I feel like I'm wasting my time.
memories break (1:05:20 AM): god, i've been so bi-polar lately. i'm sorry, matt-o. i'm just so sick of everything. i need to relax.
xshaftyx (1:05:32 AM): Yeah...seriously.
xshaftyx (1:05:38 AM): Calm down everything is ALRIGHT.
memories break (1:05:54 AM): no more coheed tonight. mmmkay.
memories break (1:06:30 AM): everything is STRESSING me out. it's like... in hawaii, most of my friends were guys. and now most of my friends in california are girls and they're all about the DRAMA.
xshaftyx (1:07:26 AM): I dunno, I have a lot of girl friends...it's not THAT bad.
memories break (1:07:29 AM): and i've never really experienced backstabbing, petty, high-schoolerish girl drama until recently. and it's a little overwhelming.
xshaftyx (1:07:35 AM): If it's a problem, then just associate yourself with guys.
memories break (1:07:46 AM): no, no. it's not that.
memories break (1:07:59 AM): i'll tell you, but it'll take a little typing. is that okay?
xshaftyx (1:08:06 AM): yep
memories break (1:09:20 AM): i was really good friends with lorraine. i confided pretty much everything to her... we started working @ torrid together in september and everything was wonderful until i came back from hawaii at the beginning of september.
xshaftyx (1:09:39 AM): mmhmm
memories break (1:10:04 AM): the girls @ torrid met me after work one day and told me that lorraine had been talking to nam (my ex-boyfriend) and telling him EVERYTHING that i told her about the two of us and our relationship together. the good, the bad. so they're dating now.
memories break (1:10:32 AM): and apparentally, she's been talking smack about me, saying that she hates me because i get along better with everyone and all of the girls like me better than her.
xshaftyx (1:10:58 AM): Well girls do tend to get jealous of each other.
memories break (1:11:24 AM): but does that give her a good reason to hate me? that's stupid! i loved her, everything and anything about her.
xshaftyx (1:12:27 AM): Well, I dunno, have you had a one on one talk with her?
memories break (1:12:44 AM): she's been pitting all of the girls against one another and all of the managers against one another. so kim and angelica quit... and because of all of these "anonymous" complaints against one of our managers, shayne, she got suspended.
memories break (1:13:00 AM): i have. and she told me all of the girls lied, she started pointing fingers and naming names.
xshaftyx (1:13:09 AM): Maybe you should meet new people?
memories break (1:13:17 AM): you're not helping, nevermind.
memories break (1:13:19 AM): i'm sorry.
memories break (1:13:27 AM): i shouldn't have said anything at all.
memories break (1:13:32 AM): you don't understand.
memories break (1:13:54 AM): and i feel overwhelmed. and it's... no. it's not working.
xshaftyx (1:14:18 AM): ok
memories break (1:15:38 AM): i just wish that it wasn't me dumping all of this on you at once.
memories break (1:15:48 AM): because if you knew the whole picture, it would be different?
xshaftyx (1:16:01 AM): I guess it would...but I don't...so...
memories break (1:16:11 AM): i want to tell lorraine that i don't want to be friends with her anymore. but she's everywhere. we work together.
memories break (1:16:15 AM): we have class together.
memories break (1:16:44 AM): and i'm afraid that she'll do something bad to me if i try and tell her how i really feel.
xshaftyx (1:16:49 AM): Bad?
memories break (1:17:04 AM): like kick my ass.
memories break (1:17:09 AM): prank call my house.
memories break (1:17:12 AM): kill one of my dogs.
xshaftyx (1:17:34 AM): Well be civil about things.
memories break (1:17:34 AM): she's a big fan of revenge, as i've learned from her stories about ex-boyfriends and ex-best-friends.
xshaftyx (1:17:41 AM): Just start subtly hanging out with other people.
memories break (1:17:51 AM): i am.
memories break (1:17:55 AM): but work? school?
memories break (1:18:03 AM): i'm just so lost at what to do.
xshaftyx (1:18:29 AM): It's not high school...you can get along with someone and not be friends with them.
memories break (1:19:25 AM): i know it's not high school.
memories break (1:19:57 AM): okay, this is the reason that i've always felt like i couldn't talk to you... because you're so patronizing. it's just the internet, so it's hard for me to tell the tone of what you're saying, right?
memories break (1:20:05 AM): but i've always felt that you looked down on me...
memories break (1:20:27 AM): and that makes it hard for me to talk to you without seeming like i'm just complaining for no reason.
xshaftyx (1:20:27 AM): I don't look down on anyone.
xshaftyx (1:20:31 AM): We all make mistakes.
xshaftyx (1:20:36 AM): I'm not the greatest person either.
xshaftyx (1:20:44 AM): I just tend to be blunt with things.
memories break (1:20:48 AM): it's not that.
memories break (1:20:59 AM): it's just the way that you word things.
xshaftyx (1:21:22 AM): how so?
memories break (1:23:24 AM): i wish i was good at explaining things.
xshaftyx (1:23:58 AM): Hmm.
memories break (1:24:03 AM): i just don't feel like you listen to me. that's all. i want compassion... not...
memories break (1:24:06 AM): i don't know.
memories break (1:24:13 AM): it's not you. it's me.
xshaftyx (1:24:15 AM): I listen, but it's the internet.
memories break (1:24:24 AM): thank you, captain obvious. heh.
memories break (1:24:56 AM): we just need to not mention this conversation ever again. it is so totally not my best.
xshaftyx (1:24:57 AM): askldfja
memories break (1:25:09 AM): i'm having a nervous breakdown. arrrgh.
xshaftyx (1:25:24 AM): Calm down.
memories break (1:27:01 AM): i feel the need to cut.
memories break (1:27:02 AM): brb.
xshaftyx (1:27:10 AM): ugh
memories break (1:28:43 AM): back, just got a glass of water instead.
memories break (1:29:24 AM): i'm sorry. i'm being a total tweak.
memories break (1:31:18 AM): and you're nodding in agreement. and i've prolly scared the living daylights out of you.
memories break (1:31:33 AM): or disgusted you.
memories break (1:31:40 AM): either way...
xshaftyx (1:32:56 AM): No I just don't find it necessary to do that to yourself.
memories break (1:33:50 AM): i know.
memories break (1:34:06 AM): cutting is my way of punishing myself.
xshaftyx (1:34:16 AM): Well there's no reason for thait either.
memories break (1:34:32 AM): somehow, i always seem to find reason.
xshaftyx (1:34:52 AM): Ever think that it's not your fault?
memories break (1:35:48 AM): no.
memories break (1:35:56 AM): somehow... it always is.
memories break (1:36:19 AM): i feel like i bring things upon myself. and that i deserve whatever bad happens to me... because... i'm a bad person.
memories break (1:36:24 AM): honestly.
xshaftyx (1:36:29 AM): Well you're not.
xshaftyx (1:37:26 AM): and we all have bad traits to us.
xshaftyx (1:37:32 AM): even myself.
memories break (1:38:57 AM): by comparison, i don't feel like everyone is worse.
xshaftyx (1:39:08 AM): Hmm
memories break (1:40:25 AM): but i figure... that one day i'll change my mind... i just have to be patient with myself.
xshaftyx (1:40:57 AM): it'll be okay.
memories break (1:41:11 AM): maybe.
memories break (1:41:13 AM): hopefully.
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I'm sorry, Matthew.
Really
Really
REALLY
Sorry.
I'm just insane.