Yet another "rule" for learning how to get along with others that is pure gold in theory, but incredibly difficult to take from theory to practice in an uncomfortable or emotionally volatile moment
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Hmmmm I can see this working well in some circumstances, and being horrific in others.
If I'm venting and purging and someone is wanting to be supportive and confirm they are listening, that sounds like an excellent rule to follow.
If we're working out an issue and I'm expressing pain and/or anguish over someones behavior and they tell me what they think I want to hear, as opposed to being honest and real (even if that honesty is taking stuff personally) then I could see that backfiring, in a huge and ugly way.
Either way, THINKING about our responses is never a bad idea. Never Ever.
freyapax, sorry, that wasn't meant to come as a response to your insightful remarks. Clicked the wrong link, it wasn't meant as implied debate to your comment.
Stopping for a minute before saying anything and doing one's best NOT to take it personally is always a good thing.
After that, I'm not any good at anything that doesn't involve honesty, and often blunt honesty at that, but I can at least sometimes manage to not take it personally.
There are times (eg - addict seeking validation for a dangerous habit) where this won't be useful. Still, mirroring is a better tactic than shouting back, if only because it calms the conversation down.
Good to see you last night: y'all should come down more often.
Oh it wasn't meant to be a universal panacea, just another useful tool in the toolbox.
And yes yes! I've been having a horrible few days/weeks/months, and the hour or so I spent in your home I didn't worry or think about any of it. Very nice refreshing break. Excellent job to you and your roomies for creating a comfy chill space, and thank you for opening your home to me!
A variation of this that I have personally found therapeutic (should the outburst be directed at oneself) is to ask yourself what you'd LIKE to hear from that person and then tell it to yourself... or even ask for it... depending on how close your relationship is.
This is not something I usually think of in the moment, but I might think of it later if I'm feeling "stuck" about it.
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If I'm venting and purging and someone is wanting to be supportive and confirm they are listening, that sounds like an excellent rule to follow.
If we're working out an issue and I'm expressing pain and/or anguish over someones behavior and they tell me what they think I want to hear, as opposed to being honest and real (even if that honesty is taking stuff personally) then I could see that backfiring, in a huge and ugly way.
Either way, THINKING about our responses is never a bad idea. Never Ever.
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After that, I'm not any good at anything that doesn't involve honesty, and often blunt honesty at that, but I can at least sometimes manage to not take it personally.
Reply
Good to see you last night: y'all should come down more often.
Reply
And yes yes! I've been having a horrible few days/weeks/months, and the hour or so I spent in your home I didn't worry or think about any of it. Very nice refreshing break. Excellent job to you and your roomies for creating a comfy chill space, and thank you for opening your home to me!
Reply
This is not something I usually think of in the moment, but I might think of it later if I'm feeling "stuck" about it.
Reply
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