She didn't think she'd ever felt more relieved when Bones told her Emma was stable.
Meira then winced when Anna asked her the question. This was the part where she'd made the biggest mistake of her life.
"I convinced Dr. Henderson I needed the hydronol for myself. What he gave me was the same dosage Emma would need, so I gave her that."
She looked down again. Her skin felt cold and clammy. Her heart was no longer beating too fast - she felt calm. But not the good kind of calm. Empty was a better word.
She had reached the crux of it - Meira hadn't known Emma much at all. Besides their brief meeting when she first arrived, they hadn't spoken.
She herself didn't understand why she'd agreed. She had felt that Emma was desperate not to let bossman know but - why did she do it when she didn't know her? All she knew was that she'd seen someone in need of help and tried to give it.
She knew Emma a little better now, after their conversation. She was nice - motherly. Meira had liked her.
"Did you check her records before you gave it to her? Mention not taking it with alcohol? Check to see what medications she was already on?" Kirk's eyes narrowed at Spot.
Got the message... got the medication... gave it to her... explained the dosage, told her to come see me if it gave her problems... was distracted by queasiness.
She had been too distracted by what she'd done to ask her the proper questions. Plain and simple.
And horrible.
Ohgod I'm the worst doctor in existence.
She realized, at that point, that even if she had gotten her the drugs legally - she had still not done it right.
She covered her mouth with her hand and tried to just breath.
She shook her head quickly, wishing they would just throw her out the airlock already.
Kirk turned to Anna, whispering, "I want proof that she's the one that gave those pills to Emma. She could be covering for someone else, but honestly I doubt it. I want all our bases covered, though. Go talk to the guy in charge of medical inventory and make sure she's the one that got the drugs and signed for them."
He nodded once to Anna, trusting her on her job, and looked back to Spot, "...For now, you're relieved of duty until further notice. Once he had confirmation it was her, he would have to sit down with Bones to figure out their next course of action. If she was covering for someone... hell, life would get just that much more difficult.
Bones watched all of this, one of his doctors being relieved by Jim, another going to be investigated for handing out medication to another physician under false pretenses... it was like another of his nightmares coming true.
"Fuck," he said quietly. Looking up to see people looking at him, Bones turned to Kirk and Kowalski. "Anything you two need from me? I'd like to go see if there are any changes to her condition."
Bones shook his head. "It depends who's working that day. Anytime meds are dispensed, it has to be notated on a medical chart. That way, no one can just take them, pocket them. Has to be accounted for."
"But as far as keeping track of them?" Bones tapped into his datapad and offered it to Kirk. "Once a week a report is generated by whomever's duty week it is and sent to me. We don't have one person in charge, makes it less likely for someone to hide problems like this."
"That there is the last inventory report, as of last Sunday," he told Kirk and Kowalski. "I'll be in the back with her, if you need anything else." Bones paused on the way out, as if he wanted to say something to Spot, then kept walking, heading out the door.
Meira watched Bones leave. To be more specific, she watched his feet leave. She attempted to piece herself together while processing herself having been relieved of duty.
She looked up briefly, but didn't want to risk meeting anyone's eyes.
"Captain - could you just- could you let me know when Emma wakes up? I want to know if she's okay," she asked quietly.
Kirk took a slow breath, letting his mind focus. He needed to think about any sort of long-term punishment, but for now, there was some immediate things that needed to be done. "Spottacus, you are relieved of duty until further notice." He turned his eyes to Spottacus, keeping his voice calm with an effort. Such a stupid, STUPID mistake had nearly killed a woman... and who knew if Emma would even wake up... "You are restricted to quarters until further notice as well. You are limited in your visitors, who must report and be escorted to your quarters by a member of security. Kowalski. Escort Spottacus to her quarters. Have the door locked, security clearance only. By order of the Captain."
Meira felt completely numb. She spared a momentary thought as to what Nova and Pasha would say - they'd be angry, for sure.
Hell, she would be angry at herself if she didn't feel so damn cold.
She nodded slightly at Anna, no longer looking at the ground but still looking anywhere but at either of them. She took a small step forward and waited for Anna to lead.
"What's going on?" His tone brooked no bullshit right now.
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Meira then winced when Anna asked her the question. This was the part where she'd made the biggest mistake of her life.
"I convinced Dr. Henderson I needed the hydronol for myself. What he gave me was the same dosage Emma would need, so I gave her that."
She looked down again. Her skin felt cold and clammy. Her heart was no longer beating too fast - she felt calm. But not the good kind of calm. Empty was a better word.
At least the weight was gone.
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She herself didn't understand why she'd agreed. She had felt that Emma was desperate not to let bossman know but - why did she do it when she didn't know her? All she knew was that she'd seen someone in need of help and tried to give it.
She knew Emma a little better now, after their conversation. She was nice - motherly. Meira had liked her.
Finally, she spoke.
"Not really," she admitted.
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She had been too distracted by what she'd done to ask her the proper questions. Plain and simple.
And horrible.
Ohgod I'm the worst doctor in existence.
She realized, at that point, that even if she had gotten her the drugs legally - she had still not done it right.
She covered her mouth with her hand and tried to just breath.
She shook her head quickly, wishing they would just throw her out the airlock already.
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He nodded once to Anna, trusting her on her job, and looked back to Spot, "...For now, you're relieved of duty until further notice. Once he had confirmation it was her, he would have to sit down with Bones to figure out their next course of action. If she was covering for someone... hell, life would get just that much more difficult.
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"Fuck," he said quietly. Looking up to see people looking at him, Bones turned to Kirk and Kowalski. "Anything you two need from me? I'd like to go see if there are any changes to her condition."
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"But as far as keeping track of them?" Bones tapped into his datapad and offered it to Kirk. "Once a week a report is generated by whomever's duty week it is and sent to me. We don't have one person in charge, makes it less likely for someone to hide problems like this."
"That there is the last inventory report, as of last Sunday," he told Kirk and Kowalski. "I'll be in the back with her, if you need anything else." Bones paused on the way out, as if he wanted to say something to Spot, then kept walking, heading out the door.
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She looked up briefly, but didn't want to risk meeting anyone's eyes.
"Captain - could you just- could you let me know when Emma wakes up? I want to know if she's okay," she asked quietly.
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Hell, she would be angry at herself if she didn't feel so damn cold.
She nodded slightly at Anna, no longer looking at the ground but still looking anywhere but at either of them. She took a small step forward and waited for Anna to lead.
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