Apparently nothing. Apparently nothing at all. You don't. You don't. You don't see me. You don't see me at all.

I still remember it. His gestures and how he would look me straight in the eye and tell me how much he loved the good person I was. It wasn't just the looks or my quirkiness that he loved. He would come up close and touch with his finger the middle of my chest. "This right here is what I love most." He said I was the best person he'd ever known. ( Read more... )

My mom found that picture among four others. #5. I didn't remember it existed. Champion. 312. Oh universe... please tell me this is not a trick. 3rd time is the charm? I don't want to hurt again. I haven't fallen yet. Don't let me fall if he won't catch me. I'm scared of heights.

Sugar? Yes please.

Sometimes I think I may be bat shit crazy. I'm a happy soul, what can I say. :) I like someone who doesn't seem to have any interest in me and here I am listening to songs on repeat that for some reason or other make me think of him. I close my eyes and just see those gorgeous green eyes looking back. And I can hear that sweet voice in my ears. I ( Read more... )

There are several departments in my heart to store different kinds of love and affection. I just fired everyone in one department, closed the door, and hid the key. I wonder if anyone will someday find it.

Since I broke up with Rafael (Friday July 25, 2014) I've had time to get back in touch with Eddie, Kevin, Ramon, AJ, and Andy. I sent them friends requests on Facebook and all accepted. They were all happy to hear from me again. This was a big surprise to me. I thought they all hated me for the letter I wrote them back in 2008. Not the case ( Read more... )

I've regained my composure after last night. What an eye opener! After reading so many of my past entries, I knew it all along. It would end some day. I always knew there was something off about my relationship with Rafael. But I held on to a dream I was promised would come true. But I was lied to. And that hurts so much. I knew it after he fucked ( Read more... )

I know what I want. It's just going to take a while. A while for things to fall back into place. Because my whole world has been turned. But I feel free. I am happy. I don't want another disappointment. I don't want to feel this emptiness... this void. Gotta keep busy. Gotta fill it with all that makes me happy. But I'll leave a special place for ( Read more... )

I've been painting... I'm liking it a lot. I wonder just how many I can make in a year. Maybe I can sell some someday. I feel crappy today. :/ I don't like being a person. In my next life, I rather be anything but a person. Too much shit to worry about because if you don't worry then bad shit happens.

I'm very thankful of having my job... that being said...
I'M SOOOOOOOO BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!