If I could be who you wanted
It's become and kinda twisted cliche that was forewarned by friends of us both to be something that we should of abandoned and would prove too toxic for either of us.
You try to keep from blinking as you get closer to the flames but if the heat doesn't force you to blink before your pupils dissolve into their sockets the salt from you sweat will. No one invited you here. No one asked for you to show up and attend. This isn't some poetry reading or show and tell. Whatever it is that keeps you coming back for more isn't because I suggested you to weep and wallow with me during my struggle. To, as a friend, offer your hand and shoulder as I unload not only my dissatisfaction with what may be going on in this world but also surrender my absolute trust to those that would like to call yourself an ally to me leaving me vulnerable and nothing short of naked. Again. You are here because of your choosing and not either from my invitation or asking so to minimalize me to something so small of a category such as needing or wanting another's sympathy; to draw me out into a doodle so basic as your common ground gossip coffee talk to kick start your meaningless bickering as if I am some Bakersfield Paris Hilton? If simplifying my attitude and outlook of the human condition means to label me as a reincarnate eminem with our common philosophy being wordplay that cannot be mirrored and an 'I don't give a fuck' mentality than you hit it right on the head. Or maybe you missed it completely and drove the hammer straight into the finger that id be holding up at you if any of you two faced sell outs had the nerve to be anything but fake from the second you wake up until the time you slip into your 1,000 whatever Egyptian thread sheets at night.
Have you ever thought maybe it's that I do give a fuck and that there's a reason for me not parading in circles asking for attention and for the spotlight to veer over to my direction? That maybe it's because I do give a fuck that I make it a point to not make it about me and don't indulge in your attempts to get to know me? We will see where your glass loyalty guides you in the end and see what people it leaves you with; all just as crooked and misleading as you. There will be no room for those of cheaply made counterfeits that are always easy to tell apart from the genuine one. A carbon copy, a generic massed produce China factory made whatever and all at the fraction of the cost.
I'm beginning to think that this was all staged on his behalf and it's kinda disappointing that he goes to such lengths to make me miserable. I don't think he believes in any of the stuff he has decided to accuse me of and I think it's all part of his sysystem of control. From the web streaming to the old contacts on Facebook, he is intimidated by none of it and if he is it because of what he wants to be doing on his phone not because of what I am. And you would think that after all I have done for him he would have the least amount of respect for me when it comes to me but he doesn't. Instead he wants to sit here and stand above me me taunting me and laughing as he plays this role of a bully when I do what I can to appease him by any means necessary. He says I was possessed by dope before so I get rid of the dope.
G.