The anatomy of donating blood...
9:41: A Red Cross volunteer comes in and hands me a pass. My turn to give blood. I leave for the gym, happy to stop writing a paper about cosmic rays.
9:48: I go in one of the booths to do the questions and have my blood tested by my nurse. She looks at me strangely, then laughs and says she remembers me - last time, I passed out after standing up, and she caught me. I laugh and tell her that with any luck, that won't happen again.
9:52: She stabs my right middle finger. Hard. It hurts.
9:59: I am taken to one of the cots, where I lay down, get jabbed with a needle in the left inner elbow (I think she punctured a tendon), and squeeze a heart-shaped stress ball while watching my blood flow into a small bag. I'm told I am Type O-Negative. I feel extraordinarily special.
10:17: The needle is yanked out of my arm. Because I fainted last time, I am made to stay on the cot for a little while.
10:23: I sit up and do not feel woozy, only have a mild headache.
10:24: They bring over some strange sort of wheelie chair to transport me to the sick-person cot, in case I faint again. I wave away said chair and tell them I feel fine. They allow me to stand, but the nurse keeps a firm hand on my arm. I begin walking toward the cot.
10:25: After three steps, I collapse. I am caught by two nurses, carried over to the bed, and told to "stay put."
10:31: I try to sit up and faint again.
10:42: After a long wait and a glass of apple juice, I am walked over to the refreshments table, sat down, and forcefed chocolate chip cookies and more apple juice.
10:54: I walk out and take the long trek to the band room very, very slowly, stopping to grab an apple from my locker, as it is lunch.
10:58: I sit in Miss B.'s office with the rest of the lunch crew and eat my apple. Miss B. tells me to eat a larger breakfast next time.
11:01: I get up, walk out to throw away my trash, walk in, and stagger. I manage to get on the floor before I pass out and lean against the wall, trying to get settled before class.
11:10: The bell rings. We stand and walk out. I lag behind everyone, as I feel extremely tired. Miss B. (band director) and Mr. B. (kickass student teacher) both ask if I'm all right as they teach eighth graders. I tell them yes, I am fine.
11:11: Three feet from the door, I slow down, then (as I am told) collapse facedown on the floor, my head making a loud thunk.
11:12: I wake up to Miss B. moving my head so I can breathe. She orders a percussionist to get two water bottles out of the freezer, tells Mr. B. to start conducting, and rolls me onto my side. I have a flaming headache and am shoved back to the ground when I lethargically attempt to sit up.
11:13: Two frozen waters are pressed against the back of my neck and my forehead. Every muscle in that region instantly seizes up, then goes numb. She tells me my skin looks like an ashtray and my pulse is raging.
11:15: I am given a pillow. Everything except my forehead and neck is flaming hot.
11:24: After calling my third hour teacher and our assistant principal, Miss B. rejoins me on the floor. The assistant principal (a cell phone/iPod Nazi) arrives soon. She tells me she has tried to call my mom, but she isn't answering, and asks if I know another number to reach her at. Stupidly (blame the wooziness), I take my phone out of my back pocket and hand it to her, mumbling: "Iz in there..."
11:25: The assistant principal stares at my phone, flabbergasted at my odd behavior, for almost thirty seconds.
11:26: Saving my ass, Miss B. props me against the wall, takes the phone, goes outside to call my mom, then comes back to conduct.
11:31: Realizing that I will soon be overrun by stampeding eighth graders, I begin scooching along the floor to get to the office, not wanting to risk standing.
11:33: Seeing my predicament, Mr. B. goes into the office, brings out a twirly chair, practically lifts me onto it, and pushes me along to the office. I feel rather special.
11:34-12:24: I spend nearly an hour curled into a ball/propped against a desk on the warm band room floor, getting chewed out Miss B. (fairly warm-heartedly) and my mother, who has come to rescue me if I need to be taken home (not warm-heartedly at all), and teasing/being teased by Mr. B. and any wayward classmates that come in.
12:25: The bell rings. I go to rehearse for the concert. Mr. B. (who, as a trumpet, usually sits with us anyway) sits by me the entire hour, asking me if I'm going to faint every time I close my eyes. When class is over, Miss B. orders Quentin the baritone to stalk me to fifth hour and homeroom. Just in case I pass out again. I do not.
Yeah. Lovely. :P