fanfiction | exo : take my hand and reach towards the light
title: take my hand and reach towards the light
genre: angst ;; comfort
pairing(s): chanyeol x baekhyun (mentions of sehun x luhan ;; tao x kris)
word Count: 1060
rating: pg-13
warning: character death
Notes: for aideshou's Challenge o1 with picture prompt © and prompt "retrouvaille - (noun) the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation" ©
Tongues of flame and floating ashes - they’re calling him back again.
They sing and dance raucously, drinking themselves into oblivion - eleven friends, remembering, but trying to forget, their lost friends, finding consolation in the raging bonfire in the middle of the field.
Someone throws another empty bottle into the fire, bang, a flare lights up the night sky in an array of orange and red before settling back down to its usual sway.
‘Ch-hyung would’ve liked this, wouldn’t he?’ Jongin slurs as he slumps down next to Baekhyun, watching as Luhan attempts to get closer than the five metre distance everyone maintains. He jumps back before he reaches four metres, head burrowing into Sehun’s neck as the younger man leads him away, rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. No-one would ever get close - they’re too afraid.
‘He would’ve been able to touch it, wouldn’t he?’ Jongin continues, waving his half empty bottle in front of him, unaware of the sharp intake of breath from the person beside him. ‘He di- Shit! No! Baekhyun!’
The shorter man is standing, a foot half-raised in the air, ready to take a step forward.
‘No! Baekhyun! I didn’t mean it!’ Jongin wobbles as he attempts to stand up, but the dizziness from the sudden movement causes him to flop to the ground again, hopeless as he watches Baekhyun slowly, mechanically gravitate towards the fire, arm reaching out towards the flickering flames.
‘No, Beef, don’t,’ Tao pleads, appearing in Jongin’s vision, Wufan, as always, a footstep behind, the ever silent guardian. ‘Beef, please stay. We need you. Chanyeol needs you to stay.’
It’s the first time anyone’s dared to say the name since he died, the first time anyone had attempted further than a meagre ‘Ch’ before converting to a ‘him’ or ‘hyung’. And they feel the change in the air, as if the fire was responding to the name. It flickers and flares, climbing, weaving its way higher into the sky, dancing, mocking the tears that flow down their cheeks.
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The fire…’ Baekhyun sighs, arm limply by his side as he sinks to the ground, simply entranced by the sparks and flares.
'Do you hear me? I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard.'
It was their first song, the song he’d sung in one of their school’s music rooms, jokingly, but secretly, sincerely, confessing to his best friend. Chanyeol had captured his lips when he’d finished, wrapping long arms around him, only to be chased out by Kyungsoo moments later, laughing and smiling, holding hands.
'I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again'
No-one moves, silently listening to the angel voice floating from his lips. As he murmurs the end of the verse, Tao slowly approaches him, arms wrapping him in an embrace. But it's not warm enough for Baekhyun. He shrugs off his arms, slowly rising and shuffling, step by step, towards the blazing light.
Five metres.
‘I want him.’
Four metres.
‘I need him.’
Three metres.
‘I can see him.’
Two metres.
‘I can feel him.’
One metre.
A flicker of flame caresses his cheeks, drying his tears as he basks in the heat of the fire.
They’re all frozen in the background, unable to move, unable to stop him from wrapping his hand around the tongues flying free from the bonfire. They can’t do anything to prevent him from catching the free embers, tasting the bitterness of the ashes on the tip of his tongue. They just stand and watch, as Baekhyun tries to find a connection with Chanyeol, the corners of his lips twitching as the numbing pain of the burn creeps upon his hand.
He’s been broken, beyond repair, for a year, ever since Chanyeol set alight their shared apartment as he prepared a surprise for their fifth anniversary.
When Baekhyun returned, it had been too late.
Tao and Kris had found him, guttural sobs wracking his exhausted frame. He watched, unseeing, through a curtain of tears, as the firemen extinguished the last of the flames and carried out the cremated remains of his lover.
From then on, he lived in a state of half-awareness, barely awake to stir and sip at the bowl of lukewarm soup Kyungsoo makes every day. He sits in his bed, staring blankly at the white wall opposite. Occasionally, his eyes widen, lightening up as he reaches out for someone no-one but he can see.
'Ch-'
The same syllable, over and over again.
And they're careful not to say any more than that syllable when they visit him, one by one, always silently accompanying him, worry digging its way through their guts as he asks if they can see him, if they can hear him, if they can feel him. They can’t answer him, afraid he would break just a little bit more if they say ‘no’, but scared for his sanity if they answer ‘yes’; they merely blink, the corners of their lips pulled into a sad grimace.
It's heart-breaking, silently watching as he loses just a little bit more of himself each day when they make no reply to his questions. But they've held him back for far too long, for a year too long.
So all they can do now is let him go, let him find peace. All they can do is watch, silently, teardrops sliding down their cheeks. He turns to face them, the fire embracing him in a loving grip - and yes, they can see him now - eyes crinkled into crescents as his lips blossom into a smile of satisfaction and joy.
It's his first smile in a year. And it's his last.
-x-
A year later, they’ve moved on, continuing with life as it comes, but they still remain drinking themselves into oblivion in front of the blazing fire, alight in the middle of the same field.
And if they look closely enough, they see the grinning faces of their two lost friends, dancing, reunited, in the flames.
Extra Notes:
- shameless use of jason mraz & colbie caillat's lucky which i ♥ very much
- please excuse this piece of verbal vomit, i have no idea what i'm writing, but it vaguely has some semblance of something like a plot, but i'm not entirely sure. it's also the first time i've taken longer than half an hour at four in the morning to write, as well as the first time i've actually gone through and changed things rather than bluergh it all out...
- i had my friend check over it for any grammatical/spelling fails, but she has no knowledge of exo, so i'm not too sure about the portrayal of the characters. concrit is very much appreciated~ ^^
genre: angst ;; comfort
pairing(s): chanyeol x baekhyun (mentions of sehun x luhan ;; tao x kris)
word Count: 1060
rating: pg-13
warning: character death
Notes: for aideshou's Challenge o1 with picture prompt © and prompt "retrouvaille - (noun) the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation" ©
Tongues of flame and floating ashes - they’re calling him back again.
They sing and dance raucously, drinking themselves into oblivion - eleven friends, remembering, but trying to forget, their lost friends, finding consolation in the raging bonfire in the middle of the field.
Someone throws another empty bottle into the fire, bang, a flare lights up the night sky in an array of orange and red before settling back down to its usual sway.
‘Ch-hyung would’ve liked this, wouldn’t he?’ Jongin slurs as he slumps down next to Baekhyun, watching as Luhan attempts to get closer than the five metre distance everyone maintains. He jumps back before he reaches four metres, head burrowing into Sehun’s neck as the younger man leads him away, rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. No-one would ever get close - they’re too afraid.
‘He would’ve been able to touch it, wouldn’t he?’ Jongin continues, waving his half empty bottle in front of him, unaware of the sharp intake of breath from the person beside him. ‘He di- Shit! No! Baekhyun!’
The shorter man is standing, a foot half-raised in the air, ready to take a step forward.
‘No! Baekhyun! I didn’t mean it!’ Jongin wobbles as he attempts to stand up, but the dizziness from the sudden movement causes him to flop to the ground again, hopeless as he watches Baekhyun slowly, mechanically gravitate towards the fire, arm reaching out towards the flickering flames.
‘No, Beef, don’t,’ Tao pleads, appearing in Jongin’s vision, Wufan, as always, a footstep behind, the ever silent guardian. ‘Beef, please stay. We need you. Chanyeol needs you to stay.’
It’s the first time anyone’s dared to say the name since he died, the first time anyone had attempted further than a meagre ‘Ch’ before converting to a ‘him’ or ‘hyung’. And they feel the change in the air, as if the fire was responding to the name. It flickers and flares, climbing, weaving its way higher into the sky, dancing, mocking the tears that flow down their cheeks.
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The fire…’ Baekhyun sighs, arm limply by his side as he sinks to the ground, simply entranced by the sparks and flares.
'Do you hear me? I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard.'
It was their first song, the song he’d sung in one of their school’s music rooms, jokingly, but secretly, sincerely, confessing to his best friend. Chanyeol had captured his lips when he’d finished, wrapping long arms around him, only to be chased out by Kyungsoo moments later, laughing and smiling, holding hands.
'I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again'
No-one moves, silently listening to the angel voice floating from his lips. As he murmurs the end of the verse, Tao slowly approaches him, arms wrapping him in an embrace. But it's not warm enough for Baekhyun. He shrugs off his arms, slowly rising and shuffling, step by step, towards the blazing light.
Five metres.
‘I want him.’
Four metres.
‘I need him.’
Three metres.
‘I can see him.’
Two metres.
‘I can feel him.’
One metre.
A flicker of flame caresses his cheeks, drying his tears as he basks in the heat of the fire.
They’re all frozen in the background, unable to move, unable to stop him from wrapping his hand around the tongues flying free from the bonfire. They can’t do anything to prevent him from catching the free embers, tasting the bitterness of the ashes on the tip of his tongue. They just stand and watch, as Baekhyun tries to find a connection with Chanyeol, the corners of his lips twitching as the numbing pain of the burn creeps upon his hand.
He’s been broken, beyond repair, for a year, ever since Chanyeol set alight their shared apartment as he prepared a surprise for their fifth anniversary.
When Baekhyun returned, it had been too late.
Tao and Kris had found him, guttural sobs wracking his exhausted frame. He watched, unseeing, through a curtain of tears, as the firemen extinguished the last of the flames and carried out the cremated remains of his lover.
From then on, he lived in a state of half-awareness, barely awake to stir and sip at the bowl of lukewarm soup Kyungsoo makes every day. He sits in his bed, staring blankly at the white wall opposite. Occasionally, his eyes widen, lightening up as he reaches out for someone no-one but he can see.
'Ch-'
The same syllable, over and over again.
And they're careful not to say any more than that syllable when they visit him, one by one, always silently accompanying him, worry digging its way through their guts as he asks if they can see him, if they can hear him, if they can feel him. They can’t answer him, afraid he would break just a little bit more if they say ‘no’, but scared for his sanity if they answer ‘yes’; they merely blink, the corners of their lips pulled into a sad grimace.
It's heart-breaking, silently watching as he loses just a little bit more of himself each day when they make no reply to his questions. But they've held him back for far too long, for a year too long.
So all they can do now is let him go, let him find peace. All they can do is watch, silently, teardrops sliding down their cheeks. He turns to face them, the fire embracing him in a loving grip - and yes, they can see him now - eyes crinkled into crescents as his lips blossom into a smile of satisfaction and joy.
It's his first smile in a year. And it's his last.
-x-
A year later, they’ve moved on, continuing with life as it comes, but they still remain drinking themselves into oblivion in front of the blazing fire, alight in the middle of the same field.
And if they look closely enough, they see the grinning faces of their two lost friends, dancing, reunited, in the flames.
Extra Notes:
- shameless use of jason mraz & colbie caillat's lucky which i ♥ very much
- please excuse this piece of verbal vomit, i have no idea what i'm writing, but it vaguely has some semblance of something like a plot, but i'm not entirely sure. it's also the first time i've taken longer than half an hour at four in the morning to write, as well as the first time i've actually gone through and changed things rather than bluergh it all out...
- i had my friend check over it for any grammatical/spelling fails, but she has no knowledge of exo, so i'm not too sure about the portrayal of the characters. concrit is very much appreciated~ ^^