LJ Idol, Season 10: Week 22 - Trespassers William

[encrefloue]

She wakes you

Comments

[beeker121]

I wondered who these people were and then forgot everything in your rhythms and sounds and described physicality. Then that last sentence slammed me back into wanting to know who they are, and why, and shivering at something that just isn't right.

[encrefloue]

Such a wonderful comment, thank you. I really appreciate the look into the reader's perspective and experience of the piece.

[swirlsofblue]

Ooh intriguing and creepy. Great piece.

[encrefloue]

Thank you so much!

[halfshellvenus]

I thought these two were lovers at first, but then the mood drifted from passion to something uneasy and out-of-control, and not in a good way!

By the end, I thought these two were probably siblings, where the sister might be psychotic and this is not the first night the main character has been subject to her visitations and had to wonder just how bad things are going to get.

[encrefloue]

Well read, thanks for sharing your reader's perspective! I'm glad that the piece was able to strike a balance between ambiguity and clarity.

[flipflop_diva]

I, too, thought that they were lovers for a bit. First it was just chilling, then I thought that and then the end brought it back to just chilling. The imagery, and the sounds, and the not really knowing what is happening, made it really intense and powerful and definitely a bit scary.

[marlawentmad]

I began reading this as a poem, and I think it works amazing as one, onomatopoeia and all. There is such crisp descriptions in this to really put your body in the character's body.