(no subject)
my parents are starting to worry about me, i think. they keep saying i look sad all the time. maybe i am. i'm so sick of forcing smiles on my face. even if i did look sad, no one would think anything of it. i hate when i start to go back to that place. that mind set i had all through middle school and to the beginning of this school year. it controlled me. i hate the fact that no matter what i do, i always go back. that hell that controlled my acts and my thoughts. i keep thinking that i'm getting better, but i never do. i always go back. i just have this temperary happiness that lasts for such a short time. i always think, "hey, i finally found something that will last," but it never does. it's my sick, twisted fate. will i ever be completely happy? i'm not sure. i need it. no one can help me find it but me. maybe it's there, but i just haven't realized it yet. maybe it's right in front of my face. these feelings have blurred my vision.
edit1: i need to hang out with kelly this weekend. i need to get my mind off things.
edit2: i'm in a good mood now. my guitar lessons with james completely made my day. i <3 singing snoop dogg with him.
dropitlikeitshawt. snoooooooop.
it's funny how even after such a crappy day, you're the only person that can bring a real smile to my face. <3