Hopping Mad (SGA Fic)
Since I can't rely on my connection, I've decided to post my Spook Me Ficathon stories a day early. This is the last one.
Betaed by blakefancier and ultrapsychobrat
The prompt was Aquatic Monsters, plus I used both of the visual secret prompts.
This one
And this one
Hopping Mad
or
Rodney Flipped Out
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's... not good." Rodney gave John one wide-eyed look of terror before a green haze engulfed him, only his blue eyes shining through it.
"McKay!" John lunged forward trying to grab him, to pull him away from the machine while cursing the Ancients who had scattered so many insane devices around Atlantis, and yelling at Rodney for being attracted to them worse than a cat to catnip, and maybe even a little at himself for having a gene that reached out and activated things at the worst possible moment. He caught Rodney's arm for a second, but then his grasp slipped, slipped on skin too sleek, too smooth, too... moist to be human. The haze cleared.
Rodney... it was Rodney, still, judging by the wide blue eyes, and the fact that he was still wearing his BDUs with Canadian shoulder patch. Only he didn't have shoulders any more, and the BDU was slipping off his pink hairless body. Rodney croaked, pretty much sounding the way an irritated-Canadian-genius-turned-giant-pink-frog would sound, as he kicked off the rest of his clothes until he was nude, but not really showing much indication whether he was still male, frogs not being very obvious in that department.
"Rodney? Um, Rodney, calm down, we'll fix this." John tapped his com and shouted, "ZELENKA! Rodney's a frog!"
After a moment of silence, Zelenka replied, "Frog? That is... not good. I will be right there."
"Right." John noticed that Rodney had lost his earbud, which wasn't surprising since he no longer had ears. "Zelenka's on his way. He'll fix you right up."
Rodney gazed at John as balefully as a giant blue-eyed pink frog could gaze, swelled his throat pouch up huge and let out a belching, coffee-scented RIBBIT that sent John back on his heels. Then Rodney hopped right over him.
"No, Rodney!" John was tempted to shoot him in a leg, just a little, but visions of Kermit talking about frogs in teeny tiny wheelchairs made him hesitate just long enough for Rodney to disappear down a corridor, leaving a trail of moist flipper-prints on the floor. He hit his com again as he ran after frog-Rodney. "Ronon! You gotta track Rodney, he's a frog!"
"Frog. Right," Ronon replied. "Can I shoot him?"
"NO!" John ran faster, even though he knew Ronon was joking. Probably. Ronon would eat giant frog legs. He tapped his earbud again. "Teyla! Have you seen Rodney?"
Teyla sounded slightly shaken. "If you are referring to the giant pink amphibian that just... licked me... then yes."
"Oh, gross." John sympathized. Rodney's licks were... ah... another time for thinking about that. "Where is he?"
"Headed for the East Pier," Teyla said, sounding a little out of breath. John hoped it was from running. "He does not appear to be thinking clearly."
"Y'know, that was almost the first thing I noticed." John skidded on a slimy flipper print, went around a corner at full speed, just in time to see Rodney at bay, standing tall, indignant and pink in front of Ronon. John had a terrible feeling that this wasn't going to go well.
"Hold still, McKay," Ronon said, gun held out in a relaxed, two-handed grip. "I don't want to stun you, but I will."
Rodney blinked, croaked, and shot out his tongue to grab Ronon's gun. The gun went off. Rodney's tongue hung out, yards long and totally limp. Rodney made a noise something like a balloon full of jello landing on a marble floor from two stories up, then somehow turned his neckless body and jumped over the balcony that John had been too preoccupied to notice.
"Rodney!" John lunged forward expecting to see pink splattered frog all over the pier far below which would really clash with Atlantis' color scheme, but Rodney was clinging to the wall, sticky-fingering his way down backwards, limp tongue hanging down his back. As John and Ronon watched, Rodney reached the pier and jumped into the water. A moment later a pink, four-fingered hand arose doing a fairly good rendition of a frog flipping a bird. Then he slid under the water, pink vanishing in the blue. Ronon looked at John. "I'm gonna go clean my gun." John banged his head against a nearby wall. He was not supposed to lose the scientist. It looked very bad on his performance reviews.
It looked even worse a few hours later when giant water monsters began attacking all the piers of Atlantis. Teyla said she felt some telepathic comunication from them but it was all a jumble of 'coffee, MREs, chocolate, naked blondes, laptop, ZPM, Nobel prize, mine, mine, mine, gimme', which pretty much everyone translated as Rodney's giant genius frog overmind convincing the monsters that they wanted what Rodney wanted and they were going to take Atlantis apart to get it.
Zelenka said, tentatively, "Perhaps if we lured Rodney back.... Once he is out of the water, the conductivity will be less and the ... creatures will leave."
Ronon had already shot a few of the tastier looking monsters, so he was on board with that.
Sam Carter nodded. "Start chumming the water with MREs."
They surrounded Atlantis in floating pods full of Rodney's favorite goodies, to no avail. Even the laptop programmed to show a Nobel prize failed to get more than a derisive pink flipper wave. Finally Sam sighed and rose to the challenge. She went down to the pier and looked around. "If ONE photo of this shows up later..."
Cellphone cameras clicked off and were hastily pocketed. Sam growled, stripped and entered the glass capsule. "Lower away! It's damn cold in here!"
Three minutes later they pulled up the capsule with Rodney sticky-fingered to it. Ronon stunned him. The monsters sighed in apparent relief and swam away. Zelenka reversed the machine, and Rodney reappeared in human form, no worse for wear, protesting that he didn't remember anything after the machine activated, although the way he blushed when he saw Sam made John wonder about that.
"You missed lunch," John remarked after Rodney finished shouting at his scientists because his favorite laptop had shorted out when they used it as bait and his stash of Snickers bars now tasted salty. "I hear they made chocolate cake."
Rodney grinned, and barreled out of the lab to the silent, but heart-felt, cheers of his minions, with John loping contentedly just behind him. John liked being able to outrun Rodney, but the view from behind made second place worthwhile, too.
Ronon had got to the mess ahead of them, probably by using his highly honed Runner survivor sense to detect unclaimed food, and was putting what appeared to be the last slice of cake on his tray.
"Hey!" Rodney shouted in outrage. "I need that! I'm... I'm... I was a frog today! I need to get the taste of bugs out of my mouth!"
Ronon crossed his arms and grinned, biceps bulging. "Come and get it."
John thought about intervening, but really, watching Rodney and Ronon wrestle was very entertaining, even though the fight was rigged. Rodney got a determined glint in his eyes and braced himself. Ronon shook out his arms and grinned.
Rodney opened his mouth, his tongue shot out and grabbed the cake, pulling it back into his mouth. He chewed happily. "Hah, I win."
John decided not to ever eat lunch with Rodney again. Although... that tongue might come in handy for other things....
Betaed by blakefancier and ultrapsychobrat
The prompt was Aquatic Monsters, plus I used both of the visual secret prompts.
This one
And this one
Hopping Mad
or
Rodney Flipped Out
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's... not good." Rodney gave John one wide-eyed look of terror before a green haze engulfed him, only his blue eyes shining through it.
"McKay!" John lunged forward trying to grab him, to pull him away from the machine while cursing the Ancients who had scattered so many insane devices around Atlantis, and yelling at Rodney for being attracted to them worse than a cat to catnip, and maybe even a little at himself for having a gene that reached out and activated things at the worst possible moment. He caught Rodney's arm for a second, but then his grasp slipped, slipped on skin too sleek, too smooth, too... moist to be human. The haze cleared.
Rodney... it was Rodney, still, judging by the wide blue eyes, and the fact that he was still wearing his BDUs with Canadian shoulder patch. Only he didn't have shoulders any more, and the BDU was slipping off his pink hairless body. Rodney croaked, pretty much sounding the way an irritated-Canadian-genius-turned-giant-pink-frog would sound, as he kicked off the rest of his clothes until he was nude, but not really showing much indication whether he was still male, frogs not being very obvious in that department.
"Rodney? Um, Rodney, calm down, we'll fix this." John tapped his com and shouted, "ZELENKA! Rodney's a frog!"
After a moment of silence, Zelenka replied, "Frog? That is... not good. I will be right there."
"Right." John noticed that Rodney had lost his earbud, which wasn't surprising since he no longer had ears. "Zelenka's on his way. He'll fix you right up."
Rodney gazed at John as balefully as a giant blue-eyed pink frog could gaze, swelled his throat pouch up huge and let out a belching, coffee-scented RIBBIT that sent John back on his heels. Then Rodney hopped right over him.
"No, Rodney!" John was tempted to shoot him in a leg, just a little, but visions of Kermit talking about frogs in teeny tiny wheelchairs made him hesitate just long enough for Rodney to disappear down a corridor, leaving a trail of moist flipper-prints on the floor. He hit his com again as he ran after frog-Rodney. "Ronon! You gotta track Rodney, he's a frog!"
"Frog. Right," Ronon replied. "Can I shoot him?"
"NO!" John ran faster, even though he knew Ronon was joking. Probably. Ronon would eat giant frog legs. He tapped his earbud again. "Teyla! Have you seen Rodney?"
Teyla sounded slightly shaken. "If you are referring to the giant pink amphibian that just... licked me... then yes."
"Oh, gross." John sympathized. Rodney's licks were... ah... another time for thinking about that. "Where is he?"
"Headed for the East Pier," Teyla said, sounding a little out of breath. John hoped it was from running. "He does not appear to be thinking clearly."
"Y'know, that was almost the first thing I noticed." John skidded on a slimy flipper print, went around a corner at full speed, just in time to see Rodney at bay, standing tall, indignant and pink in front of Ronon. John had a terrible feeling that this wasn't going to go well.
"Hold still, McKay," Ronon said, gun held out in a relaxed, two-handed grip. "I don't want to stun you, but I will."
Rodney blinked, croaked, and shot out his tongue to grab Ronon's gun. The gun went off. Rodney's tongue hung out, yards long and totally limp. Rodney made a noise something like a balloon full of jello landing on a marble floor from two stories up, then somehow turned his neckless body and jumped over the balcony that John had been too preoccupied to notice.
"Rodney!" John lunged forward expecting to see pink splattered frog all over the pier far below which would really clash with Atlantis' color scheme, but Rodney was clinging to the wall, sticky-fingering his way down backwards, limp tongue hanging down his back. As John and Ronon watched, Rodney reached the pier and jumped into the water. A moment later a pink, four-fingered hand arose doing a fairly good rendition of a frog flipping a bird. Then he slid under the water, pink vanishing in the blue. Ronon looked at John. "I'm gonna go clean my gun." John banged his head against a nearby wall. He was not supposed to lose the scientist. It looked very bad on his performance reviews.
It looked even worse a few hours later when giant water monsters began attacking all the piers of Atlantis. Teyla said she felt some telepathic comunication from them but it was all a jumble of 'coffee, MREs, chocolate, naked blondes, laptop, ZPM, Nobel prize, mine, mine, mine, gimme', which pretty much everyone translated as Rodney's giant genius frog overmind convincing the monsters that they wanted what Rodney wanted and they were going to take Atlantis apart to get it.
Zelenka said, tentatively, "Perhaps if we lured Rodney back.... Once he is out of the water, the conductivity will be less and the ... creatures will leave."
Ronon had already shot a few of the tastier looking monsters, so he was on board with that.
Sam Carter nodded. "Start chumming the water with MREs."
They surrounded Atlantis in floating pods full of Rodney's favorite goodies, to no avail. Even the laptop programmed to show a Nobel prize failed to get more than a derisive pink flipper wave. Finally Sam sighed and rose to the challenge. She went down to the pier and looked around. "If ONE photo of this shows up later..."
Cellphone cameras clicked off and were hastily pocketed. Sam growled, stripped and entered the glass capsule. "Lower away! It's damn cold in here!"
Three minutes later they pulled up the capsule with Rodney sticky-fingered to it. Ronon stunned him. The monsters sighed in apparent relief and swam away. Zelenka reversed the machine, and Rodney reappeared in human form, no worse for wear, protesting that he didn't remember anything after the machine activated, although the way he blushed when he saw Sam made John wonder about that.
"You missed lunch," John remarked after Rodney finished shouting at his scientists because his favorite laptop had shorted out when they used it as bait and his stash of Snickers bars now tasted salty. "I hear they made chocolate cake."
Rodney grinned, and barreled out of the lab to the silent, but heart-felt, cheers of his minions, with John loping contentedly just behind him. John liked being able to outrun Rodney, but the view from behind made second place worthwhile, too.
Ronon had got to the mess ahead of them, probably by using his highly honed Runner survivor sense to detect unclaimed food, and was putting what appeared to be the last slice of cake on his tray.
"Hey!" Rodney shouted in outrage. "I need that! I'm... I'm... I was a frog today! I need to get the taste of bugs out of my mouth!"
Ronon crossed his arms and grinned, biceps bulging. "Come and get it."
John thought about intervening, but really, watching Rodney and Ronon wrestle was very entertaining, even though the fight was rigged. Rodney got a determined glint in his eyes and braced himself. Ronon shook out his arms and grinned.
Rodney opened his mouth, his tongue shot out and grabbed the cake, pulling it back into his mouth. He chewed happily. "Hah, I win."
John decided not to ever eat lunch with Rodney again. Although... that tongue might come in handy for other things....