Fic: Higher Than Hope (Sex Corps, Jeff/Jensen) (4/4)
Part 3
Part 4
Jared shouldn't have had to hear the news on the god damn news feed, not again. He and Adrianne cuddled on the new couch she had bought for the living room. With her decorating it hardly resembled the home he'd grown up in. Everything from the color of the walls to the layout of each room was so different that Jared could forget the past and look toward the future.
They had the news feed running on the holo unit, though Jared had long given up hope of hearing anything about his brother. Until tonight.
The normal entertainment reel had been broken into with an emergency broadcast. The anchor, a tiny man Jared didn't recognize, stared into the camera, staring out at his audience with pale cheeks and mussed hair.
"We interrupt this program with breaking news. It's been learned that the Emperor of the Confederation has been assassinated. Not only that, but the assassin was none other than the UP's own Captain Jensen Ackles, who has been a prisoner of war for the past eight months and believed to be dead. The video you are about to see was lifted straight from the Confed's own news system."
"What the hell?" Jared whispered. The vid from the Confed didn't answer any of his questions, reporting only that the reported assassin - Jensen - had escaped custody.
Almost in response to his words, his personal comm beeped, signaling an incoming call. Jared switched it over to the main holo unit. Adrianne gripped his arm, almost too tightly when General Ferris appeared.
Ferris looked terrible. If Jared didn't know any better he'd think she'd been crying right before she called.
"Jared, we didn't know," she blurted. "I just heard it on the news feed myself."
He stood, clenching his fists. "What happened to your inside information? Don't you have people whose job it is to find this stuff out before the media?"
"Those people were all recalled when the Confed threatened to kill all scuts. We've been operating blind for months, Jared." She shook her head. "I don't know where he is now, but we've got every ship out on the border looking."
"And you better bring him home, General."
***
"He's going to need surgery. The injuries to his hands and feet are extensive and my scans indicate nerve damage. This requires more than just a skin sealer, Dr. Cox."
"Don't tell me you don't think we can treat him here?"
"Stabilize, sure, but all due respect, Doc, you're not a neurosurgeon."
Jensen heard the voices long before the words started making any sense. He didn't recognize the speakers voices and his heart pounded in fear. For a moment he thought he was back on Indra, trapped in the complex and just waiting for his next client. He'd never escaped at all, it had all been a horrible dream.
"Captain Ackles, can you hear me?" Gentle hands touched his face. Jensen heard the flick of some instrument, but couldn't tell if it were a light or a scanner without his sight.
"Hard not to," he croaked, surprised as how raw his voice sounded. Then again, he'd used it so rarely.
"I'm Lieutenant Chapel. You're on the UPS Valentine, in the infirmary. This is Doctor Cox." Chapel had a light soothing voice, as if she was accustomed to having to calm down patients.
"We'll be stabilizing you for a return to the nearest Starbase with a qualified surgeon," Cox spoke quickly, almost too quickly.
"No," Jensen said. "I want to go home."
"The longer we wait, the more possibility of damage," Cox said. He sounded as if he were moving away, as if it were already a done deal.
"Don't give a fuck," Jensen said. He tried to push himself up. That numbness that was so comforting before now only frightened him. "Get me home! I want to go home!" The hand on his chest only had him fighting harder. "Stop touching me!" Why wouldn't they stop hurting him?
He didn't even feel the prick when they sedated him.
Jensen drifted in and out of consciousness for the entire trip. He listened to the whispers, but hovered somewhere in between. Sometimes he dreamt, finding himself safe in Jeff's arms in Harmony, twined together on their huge bed. More often the dreams twisted into dark twins of what happened on Indra. Jeff would bind Jensen with gentle kisses on his wrists before the cuffs, and then would turn into Isaacs, with the cold blue eyes and the scalpel.
Whenever he woke screaming they'd sedate him again. Jensen didn't know how long it was until he opened his eyes, finally free of the drugs. He took stock of his body, no longer numb. Everything ached. When he tried to lift his hands he realized they were swathed in bandages.
"It's not a good idea to touch them right now, sir," a soft voice interrupted his explorations.
Jensen didn't know he wasn't alone and nearly tumbled right out of the bed. "Who the hell are you?"
He felt the presence get closer, somehow. Jensen couldn't help the shivering. Damn it. He hated feeling like this.
"I'm Cadet Gyllenhaal, sir. Jake Gyllenhaal. I believe you know my sister?"
The words soothed him, and Jensen let himself drop back onto the bed. "Where am I?"
"Private hospital room on the Atlantic Base, on Earth. Can I get you something? Maybe some water?"
Jensen couldn't remember the last time he ate or drank. He hated to think what they had to do to get him here without him knowing. Fuck, it was almost as bad as being trapped in the Confed, unable to fend for himself.
"Water," Jensen said. He listened as Jake moved around the room, trying to guess the dimensions. That would be impossible until he got the chance to crawl around it, feel it for himself. But if he was home…"What about my eyes?" he said.
A weight settled on the bed. "I'm gonna hold the cup for you," the cadet said, gently pressing a straw against Jensen's lips. "Do you want me to call the doctor or should I just tell you what the chart says?"
Jensen sucked in sips of cool water. He closed his eyes. How long had it been since he had such a simple pleasure? "Just tell me," he said as he pulled back.
Jake cleared his throat. "You've had surgery on your palms and feet, to repair the nerve damage. They estimated you'd eventually get 80% of the range of motion back."
"My eyes."
"Nothing is apparently wrong with your eyes," Jack said, his voice timid and tentative. "But the nerves connecting them to the visual centers of your brain have been cut. They've been arguing about whether they can fix that or not."
Jensen reached up to rub his forehead, but the bandages got in the way. "Why these, why not just use a skin sealer?" He tried to open and close his hands, but the sudden pain had him gasping.
"Not sure. Might have something to do with how long it took to get you here. You sure you don't want me to call the doctor?"
"Damn sure," Jensen growled. "How long…Jake, what's the date?"
Jake told him. Jensen bit in lip. He'd been Isaacs's prisoner for eight months. It had felt like so much longer. "I need to…Stars," he didn't even know where to begin. "Jared…I need to comm my brother, he doesn't know. Fuck, he must think…Can you get me a unit?" Hell, Jake would probably have to operate it for him.
"Anything you want, Major. They've assigned me to you."
"Wait a minute…It's Captain…"
Jake let out a little laugh. "I think you more than deserve the promotion. I can have General Ferris come in to confirm it for you."
Jensen snuggled back against the pillows. "I just need a comm." Jeff had promised to keep sending him messages. Would he have continued to do so for the year they'd been apart? He'd have to wait and see, if Jake didn't mind being his eyes and hands.
"Yes, sir."
***
Jeff had dirt under his fingernails. And on his shoes and on the knees of his uniform pants. There was mud caked around his comm unit and the sensor tablet he kept in his kit. He didn't even want to think about what must be inside his backpack.
He'd probably feel better if they had more to show for their work than the dirt. The people who lived underground here were extremely skittish. Whenever Jeff and his team came close, they simply seemed to melt away. He guessed they knew the intricacies of the maze of caverns down here in a way that would take Jeff's team months to learn. They'd already spent a month down here, out of contact with the Mercury except for whoever was chosen to go back to the surface to make a report.
Something in these damn rocks interfered with the comm signals. It made the entire job that much harder. Still, Jeff couldn't ignore the possibilities and had samples taken to be studied back on the ship. Otherwise, this planet was a bust. These people didn't want to talk, and right now Jeff needed to respect that. Jeff ordered everyone to pack it in and head back to the surface. They were going back to the ship.
"Sir, the Captain wants to speak with you the moment we dock," Brown, who was manning the shuttle, told him.
Jeff groaned. "Can't it wait till I shower at least?"
"She was pretty insistent, Commander."
"Well, she'll just have to deal with the mud then."
Jeff headed for the Captain's ready room, waving off his people as they disembarked from the shuttle. They were all tired, dirty and need some rest. He hoped whatever Devine wanted it wouldn't take too long; that shower was calling his name.
The doors opened for him before Jeff even hit the chime. That didn't bode well. He stepped inside, surprised to find the Captain not at her desk. She stared out the viewer that functioned as a virtual window to the planet below.
"Commander Morgan reporting as requested, sir."
She turned, her eyes puffy and red rimmed, which was so unlike Devine that Jeff nearly gasped. "At ease, Commander."
"Captain?"
"You just missed the Desert Moon, Morgan. They dropped off data packs from Earth. Damn 724 is mucking with our communications worse than usual out here." Devine shook her head.
Nothing about this sounded any good. "So what does any of that have to do with me?"
She picked up a remote on her desk. "It hit the news wave a month ago. Ackles is alive. Alive and back on Earth."
Her words had him staggering as if he had been shot. For a moment, Jeff couldn't make sense of them. "I thought the UP decided against a rescue mission."
She snorted. "Ackles all but rescued his damn self. And he managed to kill the emperor of the Confed in the process."
"What?" Jeff stared at her.
Devine shook her head. "I don't know how he did it. That hasn't been made public and I don't have the clearance. This is from the last press conference." She clicked on her remote and the holographic image appeared on her desk, in miniature.
Jeff hadn't seen such a clear holo in a while. The feed just didn't come in that well out here.
A young man stood in the center of a stage, surrounded by members of the media with tiny flashing cams. Jeff was surprised at first to note the lack of military presence, at least until he recognized the young man. It wasn't his face, but when he spoke, deep tones with a familiar accent, that sparked the recognition. Jared, Jensen's brother.
"My brother and I would like to thank all of you for your support. The comms and gifts have been much appreciated." He looked out into the crowd, but the words came slowly, as if from a memorized script. "My brother, Major Jensen Ackles, has served the UP since he was eighteen years old. Now that he's come to the end of his career, I ask that our privacy be respected. Neither Jensen nor I will answer any questions about his mission in the Confed. We ask that you look to your Senators and the Corps for your answers. Thank you."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Jeff shouted. Where was Jensen? What had happened to him? Just how the hell had he gotten himself out of the Confed?
Stars, Jensen was alive! Alive and home, while Jeff was out here on the ass end of the galaxy. Once again he was fucked over by doing his duty while someone he cared about was in trouble.
"I put the feeds on the ship network. It's as much as I know."
"Great." And he'd just missed the Desert Moon. They wouldn't be back around this part of the galaxy for two more months, when the Mercury was scheduled to head back to Earth for crew rotation and engine replacements.
Jeff was dirty and tired, and he just found out that the lover he thought he'd lost forever was still alive, but just out of his reach. He wanted to fall into his bed and not come up.
"Jeff," she said softly, surprising him by using his first name. "This is a good thing. We haven't lost him. You haven't lost him."
Damn her for seeing him so clearly. "I think you might be wrong about that, Captain." Jeff had said goodbye in his last message to Jensen. Who knew what the other man thought of that? Would he even want to hear from Jeff?
***
Jensen sat up in his hospital bed, propped up on the pillows he had Gyllenhaal fix for him. He'd had to ask the cadet to set up the comm and put the earpiece in Jensen's ear. But at least Jensen could use the voice controls on the comm instead of having to rely on Jake to push buttons for him.
"No outside calls, sir. General Beaver would like to debrief you first," Jake had told him in that same polite tone. Jensen kept listening for hints of Maggie in his voice. He wondered if they looked alike. He wouldn't know, not until they fixed his eyes. If they could fix his eyes.
"And when is that going to happen?"
"When you're well enough for visitors and not a moment before." The snap in Jake's voice that time had Jensen grinning. That was more like it. "You should be resting."
Jensen didn't want to close his eyes again. He'd tried to nap after coming awake to find himself slathered in bandages and connected to all sorts of monitoring devices. Jake had had to wake him from the nightmare, afraid Jensen would open up his wounds.
"I'm sitting here listening to my messages. How is this not resting?" Jensen tried to joke. He wasn't sure he convinced Jake of anything. Jensen didn't want to dream again, didn't want to see Isaac's face, that nasty grin he got whenever hurting Jensen. He didn't want to see Mike's death, repeated over and over in a blood red haze. No, Jensen didn't want to sleep.
"If your heart rate starts to go up, I'm pulling out the earpiece," Jake said.
"Fine." Jensen ignored him. "Engage audio. Retrieve messages, Ackles, Jensen R. code CNK 80Q3."
The computerized voice spoke in his ear. "You have 534 messages."
"Sort. Play all with sender Morgan, Jeffrey D."
At first Jeff's warm tones were a balm to his shattered psyche. Jensen just listened, sometimes not even hearing the words, just letting Jeff's voice sink into him. He could almost smell him, imagine him lying beside Jensen in his bed, his body so warm, the stubble of his cheeks rasping against Jensen's body.
Jensen wanted that comfort, wanted to sink into Jeff's arms. He wanted Jeff to take away the nightmares and the pain.
And then he got to Jeff's last message. Tears were streaming done his cheeks when Jared finally found him.
***
They wouldn't let him see Jensen. Jared paced the lobby of the military hospital on the Atlantic base. It had been almost a year since he'd spoken with his own brother, and they were keeping him behind locked doors until he could be 'debriefed' whatever the hell that meant. Jensen was home, fucking home, and Jared couldn't see for himself, couldn't touch him to make sure this was real.
"Jared," Adrianne stood in front of him, stopping his aimless pacing. "I've got Senator McKellen on the comm." She held out her earpiece.
Jared took it, meeting her wide-eyed gaze with his own. What the hell? "Senator?"
"Ah, hello Dr. Ackles. May I call you Jared by the way?"
If the senator could help Jared see Jensen, he could damn well call Jared whatever the hell he wanted. "Yes, sir."
"I hear that your brother has arrived safely on Earth."
"They won't let me see him," Jared said. He looked down at the grainy tile, starting to pace again, not even noticing anything else in the lobby.
"You've got a decision to make Jared. I can help you, if you like. But this is your one chance to stop the military from controlling your brother's destiny."
Jared knew if he let Jensen go now, the Corps would never let him be free. It would start with the debriefing, and then they'd plaster his face on the media feed as the killer of the Confed emperor. Jensen would never find peace.
"I'm prepared to do whatever it takes," Jared told McKellen.
"Good boy." He could hear the smile in McKellen's voice. "You are a doctor, aren't you? You can arrange for his care elsewhere, correct?
"Yes." Jared needed to see Jensen's charts, but he could do it. He had plenty of friends at the hospital who could help him out if he needed them.
"Good. I will call General Beaver. You go on up to room 768."
"Thank you, sir." Jared cut the connection and strode towards the lifts behind the receptionist desk, Adrianne following at his heels.
"Jared? What did he say?"
"We're getting Jensen the hell out of here." Jared punched the button on the wall. One of the military guards came over from the main desk.
"Sir, I believe you were told to wait until you received authorization. . ."
Jared turned and glared at the young man. "I got my authorization. You can call General Beaver himself."
Before the guard could answer, the doors slid open and Jared strode inside. Adrianne followed. He expected more of a protest, but the guard already had his comm open. His eyes widened as he glanced at Jared just as the doors closed.
It was good to have friends in high places.
No one stopped them again before they got to Jensen's room. Jared paused, checking the number again before palming the panel next to the door. It slid open, revealing a young man standing in the doorway.
"Who are you? Major Ackles is resting. . ."
Jared shouldered him aside. "I'm his brother."
"Jared?"
Jared stopped moving. Jensen's voice sounded so small, nothing like how his confident big brother should sound. And then he caught sight of Jensen, wrapped up in blankets and pillows on the hospital bed, tubes trailing from an IV in his arm, with the monitors hovering just above his head. Jensen was nearly as white as his sheets, his face so gaunt his cheekbones were more than prominent. His eyes moved from side to side, as if he didn't even see Jared standing there.
Stars, no. Jared broke free of his temporary paralysis and went to his brother's side, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. "It's me, Jen."
"Jared," Jensen said again, his voice hoarse. He struggled to reach out, his hands wrapped up in thick bandages.
Jared would need to get a look at those charts soon. He wrapped Jensen up his arms, careful of the bandages and tubes, hugging his brother as tightly as he dared. Jared ran his hand through Jensen's hair, holding him close. He could feel the wetness that soaked into his shirt from the tears running down Jensen's cheeks.
"I'm gonna get you out of here, bro. Nobody's gonna hurt you again, I promise."
He didn't know how, but Jared was going to keep that promise.
***
Jensen had wanted to go to Mike's funeral, despite the spectacle they were making of it. By all rights it should have been held months ago, when that video of them had hit the news feed. Apparently scuts were very popular right now, since Jensen had escaped when no one else had.
He could barely keep his eyes open, not that it mattered. Though the sun felt hot on his face, Jensen would never see its light again. That's what they kept telling him, after another surgery that couldn't fix the mess Isaacs had made of his head. He shuddered, as the errant thought brought the image of the man's face to his mind's eye. Jensen would always see that damned grin, those callous eyes, the last image before his world went dark.
"You cold, Jen?" Jared whispered from behind. He pushed the hover chair, since Jensen couldn't operate the controls himself.
He was so fucking useless. His hands were clenched into claws on his lap and Jensen was sure his feet were no better. The only saving grace was that right now he couldn't feel either of them. That was far better than the pain that chased him whenever he tried to sleep.
Jared had prescribed the sleeping pill, and it granted him blessed oblivion, however it was also why he was groggy now. The minister's words seemed so far away, but Jensen didn't want to listen to them anyway. Mike was gone, and no placating words about an afterlife would change that.
"No." He bowed his head. Jared had told him there were media there and Jensen didn't want to be captured on vid. He didn't want to be the cripple on everyone's feed.
"Jensen?"
He snapped his head up, blinking instinctively like always. That was Sophia's voice. Had Jensen fallen asleep throughout the entire service? "Soph?"
"Yeah." Her hand touched his and Jensen pulled it away, close to his chest.
He had to breathe deeply to keep from losing control. "Please don't."
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice a harsh whisper. "Tom's here too. He's with Mike's family."
Panic rose in his throat. "I don't want to talk to them. I don't." He didn't want to tell them how their son died, how Mike had been tormented for months before his throat cut in front of all of the UP. And he didn't want to talk about how Mike had carved him up to save Jensen from even worse pain. "Jared, take me home? Wanna go home."
"Jensen, it's ok. We're going to go straight home, okay?" Jared's voice cut into everything. Jensen felt like he could breathe again.
"His heart rate is a little elevated," Jared said, probably talking to Sophia. "I'm sorry, but we're going to have to leave now. Give the Rosenbaums our condolences."
"Jensen, it's good to see you." Sophia's voice sounded so far away. "I'm glad, I'm glad you're safe, okay?"
He wrapped his arms around himself, waiting for Jared to push him away. Jensen wanted to get out of the sun. He wanted to stop thinking about Mike and how the blades felt as they cut into his skin. He wanted to stop smelling blood, stop seeing the red haze that the world had become when Mike died.
It never stopped. The dreams wouldn't go away and the drugged oblivion only threatened to take him deeper. Sometimes Jensen would stretch out on his bed and try to think about Jeff, about the hopes he had before he left for that one last mission.
And then he'd hear Jeff telling him goodbye. Even Jeff had given up on him. Why should Jensen keep fighting?
"You'll be all right, Jen," Jared said. The hover chair began to move, hopefully away from the graves at Arlington II. "I'll figure this out, okay?"
"Okay," Jensen said, because Jared needed him to. He had his doubts, but he also had Jared.
***
Jeff barely remembered when he used to think of sailing the stars as the ultimate freedom. He'd been so young then, pilot's certification fresh in hand, ready to take on the galaxy. Then Alfani had happened and he'd been sucked into the war so deep he thought nothing else existed except for that.
But he'd always seen the stars as the best symbol of the future. Whenever he wanted to think he'd take a turn at the bridge, or man a shuttle, anything to feel the exhilaration of steering a ship throughout that dark expanse.
Now the ship felt more like a prison, keeping him here in the outmost reaches of the galaxy when all he wanted was to be home, with solid earth beneath his feet. Jeff snorted. He knew better than to try to deny the truth. He wanted to be back on Earth because that's where Jensen was.
"Have you finished the personnel evaluations?"
Jeff turned away from the view window - not like the picture ever changed, the stars always stayed the same - to answer Dr. Cohan. "They've already been sent to your code."
She snorted. "In the time it took for me to walk over here?"
"Check again." Jeff folded his arms across his chest. "I think everyone is long overdue for some shore leave."
Cohan had gone to one of the terminals in the office and started to punch in her credentials. "Won't get that until we get back to Earth next month. Unless you want to ship everyone down to Harmony?"
Jeff smiled at the thought, imagining his staff having to cope with the strict Dom/sub roles in the alien city. Stars, half of them would need an education in proper behavior before they walked through the gates. If Jensen were here he'd. . .
But Jensen wasn't. Jensen might never be able to travel to Harmony again. Jeff just didn't know and his repeated calls to Jensen's comm went unanswered. "I think we can make it until then."
"Mmm. Do you include yourself in that, Commander?"
Stars save him from psychologists who wanted to know how he was feeling! "I assure you, doctor, I am more than capable of doing my duty."
She looked up from the terminal screen. "That's not what I meant. You just seem a little impatient to get back there."
Jeff knew losing his temper would gain him nothing. Ever since he'd let his anger out on that poor sub in Harmony, it seemed he couldn't stay angry. Maybe that had been Ian's point. Shouting at Cohan wouldn't get him to Earth faster and it would do Jensen any good.
"Doctor, I've been out here for four years now. Can you blame me?" He gave her his most charming smile.
Once he got back to Earth, all bets were off. Jeff was going to find Jensen and screw the Corps and anyone who got in his way.
end