On friendships and surprise revelations

[enchanter]

Last night's work party, organized on a whim to get smashed after a particularly difficult week, yielded a surprise revelation I was not quite expecting.

I met T at my first job back in 2007 when she came to work with us as a project manager. She didn't really like me at first--didn't dislike me, either, just didn't care either way, and I know

Comments

[nausicaa83]

I definitely know what you mean. In my case (and I'm working on it in therapy, but it's hard) it's the fear of loving someone because everyone I have ever loved has died.

But the problem is that we human beings see patterns, but there are no patterns, there's no such thing. So even if ten people broke your heart, even if all my family has died, that doesn't mean anything. There is no pattern. It's not even 50/50 on her leaving eventually, because the fact that she loves you so much gives much more probability to the fact that she won't abandon you.

I think in the end it would hurt a lot even if you were to distance yourself first. So why not enjoy her friendship now. Life is short, we should fill ourselves up with the good parts.

And now a mental hug because I really wish I could hug you right now.

[enchanter]

I definitely know what you mean. In my case (and I'm working on it in therapy, but it's hard) it's the fear of loving someone because everyone I have ever loved has died.

This is what stops me from having my own family despite 12 years worth of a romantic relationship. Things went way south starting with my father's death when I was a kid.

I think in some ways I'm stuck at 11 despite being 31, and while it annoys me and I do work on it, and sometimes think I've made headway, there are things, situations, that push me right back to square one. Serious nuisance.

Actually though, whenever I think of you and your experiences I realize I'm probably being silly. Those awful things life likes to deal out can't be compared, and different things break different people, but I often think--if you survived what you did, way worse than anything I've known, then I can, too.

You make a good point about the patterns. I need to think about that more.

I think in the end it would hurt a lot even if you were to distance yourself first. So why not