Politically Correct ch. 04
All done with my papers! But I can't promise that this upcoming week will be any different when it comes to updating. Well. Except for Chapter 5. Because I plan on having it up in the next couple days. Ideally, I'd be able to write it in my few spare hours tomorrow night, but then it'd be even more full of typos and non sequiturs. Alsoalso! This is a ZoSan. It'll happen! I promise! (I already have some scenes written, we're just not there yet)
Title: Politically Correct
Rating: chapter: T [Overall: probably M we'll see if it goes into NC-17 range (might as well go all out yeah?) ]
Word Count: 2,336
Pairing: eventual Zoro x Sanji + a smattering of side pairings
Summary: AU set in the San Francisco Bay Area Nami has decided that she's tired of Sanji constantly chasing after girls only to be taken advantage of & decides to take a more active role in Sanji committing to a Real Relationship.
Disclaimer: Odacchiiii is a dear for creating such slashable characters. I, however, am not.
< Notes: Don't hold back on me! I can take it!
[Previous Chapters]
,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.
Sanji was right.
Fighting the guy in top form was fun.
It was fun.
It also hurt.
Zoro looked up from where he was kneeling, clutching his side. He was satisfied to see the blonde in a similar state a few feet in front of him.
“Well then…. Now that I know for sure… you’re not injured anymore… next time I won’t hold back.” Sanji wheezed.
Zoro’s abdomen spasmed and he rethought the laugh he had been about to let out.
He settled for “Don’t even try to pretend it didn’t take everything you had just to keep up with me, curly brow.”
“What? Keep up with you? Wanna go another round, grass hair? I’ve still got plenty of energy!” Sanji fought to keep the wince off his face as he straightened himself to stand.
“Sanji? Is lunch ready yet?”
Sanji looked at Nami and noticed the first thin wisps of grey smoke drift past her.
“Ohshitohshit my beef!” Nami stepped aside as he flashed into the kitchen. She popped an orange slice into her mouth, keeping her eyes on the man who’d been able to hold his own against Sanji.
He’s not bad looking. Her eyes lingered on the exposed muscles. The Alabastan robes had been discarded early in the fight and all that was left were loose training pants.
Really. Sanji should be thanking me.
“It seems we should rethink our screening process. For us to have let a guy as skilled as him stay close to Miss Vivi this entire time and not know…” Chaka and Pell were staring at the cook rushing around in the kitchen as he worked to salvage the burning beef.
“What, him? He’s harmless when it comes to women. He could probably get a doctor’s note stating that he actually is physically and mentally unable to raise a hand… or, I guess, a leg to a girl. Just think of him as an undercover body guard.”
Zoro had pulled on a shirt from his gym bag.
“So what the hell is blondie doing here anyways?“
Nami slinked towards the swordsman, stopping a little closer than necessary.
“I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure of meeting yet. I’m Nami. I’m handling Vivi’s finances while she’s in town. I’m also one of Sanji’s friends.” She looked up at him and tilted her head just the slightest. “Are you training for the film?”
Zoro was unamused.
He had never been interested in flirting. It was bait. If he wanted to be caught then he’d jump on the damn boat himself.
“Zoro. I may rehearse for the film, but I train for myself.” He stepped past her and went to gather the clothes he had tossed aside. When he returned to his gym bag the redhead was still staring at him.
There was something dangerous about her smile.
“Okay. So we’re lucky the inconsiderate prick wasn’t able to ruin all of lunch.” Sanji was glaring at Zoro from the doorway. “Naaaamii I’m sorry for having made you wait so looong.”
Is that idiot really wiggling with glee?
He really needed to train more if he found a fool like this challenging.
“You have a bad habit of blaming your own fuckups on me dartbrow. “
“Don’t even presume to think I’ve formed any habits that involve you.”
“I bet you said the same thing about your second coffin nail.”
“You implying I’m addicted to you, cabbage patch?”
“I’m saying there’s no way in hell I’d ever lose to a guy that exhibits such weak will-power.”
Sanji could feel the creeping stiffness in his muscles and considered the pros and cons of another fight, until the main door opened and Vivi walked in followed by Terracotta. Their arms were full of shopping bags and groceries.
Sanji flew to their side.
“Why! Your beautiful and elegant hands should never have to suffer the weight of such heavy bags!”
Zoro gaped. He sincerely hoped the guy was simply high off the adrenaline from their fight, or maybe kitchen fumes? Was that smoke from earlier really burning meat? Maybe Usopp’s hiding out somewhere mixing some weird shit again.
Because there was No. Way. Zoro could ever consider this drooling mess of pathetic a worthy rival if this was normal.
“Perfect timing Vivi! Sanji was just getting ready to serve lunch and it would’ve been a pity if I’d have had to watch these two go at it for any longer.”
Though Nami knew she really wouldn’t mind watching them go at it ever.
Vivi looked around. “Ah, Zoro! Are your training sessions with Chaka and Pell going to be taking place here then? We never use the rec room anyways.“
Although Vivi had initially made a fuss about living a ‘normal citizen’s’ life, she had ended up with a large flat right on the edge of Ghirardelli Square. The huge kitchen had received Sanji’s stamp of approval the moment he had stepped through the door.
But I’d never be able to live in such a roomy place on my own. It’d be too big. Too lonely.
He adamantly refused to give any attention to his current situation of forced celibacy. That would require thinking ill of Nami.
And that would be unacceptable.
Sanji had finished setting down the plates of food on the glass table and sat down next to Nami.
“Mmmn Sanji. This beef doesn’t taste burnt at all.”
“Oh, Nami, my dear, what would ever make you think I’d serve you burned food? I made sure the idiot musclebag over there got all the worst bits.”
Zoro had already finished half his plate.
That was burnt meat?
“You cooked this shit? You’re a cook?”
“Shit? You have a problem with the food, ass? Did you forget that I cooked you a bunch of shit for your recovery after I kicked your ass the first time?”
Zoro glowered.
“You seemed more fitting for the role of busboy.”
“SO VIVI. How was your day?” Nami had spent less than an hour in their presence and she was already sick of their spats.
Zoro has other guy friends right? One of them’s bound to be a better match for Sanji.
“It’s very lovely here isn’t it? There are so many cultures smashed so close together. I love it! But, before I forget... I was actually invited to a charity auction next week and I was hoping all of you could accompany me? Robin and Franky already intended to go.”
Zoro noticed she was staring at him.
“Me? Not really my scene.”
“I realize I’d be imposing, but Franky speaks so fondly of you and if you’re going to be around here more often, I figured it’d be a nice chance for all of us to spend time together outside. I already know that Nami and Sanji will go. So…” she trailed off, unsure.
This girl here. Vivi. She’s not too bad. Not like the irritating blonde or the redhead who always looks like she’s scheming. So what if Vivi had an uncanny knack for forgetting a key step when writing down directions, she was sincere.
“I’m sure there are other, better ways to hang out that doesn’t involve fancy clothes. I’m still going to have to decline.”
“What if you could carry your swords?”
All eyes turned to Chaka and Pell.
“We weren’t sent to the States just to teach a few swordtricks. We have other duties while here and we really would feel more comfortable if Vivi were accompanied by someone like you.” Pell looked serious.
“My swords? Pretty sure any blade longer than a few inches is illegal.” Zoro had already been warned about wearing them at his hip and lugging them around in their cases had been much too inconvenient.
“We can get you a special license to carry them open or concealed as a part of the Nefertari security detail.”
“And you wouldn’t need to stay attached to Vivi either. Just as long as you at least know where she is for the most part you can carry whenever.” Chaka added.
Zoro knew that Vivi’s stay was temporary.
But if she stayed for all of grad school… then that’s at least 4 years.
It’d be nice to have his swords at his side for once.
“I just have to go to the event right? They’ll have alcohol? I won’t have to actually talk to anyone?”
“That should be fine!”
“Alright.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
He looked good in a suit. It was a revelation Sanji wasn’t pleased with. Sanji would have preferred that Zoro be completely uncomfortable. For Zoro to stick out like a sore thumb and for Vivi to think twice about ever inviting him to one of these events again.
Instead, the guy looked good.
Not that he has a choice in that goddamn gorgeous Versace suit. Sanji knew one of the girls had picked it out. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if he had found out the suit had actually belonged to Zoro.
The swords hanging off of his hips had only made him look better. It made him the center of attention.
He was beating Sanji at his own game and he didn’t even know he was playing.
“It’s so nice to see you at one of these events as a guest, Sanji! Whenever you’re treating us with food you’re always so busy and we never get the chance to actually spend any time in each other’s company.”
Sanji melted at the sight of the woman standing before him. He mentally berated himself for having let the suit distract him.
Zoro had been brooding at their table until Franky had shown up with Luffy in tow. He had inadvertently become the boy’s babysitter and now he sat watching the young Monkey eat his way through piles of food while Robin dragged Franky around to mingle.
He grimaced at his glass of champagne, but picked it up and leaned-back in his chair.
Chaka and Pell had taken him to Sacramento to get his license and after hours of paperwork and FBI examinations he had finally been issued a license.[1] Zoro hadn’t understood why the two guards had gone through the trouble. Vivi didn’t seem to be in any threat. He languidly turned his head to where Sanji was flitting around a handful of girls.
Apparently the cook’s fighting ability had really been an unwelcome discovery.
He watched as a few men moved to stand by Sanji as the girls quickly walked away. He had half expected the men to find a shiny shoe in their face for interrupting Sanji’s boot-licking, but instead they were welcome with firm handshakes and a pleasant smile.
They all look like such pompous bastards. He snatched Luffy’s arm, which had been making its way ever closer to the next table. Luffy pouted and eyed the nearest cart of food.
Nami set down a steaming plate of food in front of Luffy before taking a seat across from Zoro. She set her elbows on the table, laced her fingers together, rested her chin on top, and flashed him a smile.
“The auction’s starting soon. Everyone should be back in a few minutes.” She watched as Luffy licked the plate of food she had just brought clean.
Zoro had brought the black-haired kid with him a few times when he trained at Vivi’s and the way Sanji had taken to him, happily cooking whatever Luffy wanted, had made Nami wonder if perhaps the bundle of energy would do as a replacement for Zoro.
It was the most pedophilic thought Nami had ever had.
Luffy was only a couple years younger, but the way Sanji fussed over him reminded her of a mother hen. The kid was loud and selfish and she had become fond of his simple-minded honesty.
I just can’t imagine him in a romantic setting. And she had tried. The best she could do was Sanji hand feeding him pieces of chocolate. Even then, the romance was between Luffy and the chocolate.
Zoro could see Sanji making his way to their table over Nami’s shoulder. Now that he had a better view of the men the blonde had been talking to, he recognized them as being politicians and businessmen he’d often seen on the news. The sleazy, surrounded by scandals kind. The kind that probably had a white robe with a cone-shaped hood hanging in their closet.
Sanji was trying as hard as he could not to run to the table. The same way he had tried to avoid the men in the first place by pretending he could only speak French. Unfortunately for him, one of the men had taken classes in college.
If the event had been for work, he would have gladly thrown away his job if it meant feeling the satisfying crunch of his foot in their face, but this wasn’t work. He was here as Vivi’s guest and she would be the one in trouble if he made a scene.
So he had tolerated it. He had smiled and taken advantage of the fact that they only knew basic conversational French.
Maybe I shouldn’t have called myself ‘Prince’. Their reaction to his ‘title’ had made Sanji wonder whether or not they were aware that France was a republic.
He sighed as he noticed that the only seat left was between Franky and Zoro.
Ofcourse.
He had barely pulled out his chair when
“Hey cook. Go fetch me some dessert.”
And they were at each other’s throats.
Nami pulled out a bottle of aspirin.
“It kind of makes you jealous doesn’t it? Their potential?” Robin nudged her.
Nami looked at her incredulously. “Potential?”
“Well, even if your Versace suit actually works, they’ll probably still fight all the time. But I bet the angry sex would be amazing.”
Nami looked at her friend and then looked at the two still arguing. She popped a tablet into her mouth.
I’m never going to be able to think of their bickering in the same way.
Footnotes:
[1]: This is complete bullshit. I tried to research actual laws about armed bodyguards for foreign politicians, but I couldn’t find anything. Instead I have a better knowledge of California blade/knife law than I would ever have wanted. Also pretty sure if this were true, it’d still take like… months before he’d be issued his license.
Politically Correct Ch. 05
Title: Politically Correct
Rating: chapter: T [Overall: probably M we'll see if it goes into NC-17 range (might as well go all out yeah?) ]
Word Count: 2,336
Pairing: eventual Zoro x Sanji + a smattering of side pairings
Summary: AU set in the San Francisco Bay Area Nami has decided that she's tired of Sanji constantly chasing after girls only to be taken advantage of & decides to take a more active role in Sanji committing to a Real Relationship.
Disclaimer: Odacchiiii is a dear for creating such slashable characters. I, however, am not.
< Notes: Don't hold back on me! I can take it!
[Previous Chapters]
,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.
Sanji was right.
Fighting the guy in top form was fun.
It was fun.
It also hurt.
Zoro looked up from where he was kneeling, clutching his side. He was satisfied to see the blonde in a similar state a few feet in front of him.
“Well then…. Now that I know for sure… you’re not injured anymore… next time I won’t hold back.” Sanji wheezed.
Zoro’s abdomen spasmed and he rethought the laugh he had been about to let out.
He settled for “Don’t even try to pretend it didn’t take everything you had just to keep up with me, curly brow.”
“What? Keep up with you? Wanna go another round, grass hair? I’ve still got plenty of energy!” Sanji fought to keep the wince off his face as he straightened himself to stand.
“Sanji? Is lunch ready yet?”
Sanji looked at Nami and noticed the first thin wisps of grey smoke drift past her.
“Ohshitohshit my beef!” Nami stepped aside as he flashed into the kitchen. She popped an orange slice into her mouth, keeping her eyes on the man who’d been able to hold his own against Sanji.
He’s not bad looking. Her eyes lingered on the exposed muscles. The Alabastan robes had been discarded early in the fight and all that was left were loose training pants.
Really. Sanji should be thanking me.
“It seems we should rethink our screening process. For us to have let a guy as skilled as him stay close to Miss Vivi this entire time and not know…” Chaka and Pell were staring at the cook rushing around in the kitchen as he worked to salvage the burning beef.
“What, him? He’s harmless when it comes to women. He could probably get a doctor’s note stating that he actually is physically and mentally unable to raise a hand… or, I guess, a leg to a girl. Just think of him as an undercover body guard.”
Zoro had pulled on a shirt from his gym bag.
“So what the hell is blondie doing here anyways?“
Nami slinked towards the swordsman, stopping a little closer than necessary.
“I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure of meeting yet. I’m Nami. I’m handling Vivi’s finances while she’s in town. I’m also one of Sanji’s friends.” She looked up at him and tilted her head just the slightest. “Are you training for the film?”
Zoro was unamused.
He had never been interested in flirting. It was bait. If he wanted to be caught then he’d jump on the damn boat himself.
“Zoro. I may rehearse for the film, but I train for myself.” He stepped past her and went to gather the clothes he had tossed aside. When he returned to his gym bag the redhead was still staring at him.
There was something dangerous about her smile.
“Okay. So we’re lucky the inconsiderate prick wasn’t able to ruin all of lunch.” Sanji was glaring at Zoro from the doorway. “Naaaamii I’m sorry for having made you wait so looong.”
Is that idiot really wiggling with glee?
He really needed to train more if he found a fool like this challenging.
“You have a bad habit of blaming your own fuckups on me dartbrow. “
“Don’t even presume to think I’ve formed any habits that involve you.”
“I bet you said the same thing about your second coffin nail.”
“You implying I’m addicted to you, cabbage patch?”
“I’m saying there’s no way in hell I’d ever lose to a guy that exhibits such weak will-power.”
Sanji could feel the creeping stiffness in his muscles and considered the pros and cons of another fight, until the main door opened and Vivi walked in followed by Terracotta. Their arms were full of shopping bags and groceries.
Sanji flew to their side.
“Why! Your beautiful and elegant hands should never have to suffer the weight of such heavy bags!”
Zoro gaped. He sincerely hoped the guy was simply high off the adrenaline from their fight, or maybe kitchen fumes? Was that smoke from earlier really burning meat? Maybe Usopp’s hiding out somewhere mixing some weird shit again.
Because there was No. Way. Zoro could ever consider this drooling mess of pathetic a worthy rival if this was normal.
“Perfect timing Vivi! Sanji was just getting ready to serve lunch and it would’ve been a pity if I’d have had to watch these two go at it for any longer.”
Though Nami knew she really wouldn’t mind watching them go at it ever.
Vivi looked around. “Ah, Zoro! Are your training sessions with Chaka and Pell going to be taking place here then? We never use the rec room anyways.“
Although Vivi had initially made a fuss about living a ‘normal citizen’s’ life, she had ended up with a large flat right on the edge of Ghirardelli Square. The huge kitchen had received Sanji’s stamp of approval the moment he had stepped through the door.
But I’d never be able to live in such a roomy place on my own. It’d be too big. Too lonely.
He adamantly refused to give any attention to his current situation of forced celibacy. That would require thinking ill of Nami.
And that would be unacceptable.
Sanji had finished setting down the plates of food on the glass table and sat down next to Nami.
“Mmmn Sanji. This beef doesn’t taste burnt at all.”
“Oh, Nami, my dear, what would ever make you think I’d serve you burned food? I made sure the idiot musclebag over there got all the worst bits.”
Zoro had already finished half his plate.
That was burnt meat?
“You cooked this shit? You’re a cook?”
“Shit? You have a problem with the food, ass? Did you forget that I cooked you a bunch of shit for your recovery after I kicked your ass the first time?”
Zoro glowered.
“You seemed more fitting for the role of busboy.”
“SO VIVI. How was your day?” Nami had spent less than an hour in their presence and she was already sick of their spats.
Zoro has other guy friends right? One of them’s bound to be a better match for Sanji.
“It’s very lovely here isn’t it? There are so many cultures smashed so close together. I love it! But, before I forget... I was actually invited to a charity auction next week and I was hoping all of you could accompany me? Robin and Franky already intended to go.”
Zoro noticed she was staring at him.
“Me? Not really my scene.”
“I realize I’d be imposing, but Franky speaks so fondly of you and if you’re going to be around here more often, I figured it’d be a nice chance for all of us to spend time together outside. I already know that Nami and Sanji will go. So…” she trailed off, unsure.
This girl here. Vivi. She’s not too bad. Not like the irritating blonde or the redhead who always looks like she’s scheming. So what if Vivi had an uncanny knack for forgetting a key step when writing down directions, she was sincere.
“I’m sure there are other, better ways to hang out that doesn’t involve fancy clothes. I’m still going to have to decline.”
“What if you could carry your swords?”
All eyes turned to Chaka and Pell.
“We weren’t sent to the States just to teach a few swordtricks. We have other duties while here and we really would feel more comfortable if Vivi were accompanied by someone like you.” Pell looked serious.
“My swords? Pretty sure any blade longer than a few inches is illegal.” Zoro had already been warned about wearing them at his hip and lugging them around in their cases had been much too inconvenient.
“We can get you a special license to carry them open or concealed as a part of the Nefertari security detail.”
“And you wouldn’t need to stay attached to Vivi either. Just as long as you at least know where she is for the most part you can carry whenever.” Chaka added.
Zoro knew that Vivi’s stay was temporary.
But if she stayed for all of grad school… then that’s at least 4 years.
It’d be nice to have his swords at his side for once.
“I just have to go to the event right? They’ll have alcohol? I won’t have to actually talk to anyone?”
“That should be fine!”
“Alright.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
He looked good in a suit. It was a revelation Sanji wasn’t pleased with. Sanji would have preferred that Zoro be completely uncomfortable. For Zoro to stick out like a sore thumb and for Vivi to think twice about ever inviting him to one of these events again.
Instead, the guy looked good.
Not that he has a choice in that goddamn gorgeous Versace suit. Sanji knew one of the girls had picked it out. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if he had found out the suit had actually belonged to Zoro.
The swords hanging off of his hips had only made him look better. It made him the center of attention.
He was beating Sanji at his own game and he didn’t even know he was playing.
“It’s so nice to see you at one of these events as a guest, Sanji! Whenever you’re treating us with food you’re always so busy and we never get the chance to actually spend any time in each other’s company.”
Sanji melted at the sight of the woman standing before him. He mentally berated himself for having let the suit distract him.
Zoro had been brooding at their table until Franky had shown up with Luffy in tow. He had inadvertently become the boy’s babysitter and now he sat watching the young Monkey eat his way through piles of food while Robin dragged Franky around to mingle.
He grimaced at his glass of champagne, but picked it up and leaned-back in his chair.
Chaka and Pell had taken him to Sacramento to get his license and after hours of paperwork and FBI examinations he had finally been issued a license.[1] Zoro hadn’t understood why the two guards had gone through the trouble. Vivi didn’t seem to be in any threat. He languidly turned his head to where Sanji was flitting around a handful of girls.
Apparently the cook’s fighting ability had really been an unwelcome discovery.
He watched as a few men moved to stand by Sanji as the girls quickly walked away. He had half expected the men to find a shiny shoe in their face for interrupting Sanji’s boot-licking, but instead they were welcome with firm handshakes and a pleasant smile.
They all look like such pompous bastards. He snatched Luffy’s arm, which had been making its way ever closer to the next table. Luffy pouted and eyed the nearest cart of food.
Nami set down a steaming plate of food in front of Luffy before taking a seat across from Zoro. She set her elbows on the table, laced her fingers together, rested her chin on top, and flashed him a smile.
“The auction’s starting soon. Everyone should be back in a few minutes.” She watched as Luffy licked the plate of food she had just brought clean.
Zoro had brought the black-haired kid with him a few times when he trained at Vivi’s and the way Sanji had taken to him, happily cooking whatever Luffy wanted, had made Nami wonder if perhaps the bundle of energy would do as a replacement for Zoro.
It was the most pedophilic thought Nami had ever had.
Luffy was only a couple years younger, but the way Sanji fussed over him reminded her of a mother hen. The kid was loud and selfish and she had become fond of his simple-minded honesty.
I just can’t imagine him in a romantic setting. And she had tried. The best she could do was Sanji hand feeding him pieces of chocolate. Even then, the romance was between Luffy and the chocolate.
Zoro could see Sanji making his way to their table over Nami’s shoulder. Now that he had a better view of the men the blonde had been talking to, he recognized them as being politicians and businessmen he’d often seen on the news. The sleazy, surrounded by scandals kind. The kind that probably had a white robe with a cone-shaped hood hanging in their closet.
Sanji was trying as hard as he could not to run to the table. The same way he had tried to avoid the men in the first place by pretending he could only speak French. Unfortunately for him, one of the men had taken classes in college.
If the event had been for work, he would have gladly thrown away his job if it meant feeling the satisfying crunch of his foot in their face, but this wasn’t work. He was here as Vivi’s guest and she would be the one in trouble if he made a scene.
So he had tolerated it. He had smiled and taken advantage of the fact that they only knew basic conversational French.
Maybe I shouldn’t have called myself ‘Prince’. Their reaction to his ‘title’ had made Sanji wonder whether or not they were aware that France was a republic.
He sighed as he noticed that the only seat left was between Franky and Zoro.
Ofcourse.
He had barely pulled out his chair when
“Hey cook. Go fetch me some dessert.”
And they were at each other’s throats.
Nami pulled out a bottle of aspirin.
“It kind of makes you jealous doesn’t it? Their potential?” Robin nudged her.
Nami looked at her incredulously. “Potential?”
“Well, even if your Versace suit actually works, they’ll probably still fight all the time. But I bet the angry sex would be amazing.”
Nami looked at her friend and then looked at the two still arguing. She popped a tablet into her mouth.
I’m never going to be able to think of their bickering in the same way.
Footnotes:
[1]: This is complete bullshit. I tried to research actual laws about armed bodyguards for foreign politicians, but I couldn’t find anything. Instead I have a better knowledge of California blade/knife law than I would ever have wanted. Also pretty sure if this were true, it’d still take like… months before he’d be issued his license.
Politically Correct Ch. 05