had Clarinda's ordering process--it took us like at least a week and a half to get anything in because our orders went through like fifty million layers of bureaucracy.) I’ve ordered in another twenty mice too and planning to start tox screens on the compounds we narrowed down.
Clarinda
_____
Five months and three weeks after the Baskerville incident, John sits down at his desk in lab and picks up the paper he had been distracted from reading the day before. He stares at it for a long while. Then he sets it down and leaves to take a long walk around campus.
He has lost the ability to read Mandarin. (Pretty sure this should really be Chinese since I think Chinese characters are the same regardless of whether you speak Mandarin or Cantonese but oh well.)
_____
He loses Urdu and Hindi before he pulls Dr. Stapleton aside.
“I think it’s starting,” he says, “How quickly can we set it up?”
“Subramanian hasn’t sent the revised schematic yet,” Dr. Stapleton says, “And we’re still in negotiations with the hospital to use their power grid.” (Oh man, so my lab was associated with a pretty major hospital and I was talking with an electrician this one time and the monthly power bills for the hospital? From what I remember, it was definitely at least hundreds of thousands of dollars. Not something I ever really thought about and it makes sense in retrospect but dammmmmn.)
She catches his arm as he turns away, “John. Are you sure?”
John swallows and nods.
_____
John spends most of his day at work copying his shorthand notes into a longer form that other people can understand. Sometimes he finds himself staring at an abbreviation or acronym, a string of words that had meant something to him at once and he can’t remember what it means at all.
He reads articles in French at least once a day, just to make sure that he hasn’t lost that too-but when it takes him nearly ten minutes to struggle through an introduction, he stops.
Dr. Stapleton hands him a stapled packet with a new set of Raven’s Progressive Matrices and says, “I don’t want to be insensitive, John.”
“No,” he says and picks up a pen, “I understand.”
It takes all his concentration to finish in thirty minutes.
_____
When John gets home, Sherlock is playing his violin. A series of short angry notes punctuates the silence as John closes the door behind him and then Sherlock stops playing.
John’s taking off his coat when Sherlock begins to loosen his bow and asks, “When did it start?”
John freezes. He keeps his voice neutral, “Pardon?”
“When did phase two start?” Sherlock turns around, bow still in hand.
“What makes you think-”
“Do not take me for an imbecile, John,” Sherlock snaps, “It takes you longer to read things. You haven’t been writing down your ideas as often as before and there are persistent ink smears on the side of your hand-you’ve obviously been copying your notes. Which could only mean one thing: when did it start?”
John rubs his forehead and relents, “Earlier this week.”
“And how long will it be?” (Yes Sherlock, ask all of the insensitive questions.)
John takes a breath and considers telling Sherlock to go fuck himself. But what he says instead is, “Two, maybe three months.”
_____
John’s half asleep when the knock comes at his door.
“What?” John mumbles.
The door opens. Sherlock steps into the room. John opens his eyes more fully and looks at him.
Sherlock stands at the foot of his bed. John can’t see his face clearly in the dim light. Standstill.
John breathes through his nose and then moves over to make room for Sherlock. Sherlock climbs beneath the covers next to him and John turns toward him.
“Sherlock?”
Sherlock touches his lips and the question dies before John can ask it. Sherlock traces the curve of his cheek, his jawline, and stops over the heartbeat in John’s neck. John’s breathing shallows out.
“Do you understand?” Sherlock whispers.
(But seriously guys, you should make out.)
_____
John makes coffee. He stirs sugar into one of the cups.
“Do you know what I’ve planned to do?” he asks. He can hear Sherlock’s footsteps pause outside the kitchen.
“If it works, it will be revolutionary,” John continues.
Sherlock steps next to him. He takes the cup with sugar.
“You inspired me, you know,” John says.
Sherlock takes a sip of coffee, looking out the kitchen window at the students passing below.
“I’m going to take a screenshot of my mind,” John says, “And when we perfect the growth serum, I’ll restore my brain to that screenshot.”
Sherlock looks at him.
“It’ll work,” John says and he wills them both to believe that it’s true.
_____
To: jhwatson@medsci.ox.ac.uk
From: clagerman@medsci.ox.ac.uk
Subject: success
The engineers found a more efficient circuitry path to overcome that issue with overheating. I assume Mr. Holmes has already emailed you about the hospital setting aside three generators in a couple of weeks? Pretty sure it’s because my American friends got whiff of the machine and they’ve been salivating at the chance to see it tested. There’s no way Oxford’s going to let the NIH steal such an important project. (Keeping in with the spirit of Sherlock BBC's attitude of "THOSE DAMN AMERICANS.")
Clarinda
PS. You realize that if this works, you could name your price at any institution, right?
_____
To: clagerman@medsci.ox.ac.uk
From: jhwatson@medsci.ox.ac.uk
Subject: Re: success
Please keep me updated on the efficiency of the new ratios in the growth serum. How long until we move to chimpanzees?
John
PS. Flattering but unlikely.
_____
John forgets the equations governing the color states of gluons. He forgets how to read Russian. He forgets the bond length of silicon.
He cannot translate any more of his old notes because he doesn’t understand them.
Dr. Stapleton hands him another test. This time, he takes the entire hour. He avoids looking at the pity on her face when he gives it back to her.
_____
When they put his head into the machine, John feels a sense of déjà-vu. He knows that he designed the machine, that he had worked out kinks in the application of theory with the engineers. He knows he helped pick the materials surrounding his head. But when he closes his eyes and tries to recite what every part does, he’s at a loss for words.
Sherlock waits for him in the lobby. He stands when John walks through the doors, a bit unsteady on his feet from the mild sedatives they gave him to make him stay as still as possible.
John nearly trips over an elevated bit of pavement when they leave the hospital and Sherlock hauls him back, keeps an arm around his shoulders. John leans into him.
“I think we should go back to London,” John says.
(I cut here in my journal because it's pretty much the divide between the before and the after. Doesn't apply to the AO3 version, obviously.)
to part three