De-pres-sion

[epicjazzjands]

Title: De-pres-sion

Summary: He dreams of waves, of water, crashing over him, consuming him. He dreams of falling down, being pulled down, and looking up to see those people he thinks used to be his friends.

Warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts

Author's notes: this story took six months. more author's notes at the end of the fic

Comments

[fides_rationem]

Christ, this was painful. This is me. It's still me. It's been me for years. I understand so completely the way writing helps, lets you process things you don't think you have the ability or capacity to process. Half of the things I write are therapy!fic because using a character to express things you can't express yourself is the best way, for me, to cope

[epicjazzjands]

I started this when I hit rock bottom for the second time - I just needed something outside of therapy and the medication to help - my own medication, you know? Just full on me. It took me forever, but once I finished I just took a big breath and felt relieved, like I'd just finished climbing Mt. Everest.

I self-diagnosed throughout my entire high school years. I'd look it up, but then shake my head and think, nah, that's not me. I'm just having a bad day because back then, I didn't have the time to be sad; family was on the verge of going bankrupt, medical problems with my grandparents left and right, three little siblings that needed to be taken care of - I just couldn't let myself be sad. It didn't fully hit me that I needed help and that I needed it rightnow until I was shoving my fingers down my throat to get those pills up because with the knife? Didn't cut my skin, it's all good. I was just tracing the vein. But those pills? I actually swallowed them, and they could actually kill me

Beautiful.

[calendar_pages]

I am utterly blown away by the courage and honesty it must have taken to write this. I don't have a lot to say, except that this was beautiful and it sends a very strong, very true message about depression that everyone needs to hear because depression is treatable and the first step to feeling better is asking for help.
Thank you so much for writing this, I was very touched.

Re: Beautiful.

[epicjazzjands]

Thank you so much! It was hard, but in the end it helped more than it hurt. The first step is always the hardest one, but it always turns out to be the best one you could ever make.

Again, thank YOU. :)

[lovely_sparkle]

Thank you for writing this, and especially for the courage of your author's note at the end, which made me tear up. You are beautiful.

The looking-it-up, self-diagnosing but too unsure to do anything about it stage... that's me right now, been me for a couple of years. I keep making excuses.

[epicjazzjands]

Oh gosh, thank you; You're beautiful.

I self-diagnosed for all three years of high school, and I never did anything about it until I took those pills. I thought if I just kept telling myself I didn't have it, it would go away, but it just kept getting worse, and the excuses just kept getting more pathetic - it's so hard to accept it, but once you do, things just sort of line up in the way they're supposed to.

[epicjazzjands]

Thank you so much! I am so very glad as well. :)

[jan_rea]

This just made me cried, so hard. It's beautifully written, realistic, heart wrenching and touching at the same time. Just a gorgeous, gorgeous fic.

Thank you for sharing this, knowing that you have gone through the same thing must be even more difficult to write it, and it must have taken loads of courage.

I'm glad that you're happy now. *cuddles you*

[epicjazzjands]

Thank you ((hugs))

It was hard, but it helped; it helped so much.