I sat on Jesus's feet by accident
Doesn't that sound like a weird song lyric? I did, though. Was getting tired of simply "my day" for the subject, so there you go.
Lots of stuff happened today. I'll start in the middle.
Okaaay, so typing this is easier, my expressions (Jasper observed the tops of my cheeks were turning purple) and inability to form sentences and helpless hand gestures are, thankfully, not present.
On the one hand, I want to get this all down before I forget it, but it's spilling out in trains of thought without tracks. Umm.
Okay. Cody. boyCody. After being fidgety and watching him with the musicstuff (along with Jack and Jesus), and tired of just being aware of him and not nearly as comfortable as I was until I thought "hey, he's cute". Sooo I grabbed Jasper (he was playing pool, but had just won his third game, so I told him to come entertain me or something along those lines) and confessed and he laughed. Not in a mean way, but I think he was amused at my being uncomfortable. Eventually Jack got dragged in too, and I beseeched them for what to do.
Both were like "well, just ask him out" but. gah. A) I'm a chicken and B) I don't know what to say.
Anyway. Jack asked. Not in the girl Sarah-asked-me-to-ask-you, just brought girls up in his coolJack way. I wasn't there, obviously. Jack brought up me, asked if he (Cody) would go out with me (in a hypothetical sense), and the answer was no.
Jack's quick. He mentioned how some people just want something different, like without reallyREALLY liking. Offhandledly, a bit later, and almost in reference of his being asked out, not my situation. However, when I said that yeah, that's kind of how it was, he said he thought so.
So.. yeah. Kind of blah, more than OHGODTEARS. I kind of wish I had cute boy prospects there (too bad Jasper has a girlfriend, and NO I did not just think that... bad Enri), but more as entertainment than "I need someone to make me whole". Who knows, it hasn't even been two weeks, and there will always be new people in school and outside-of-school activities.
Speaking of, Jasper's birthday party (he turned 14 a few days ago) is something I'm invited to, me and Jack and Terri, who's irritating but whatever. At first I said I might come, because I didn't really want to be in a group of strangers, but when Jasper jokingly went, "Well, I don't have any friends, so it'd be cool if you came", I gave him a real smile and I intend to.
Of course, he added that he has SOME friends, and I believe that, but I can understand the wanting people around, and Jasper's great. Amelia doesn't like him, and I probably wouldn't if I were in her shoes; it just happens that he doesn't rub against my nerves.
There was a lot of gathering and laughing during my crush episode. Two boys (Dylan, Amelia's younger brother, who I like, and a little boy who I don't know and Jasper kept escaping from) were brought in, and Jack asked "if you were a girl, how would you ask a guy out?" which was entertaining, if unhelpful.
And then I saw Natasha and asked her how to ask a guy out (she advised flirting with him, which I'm also... not good at, I don't think, I'm just more direct than that - and more shy, but maybe I'll practice on some boys at school) and then Lily was with Tasha and I whispered to both of them who it was, I got a look of approval from Lily (at first I had a low opinion of her, but she IS Jeff's daughter.. and I have a feeling she notices everything) and an "oh" from Tasha. Then Lily was hanging around with us, and we were just chattering.
The entire day Jasper kept stretching all the way out on couches whenever I got up (I sat on his feet a lot), and damn I just spaced out and forgot the followup to that. He silly-hugged me right after Jack reported back - as sincere as a 14-year-old guy can get in public. He's a sweet guy, and I'd seriously consider it if he didn't have a girlfriend. Yes. It.
For now, though, I'm having a great time hanging out. Jack and I were talking for about half an hour until Dad picked me up, and it was great, he's... just a great kid. Well, not really kid, he's 13. He actually whispered to me, "You have a thing for Jasper, don't you?" after which I chased him and play-tackle/tickle/hit him, both of us laughing. He probably knows more of what's going on in my head than *I* do, it's an extremely strange feeling to have someone one step ahead of me.
I actually shared one of the "get out of conversations you don't want to be in" tactics, after he mentioned a school person (Alexei) who tended to trap you in conversations.
In the beginning of the day, I was REALLY tired - weird, because yesterday I'd barely been tired at all on 3 hours of sleep, and last night I got, like... seven. I was also being Katya'd, which was exhausting. Play this game, play this game, no don't go. Eventually, after a few hours of this and getting seriously worn down, I found Jeff. We talked, he said that I wasn't the first teenager with this problem, and that I could just be direct with her.
Went back in, told her that she could be intense (after having to explain to her what "intense" meant, which was kind of hard) and that I was getting worn out and there would be times where I wanted to hang out with other kids or be by myself and that I still loved her, just couldn't be with her every single second. She made an exaggerated sad face but understood, and after I said that I couldn't make it through the game we were playing (Life), she wheedled a few more turns out of me, won, and all was okay.
There was more outdoor music with Jack and Jesus and Cody, but there were no drums and they were more fiddling than the rocking-out concert, so I came and went.
Maybe there's more, right now I unloaded all my mind. Well, not even close, but summarized the day enough for now. I'm thinking of bringing my spiralbound notebook I have for tarot in tomorrow, just because... sort of as a prop, and I want to get things down when I think them, kind of want to show people that this is what I do, this is my talent.
I'll have to think about it.
More disappointed than actually hurt about the boy thing, but that's my boycrazy side wanting to frolic and a bit of wounded ego ("but why wouldn't he want to go out with ME?"), but nothing more. It hasn't even been two weeks, anyway. I can always hang out with him and go from there, or get completely over it by Friday.
I'll do another entry or add to this if I think of more.
My days have been so full... I love it, so much.
Oh! I have book club tonight. At seven. Must remember to tell Dad about that. That'll be fun, the guy that runs it (who freely admitted he was gay, so no ideas there) is really great. Maybe he'll even have boy advice. :P
Lots of stuff happened today. I'll start in the middle.
Okaaay, so typing this is easier, my expressions (Jasper observed the tops of my cheeks were turning purple) and inability to form sentences and helpless hand gestures are, thankfully, not present.
On the one hand, I want to get this all down before I forget it, but it's spilling out in trains of thought without tracks. Umm.
Okay. Cody. boyCody. After being fidgety and watching him with the musicstuff (along with Jack and Jesus), and tired of just being aware of him and not nearly as comfortable as I was until I thought "hey, he's cute". Sooo I grabbed Jasper (he was playing pool, but had just won his third game, so I told him to come entertain me or something along those lines) and confessed and he laughed. Not in a mean way, but I think he was amused at my being uncomfortable. Eventually Jack got dragged in too, and I beseeched them for what to do.
Both were like "well, just ask him out" but. gah. A) I'm a chicken and B) I don't know what to say.
Anyway. Jack asked. Not in the girl Sarah-asked-me-to-ask-you, just brought girls up in his coolJack way. I wasn't there, obviously. Jack brought up me, asked if he (Cody) would go out with me (in a hypothetical sense), and the answer was no.
Jack's quick. He mentioned how some people just want something different, like without reallyREALLY liking. Offhandledly, a bit later, and almost in reference of his being asked out, not my situation. However, when I said that yeah, that's kind of how it was, he said he thought so.
So.. yeah. Kind of blah, more than OHGODTEARS. I kind of wish I had cute boy prospects there (too bad Jasper has a girlfriend, and NO I did not just think that... bad Enri), but more as entertainment than "I need someone to make me whole". Who knows, it hasn't even been two weeks, and there will always be new people in school and outside-of-school activities.
Speaking of, Jasper's birthday party (he turned 14 a few days ago) is something I'm invited to, me and Jack and Terri, who's irritating but whatever. At first I said I might come, because I didn't really want to be in a group of strangers, but when Jasper jokingly went, "Well, I don't have any friends, so it'd be cool if you came", I gave him a real smile and I intend to.
Of course, he added that he has SOME friends, and I believe that, but I can understand the wanting people around, and Jasper's great. Amelia doesn't like him, and I probably wouldn't if I were in her shoes; it just happens that he doesn't rub against my nerves.
There was a lot of gathering and laughing during my crush episode. Two boys (Dylan, Amelia's younger brother, who I like, and a little boy who I don't know and Jasper kept escaping from) were brought in, and Jack asked "if you were a girl, how would you ask a guy out?" which was entertaining, if unhelpful.
And then I saw Natasha and asked her how to ask a guy out (she advised flirting with him, which I'm also... not good at, I don't think, I'm just more direct than that - and more shy, but maybe I'll practice on some boys at school) and then Lily was with Tasha and I whispered to both of them who it was, I got a look of approval from Lily (at first I had a low opinion of her, but she IS Jeff's daughter.. and I have a feeling she notices everything) and an "oh" from Tasha. Then Lily was hanging around with us, and we were just chattering.
The entire day Jasper kept stretching all the way out on couches whenever I got up (I sat on his feet a lot), and damn I just spaced out and forgot the followup to that. He silly-hugged me right after Jack reported back - as sincere as a 14-year-old guy can get in public. He's a sweet guy, and I'd seriously consider it if he didn't have a girlfriend. Yes. It.
For now, though, I'm having a great time hanging out. Jack and I were talking for about half an hour until Dad picked me up, and it was great, he's... just a great kid. Well, not really kid, he's 13. He actually whispered to me, "You have a thing for Jasper, don't you?" after which I chased him and play-tackle/tickle/hit him, both of us laughing. He probably knows more of what's going on in my head than *I* do, it's an extremely strange feeling to have someone one step ahead of me.
I actually shared one of the "get out of conversations you don't want to be in" tactics, after he mentioned a school person (Alexei) who tended to trap you in conversations.
In the beginning of the day, I was REALLY tired - weird, because yesterday I'd barely been tired at all on 3 hours of sleep, and last night I got, like... seven. I was also being Katya'd, which was exhausting. Play this game, play this game, no don't go. Eventually, after a few hours of this and getting seriously worn down, I found Jeff. We talked, he said that I wasn't the first teenager with this problem, and that I could just be direct with her.
Went back in, told her that she could be intense (after having to explain to her what "intense" meant, which was kind of hard) and that I was getting worn out and there would be times where I wanted to hang out with other kids or be by myself and that I still loved her, just couldn't be with her every single second. She made an exaggerated sad face but understood, and after I said that I couldn't make it through the game we were playing (Life), she wheedled a few more turns out of me, won, and all was okay.
There was more outdoor music with Jack and Jesus and Cody, but there were no drums and they were more fiddling than the rocking-out concert, so I came and went.
Maybe there's more, right now I unloaded all my mind. Well, not even close, but summarized the day enough for now. I'm thinking of bringing my spiralbound notebook I have for tarot in tomorrow, just because... sort of as a prop, and I want to get things down when I think them, kind of want to show people that this is what I do, this is my talent.
I'll have to think about it.
More disappointed than actually hurt about the boy thing, but that's my boycrazy side wanting to frolic and a bit of wounded ego ("but why wouldn't he want to go out with ME?"), but nothing more. It hasn't even been two weeks, anyway. I can always hang out with him and go from there, or get completely over it by Friday.
I'll do another entry or add to this if I think of more.
My days have been so full... I love it, so much.
Oh! I have book club tonight. At seven. Must remember to tell Dad about that. That'll be fun, the guy that runs it (who freely admitted he was gay, so no ideas there) is really great. Maybe he'll even have boy advice. :P