Comments | enemyoftheheir: Some tomione crap.

enemyoftheheir

Some tomione crap.

Dec 28, 2011 15:27

Happy belated Christmas to my f-list. This is more of a lump of coal than a present, but nevertheless, it is more writing than I've managed to do in weeks.

Poll: do I post this on ff-net, or is it too crappy to bother?

Title: Truth or Dare (or Game Theory; haven't decided)
Rating: T for sexuality, language, and adult situations (such as holiday ( Read more... )

fluff, tomione, fanfiction

Comments 11

meriquee December 28 2011, 22:51:54 UTC

Oh don't be disappointed in yourself. I honestly can't see why you don't like this ._.
This is actually an awesome bit of writing. Alright, I'm not a native speaker and can't tell you a lot about grammar and stuff (though I actually tend to recognize wrong grammar in fanfiction), but I love the way the story flows and they way you described everything.
I love how you invent an AU-Situation with those two and it sounds so believable.
I loved the idea of truth and dare. I also liked how you described the cold outside - I could almost hear the frozen lawn crunching under their feet.
The skinny dipping scene was both funny and exciting, I was anxious for them not getting caught!
I really really liked it and I'm thankful you posted this here!
Greetings :)

enemyoftheheir December 28 2011, 23:18:06 UTC

Thank you so much, meri!!

I think I will revise it, and add some scenes at the beginning that take place prior to the xmas party to better establish the sort of friendship they have.

meriquee December 29 2011, 00:39:38 UTC

That would be really awesome :). I'd love to read some extra scenes that give insight into their friendship!

constantreader7 December 29 2011, 02:04:55 UTC

This was wonderful! I can't understand why you're so insecure about it... Hermione and Tom were both, in my opinion, perfectly written. I love the dynamic that you created between them.

enemyoftheheir December 29 2011, 14:09:53 UTC

thank you! i wish I could demonstrate that dynamic better; I don't think they had enough buildup in this one.

beyondthemoor December 29 2011, 03:10:21 UTC

It felt more slightly more drawn out than you usually write -- I'm used to seeing more distinct separations between the chapters/scenes, so this flowed a bit differently than your usual style.

I like your Hermione (and reluctant!Tom), but I do miss the usual, sharp antagonism you give them. ;)

It came across (to me) as a softer, fluffier version of your usual style. ;)

... are you sure this isn't a case of 'smut-writing-withdrawal'? ;) I can tell you want to -- putting their rooms side-by-side, the tension between them when Tom admits he's been wanting to kiss 'Mione for 7 AGONIZING years, the skinny-dipping lead-up!?

(kidding!)

However, this didn't have the usual high-stakes tension between these two I've come to expect -- is it just that it is a more laid-back version of their relationship? : )

enemyoftheheir December 29 2011, 03:34:20 UTC

it was written in a really fragmented way-first I had the idea for them playing truth-or-dare, then the holiday party setting to get them to that point, then the skinny-dipping, and then the kiss at the end to tie things off ( ... )

One last thing beyondthemoor December 29 2011, 03:31:40 UTC

Hon, you need to give yourself a break. ;)

Seriously--take a breath, and hold it, and exhale slowly. : ) It's ok to walk away from writing until it hits you again with something *youneedtowrite*. It's ok to indulge in other things. Look at things that you've never done before -- you never know when a new angle'll catch your attention and inspire you! ;)

(hence why I go dirt-biking, race-driving, hopping to the studio at all hours of the night... er, and bounce between so many fandoms never finishing anything... but it gives me lots of fun ideas!)

You're interested in *so many* different things -- look back on the things you enjoyed reading and doing, and breathe again. You've been going full-tilt this entire past term -- it sounds like you're feeling a bit of burn. Go get a nice bowl of fruit, a good book or movie, and indulge for a bit. ^_^ Do some yoga, stretch out the kinks, maybe lie on your back on a hardwood floor and just breathe and let your imagination go.

*relax* ;)

Take care!

Re: One last thing enemyoftheheir December 29 2011, 14:11:13 UTC

Good advice, lady :)

Yeah, I think today I am going to just go to the nearest bookstore and catch up on some reading I've been meaning to get to :D

kimbiablue January 1 2012, 06:17:46 UTC

I wonder why you don't like this. :o I thought it was really cute, and especially the cut-off at the end there - it was quite nice. Leaves off at a good point.

And damn you straight to hell, because I swear you always put lovely pictures of Tom and his body in my mind. *shakes fist*

<3