I'm a teapot.
I found this tonight and I thought it was hilarious.
Los Semaforos en Madrid:
Estos interesantes artefactos suelen encontrarse en las intersecciones de las calles sin tener ninguna razón aparente, pero si están ahí, por algo será. Es muy probable encontrar conductores detenidos observando como cambian las luces de colores (una experiencia fascinante). La policía de tráfico cree que cada color tiene un significado que el conductor debe respetar. De la observación efectuada se ha determinado el significado de cada color:
* Luz amarilla: acelere su vehículo tanto como sea posible.
* Luz roja: esta luz permite pasar a 5 o 6 vehículos más después de su encendido.
* Luz verde: reduzca la velocidad y espere a que los 5 o 6 vehículos atraviesen su luz roja.
Nota: es vital tocar la bocina a los 1.5 segundos del encendido de la luz verde.
The traffic lights in Madrid:
These interesting artifacts can be found in the intersections of streets. They seem to have no purpose, but they're there all the same. It's possible to find stopped drivers observing the changing colored lights (a fascinating experience). The traffic cops believe that every color has a significance that the average driver must obey. Following meticulous observation, the meaning of every color has been determined:
* Yellow Light: Accelerate your vehicle as fast as you are able.
* Red Light: 5 or 6 cars may pass.
* Green Light: Reduce your speed and wait for the cars crossing the street, as per their red light.
Please note: It is vital to honk your horn exactly 1.5 seconds after the light turns green.
Los Embotellamientos:
Durante los embotellamientos de tráfico se realizan varias actividades divertidísimas, tales como:
- Toque su bocina rítmicamente.
- Retoque su maquillaje (generalmente, repito, sólo generalmente, esto se da en conductoras).
- Pierda peso, sudando, debido a la falta de aire acondicionado.
- Salude a otros conductores. No necesariamente a los que provocan el embotellamiento.
- Perfeccione su cambio de carril.
- Juegue a ver que tan cerca puede detenerse del parachoques del vehículo de adelante.
- Efectuar Limpieza Nasal...
Traffic Jams
During traffic jams, fun activities may be enjoyed, including:
- Honking the horn rhythmically.
- Touching up your make-up (Generally, but only generally, done by female drivers).
- Losing weight by sweating, thanks to the lack of air conditioning.
- Perfecting your lane changing skills.
- Seeing how close you can get to the person in front of you without denting their fender.
- Initiating a thorough Nose Cleaning.
Cambio de carril:
Antes que nada, no importa lo que vaya a hacer: nunca encienda su intermitente, de lo contrario, estimulará la reacción del otro conductor. Observe al conductor que viene por el carril al que desea pasarse y, ante su menor descuido, introdúzcase descontroladamente con su vehículo; se sorprenderá al darse cuenta que no es necesario más que un par de centímetros entre vehículo y vehículo. En ese momento será saludado por no menos de tres conductores. Para perfeccionar su cambio de carril, existen diversas técnicas, por ejemplo: intente desacelerar su vehículo drásticamente y en cuestión de segundos; no deje de observar el fenómeno de reacción en cadena producido por el conductor de atrás. En medio del caos, cambie de carril y acelere.
Lane changes:
Before you start, no matter what you do: never signal. Rather, it will stimulate the reaction speed of the other driver. Observe an approaching motorist in the lane you wish to switch to, and, before they wise up, erratically insert your vehicle into their lane; they will be surprised to learn that no more than an inch or two is needed between vehicles. At this moment they will be honked or yelled at by no less than three other drivers. Diverse techniques exist to perfect your lane change. For example: suddenly slow down in a matter of a few seconds. Don't stop to watch the resultant domino effect caused by the stimulated reaction time of drivers behind. Taking advantage of the chaos, change lanes and accelerate.
Cambio de carril 'triple'
(pre-requisito: dominio total 'Cambio de carril'):
Este movimiento requiere de muchísima precisión y creatividad. Debe ser ejecutado rodeado del mayor número de coches posible y en cuestión de segundos, para crear lo que algunos catalogan como 'pánico general'
Triple Lane Changes:
(Prerequisite - Excellent grasp of "Lane Changes")
This move requires a lot of precision and creativity. It must be executed with the greatest possible number of cars in a matter of seconds in order to create what some have labeled, "pandemonium."
Los Intermitentes:
Si un conductor en otro carril enciende su intermitente, no lo deje entrar en su carril ; de hecho, presione el acelerador y manténgase próximo a él. Es probable que el conductor intente saludarlo, pero usted ya sabe exactamente qué hacer (ver párrafo anterior).
Change signals
If a driver in another lane signals, do not allow him in your lane. Instead, accelerate and maintain a position immediately next to them. It is probable that the driver would like to greet you, and you already know what to say (but I ain't translating that paragraph).
Spaniards are wimps when it comes to cold. There, I said it. I've yet to need my coat to walk ten minutes to campus, and there's some people out there with ten layers on going into the Mouth of the Inferno (the Metro). Call me crazy, but I actually think it's warmer here at night than it is during the day. My fingers feel the cold, though, so I have to keep them moving. I feel reasonably confident that if I were trapped outside all night, I'd live, but I would loose my fingers and toes to frostbite.
Today when I went grocery shopping, everything that I wanted was in short supply, while everything else was overflowing. It felt as though a clone or something had been there before me. He took all the lemon and strawberry yogurt, but he was nice enough to leave the tropical mix and one pack of banana, but he forced me to buy the two-pack version that's actually slightly more expensive than buying them separately. I also bought American ketchup, which is three times as expensive as the store variety, but Spanish ketchup tastes funny. And I bought toothpaste, which comes in a shiny box that looks big, but then you pick it up and it's soooo light. I was going to get Colgate, but I couldn't bring myself to buy a tube of toothpaste half the size of an North American tube at 180% the price.
My life is so boring. XD
The play is this Thursday and Friday. Whoa.
Los Semaforos en Madrid:
Estos interesantes artefactos suelen encontrarse en las intersecciones de las calles sin tener ninguna razón aparente, pero si están ahí, por algo será. Es muy probable encontrar conductores detenidos observando como cambian las luces de colores (una experiencia fascinante). La policía de tráfico cree que cada color tiene un significado que el conductor debe respetar. De la observación efectuada se ha determinado el significado de cada color:
* Luz amarilla: acelere su vehículo tanto como sea posible.
* Luz roja: esta luz permite pasar a 5 o 6 vehículos más después de su encendido.
* Luz verde: reduzca la velocidad y espere a que los 5 o 6 vehículos atraviesen su luz roja.
Nota: es vital tocar la bocina a los 1.5 segundos del encendido de la luz verde.
The traffic lights in Madrid:
These interesting artifacts can be found in the intersections of streets. They seem to have no purpose, but they're there all the same. It's possible to find stopped drivers observing the changing colored lights (a fascinating experience). The traffic cops believe that every color has a significance that the average driver must obey. Following meticulous observation, the meaning of every color has been determined:
* Yellow Light: Accelerate your vehicle as fast as you are able.
* Red Light: 5 or 6 cars may pass.
* Green Light: Reduce your speed and wait for the cars crossing the street, as per their red light.
Please note: It is vital to honk your horn exactly 1.5 seconds after the light turns green.
Los Embotellamientos:
Durante los embotellamientos de tráfico se realizan varias actividades divertidísimas, tales como:
- Toque su bocina rítmicamente.
- Retoque su maquillaje (generalmente, repito, sólo generalmente, esto se da en conductoras).
- Pierda peso, sudando, debido a la falta de aire acondicionado.
- Salude a otros conductores. No necesariamente a los que provocan el embotellamiento.
- Perfeccione su cambio de carril.
- Juegue a ver que tan cerca puede detenerse del parachoques del vehículo de adelante.
- Efectuar Limpieza Nasal...
Traffic Jams
During traffic jams, fun activities may be enjoyed, including:
- Honking the horn rhythmically.
- Touching up your make-up (Generally, but only generally, done by female drivers).
- Losing weight by sweating, thanks to the lack of air conditioning.
- Perfecting your lane changing skills.
- Seeing how close you can get to the person in front of you without denting their fender.
- Initiating a thorough Nose Cleaning.
Cambio de carril:
Antes que nada, no importa lo que vaya a hacer: nunca encienda su intermitente, de lo contrario, estimulará la reacción del otro conductor. Observe al conductor que viene por el carril al que desea pasarse y, ante su menor descuido, introdúzcase descontroladamente con su vehículo; se sorprenderá al darse cuenta que no es necesario más que un par de centímetros entre vehículo y vehículo. En ese momento será saludado por no menos de tres conductores. Para perfeccionar su cambio de carril, existen diversas técnicas, por ejemplo: intente desacelerar su vehículo drásticamente y en cuestión de segundos; no deje de observar el fenómeno de reacción en cadena producido por el conductor de atrás. En medio del caos, cambie de carril y acelere.
Lane changes:
Before you start, no matter what you do: never signal. Rather, it will stimulate the reaction speed of the other driver. Observe an approaching motorist in the lane you wish to switch to, and, before they wise up, erratically insert your vehicle into their lane; they will be surprised to learn that no more than an inch or two is needed between vehicles. At this moment they will be honked or yelled at by no less than three other drivers. Diverse techniques exist to perfect your lane change. For example: suddenly slow down in a matter of a few seconds. Don't stop to watch the resultant domino effect caused by the stimulated reaction time of drivers behind. Taking advantage of the chaos, change lanes and accelerate.
Cambio de carril 'triple'
(pre-requisito: dominio total 'Cambio de carril'):
Este movimiento requiere de muchísima precisión y creatividad. Debe ser ejecutado rodeado del mayor número de coches posible y en cuestión de segundos, para crear lo que algunos catalogan como 'pánico general'
Triple Lane Changes:
(Prerequisite - Excellent grasp of "Lane Changes")
This move requires a lot of precision and creativity. It must be executed with the greatest possible number of cars in a matter of seconds in order to create what some have labeled, "pandemonium."
Los Intermitentes:
Si un conductor en otro carril enciende su intermitente, no lo deje entrar en su carril ; de hecho, presione el acelerador y manténgase próximo a él. Es probable que el conductor intente saludarlo, pero usted ya sabe exactamente qué hacer (ver párrafo anterior).
Change signals
If a driver in another lane signals, do not allow him in your lane. Instead, accelerate and maintain a position immediately next to them. It is probable that the driver would like to greet you, and you already know what to say (but I ain't translating that paragraph).
Spaniards are wimps when it comes to cold. There, I said it. I've yet to need my coat to walk ten minutes to campus, and there's some people out there with ten layers on going into the Mouth of the Inferno (the Metro). Call me crazy, but I actually think it's warmer here at night than it is during the day. My fingers feel the cold, though, so I have to keep them moving. I feel reasonably confident that if I were trapped outside all night, I'd live, but I would loose my fingers and toes to frostbite.
Today when I went grocery shopping, everything that I wanted was in short supply, while everything else was overflowing. It felt as though a clone or something had been there before me. He took all the lemon and strawberry yogurt, but he was nice enough to leave the tropical mix and one pack of banana, but he forced me to buy the two-pack version that's actually slightly more expensive than buying them separately. I also bought American ketchup, which is three times as expensive as the store variety, but Spanish ketchup tastes funny. And I bought toothpaste, which comes in a shiny box that looks big, but then you pick it up and it's soooo light. I was going to get Colgate, but I couldn't bring myself to buy a tube of toothpaste half the size of an North American tube at 180% the price.
My life is so boring. XD
The play is this Thursday and Friday. Whoa.