you have all the power and I’m petrified of you

[ennia]

Why is it so hard to call things what they are

Comments

[juvenile_philos]

"I want to be just like everyone else so badly. Someone who ... doesn't have to dissect everything to see if they're honestly responding to stuff or if they're just doing what people expect them to."

I have to do this constantly. You're not alone.

[ennia]

Yeah, but you can at least function.

[juvenile_philos]

Can I? Or do I just fake it well enough that no one knows the difference?

[prosewitch]

I think I have this issue to a lesser degree. I'm been accused of overthinking things, um, all the time.

[hannahirene]

I want to be just like everyone else so badly. Someone who has interests and fuck the haters, who doesn't have to dissect everything to see if they're honestly responding to stuff or if they're just doing what people expect them to.
I've never been this person. And I can understand needing to reconstitute after a week at home- being at home means being forced into the roles you used to fill, and trying to figure out how to be who you want to be. It can be jarring.

[juvenile_philos]

I experienced a bit of this, but I intentionally bucked it. This led to a four hour discussion of my (lack of) religious beliefs with my fundamentalist Christian father. It might have been less jarring to pretend. But it would have also been less honest.

[hannahirene]

I'm not advocating pretending, just expressing that I know how it feels.