LJ Idol Season 11: Week 27 - "Values are like fingerprints."

[encrefloue]

Progress

The gales were clamorous throes of derision

threshing across our split and deceitful knuckles,

splaying the remnants of a rook’s contumely

upon our eardrums.

Our vision blotted,

dense and ruddy with the ire of a renounced ancestor.

Comments

[viagra]

I really liked this. It's strange to see such a short piece, but I think it works because it's just so dense, even in those few lines. I found myself going over it again and again. The way one can feel almost trapped by those that came before, blinded by the values that are impressed upon them by those that had the same values impressed upon them in a previous generation, going back who knows how long, is pretty heavy in this for me. The subject seems very passive; they are letting these things be pushed upon them because they believe that is the way it needs to be, but at the same time, they seem to recognize that perhaps what is real is being obscured by those things, which is... hopeless and hopeful at the same time.

[karmasoup]

Ah, but passivity negates the ancestor being renounced. Renunciation suggests the subjects have shrugged off what has been pushed upon them, thus invoking said ancestor's ire. ;-)

[encrefloue]

Thanks for the consideration in your reading! It thrilled that you were drawn to read it repeatedly, as that was one of my key intentions.

[dadi]

This is a piece that just continues giving...reading over it again and again, these few words reveal something new every time!

[encrefloue]

This is a truly lovely compliment-thank you! It was one of my key intentions to pull the reader back in for more readings, so I'm ecstatic that you did, and found more nuances as you went! <3

[kittenboo]

What an intense little piece!

[encrefloue]

Thank you!

[alycewilson]

I like the intensity and the depth of meaning in these lines.

[encrefloue]

Thank you so much, and for reading and commenting!

[rayaso]

You packed an awful lot into your poem. It is a great example of what can be accomplished in a short poem.

[encrefloue]

Thank you so much-I'm thrilled that you see the approach as valid.