LJ Idol Season 11: Week 22 - Write-off Open Topic

[encrefloue]

In us, the status

In this, the stasis-

the blithely unblemished birthmarks

that conduct rituals in our blind spots,

that weave their mourning hegemony

(their morning testimony

of our sorcery,

of our dereliction,

of our charming fallacies)

into heraldic necklaces-

each bead sewn onto fledgling, puffy breaths

that coil around our tongues

like lovers we never

Comments

[halfshellvenus]

I really liked the "that similarly leave us" theme winding its way through to the finish here, and

that coil around our tongues
like lovers we never intended to bed,
or lies we never intended to birth,
and that similarly leave us
wooed,
subdued,

every part of the language and flow and meaning in that section!

[tonithegreat]

I really love your wordsmithing, whether in poem or song and this is such a strong example of it. The bronchioles near the end are so timely. And I really like the concept of the status and the stasis in this strange online portion of life.