love-poem to donna paulsen in the avengers universe
Title: competency
Fandom: suits usa x avengers mcu
Characters: donna paulsen, hawkeye clint bolton, louis litt, jessica pearson
Warnings: ridiculous and highly out of character, everyone is a superhero but whatever it's funny
Summary: daniel hardman, supervillain is planning an invasion of new york and its up to pearson hardpan!heroes to save the day. clint bolton, aka hawk eye, gets sent into rescue black widow, donna paulsen but doesn't cos this damsel don't need no man
Donna is listened to. Donna is respected.
'Fuck you, Louis. You're going to get this entire city killed because you're such an egregious jackass.'
Sometimes.
Louis raised an eyebrow in contempt, did something on his iPad and looked at her like a kicked puppy because really what was he going to do as a IT consultant. He didn't know what to do with the imminent threat of apocalypse.
'I need the army, the marines, the fucking FBI and a goddamn nuclear weapon. What can you give me?'
She tsked impatiently as the file loaded in typical SHIELD melodrama and let out a disgusted snarl when the picture popped up.
'You're sending me one mother fucking archer? Are you out of your mind? 8 million people are going to die because of you today.'
'We're not sending you an archer. We're sending you Barton.'
And Louis blinked at Jessica for a millisecond before he tripped over his teeth trying to get his thanks out.
B-barton? Donna do you know who-'
And Donna just shook her head because of course she fucking knows who that is. She let out a disgusted huff and pointed at the screen to the tiny infrared dots as Jessica moved to shut off the connection, Nick Fury beckoning her towards the conference room.
'That's going to be blood on your hands, Jessica.'
'Look Paulsen, make it work,' she told the woman, invoking command in her use of Donna's last name. 'I haven't got time to send out the cavalry. There's a crisis in Sudan,' Jessica said pointedly, waving Fury off. 'I'll be there in a second,' she told him dismissively and then turned back to her agent, 'It's a hot zone, I know that, but I want you to fix it until we can send in support.'
Donna rolled her eyes and crossed her arm over her chest as the screen went black. 'Christ, what a goddamn mess.'
'Don't worry Honey, I'm home.'
'And the average intelligence in the room drops exponentially,' Donna retorted, turning to face the smug smile plastered onto Hawkeye's not entirely unfortunate looking facade.
He clasped his hands together; grinning from ear to ear as he approached her dressed in a black tactile suit that left nothing to the imagination.
'Did Catwoman leave her clothes at your place? Or did you dress in the dark this morning?' she asked derisively.
‘Wish it was you?' he replied, smiling broadly as he leant against the desk next to her. ‘So,’ he began, casually, like this was some sort of a coffee date and they'd just bumped into each other and not the possible extermination of millions of innocent and helpless people, ‘what’s the sitch we’re in?’
‘God, why did they send me you. You’re a nightmare.’
Barton shrugged, placing the recurve bow onto her holographic map, the empire state curving awkwardly around the metal. ‘They tell me I’m really good in these situations, girlie.’
‘You want to take your condescending snark somewhere else so we can get to work here?’
He grinned but kept mum and took to thrumming his thumb and forefinger down the bowstring.
Donna rolled her eyes, ‘they could’ve given me someone useful. Where’s Steve?’
‘They sent him to check up on the crisis in Kuwait, he hasn't got time for the little league.'
'Excuse me? New York is now the little league?'
Louis flushed. 'Ever since the aliens. Humans only fight humans now.'
The woman huffed as Jessica interrupted with: 'Well, at least that makes sense.'
T-Minus 3 hours to lockdown protocol.
‘Well how about we focus on what we actually have?’ Louis mumbled.
Donna glares at him and snatches the tablet from Rachel.
‘Fine, if we can’t anyone with any actual skills, I suppose we’ll have to hope you,' she annunciated with a jab to Hawkeye's pectorial region, 'get a few lucky hits.’
He grinned back at her, unfazed.
'Well, ain't this a goddamn riot.'
.
Donna stopped him as they made to step out of the elevator.
‘Look Hawkeye-’
But he cut her off. ‘Yeah Paulsen, I hear you, you don't think I'm the right man for the job. But don’t think I don’t know what’s at stake here. This is my city as much as it is yours. So you better haul ass, find Hardman and do your job so I can do mine.'
She paused.
'Excuse you, I was going to say that as long as you understand that I'm a professional and I'm not going to risk my ass or your ass for that matter and compromise the safety of civilians in spite.'
'Oh.'
'Yeah, oh.'
He cleared his throat, awkwardly adjusting his shoulder strap. 'Well, then, er, ma'am. Goodluck.'
.
'Okay, I'll admit, that was.. artistic.'
He turned to look at her, almost blushing and she wanted to laugh a little. It was so midwest. She kept it in, offering him a small smile and shrugged, bending to grab her thigh holster from where it fell in the disaster.
'Is that, ..that wasn't sarcasm, was it?'
She laughed. 'Up to you.'
'You did well.'
'Well?' she repeated angrily.
'Well, yeah.'
'I did most of the work, you little-'
He scoffed.
'Halfsies.'
.
Jessica is almost ecstatic or as much as the FBI Director can be, considering the circumstances. She does smirk though when Donna hands her a completed report before she hands her Hardman.
'Did you type it in situ?' Jessica asked, her amusement laced in enough pride that Donna obliges her.
'This is why they hired me. My actual talents do extend to multi-tasking.'
'Is that what it was? I always thought it was your-'
But Donna raised an eyebrow. 'I don't think so,' she sing-songs, ruffling Hardman's hair as the little midget mastermind scowls at her.
Jessica actually managed a smile, it's something disconcerting and vague but Donna knew better than to not acknowledge it.
'Goodnight Director.'
'Bright and early tomorrow, Paulsen.'
.
Hawkeye was waiting for her outside the cell, awkwardly watching Fury watch her.
'Paulsen.'
Donna just smiled.
'It's a definite en-oh from me, Fury.'
'This isn't a house call.'
'Oh, so you're not recruiting me?'
'Short-term loan, is what we'd like to call it.'
'I already hate working with you, what makes you think I'm going to be inclined working for you?'
'Better healthcare?' Clint supplied with a ridiculous grin.
'Do I look like Jennifer Garner to you?'
Both of the men just stared at her.
'She was a CIA agent and then she played Elektra in-, you know what? Nevermind.'
Did nobody in this business watch TV?
'We want you in Kuwait.'
'With Captain Underpants?' Donna replied, clapping her hands together in sarcastic glee. 'Have I proven myself enough to play with the big kids?'
'The superbabies, you mean,' Clint supplied, Donna noticing the bitterness in his voice.
Fury just scowled. 'People win wars. Steve is still one of our people.'
'Is Tony Stark one of your people? I only ask because I'm wondering by proxy, if Pepper Potts is one of your people? So that way I can get my people to ask her people where she got her entire shoe collection from.'
She could tell, by this point, Fury was getting agitated, the vein behind his eyepatch starting to convulse. Clint glanced at her, sniggering.
'Alright Fury, I'll do it. Only because I want in on your ball game.'
The Director frowned. 'That's it? No counter play, no negotiating?'
Donna laughed.
'Oh, don't worry. I have conditions. Check your inbox.'
.
Fandom: suits usa x avengers mcu
Characters: donna paulsen, hawkeye clint bolton, louis litt, jessica pearson
Warnings: ridiculous and highly out of character, everyone is a superhero but whatever it's funny
Summary: daniel hardman, supervillain is planning an invasion of new york and its up to pearson hardpan!heroes to save the day. clint bolton, aka hawk eye, gets sent into rescue black widow, donna paulsen but doesn't cos this damsel don't need no man
Donna is listened to. Donna is respected.
'Fuck you, Louis. You're going to get this entire city killed because you're such an egregious jackass.'
Sometimes.
Louis raised an eyebrow in contempt, did something on his iPad and looked at her like a kicked puppy because really what was he going to do as a IT consultant. He didn't know what to do with the imminent threat of apocalypse.
'I need the army, the marines, the fucking FBI and a goddamn nuclear weapon. What can you give me?'
She tsked impatiently as the file loaded in typical SHIELD melodrama and let out a disgusted snarl when the picture popped up.
'You're sending me one mother fucking archer? Are you out of your mind? 8 million people are going to die because of you today.'
'We're not sending you an archer. We're sending you Barton.'
And Louis blinked at Jessica for a millisecond before he tripped over his teeth trying to get his thanks out.
B-barton? Donna do you know who-'
And Donna just shook her head because of course she fucking knows who that is. She let out a disgusted huff and pointed at the screen to the tiny infrared dots as Jessica moved to shut off the connection, Nick Fury beckoning her towards the conference room.
'That's going to be blood on your hands, Jessica.'
'Look Paulsen, make it work,' she told the woman, invoking command in her use of Donna's last name. 'I haven't got time to send out the cavalry. There's a crisis in Sudan,' Jessica said pointedly, waving Fury off. 'I'll be there in a second,' she told him dismissively and then turned back to her agent, 'It's a hot zone, I know that, but I want you to fix it until we can send in support.'
Donna rolled her eyes and crossed her arm over her chest as the screen went black. 'Christ, what a goddamn mess.'
'Don't worry Honey, I'm home.'
'And the average intelligence in the room drops exponentially,' Donna retorted, turning to face the smug smile plastered onto Hawkeye's not entirely unfortunate looking facade.
He clasped his hands together; grinning from ear to ear as he approached her dressed in a black tactile suit that left nothing to the imagination.
'Did Catwoman leave her clothes at your place? Or did you dress in the dark this morning?' she asked derisively.
‘Wish it was you?' he replied, smiling broadly as he leant against the desk next to her. ‘So,’ he began, casually, like this was some sort of a coffee date and they'd just bumped into each other and not the possible extermination of millions of innocent and helpless people, ‘what’s the sitch we’re in?’
‘God, why did they send me you. You’re a nightmare.’
Barton shrugged, placing the recurve bow onto her holographic map, the empire state curving awkwardly around the metal. ‘They tell me I’m really good in these situations, girlie.’
‘You want to take your condescending snark somewhere else so we can get to work here?’
He grinned but kept mum and took to thrumming his thumb and forefinger down the bowstring.
Donna rolled her eyes, ‘they could’ve given me someone useful. Where’s Steve?’
‘They sent him to check up on the crisis in Kuwait, he hasn't got time for the little league.'
'Excuse me? New York is now the little league?'
Louis flushed. 'Ever since the aliens. Humans only fight humans now.'
The woman huffed as Jessica interrupted with: 'Well, at least that makes sense.'
T-Minus 3 hours to lockdown protocol.
‘Well how about we focus on what we actually have?’ Louis mumbled.
Donna glares at him and snatches the tablet from Rachel.
‘Fine, if we can’t anyone with any actual skills, I suppose we’ll have to hope you,' she annunciated with a jab to Hawkeye's pectorial region, 'get a few lucky hits.’
He grinned back at her, unfazed.
'Well, ain't this a goddamn riot.'
.
Donna stopped him as they made to step out of the elevator.
‘Look Hawkeye-’
But he cut her off. ‘Yeah Paulsen, I hear you, you don't think I'm the right man for the job. But don’t think I don’t know what’s at stake here. This is my city as much as it is yours. So you better haul ass, find Hardman and do your job so I can do mine.'
She paused.
'Excuse you, I was going to say that as long as you understand that I'm a professional and I'm not going to risk my ass or your ass for that matter and compromise the safety of civilians in spite.'
'Oh.'
'Yeah, oh.'
He cleared his throat, awkwardly adjusting his shoulder strap. 'Well, then, er, ma'am. Goodluck.'
.
'Okay, I'll admit, that was.. artistic.'
He turned to look at her, almost blushing and she wanted to laugh a little. It was so midwest. She kept it in, offering him a small smile and shrugged, bending to grab her thigh holster from where it fell in the disaster.
'Is that, ..that wasn't sarcasm, was it?'
She laughed. 'Up to you.'
'You did well.'
'Well?' she repeated angrily.
'Well, yeah.'
'I did most of the work, you little-'
He scoffed.
'Halfsies.'
.
Jessica is almost ecstatic or as much as the FBI Director can be, considering the circumstances. She does smirk though when Donna hands her a completed report before she hands her Hardman.
'Did you type it in situ?' Jessica asked, her amusement laced in enough pride that Donna obliges her.
'This is why they hired me. My actual talents do extend to multi-tasking.'
'Is that what it was? I always thought it was your-'
But Donna raised an eyebrow. 'I don't think so,' she sing-songs, ruffling Hardman's hair as the little midget mastermind scowls at her.
Jessica actually managed a smile, it's something disconcerting and vague but Donna knew better than to not acknowledge it.
'Goodnight Director.'
'Bright and early tomorrow, Paulsen.'
.
Hawkeye was waiting for her outside the cell, awkwardly watching Fury watch her.
'Paulsen.'
Donna just smiled.
'It's a definite en-oh from me, Fury.'
'This isn't a house call.'
'Oh, so you're not recruiting me?'
'Short-term loan, is what we'd like to call it.'
'I already hate working with you, what makes you think I'm going to be inclined working for you?'
'Better healthcare?' Clint supplied with a ridiculous grin.
'Do I look like Jennifer Garner to you?'
Both of the men just stared at her.
'She was a CIA agent and then she played Elektra in-, you know what? Nevermind.'
Did nobody in this business watch TV?
'We want you in Kuwait.'
'With Captain Underpants?' Donna replied, clapping her hands together in sarcastic glee. 'Have I proven myself enough to play with the big kids?'
'The superbabies, you mean,' Clint supplied, Donna noticing the bitterness in his voice.
Fury just scowled. 'People win wars. Steve is still one of our people.'
'Is Tony Stark one of your people? I only ask because I'm wondering by proxy, if Pepper Potts is one of your people? So that way I can get my people to ask her people where she got her entire shoe collection from.'
She could tell, by this point, Fury was getting agitated, the vein behind his eyepatch starting to convulse. Clint glanced at her, sniggering.
'Alright Fury, I'll do it. Only because I want in on your ball game.'
The Director frowned. 'That's it? No counter play, no negotiating?'
Donna laughed.
'Oh, don't worry. I have conditions. Check your inbox.'
.