brigits_flame: A Retail Store Mirror World

[ephemeralbreath]

Title: A Retail Store Mirror World
Word Count: 107
Notes: This was written for the brigits_flame August competition; the topic is "Smoke and Mirrors."

Comments

[lacombe]

I really like the format you created for this entry- the abrupy, rhythm-breaking last lines are a nice counterpoint that effectively and routinely breaks the spell of the piece and reminds us to stop and think of what's going on.

If I had to give a suggestion, I'd say that this could use a bit of polish and focus. However, That's REALLY hard to do with poetry sometimes, and I think you've got something strong to start with here.

[aine_marihugh]

I'm going to echo Jacques. I agree with everything said here and also might suggest that you expand on the ideas you've introduced here to make them more clear. Right now, I'm struggling to understand what you mean in each of the stanzas.

I like the concept behind the piece. I think you've got a killer last couple of lines and a great image to go with it, I'm just not connecting the dots to get to there, if that makes sense.

Really strong start. Keep going. :)

[ephemeralbreath]

I totally get what you mean. I think sometimes I'm too vague when I know what I mean, and sometimes I hammer in the points a little too hard. I really need to figure out what the middle point is!

Thank you for reading, and sorry for the late reply!

[ephemeralbreath]

Hello, hello!

So sorry for the (extremely!) late reply; I've been really busy, and haven't had time to really think about what you've said.

How do you think I should go about "polish and focus"-ing? I know some bits are a little rough, but am unsure of how I want to change them.

I guess I'm still trying to find my own style when it comes to poetry.

Thank you for your reply.

[ephemeralbreath]

Aww, thanks Dani! <3

[cedarwolfsinger]

This opens up so many lines of conversation. Vanity, reality, unrealistic expectations, lies, image, self-criticism. . . Good work. Good luck.

[ephemeralbreath]

Yes, yes! I can see you understood what I was getting at, and am really excited!

Thank you,
Kelly

[cedarwolfsinger]

You're welcome! I'm glad you're excited that I got it. Have a great day!

R.O.A.R.

[mistvieh]

Hey, you! I'll be roaring at you today

Re: R.O.A.R.

[ephemeralbreath]

Hello! So sorry for the late reply; I really did appreciate seeing this reply.

Heehee. I have a fascination with mythology, particularly Greek and Roman mythology. I just find it so interesting that in almost every religion, gods are so separate from humanity while in Greek and Roman religion, the gods have personalities like normal people.

Yay! I'm so glad you liked it, and understood it. Your reply makes me feel all warm inside. :D

Thank you for your thoughtful comment,
Kelly

Nice blog

[anonymous]

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