Sleeping With the Light On (Because I Don’t Want To Go To bed Without You)
Title: Sleeping With the Light On (Because I Don’t Want To Go To bed Without You)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Let me hold you for tonight.
Pairing: Yunho/everyone, ninja!OT5
A/N: 2nd b-day fic for vaguelynormal. LOL two more to go xD
Junho breathes down the side of his neck before squirming and almost hitting him in the gut with an elbow. The bed is small, always has been, but it’s smaller these days because they have to share it and the reason they do is creeping slowly out of the bed Junsu usually occupies, moving painfully slow so as not to make the springs squeak. They do anyway and the figure stills, not breathing because Junsu isn’t either and the only sound is Junho’s soft grunt as he turns to face the wall.
There’s a moment of still silence as the only two people awake at three in the morning listen to Junho’s quiet snores, waiting breathlessly for something else to happen. The moment passes and the creeper slips out the door, blessedly unaware that he’s being watched. Seconds later, Junsu untangles himself from the blankets and out from under one of Junho’s thighs and follows just as quietly.
Junsu finds him squatting next to the glass sliding doors that lead to the small back yard. He’s drawn the curtain back a little, a swathe of moonlight cutting across the floor and illuminating half his face while the other half remains obscured. Junsu watches him while huddled in the darkness of the hall, disconcerted at how vulnerable the older boy looks under the soft glow of the moon. His usual bravado and slight country-acquired arrogance is absent as he gazes out the doors and, from what little Junsu could see, is replaced by a sort of pained, wistful longing. It’s an expression Junsu isn’t accustomed to seeing on his hyung’s face.
“Yunho-hyung.” Junsu whispers. “Sorry,” he adds hastily when the older boy jerks in surprise, nearly falling back at the sight of Junsu emerging from his hiding place.
“Junsu-yah, you scared me,” Yunho says, voice rumbling just above a whisper. Junsu can’t quite see his face; Yunho’s moved back, out of the light. Junsu sits opposite him, shrouded in darkness on the other side of the strip of moonlight. “What are you doing out here? Did I wake you?”
Junsu shakes his head. “I should ask you the same thing, hyung. Can’t sleep?” He can barely make out the nod of Yunho’s head as the older boy pulls his knees up, toes peeking out of the clean, but well-worn sweatpants he usually donned for bed. Junsu had found it odd the first night Yunho had slept over. He and Junho didn’t usually wear much to sleep, but seeing Yunho in an old t-shirt and sweatpants had made him irrationally self-conscious. The oddness quickly morphed into curiosity, mild for now, though it makes Junsu wary. Why should he care what Yunho’s got under all those clothes?
“Yeah. I guess it’s just been a while since I’ve slept on an actual bed,” Yunho murmurs quietly. Junsu hears it perfectly; it’s nearly loud in the noiselessness of the very early morning. The words cause a twinge in Junsu’s chest, like when he sings with a little too much heart, a little too lost in the music. It’s no secret to him or any of the other trainees that Yunho’s been through some rough times and it’s not like Yunho’s tried to hide it.
“Oh.” Is all Junsu can think of to say because he doesn’t know how to reply without something offensive coming out of his mouth. “I…”
Junsu frowns when Yunho smiles at him. The smile doesn’t look right. “It’s okay, Junsu. Why don’t you go back to bed?”
“What about you?” Junsu asks, frown deepening when Yunho looks out the door instead of meeting his gaze.
“I’ll follow,” he answers after a moment. “I just want to be alone for a while.”
Junsu knows a dismissal when he hears one, though coming from Yunho it’s really more of a plea. There’s something about the stillness of the night and the shadows cast by the moon that makes Yunho look and sound more his age. It makes the disconcerting feeling rise, makes Junsu want to sit next to Yunho and hold his hand rather than walk back to the bedroom.
“I won’t stay long,” Yunho says when Junsu hesitates while standing. “I’ll be right behind you.”
It feels wrong to leave but how can he stay when Yunho’s more or less begged him to go? Even as he slips back into his bed and presses his back against Junho’s, Junsu watches the door and counts the minutes till Yunho’s feet darken the thin slit beneath the door. When Yunho comes in a short while later Junsu feigns sleep, eyes shut tight but ears straining for the older boy’s every move. If possible, Yunho moves even more slowly, even more quietly than he had earlier; even the bedsprings don’t squeak.
Junsu starts counting again, this time waiting for Yunho’s breaths to even out into slumber. It takes longer and Junsu wonders if he’d have stayed out longer if he hadn’t followed. It hadn’t been easy for the older boy to accept his family’s offer of a roof over his head-even for just a short while-and probably needed the time alone, but Junsu couldn’t bring himself to feel even a smidgeon of guilt for Yunho’s current discomfort. He liked having the older boy over: seeing him every day, knowing he was well and fed, and not sleeping under some bridge or sprawled on a park bench somewhere.
Junsu’s almost asleep himself when Yunho finally settles. He listens just a little longer for Yunho’s quiet snores before slipping out from under one of Junho’s arms and crossing the small divide between the twin beds. Junsu does his best not to stall on the bedside, letting sleep overrun the other thoughts that plague him with his next actions.
He flips a corner of the covers down and settles in against Yunho’s back. Yunho isn’t as asleep as Junsu originally surmised because he tenses at the first feel of Junsu spooning him from behind.
“Junsu?” he whispers loudly and Junsu’s only answer is to nuzzle Yunho between the shoulder blades, fingers caught in the fabric of Yunho’s shirt.
“Sleep, hyung,” Junsu manages to mumble before he does so himself. Let me hold you for tonight.
--
They share a look when Junsu passes by, face devoid of his usual bright smile. Yoochun sighs. “I’ll go talk to him.”
Jaejoong nods and follows Yoochun out the room with his eyes before grabbing a sweater and heading out the front door. He climbs all five floors to the rooftop slowly; Jaejoong only knows Yunho enough to know where he hides, but not if he’s allowed to follow (or what to do if he does).
But someone has to so when he steps out into the roof and is assaulted by cold air, it helps that Jaejoong knows exactly where to look.
“Penny for your thoughts?” he asks, the words carried by the constant rustle of a cool November breeze. Jaejoong squats, leaning a forearm on the lowest bar of the handrail watching Yunho watch tiny dots of light and people move on the ground. He’s sitting on the edge of the roof with his diaphragm pressed against the metal bar, feet dangling and arms hanging limp in front of him. Yunho stays quiet for a long time.
Jaejoong isn’t fazed by silence (he’s gotten used to it courtesy of Yoochun, the moody boy from America he’d become fast friends with) and lets it pass undisturbed. He makes himself comfortable, mirroring the other boy’s position and watches the city lights flash and twinkle. His ears strain to hear the sounds of people, their words and voices almost lost amongst the hustle and bustle of the rest of the city.
Hundreds of them mill past their apartment building, too busy to care about the two boys who sit at the rooftop’s edge. Jaejoong wonders how many of those mere dots will know his name in a month’s time, if any of them will actually notice him and the four others who share his dreams. It’s an obscure thought, one of many Jaejoong has these days, about how a future so dependent on so many others means nothing is a guarantee - no matter how many times he’s signed his name (a name still no one knows) on the dotted line.
Sometimes the thought of fans, fame and fortune make him feel good and turn his head, but uncertainty is always there to taint it. Most of the time his daydreaming is accompanied by a lighter in his pocket and an unlit cigarette between his lips (he wants to light it, but his voice might be worth something now, so he’s got to protect it). Jaejoong traces the outline of the lighter in his pocket; it doesn’t take him long to give in to the urge to feel the weight of it in his palm, his other hand already itching for the pack of cigarettes hidden in his jacket.
He finally gets a reaction out of Yunho when the lighter goes click and a flame appears.
“Don’t- ”Yunho starts, but Jaejoong interrupts him with a grin and a cloud of smoke in his face.
He forces the lit cigarette into Yunho’s hold and says, “You aren’t leader yet.”
The words effectively cut off anything else Yunho might have said, his face going blank in a way that Jaejoong thought only himself was capable of. The ensuing silence is less comfortable than the first and Jaejoong may or may not be sorry for what he’s said.
Yunho fiddles with the stick in his hands before bringing it slowly to his mouth and exhaling loudly. It sounds more like a sigh of relief to Jaejoong’s ears and he decides he isn’t sorry after all.
“Junsu… he’s-” Jaejoong doesn’t interrupt him this time, but Yunho stops anyway. It’s another short while before he starts again. “He’s mad at me, isn’t he?”
Jaejoong shrugs. He can’t really say, but he decides to go with the facts. “He expected it to be him.” From the corner of his eye Jaejoong sees Yunho’s brows furrow, confusion replacing the blankness from before.
“You’re the oldest. I thought it’d be you.”
Jaejoong bursts into laughter. The timing is all wrong, but he finds it truly funny- almost hilarious even.“I’m flattered you’d think so but…” he shakes his head at the thought. Him as leader? Their group would end up disbanding before they even got anywhere. “I don’t think he’s mad exactly. Just a little disappointed I guess. He’s waited the longest after all.”
The cigarette burns to a stub between Yunho’s fingers as Jaejoong waits for him to digest his words, the ash free falling and carried away by the wind. Jaejoong watches them for as long as he can keep them in sight, thoughts probably going as deep as Yunho’s when he thinks about how fleeting the ashes are. One minute they’re there and the next they aren’t. He can imagine the same happening to their unlikely group: here today and gone tomorrow without even a chance of letting themselves be known. Like the ash carried in the wind, still burning but slowly extinguished the longer its dispersed.
The tightening in his chest makes Jaejoong grip the lighter in his hand harder.
“Should I do it?” the question is such a surprise to Jaejoong that Yunho has to repeat it. “Should I accept?”
Jaejoong hesitates to answer because no one ever really asks him for an opinion. They’ve all deemed him too silly or too much of a dreamer to ask what he thinks, good for nothing but sitting pretty and singing notes higher than the others. The knowledge used to sting but he’s become accustomed enough with the label to be surprised now.
That Yunho’s the first to ask him in a while is oddly fitting. The realization eases the tightness in Jaejoong’s chest, helps him breathe easier and loosen the grip he has on his lighter. It also helps him find his answer.
“Why not?”
“Because Junsu- ”
“-Junsu had his pride knocked around a bit, but he won’t bleed. He’ll get over it,” Jaejoong reassures, then asks, “Do you want to be leader?”
The frown on Yunho’s brow deepens. “I guess I wouldn’t mind it…”
“No, my question was, do you want to?” It dawns on Jaejoong that maybe Yunho’s never considered that angle, that he would have accepted the offer without thinking he could refuse simply because he thought he had an obligation to do so.
Simple-minded but loyal. There were worse traits for a leader.
Yunho just shrugs. “I don’t know.”
To Jaejoong that sounds like a suitable answer.
He reaches over to take the burnt out stub from Yunho’s fingers but he miscalculates the distance between them and their shoulders bump, Yunho dropping it by accident. Neither of them makes a move to catch it, watching it fall from sight instead, uncaring about where it lands or on whose head. This close Jaejoong can see the goosebumps rise on Yunho’s skin and Jaejoong feels like an idiot for not grabbing Yunho’s jacket along with his own.
Their shoulders are still touching and he feels it when Yunho shivers from the cold. It hadn’t been a problem earlier because they’d both been preoccupied but now that things have settled somewhat…
Jaejoong gets the sudden urge to put an arm around Yunho’s shoulders and pull him close.
He wouldn’t have hesitated had it been Yoochun or Changmin, or maybe even Junsu, but Jaejoong doesn’t know where he stands with the other boy. They’ve shared more than a few hardships together, like eating from the same ramen bowl because they didn’t have enough for the both of them and sleeping in places too cold to contemplate. But pride does things to the best of people and instead of a stronger friendship, their shared trials resulted in a somewhat awkward relationship.
Consequently, he doesn’t know how Yunho will react to such a gesture, so he opts for scooting in closer instead. He crowds Yunho into the nearest concrete column, pressing against him till they’re shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. Jaejoong tries to think nothing of it when Yunho leans into him ever so slightly, taking the comfort Jaejoong doesn’t know how to offer outright (but he wants to).
They stay like that for a while, Yunho lost in thought and Jaejoong trying not to dwell on the fact despite having the jacket on, the warmest parts of him are the ones pressed against Yunho. When he starts to wonder what it’d be like to be pressed skin to skin, Jaejoong knows it’s time to leave. He hauls himself up with effort, oddly reluctant, and pulls Yunho to stand by the wrist.
If Yunho’s fingers find his own on the way to the door and he likes how the iciness of their hands quickly warms too much to let go -
Jaejoong thinks nothing of it too.
---
It starts with Jaejoong because things like this inevitably do. He chooses Changmin - an interesting if not unusual choice (everyone thought Yunho would be first) - and while all hell doesn’t break loose and no floodgates open it does set the motion for an interesting chain of events.
Jaejoong kisses Changmin and the latter predictably goes berserk. Yoochun’s never seen Changmin hit quite so hard and it’s the first time he’s seen anyone literally attempt to wash their mouth out with soap. Somewhere in between Yunho trying to placate a frenzied Changmin and getting no help from a thoroughly confused Junsu, Yoochun finds himself sitting beside Jaejoong in the blessed silence of their empty bedroom. He’s sprawled onto his stomach, limbs askew and face buried deep into his pillow.
“Shouldn’t have done that,” Yoochun says quietly, reaching over to stroke idly at Jaejoong’s back. Jaejoong doesn’t reply, or move, or do anything to indicate he even noticed Yoochun had entered the room. Yoochun is sure he’s listening though because Jaejoong is the only person Yoochun knows with the uncanny ability to go deathly still. It’s not even like sleep where the rise and fall of breaths are visible; it’s like the still of stone: cold, unmoving - not alive. Yoochun knows they share a lot of the same scars, but even he wonders what Jaejoong’s been through to learn that particular trick.
He traces fingers up Jaejoong’s spine just to make sure he hasn’t suffocated into his pillow and rubs his palm where he can feel Jaejoong’s heart beat. It’s slow but strong and Yoochun smiles. Jaejoong will survive Changmin’s little rejection and Yoochun will help.
He leans over to replace his hand with his lips, pressing his mouth softly against the fabric of Jaejoong’s shirt. Jaejoong remains motionless only until Yoochun’s laid another kiss to the bare skin at the back of his neck-tensing suddenly at the contact, probably never expecting such a thing. They’re close and management encourages skinship between them to promote fanservice but Yoochun realizes he’s crossing lines. While he’s sure Jaejoong won’t react as violently as Changmin had, he doesn’t know how Jaejoong will react. Their easy friendship breeds a deep understanding that Yoochun’s never experienced with anyone else but he’s never been one for kissing guys and his sudden curiosity about the feel of Jaejoong’s lips under his own might not go over so well (no matter who he’d been kissing just before).
“Wrong time for the right victim,” Yoochun breathes against Jaejoong’s skin. He doesn’t scold, knowing the older boy will get an earful from Yunho once the leader could coax the youngest from out the bathroom he’d barricaded himself in.
At his words Jaejoong finally moves. Turning his head he asks, “He’s still in there?” Yoochun nods his answer into the hollow of Jaejoong’s shoulder with a hum.
“Last I heard Yunho was trying to talk him out of swallowing the mouthwash.”
Jaejoong sighs. “I’m… an idiot.”
Yoochun smiles, dimples pressing into Jaejoong’s hair. “I’m not complaining,” he says before leaving a kiss at the very corner of Jaejoong’s mouth. Jaejoong looks up at him with guarded eyes when he pulls away a moment later and Yoochun is sorry for the uncertainty he causes. It’s the first time in a long time he hasn’t been able to guess what Jaejoong’s thinking and Jaejoong probably can’t guess what’s going through his mind either.
They don’t speak - words have always been irrelevant between them - but Yoochun finds the courage to lay a kiss on Jaejoong’s lips this time and when he doesn’t pull away for that kiss (and the next one, and the ones after that) Yoochun knows they’ll be okay.
Later, when Jaejoong’s really fallen asleep and the rest of the house seems to have settled down for the night, Yoochun slips from the bed silently. His sleeping patterns have been shot since debut - even before that actually - but it’s a little worse these days, with their hectic schedule and his habit of falling asleep in odd places at the oddest times. His ongoing love affair with caffeine doesn’t help much either and his now-grumbling stomach reminds him that he’d skipped dinner in lieu of damage control.
Yoochun doesn’t know the exact time but it’s late, already after midnight so he’s surprised to see a light on in the kitchen when he steps out into the hallway. He’s usually the only one ever awake at this hour and Yoochun can’t help but wonder if Changmin is still up trying to disinfect his mouth. He’s prepared to give some monologue about Changmin’s over reacting to something as simple as a kiss when he walks into the kitchen and finds Yunho instead, leaning against the counter and looking out the window.
Yunho turns at the sound of his footsteps and says, “You’re still awake?”
Yoochun cocks his head and answers, “I’m the resident insomniac. This is normal for me. You know this.”
He catches a hint of a nod before ducking his head into the fridge and scouring for leftovers. There’s still a bunch of untouched take-out cartons left and he guesses that after the evening’s...events, he isn’t the only one to have skipped out on dinner
“I’m going to heat some of these up. Do you want any?” he asks over his shoulder to Yunho, who nods. Yoochun takes out a few cartons along with the kimchee and sticks the lot of it (sans kimchee) into the microwave. He sets the time and moves to set the table when Yunho beats him to it.
They’re quiet as they move around in the kitchen waiting for the food to heat and to Yoochun it feels slightly uncomfortable. Something heavy hangs in the air, Yunho’s obvious preoccupation with his own thoughts weighing down on them. Yoochun can only guess what he’s thinking so it’s nothing short of relief when the microwave dings, signaling that the food is ready. They help each other transfer the food onto the table, Yoochun murmuring a word of thanks when Yunho meets him halfway with a potholder to take the steaming takeout carton from him. They’ve just sat down to eat when Yoochun takes on look at the small frown marring Yunho’s face and decides they’re going to need something stronger than water.
Yunho looks up in surprise when he stands abruptly, making his way towards the pantry. “What are you doing?” Yunho asks as Yoochun rummages through the cupboards. He pushes aside bottles of vinegar, oil, and other things, reaching all the way into the back until he finds what he’s looking for. With a soft sound of triumph Yoochun pulls out two bottles of hidden soju.
“You look like you could use a drink,” Yoochun says, preempting the disapproving words already shaping Yunho’s mouth.
Yunho shakes his head. “I don’t even want to know. Why are there two?”
Yoochun looks at him skeptically. “It’s not like I’m going to let you drink alone, hyung.” It’s obvious Yunho wants to refute that but he doesn’t say anything else when Yoochun hands him an opened bottle.
“How’s Changmin?” Yoochun asks after a few bites and a couple of swigs.
“Traumatized.” Yunho answers curtly. He pauses, then asks in a gentler tone. “Jaejoong?”
Yoochun shrugs, spearing some chicken so he doesn’t have to look Yunho in the eye. “Feels bad, I guess. Called himself an idiot.”
“He shouldn’t have done it,” Yunho says, tone full of reproof. “Changmin is the maknae. He’s young and innocent. He’s - ”
“ - completely over reacting.” Yoochun cuts in, leveling a frank gaze in Yunho’s direction. “And he’s hardly innocent. Have you seen his collection of porn? It’s rather impressive.” Yunho doesn’t reply; he can’t exactly contradict fact. “It was just a kiss, hyung. Barely a peck on the lips. No harm, no foul, right?”
“This is a big deal! Why aren’t you taking this more seriously?”
“Because it isn’t a big deal!” Yoochun insists with exasperation, gripping his chopsticks with unnecessary force. “If we keep giving it this much negative attention, it will become a big deal. It doesn’t have to - didn’t - mean anything so just take it as Jaejoong being his usual, overly affectionate self and let it go, hyung.” Yoochun sighs, eyes low and suddenly unable to look Yunho in the face after his outburst. “You shouldn’t stress yourself out over something so trivial.”
The ensuing silence is something Yoochun doesn’t quite know how to handle. He’s not one for scolding - that was more of Yunho’s job and their manager’s - but he isn’t the type to hold back what he wants to say either. That, along with his low tolerance for interpersonal conflict wrought from years of witnessing his parents go through rounds with each other, is what makes him such an efficient mediator in their little makeshift family. He can’t take it when the people he loves fight - and over such insignificant things. Divorce had been the result the last time and Yoochun refuses to even consider disbandment this time.
For a second he isn’t sure if Yunho will abandon him at the table because he’s overstepped that imaginary line between leader and member, hyung and dongsaeng - that line between people who don’t know each other quite as well as they’ve led people to believe (they’ve led themselves believe). Yoochun’s prepared not to hold his breath, to suck it up because while he isn’t in the wrong, what Yunho decides to do next will determine whether or not it’s his fault anyway.
Yoochun ends up holding his breath regardless because after a few years living under the same roof and Yunho’s leadership, Yoochun’s learned to trust in Yunho the most. More than Jaejoong his soul mate and Junsu his best friend, Yoochun trusts Yunho his leader more than anyone else. Yunho has yet to fail him in any regard and while that only means the higher the pedestal, the more disappointed Yoochun will be when Yunho falls, Yoochun believes in Yunho and trusts him anyway. It’s worked so far and Yoochun finds himself hoping against hope that it’ll work again.
When he finally exhales it’s with distinct relief when Yunho doesn’t get up to leave and his utensils continues to clatter against his plate. The silence lasts until most of the food is gone but Yoochun loses his appetite long before that. By the time they finish he’s had more to drink that he’s had to eat, but he’s not the only one who’s taken comfort in the bottle; there’s barely any left in Yunho’s. Yoochun can’t stand this kind of silence.
He offers to do the dishes because he knows his chances of getting any sleep tonight are pretty much nonexistent no matter how exhausted he feels. Too much has happened today, too many things for his mind to process for sleep to be possible even after that bottle of soju. He considers another bottle for when Yunho leaves, knowing how fatal it’ll be for their full schedule tomorrow but wanting it anyway. Anything to wash away the bitter residue of the evening’s tension.
Yoochun’s decision is made for him however, when Yunho opts to stay, wordlessly taking up the space next to Yoochun at the sink: Yoochun will soap and Yunho will rinse.
Yoochun can’t exactly chase Yunho out the kitchen like Jaejoong can, not when he likes it too much that’s Yunho’s stayed. Yunho’s extended presence just reinforces Yoochun’s belief that the blind trust he’s put in Yunho isn’t just well-deserved - it’s right. It makes Yoochun feel secure in ways he’s seldom felt growing up - a security even harder to come by in the industry they’re trying to survive in. But with security comes guilt, because Yoochun’s conscience reminds him that while he feels secure, it’s obvious from Yunho’s stoic face that he feels no such thing.
It nags at Yoochun enough all through the washing that afterwards, Yoochun’s half ready to apologize for just about anything if it’ll make Yunho say something - anything - at all.
“Hyung,” he starts. Yunho’s wiping away the excess water at the edge of the sink with a towel and pauses to give Yoochun a questioning look. The expression in Yunho’s eyes is too complex for Yoochun to figure out all in one go and Yoochun realizes belatedly that he doesn’t know what to say. “Hyung…”
Yunho moves slowly - or maybe time itself has slowed for them - but Yoochun’s able to see every move as it happens.
The rag drops into the sink and Yunho takes a step forward. His face is close but it’s been closer for photo shoots so Yoochun doesn’t think to pull back until Yunho is too close, but by then Yoochun’s so surprised he isn’t sure he could pull back even if he wanted to. Which he’s pretty sure he doesn’t.
Yunho’s mouth is just as he’s imagined it to be (because living in the house with four other boys who’ve got all of southeast Asia at their feet, Yoochun’s imagined it once or twice). It’s warm, his lower lip soft and full - something Yoochun is able to conclude because this isn’t a mere peck on the lips. It’s like how he’d kissed Jaejoong earlier - but not because this time it’s his turn to be surprised.
Yunho tastes like soju and kimchee and Yunho, not at all like the spicy undercurrent to Jaejoong’s kisses. They are things that Yoochun knows, familiar, constant things and once again the security of it bombards Yoochun with a warmth that starts from his chest and spirals through his veins to heat him up all over better than the alcohol had. Yoochun has to stifle a whine when Yunho pulls his head back.
Yoochun looks up at Yunho who stares down at him with dark, unreadable eyes. Their faces are only centimeters apart and Yoochun’s sorely tempted to close the distance but the troubled look on Yunho’s face gives him pause.
“Does that- this- ” Yunho presses his mouth against Yoochun’s in another, brief kiss. “Does it really not mean anything to you?” To say that Yoochun is stunned would be an understatement and he ends up taking too long to answer.
“It doesn’t?” Yunho’s face falls and all of a sudden Yoochun gets it. He gets it, he really gets it.
“No- I mean yes! I mean no! Yes? No! no, I mean- I mean -” Yoochun pulls Yunho at the collar, holds him close with both hands cradling the back of Yunho’s head and knocks his forehead lightly against Yunho’s.
His eyes cross when he tries to look at Yunho from way up close. He removes one hand to tilt Yunho’s chin up because the older boy won’t look at him, eyes downcast with a pained expression that Yoochun vows he will never be the cause of again.
“Okay.” Yoochun murmurs, understanding so sudden and yet so crystal clear. “I get it.”
Yoochun gives in to the urge to press his own kiss to Yunho’s mouth. It’s an urge he hopes Yunho will let him indulge often in the future.
--
Maybe it’s the sun, or the added salt in the air - possibly even the excessive amount of heat and coconuts - but there’s something about Bora Bora that makes it happen more often.
He spies Yoochun rubbing sunscreen onto Jaejoong’s back but standing way too closely to do it efficiently. Changmin has to look away when Jaejoong returns the favor and starts dipping into places he shouldn’t - at least not in public. Then there’s the way Junsu’s hand is molded to Yunho’s ass so often and so obviously it can’t be mere accident. Changmin tries not to stare when Yunho pushes his ass into Junsu’s hand.
Changmin wonders why no one else seems to notice. Why is he the only one who thinks it’s odd for Yunho and Yoochun to disappear in the middle of a photo shoot only to come back breathless and looking thoroughly kissed? How is it that he’s the only one who sees Jaejoong and Junsu drink out of the same coconut and sneak kisses behind the cocktail umbrella?
It’s not that Changmin has a problem with any of it, only he doesn’t understand why they insist on including him in their antics.
Oh, Changmin’s always been included - he’s let Jaejoong get away with his one touches and random kisses even without the promise of food. He lets Junsu win at videogames occasionally and share his bed some nights. He doesn’t complain when Yoochun keeps him awake with his midnight compositions and even goes so far as to keep him company sometimes under the pretense of wanting a midnight snack. He accepts all of Yunho’s affection - from the arms wrapped frequently around him to the annoying ruffles of his hair.
Changmin takes them and let’s them happen because even if he’s emotionally retarded he isn’t a complete dolt and realizes that more than anything, they need it. The physical reassurances are necessary for them to continue functioning in a world where every touch and every intention is fabricated for personal gain. They have no one but each other, can trust no others but themselves and while Changmin understands that, he doesn’t understand how it’s evolved into a game of kiss and be kissed. Changmin can’t find it in him to kiss any of them back when he knows that’s all it really is:
A game.
Changmin sighs in relief when the director yells cut and sags against the railing of the boat. It’s almost noon and the sun is high in the sky, making the air hot and humid. The hot rays beat against his exposed chest and abdomen and easily pass the netted material of his so-called ‘shirt’ and onto the rest of his skin. Changmin curses Jaejoong in his head and his own gullibility - how the hell did he agree to wearing fishing gear for this MV? He can’t quite recall how Jaejoong had talked him into it but Jaejoong hadn’t suppressed his grin when Changmin had stripped off the boring, white sleeved shirt and donned the netted oddity he wore now. Yunho had smiled encouragingly and Yoochun had leered while Junsu had audibly snickered.
He’d probably never hear the end of it. At least he’s finished with his scenes for today, whereas Jaejoong, Junsu, and Yoochun had only started theirs. He hopes their sunburn is particularly vicious when the day is over.
Changmin walks over to the open bungalow they were using as a dressing room and let the coordi-nunas strip him of his glamour. He takes the offered paper towel first and gladly wipes away the sticky makeup on his face. It’s particularly thick today - they haven’t been in Bora Bora long enough for a tan to set in, so makeup is necessary for the illusion. Changmin has on more than usual, on not only his face but also his chest and other parts because of his revealing outfit. Yet another thing to curse Jaejoong for, though he figures a cool shower in this hot weather wouldn’t be so bad.
Someone hands him a water bottle and he drinks greedily, needing to replenish himself after the buckets he’d sweated while in front of the camera. As he drinks his eyes roam to the beach where Yunho is stepping off his jet-ski. The camera crew that had been filming him on the water moves onto Yoochun who waves at Yunho before starting for the other jet-ski.
“Done?” Yunho asks Changmin as he enters the bungalow.
Changmin hands Yunho a new bottle of water. “For now. We’ve got to film a dinner scene at sunset.”
Yunho checks his watch and smiles at Changmin. “Shower? Foundation and sunscreen don’t mix well together.”
Changmin agrees readily, bowing to the staff as they take their leave. They’re reminded to be back at around four to prepare for the sunset scene, but until then they’re free. While Bora Bora certainly is an ‘island paradise’, it’s hard to appreciate the ‘paradise’ part with jetlag still weighing them down. They had landed on the island late yesterday afternoon and immediately went into debriefing of the schedule during their stay. It had ended late and the only thing Changmin had managed to process was work first, play later. They’d have a few days to sightsee and relax - but only after they’d finished shooting for the music video.
After waking up early this morning to make use of the early morning light, rather than enjoy the island’s pleasures Changmin would rather take a shower followed by a very long, much needed nap.
They head for their designated cottage at the end of the walk and Yunho calls shotgun on the bathroom even before they enter. Changmin wants to argue but he can’t since Yunho’s older than him and he’d been about to offer use of the bathroom first anyway. He frowns at the way Yunho starts to strip on the way there, carelessly dumping his shirt and shorts onto one of the beds. Changmin averts his eyes when Yunho’s fingers hook into the band of his underwear.
Changmin walks into the kitchen, opening the fridge and sighing at the cool air that rushes out when the door swings open. He grabs another water bottle and downs the contents before slowly peeling off his shirt and using it to wipe at the smeared makeup on his chest. He has to do it slowly because there’s a little sting, a light sunburn warming his shoulders and collarbones. His face is warm too, but Changmin’s honest enough to admit that it has nothing to do with the sun more to do with Yunho’s casual strip show. He hates how it affects him.
Changmin tries his best to stay indifferent to their behavior, but it’s much easier said than done. His limited experience with women is incongruent with the rather active state of his hormones are in and it’s often difficult to ignore Jaejoong’s muscles, or Junsu’s ass, or Yoochun’s supposedly sexy collarbones. And as much as he’s tried to fight it, it seems he can’t simply disregard Yunho being mostly nude.
Changmin shakes his head and wishes Yunho would hurry. His need for a very cold shower just enlarged.
“Changmin-ah!” his name being called snaps Changmin back into attention. “Could you come here for a second?”
“What is it?” he asks loud enough to be heard through the bathroom door.
“Could you scrub my back for me? The door is unlocked.”
Changmin hesitates, eyes zeroing in on the doorknob like it’s something evil. “Uh…Yeah. Sure.”
He keeps his eyes low when he enters, because he’d used the bathroom this morning and knows it’s huge and all glass. There’s a large tub and an equally large shower right next to it. The weather is much too hot for him to hope that there’d be steam to hide things he shouldn’t see. Changmin doesn’t know quite where to look when Yunho turns around and beckons him closer.
“Take your clothes off.”
Changmin merely blinks. “What?”
Yunho throws him a strange look through the glass, slicking back the wet strands of his hair with his hands. “Take off your clothes.”
Changmin tries not to stare. “Why?”
“How are you going to scrub my back from out there? You have to come into the shower and if you do, you’ll get your clothes wet so you might as well take them off.”
He’s got a point, Changmin’s logic tells him, but Changmin can’t seem to get over the fact that Yunho is naked, in front of him, and wet. Very, very wet, Changmin observes, eyes moving lower of their own accord. Then they stop.
Yunho is also apparently very, very large.
“Um. Yeah- okay. Good idea.”
Changmin turns away to take his pants off, his movements slow and hesitant. There’s a slight tremble in his hands, though he isn’t sure if it’s nervousness or something else. Anticipation? Changmin doesn’t dare think of it.
He doesn’t - can’t - look at Yunho when he steps inside the shower. He’s half-expecting some barb or teasing at his prudish behavior but there is no such thing. Yunho hands him a loofah and soap before promptly turning around. Changmin would have sighed in relief, except Yunho’s back is nearly as impressive as his front.
“Gently, please,” Yunho says, laying both hands flat against the wall. The words are loud in the enclosed space, and without the roar of the multiple showerheads the blood rushing through Changmin’s ears is loud. “I think I’ve got a little sunburn.” Changmin can’t find his voice so he doesn’t risk an answer.
Yunho’s back feels a lot more amazing than it looks. The muscles ripple under Changmin’s gentle ministrations as Yunho resists the light push of his hands. Changmin forces himself to concentrate on the task at hand and not to revel in the feel of Yunho’s skin. It’s too easy to linger in places Changmin’s never seen up close and to press fingers into the dimple at Yunho’s lower back, where Changmin knows Yunho sometimes aches. The temptation to move lower, to skim the rise of Yunho’s ass, is even greater but Changmin somehow finds it in him to resist.
“Your turn.”
“What?”
“Are you all right, Changmin? You’ve been really distracted. Is it the heat?” Yunho looks at him with obvious concern and Changmin can’t help but think it’s funny.
Most of Changmin’s vocabulary flies out of his head the moment Yunho turns around.
“No, it’s all right,” Changmin says, looking away again and hoping his face isn’t as red as it feels. “I can do it myself. I’ll wait for you to finish.”
“Nonsense,” Yunho answers, catching Changmin by the elbow as he turns towards the door. “You’re already in here. We can finish together.”
There it is again. Yunho says it so casually, like its normal for two guys to shower alone together and scrub each other’s backs. In most circumstances it would be normal except Changmin knows just how soft Yunho’s lips are and just how smooth his skin is - that is definitely not normal. Changmin resists while he still can.
“No, I think I’ll wait till you’re done.” Yunho’s hand drops from his elbow so fast Changmin looks up in alarm.
“Okay.” Yunho says, but it’s the look in eyes that tells Changmin it isn’t.
Changmin has a hard time remembering that out of all of them, Yunho needs the reassurance most. As the leader Changmin’s aware he’s under more pressure than the rest of them and that there are certain things he does for the company that are shady - off the record. He doesn’t know what these things are, but there are some nights Yunho goes out alone and comes home in the wee hours of the morning only to bury himself in Jaejoong’s sheets, pressing in so close against Jaejoong under the covers that Changmin can’t figure out where Yunho ends and Jaejoong begins.
None of them sleep on those nights, though Changmin does a good job pretending that he does. No one ever talks about it in the mornings after (there are just some things you can’t talk about) but Jaejoong gets up early to cook Yunho’s favorite breakfast and Yoochun practically sprawls himself across Yunho’s lap to whisper about things Changmin isn’t allowed to know about - not yet. Junsu is twice as cheerful and, if it was possible, louder. Even Changmin knows to tone down the snark but most of the time he wishes he could do more than just that.
“Actually… you’re right,” Changmin says haltingly. “I mean, I’m in here anyway. No sense in going out again. If you don’t mind, then…”
Yunho’s face brightens instantly. “Nope. Not at all.”
Changmin smiles back as best he could and busies his hands with the knobs on the wall until water pours down on them from all sides. Changmin ducks under the sprays and is immediately thankful for the ice-cold shower. Some parts of him were getting way too warm but after being under the water long enough, Changmin is able to find his bearings and present Yunho with a calm face when the older boy holds up another loofah with an eager smile.
Yunho is gentle without Changmin having to ask. He scrubs lightly in circles, starting at Changmin’s neck, to his shoulders, down his spine, and then up and down his sides. He hesitates at the dip in Changmin’s lower back, and Changmin uses that hesitation to circumvent an awkward moment.
“Thanks, hyung,” he says in a tone overly bright and reminiscent of Junsu. “Where’s the shampoo?”
“Here you go,” Yunho replies after the shortest pause.
Changmin lathers his hair while Yunho finishes soaping the rest of himself - which he thankfully does with his back turned. When the water goes on again, Changmin can’t help but sneak peeks at Yunho from between the gaps in his hair. Yunho isn’t nearly as fit as Jaejoong or as thin as Yoochun, and his ass is nothing compared to Junsu’s but it’s strong and steady, not to mention his thighs were unbelievable-
“You’re staring.”
“What?”
Yunho pushes back his dripping hair with a hand and grins. “Like what you see?”
Embarrassment floods his cheeks, the evidence of which he hides by raising his chin towards the water showering down. “Wha- no, there’s- there’s something in my eye!”
“Do you need help?” Yunho asks coming closer and suddenly full of concern.
Changmin rubs at his face to make it look authentic. “No, no, it’s fine. I just- just need to rinse, that’s all. You can just- just… What are you doing?”
Changmin stares at Yunho, who is all of a sudden less than a foot away and finds it odd they’re nearly the same height. When had that happened? Changmin wonders fleetingly. It’s a bad time to once again come into the realization that Yunho is very, very wet.
“Are you all right?”
Changmin has to blink away the water from his eyes before he can answer. “Yeah. Fine. Just a little soap.”
Yunho smiles at him and it’s one very few cameras have captured. It’s the one Changmin’s seen aimed at Jaejoong when he finally gets the steps right to a complicated dance sequence. The same one that teases at the corners of Yunho’s mouth when Junsu sings with more than just his voice, but his soul. It’s the one Yoochun puts on Yunho’s face when he plays a new tune on the piano, all melodic and hypnotizing . It’s a smile Changmin’s tried to ignore every time it’s been directed at him.
Because with that smile Changmin knows it isn’t just a game. Changmin has a hard time accepting that.
“Good,” Yunho says, and Changmin knows it’s coming even before it happens.
Yunho leans in and kisses him softly on the mouth.
Then he’s gone, out the shower and toweling himself dry with a foot on the toilet. Changmin may or may not be in shock. It’s not that Yunho’s never kissed him before, because he has, though always nothing more than a simple press of lips. He never pushes for more than that and this kiss isn’t really different from others in the past except… Changmin might actually be ready for more than that.
“Hyung, wait!” Changmin calls out, half his body leaning out the shower door. Yunho turns to look questioningly at him. “You-um… There’s- there’s still soap behind your ears.”
It’s an extremely lame excuse but Changmin sighs when Yunho falls for it. “Oh. Really?”
“Yeah. Here, let me get it for you,” he says, beckoning Yunho forward to let Changmin reach behind an ear.
Changmin grabs his chance while he can. He pulls Yunho close, curling fingers at the back of his neck and pushing their mouths together. Yunho resists at first and Changmin surmises it’s surprise, which quickly wears off and soon Yunho’s kissing him back.
Changmin’s only kissed two other girls after Jaejoong had taken his first, but none of them had been like this. Those had been awkward and stilted, done a little out of duty and not with a lot of want. But this… Yunho sighs into their kiss and Changmin comes to the conclusion that he should have done this a long time ago.
“Thanks, Changmin-ah,” Yunho murmurs when they have to pull apart for air.
“For what?” Changmin asks, breathless. There’s an odd light in Yunho’s eyes, something bright and shining, but nothing compared to the sweet smile he aims Changmin’s way. Changmin’s pretty sure only he and three others have had the privilege to see this smile.
Yunho just shakes his head and kisses him one more time. He chuckles when he pulls back and Changmin won’t let him move too far away. “Been waiting for that for a while now.”
Changmin frowns with more than a little regret. “Sorry I took so long.”
Yunho smiles indulgently, brushing away the wet hair from Changmin’s eyes and leaning in to place a kiss at the tip of Changmin’s nose.
“Better late than never.”
A/N: I have been made aware that there’s an obvious change in tone in the end, but idk how to fix that without completely butchering it. Also, ima♥ says she likes it just the way it is and since this is for her anyway, might as well go with what she says :D
Also, obvious biases are obvious LOL. I’ve been craving HoSu lately though. Can anyone link me to anything good? There’s a decided lack of HoSu in the fandom.
Comments are ♥~
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Let me hold you for tonight.
Pairing: Yunho/everyone, ninja!OT5
A/N: 2nd b-day fic for vaguelynormal. LOL two more to go xD
Junho breathes down the side of his neck before squirming and almost hitting him in the gut with an elbow. The bed is small, always has been, but it’s smaller these days because they have to share it and the reason they do is creeping slowly out of the bed Junsu usually occupies, moving painfully slow so as not to make the springs squeak. They do anyway and the figure stills, not breathing because Junsu isn’t either and the only sound is Junho’s soft grunt as he turns to face the wall.
There’s a moment of still silence as the only two people awake at three in the morning listen to Junho’s quiet snores, waiting breathlessly for something else to happen. The moment passes and the creeper slips out the door, blessedly unaware that he’s being watched. Seconds later, Junsu untangles himself from the blankets and out from under one of Junho’s thighs and follows just as quietly.
Junsu finds him squatting next to the glass sliding doors that lead to the small back yard. He’s drawn the curtain back a little, a swathe of moonlight cutting across the floor and illuminating half his face while the other half remains obscured. Junsu watches him while huddled in the darkness of the hall, disconcerted at how vulnerable the older boy looks under the soft glow of the moon. His usual bravado and slight country-acquired arrogance is absent as he gazes out the doors and, from what little Junsu could see, is replaced by a sort of pained, wistful longing. It’s an expression Junsu isn’t accustomed to seeing on his hyung’s face.
“Yunho-hyung.” Junsu whispers. “Sorry,” he adds hastily when the older boy jerks in surprise, nearly falling back at the sight of Junsu emerging from his hiding place.
“Junsu-yah, you scared me,” Yunho says, voice rumbling just above a whisper. Junsu can’t quite see his face; Yunho’s moved back, out of the light. Junsu sits opposite him, shrouded in darkness on the other side of the strip of moonlight. “What are you doing out here? Did I wake you?”
Junsu shakes his head. “I should ask you the same thing, hyung. Can’t sleep?” He can barely make out the nod of Yunho’s head as the older boy pulls his knees up, toes peeking out of the clean, but well-worn sweatpants he usually donned for bed. Junsu had found it odd the first night Yunho had slept over. He and Junho didn’t usually wear much to sleep, but seeing Yunho in an old t-shirt and sweatpants had made him irrationally self-conscious. The oddness quickly morphed into curiosity, mild for now, though it makes Junsu wary. Why should he care what Yunho’s got under all those clothes?
“Yeah. I guess it’s just been a while since I’ve slept on an actual bed,” Yunho murmurs quietly. Junsu hears it perfectly; it’s nearly loud in the noiselessness of the very early morning. The words cause a twinge in Junsu’s chest, like when he sings with a little too much heart, a little too lost in the music. It’s no secret to him or any of the other trainees that Yunho’s been through some rough times and it’s not like Yunho’s tried to hide it.
“Oh.” Is all Junsu can think of to say because he doesn’t know how to reply without something offensive coming out of his mouth. “I…”
Junsu frowns when Yunho smiles at him. The smile doesn’t look right. “It’s okay, Junsu. Why don’t you go back to bed?”
“What about you?” Junsu asks, frown deepening when Yunho looks out the door instead of meeting his gaze.
“I’ll follow,” he answers after a moment. “I just want to be alone for a while.”
Junsu knows a dismissal when he hears one, though coming from Yunho it’s really more of a plea. There’s something about the stillness of the night and the shadows cast by the moon that makes Yunho look and sound more his age. It makes the disconcerting feeling rise, makes Junsu want to sit next to Yunho and hold his hand rather than walk back to the bedroom.
“I won’t stay long,” Yunho says when Junsu hesitates while standing. “I’ll be right behind you.”
It feels wrong to leave but how can he stay when Yunho’s more or less begged him to go? Even as he slips back into his bed and presses his back against Junho’s, Junsu watches the door and counts the minutes till Yunho’s feet darken the thin slit beneath the door. When Yunho comes in a short while later Junsu feigns sleep, eyes shut tight but ears straining for the older boy’s every move. If possible, Yunho moves even more slowly, even more quietly than he had earlier; even the bedsprings don’t squeak.
Junsu starts counting again, this time waiting for Yunho’s breaths to even out into slumber. It takes longer and Junsu wonders if he’d have stayed out longer if he hadn’t followed. It hadn’t been easy for the older boy to accept his family’s offer of a roof over his head-even for just a short while-and probably needed the time alone, but Junsu couldn’t bring himself to feel even a smidgeon of guilt for Yunho’s current discomfort. He liked having the older boy over: seeing him every day, knowing he was well and fed, and not sleeping under some bridge or sprawled on a park bench somewhere.
Junsu’s almost asleep himself when Yunho finally settles. He listens just a little longer for Yunho’s quiet snores before slipping out from under one of Junho’s arms and crossing the small divide between the twin beds. Junsu does his best not to stall on the bedside, letting sleep overrun the other thoughts that plague him with his next actions.
He flips a corner of the covers down and settles in against Yunho’s back. Yunho isn’t as asleep as Junsu originally surmised because he tenses at the first feel of Junsu spooning him from behind.
“Junsu?” he whispers loudly and Junsu’s only answer is to nuzzle Yunho between the shoulder blades, fingers caught in the fabric of Yunho’s shirt.
“Sleep, hyung,” Junsu manages to mumble before he does so himself. Let me hold you for tonight.
--
They share a look when Junsu passes by, face devoid of his usual bright smile. Yoochun sighs. “I’ll go talk to him.”
Jaejoong nods and follows Yoochun out the room with his eyes before grabbing a sweater and heading out the front door. He climbs all five floors to the rooftop slowly; Jaejoong only knows Yunho enough to know where he hides, but not if he’s allowed to follow (or what to do if he does).
But someone has to so when he steps out into the roof and is assaulted by cold air, it helps that Jaejoong knows exactly where to look.
“Penny for your thoughts?” he asks, the words carried by the constant rustle of a cool November breeze. Jaejoong squats, leaning a forearm on the lowest bar of the handrail watching Yunho watch tiny dots of light and people move on the ground. He’s sitting on the edge of the roof with his diaphragm pressed against the metal bar, feet dangling and arms hanging limp in front of him. Yunho stays quiet for a long time.
Jaejoong isn’t fazed by silence (he’s gotten used to it courtesy of Yoochun, the moody boy from America he’d become fast friends with) and lets it pass undisturbed. He makes himself comfortable, mirroring the other boy’s position and watches the city lights flash and twinkle. His ears strain to hear the sounds of people, their words and voices almost lost amongst the hustle and bustle of the rest of the city.
Hundreds of them mill past their apartment building, too busy to care about the two boys who sit at the rooftop’s edge. Jaejoong wonders how many of those mere dots will know his name in a month’s time, if any of them will actually notice him and the four others who share his dreams. It’s an obscure thought, one of many Jaejoong has these days, about how a future so dependent on so many others means nothing is a guarantee - no matter how many times he’s signed his name (a name still no one knows) on the dotted line.
Sometimes the thought of fans, fame and fortune make him feel good and turn his head, but uncertainty is always there to taint it. Most of the time his daydreaming is accompanied by a lighter in his pocket and an unlit cigarette between his lips (he wants to light it, but his voice might be worth something now, so he’s got to protect it). Jaejoong traces the outline of the lighter in his pocket; it doesn’t take him long to give in to the urge to feel the weight of it in his palm, his other hand already itching for the pack of cigarettes hidden in his jacket.
He finally gets a reaction out of Yunho when the lighter goes click and a flame appears.
“Don’t- ”Yunho starts, but Jaejoong interrupts him with a grin and a cloud of smoke in his face.
He forces the lit cigarette into Yunho’s hold and says, “You aren’t leader yet.”
The words effectively cut off anything else Yunho might have said, his face going blank in a way that Jaejoong thought only himself was capable of. The ensuing silence is less comfortable than the first and Jaejoong may or may not be sorry for what he’s said.
Yunho fiddles with the stick in his hands before bringing it slowly to his mouth and exhaling loudly. It sounds more like a sigh of relief to Jaejoong’s ears and he decides he isn’t sorry after all.
“Junsu… he’s-” Jaejoong doesn’t interrupt him this time, but Yunho stops anyway. It’s another short while before he starts again. “He’s mad at me, isn’t he?”
Jaejoong shrugs. He can’t really say, but he decides to go with the facts. “He expected it to be him.” From the corner of his eye Jaejoong sees Yunho’s brows furrow, confusion replacing the blankness from before.
“You’re the oldest. I thought it’d be you.”
Jaejoong bursts into laughter. The timing is all wrong, but he finds it truly funny- almost hilarious even.“I’m flattered you’d think so but…” he shakes his head at the thought. Him as leader? Their group would end up disbanding before they even got anywhere. “I don’t think he’s mad exactly. Just a little disappointed I guess. He’s waited the longest after all.”
The cigarette burns to a stub between Yunho’s fingers as Jaejoong waits for him to digest his words, the ash free falling and carried away by the wind. Jaejoong watches them for as long as he can keep them in sight, thoughts probably going as deep as Yunho’s when he thinks about how fleeting the ashes are. One minute they’re there and the next they aren’t. He can imagine the same happening to their unlikely group: here today and gone tomorrow without even a chance of letting themselves be known. Like the ash carried in the wind, still burning but slowly extinguished the longer its dispersed.
The tightening in his chest makes Jaejoong grip the lighter in his hand harder.
“Should I do it?” the question is such a surprise to Jaejoong that Yunho has to repeat it. “Should I accept?”
Jaejoong hesitates to answer because no one ever really asks him for an opinion. They’ve all deemed him too silly or too much of a dreamer to ask what he thinks, good for nothing but sitting pretty and singing notes higher than the others. The knowledge used to sting but he’s become accustomed enough with the label to be surprised now.
That Yunho’s the first to ask him in a while is oddly fitting. The realization eases the tightness in Jaejoong’s chest, helps him breathe easier and loosen the grip he has on his lighter. It also helps him find his answer.
“Why not?”
“Because Junsu- ”
“-Junsu had his pride knocked around a bit, but he won’t bleed. He’ll get over it,” Jaejoong reassures, then asks, “Do you want to be leader?”
The frown on Yunho’s brow deepens. “I guess I wouldn’t mind it…”
“No, my question was, do you want to?” It dawns on Jaejoong that maybe Yunho’s never considered that angle, that he would have accepted the offer without thinking he could refuse simply because he thought he had an obligation to do so.
Simple-minded but loyal. There were worse traits for a leader.
Yunho just shrugs. “I don’t know.”
To Jaejoong that sounds like a suitable answer.
He reaches over to take the burnt out stub from Yunho’s fingers but he miscalculates the distance between them and their shoulders bump, Yunho dropping it by accident. Neither of them makes a move to catch it, watching it fall from sight instead, uncaring about where it lands or on whose head. This close Jaejoong can see the goosebumps rise on Yunho’s skin and Jaejoong feels like an idiot for not grabbing Yunho’s jacket along with his own.
Their shoulders are still touching and he feels it when Yunho shivers from the cold. It hadn’t been a problem earlier because they’d both been preoccupied but now that things have settled somewhat…
Jaejoong gets the sudden urge to put an arm around Yunho’s shoulders and pull him close.
He wouldn’t have hesitated had it been Yoochun or Changmin, or maybe even Junsu, but Jaejoong doesn’t know where he stands with the other boy. They’ve shared more than a few hardships together, like eating from the same ramen bowl because they didn’t have enough for the both of them and sleeping in places too cold to contemplate. But pride does things to the best of people and instead of a stronger friendship, their shared trials resulted in a somewhat awkward relationship.
Consequently, he doesn’t know how Yunho will react to such a gesture, so he opts for scooting in closer instead. He crowds Yunho into the nearest concrete column, pressing against him till they’re shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. Jaejoong tries to think nothing of it when Yunho leans into him ever so slightly, taking the comfort Jaejoong doesn’t know how to offer outright (but he wants to).
They stay like that for a while, Yunho lost in thought and Jaejoong trying not to dwell on the fact despite having the jacket on, the warmest parts of him are the ones pressed against Yunho. When he starts to wonder what it’d be like to be pressed skin to skin, Jaejoong knows it’s time to leave. He hauls himself up with effort, oddly reluctant, and pulls Yunho to stand by the wrist.
If Yunho’s fingers find his own on the way to the door and he likes how the iciness of their hands quickly warms too much to let go -
Jaejoong thinks nothing of it too.
---
It starts with Jaejoong because things like this inevitably do. He chooses Changmin - an interesting if not unusual choice (everyone thought Yunho would be first) - and while all hell doesn’t break loose and no floodgates open it does set the motion for an interesting chain of events.
Jaejoong kisses Changmin and the latter predictably goes berserk. Yoochun’s never seen Changmin hit quite so hard and it’s the first time he’s seen anyone literally attempt to wash their mouth out with soap. Somewhere in between Yunho trying to placate a frenzied Changmin and getting no help from a thoroughly confused Junsu, Yoochun finds himself sitting beside Jaejoong in the blessed silence of their empty bedroom. He’s sprawled onto his stomach, limbs askew and face buried deep into his pillow.
“Shouldn’t have done that,” Yoochun says quietly, reaching over to stroke idly at Jaejoong’s back. Jaejoong doesn’t reply, or move, or do anything to indicate he even noticed Yoochun had entered the room. Yoochun is sure he’s listening though because Jaejoong is the only person Yoochun knows with the uncanny ability to go deathly still. It’s not even like sleep where the rise and fall of breaths are visible; it’s like the still of stone: cold, unmoving - not alive. Yoochun knows they share a lot of the same scars, but even he wonders what Jaejoong’s been through to learn that particular trick.
He traces fingers up Jaejoong’s spine just to make sure he hasn’t suffocated into his pillow and rubs his palm where he can feel Jaejoong’s heart beat. It’s slow but strong and Yoochun smiles. Jaejoong will survive Changmin’s little rejection and Yoochun will help.
He leans over to replace his hand with his lips, pressing his mouth softly against the fabric of Jaejoong’s shirt. Jaejoong remains motionless only until Yoochun’s laid another kiss to the bare skin at the back of his neck-tensing suddenly at the contact, probably never expecting such a thing. They’re close and management encourages skinship between them to promote fanservice but Yoochun realizes he’s crossing lines. While he’s sure Jaejoong won’t react as violently as Changmin had, he doesn’t know how Jaejoong will react. Their easy friendship breeds a deep understanding that Yoochun’s never experienced with anyone else but he’s never been one for kissing guys and his sudden curiosity about the feel of Jaejoong’s lips under his own might not go over so well (no matter who he’d been kissing just before).
“Wrong time for the right victim,” Yoochun breathes against Jaejoong’s skin. He doesn’t scold, knowing the older boy will get an earful from Yunho once the leader could coax the youngest from out the bathroom he’d barricaded himself in.
At his words Jaejoong finally moves. Turning his head he asks, “He’s still in there?” Yoochun nods his answer into the hollow of Jaejoong’s shoulder with a hum.
“Last I heard Yunho was trying to talk him out of swallowing the mouthwash.”
Jaejoong sighs. “I’m… an idiot.”
Yoochun smiles, dimples pressing into Jaejoong’s hair. “I’m not complaining,” he says before leaving a kiss at the very corner of Jaejoong’s mouth. Jaejoong looks up at him with guarded eyes when he pulls away a moment later and Yoochun is sorry for the uncertainty he causes. It’s the first time in a long time he hasn’t been able to guess what Jaejoong’s thinking and Jaejoong probably can’t guess what’s going through his mind either.
They don’t speak - words have always been irrelevant between them - but Yoochun finds the courage to lay a kiss on Jaejoong’s lips this time and when he doesn’t pull away for that kiss (and the next one, and the ones after that) Yoochun knows they’ll be okay.
Later, when Jaejoong’s really fallen asleep and the rest of the house seems to have settled down for the night, Yoochun slips from the bed silently. His sleeping patterns have been shot since debut - even before that actually - but it’s a little worse these days, with their hectic schedule and his habit of falling asleep in odd places at the oddest times. His ongoing love affair with caffeine doesn’t help much either and his now-grumbling stomach reminds him that he’d skipped dinner in lieu of damage control.
Yoochun doesn’t know the exact time but it’s late, already after midnight so he’s surprised to see a light on in the kitchen when he steps out into the hallway. He’s usually the only one ever awake at this hour and Yoochun can’t help but wonder if Changmin is still up trying to disinfect his mouth. He’s prepared to give some monologue about Changmin’s over reacting to something as simple as a kiss when he walks into the kitchen and finds Yunho instead, leaning against the counter and looking out the window.
Yunho turns at the sound of his footsteps and says, “You’re still awake?”
Yoochun cocks his head and answers, “I’m the resident insomniac. This is normal for me. You know this.”
He catches a hint of a nod before ducking his head into the fridge and scouring for leftovers. There’s still a bunch of untouched take-out cartons left and he guesses that after the evening’s...events, he isn’t the only one to have skipped out on dinner
“I’m going to heat some of these up. Do you want any?” he asks over his shoulder to Yunho, who nods. Yoochun takes out a few cartons along with the kimchee and sticks the lot of it (sans kimchee) into the microwave. He sets the time and moves to set the table when Yunho beats him to it.
They’re quiet as they move around in the kitchen waiting for the food to heat and to Yoochun it feels slightly uncomfortable. Something heavy hangs in the air, Yunho’s obvious preoccupation with his own thoughts weighing down on them. Yoochun can only guess what he’s thinking so it’s nothing short of relief when the microwave dings, signaling that the food is ready. They help each other transfer the food onto the table, Yoochun murmuring a word of thanks when Yunho meets him halfway with a potholder to take the steaming takeout carton from him. They’ve just sat down to eat when Yoochun takes on look at the small frown marring Yunho’s face and decides they’re going to need something stronger than water.
Yunho looks up in surprise when he stands abruptly, making his way towards the pantry. “What are you doing?” Yunho asks as Yoochun rummages through the cupboards. He pushes aside bottles of vinegar, oil, and other things, reaching all the way into the back until he finds what he’s looking for. With a soft sound of triumph Yoochun pulls out two bottles of hidden soju.
“You look like you could use a drink,” Yoochun says, preempting the disapproving words already shaping Yunho’s mouth.
Yunho shakes his head. “I don’t even want to know. Why are there two?”
Yoochun looks at him skeptically. “It’s not like I’m going to let you drink alone, hyung.” It’s obvious Yunho wants to refute that but he doesn’t say anything else when Yoochun hands him an opened bottle.
“How’s Changmin?” Yoochun asks after a few bites and a couple of swigs.
“Traumatized.” Yunho answers curtly. He pauses, then asks in a gentler tone. “Jaejoong?”
Yoochun shrugs, spearing some chicken so he doesn’t have to look Yunho in the eye. “Feels bad, I guess. Called himself an idiot.”
“He shouldn’t have done it,” Yunho says, tone full of reproof. “Changmin is the maknae. He’s young and innocent. He’s - ”
“ - completely over reacting.” Yoochun cuts in, leveling a frank gaze in Yunho’s direction. “And he’s hardly innocent. Have you seen his collection of porn? It’s rather impressive.” Yunho doesn’t reply; he can’t exactly contradict fact. “It was just a kiss, hyung. Barely a peck on the lips. No harm, no foul, right?”
“This is a big deal! Why aren’t you taking this more seriously?”
“Because it isn’t a big deal!” Yoochun insists with exasperation, gripping his chopsticks with unnecessary force. “If we keep giving it this much negative attention, it will become a big deal. It doesn’t have to - didn’t - mean anything so just take it as Jaejoong being his usual, overly affectionate self and let it go, hyung.” Yoochun sighs, eyes low and suddenly unable to look Yunho in the face after his outburst. “You shouldn’t stress yourself out over something so trivial.”
The ensuing silence is something Yoochun doesn’t quite know how to handle. He’s not one for scolding - that was more of Yunho’s job and their manager’s - but he isn’t the type to hold back what he wants to say either. That, along with his low tolerance for interpersonal conflict wrought from years of witnessing his parents go through rounds with each other, is what makes him such an efficient mediator in their little makeshift family. He can’t take it when the people he loves fight - and over such insignificant things. Divorce had been the result the last time and Yoochun refuses to even consider disbandment this time.
For a second he isn’t sure if Yunho will abandon him at the table because he’s overstepped that imaginary line between leader and member, hyung and dongsaeng - that line between people who don’t know each other quite as well as they’ve led people to believe (they’ve led themselves believe). Yoochun’s prepared not to hold his breath, to suck it up because while he isn’t in the wrong, what Yunho decides to do next will determine whether or not it’s his fault anyway.
Yoochun ends up holding his breath regardless because after a few years living under the same roof and Yunho’s leadership, Yoochun’s learned to trust in Yunho the most. More than Jaejoong his soul mate and Junsu his best friend, Yoochun trusts Yunho his leader more than anyone else. Yunho has yet to fail him in any regard and while that only means the higher the pedestal, the more disappointed Yoochun will be when Yunho falls, Yoochun believes in Yunho and trusts him anyway. It’s worked so far and Yoochun finds himself hoping against hope that it’ll work again.
When he finally exhales it’s with distinct relief when Yunho doesn’t get up to leave and his utensils continues to clatter against his plate. The silence lasts until most of the food is gone but Yoochun loses his appetite long before that. By the time they finish he’s had more to drink that he’s had to eat, but he’s not the only one who’s taken comfort in the bottle; there’s barely any left in Yunho’s. Yoochun can’t stand this kind of silence.
He offers to do the dishes because he knows his chances of getting any sleep tonight are pretty much nonexistent no matter how exhausted he feels. Too much has happened today, too many things for his mind to process for sleep to be possible even after that bottle of soju. He considers another bottle for when Yunho leaves, knowing how fatal it’ll be for their full schedule tomorrow but wanting it anyway. Anything to wash away the bitter residue of the evening’s tension.
Yoochun’s decision is made for him however, when Yunho opts to stay, wordlessly taking up the space next to Yoochun at the sink: Yoochun will soap and Yunho will rinse.
Yoochun can’t exactly chase Yunho out the kitchen like Jaejoong can, not when he likes it too much that’s Yunho’s stayed. Yunho’s extended presence just reinforces Yoochun’s belief that the blind trust he’s put in Yunho isn’t just well-deserved - it’s right. It makes Yoochun feel secure in ways he’s seldom felt growing up - a security even harder to come by in the industry they’re trying to survive in. But with security comes guilt, because Yoochun’s conscience reminds him that while he feels secure, it’s obvious from Yunho’s stoic face that he feels no such thing.
It nags at Yoochun enough all through the washing that afterwards, Yoochun’s half ready to apologize for just about anything if it’ll make Yunho say something - anything - at all.
“Hyung,” he starts. Yunho’s wiping away the excess water at the edge of the sink with a towel and pauses to give Yoochun a questioning look. The expression in Yunho’s eyes is too complex for Yoochun to figure out all in one go and Yoochun realizes belatedly that he doesn’t know what to say. “Hyung…”
Yunho moves slowly - or maybe time itself has slowed for them - but Yoochun’s able to see every move as it happens.
The rag drops into the sink and Yunho takes a step forward. His face is close but it’s been closer for photo shoots so Yoochun doesn’t think to pull back until Yunho is too close, but by then Yoochun’s so surprised he isn’t sure he could pull back even if he wanted to. Which he’s pretty sure he doesn’t.
Yunho’s mouth is just as he’s imagined it to be (because living in the house with four other boys who’ve got all of southeast Asia at their feet, Yoochun’s imagined it once or twice). It’s warm, his lower lip soft and full - something Yoochun is able to conclude because this isn’t a mere peck on the lips. It’s like how he’d kissed Jaejoong earlier - but not because this time it’s his turn to be surprised.
Yunho tastes like soju and kimchee and Yunho, not at all like the spicy undercurrent to Jaejoong’s kisses. They are things that Yoochun knows, familiar, constant things and once again the security of it bombards Yoochun with a warmth that starts from his chest and spirals through his veins to heat him up all over better than the alcohol had. Yoochun has to stifle a whine when Yunho pulls his head back.
Yoochun looks up at Yunho who stares down at him with dark, unreadable eyes. Their faces are only centimeters apart and Yoochun’s sorely tempted to close the distance but the troubled look on Yunho’s face gives him pause.
“Does that- this- ” Yunho presses his mouth against Yoochun’s in another, brief kiss. “Does it really not mean anything to you?” To say that Yoochun is stunned would be an understatement and he ends up taking too long to answer.
“It doesn’t?” Yunho’s face falls and all of a sudden Yoochun gets it. He gets it, he really gets it.
“No- I mean yes! I mean no! Yes? No! no, I mean- I mean -” Yoochun pulls Yunho at the collar, holds him close with both hands cradling the back of Yunho’s head and knocks his forehead lightly against Yunho’s.
His eyes cross when he tries to look at Yunho from way up close. He removes one hand to tilt Yunho’s chin up because the older boy won’t look at him, eyes downcast with a pained expression that Yoochun vows he will never be the cause of again.
“Okay.” Yoochun murmurs, understanding so sudden and yet so crystal clear. “I get it.”
Yoochun gives in to the urge to press his own kiss to Yunho’s mouth. It’s an urge he hopes Yunho will let him indulge often in the future.
--
Maybe it’s the sun, or the added salt in the air - possibly even the excessive amount of heat and coconuts - but there’s something about Bora Bora that makes it happen more often.
He spies Yoochun rubbing sunscreen onto Jaejoong’s back but standing way too closely to do it efficiently. Changmin has to look away when Jaejoong returns the favor and starts dipping into places he shouldn’t - at least not in public. Then there’s the way Junsu’s hand is molded to Yunho’s ass so often and so obviously it can’t be mere accident. Changmin tries not to stare when Yunho pushes his ass into Junsu’s hand.
Changmin wonders why no one else seems to notice. Why is he the only one who thinks it’s odd for Yunho and Yoochun to disappear in the middle of a photo shoot only to come back breathless and looking thoroughly kissed? How is it that he’s the only one who sees Jaejoong and Junsu drink out of the same coconut and sneak kisses behind the cocktail umbrella?
It’s not that Changmin has a problem with any of it, only he doesn’t understand why they insist on including him in their antics.
Oh, Changmin’s always been included - he’s let Jaejoong get away with his one touches and random kisses even without the promise of food. He lets Junsu win at videogames occasionally and share his bed some nights. He doesn’t complain when Yoochun keeps him awake with his midnight compositions and even goes so far as to keep him company sometimes under the pretense of wanting a midnight snack. He accepts all of Yunho’s affection - from the arms wrapped frequently around him to the annoying ruffles of his hair.
Changmin takes them and let’s them happen because even if he’s emotionally retarded he isn’t a complete dolt and realizes that more than anything, they need it. The physical reassurances are necessary for them to continue functioning in a world where every touch and every intention is fabricated for personal gain. They have no one but each other, can trust no others but themselves and while Changmin understands that, he doesn’t understand how it’s evolved into a game of kiss and be kissed. Changmin can’t find it in him to kiss any of them back when he knows that’s all it really is:
A game.
Changmin sighs in relief when the director yells cut and sags against the railing of the boat. It’s almost noon and the sun is high in the sky, making the air hot and humid. The hot rays beat against his exposed chest and abdomen and easily pass the netted material of his so-called ‘shirt’ and onto the rest of his skin. Changmin curses Jaejoong in his head and his own gullibility - how the hell did he agree to wearing fishing gear for this MV? He can’t quite recall how Jaejoong had talked him into it but Jaejoong hadn’t suppressed his grin when Changmin had stripped off the boring, white sleeved shirt and donned the netted oddity he wore now. Yunho had smiled encouragingly and Yoochun had leered while Junsu had audibly snickered.
He’d probably never hear the end of it. At least he’s finished with his scenes for today, whereas Jaejoong, Junsu, and Yoochun had only started theirs. He hopes their sunburn is particularly vicious when the day is over.
Changmin walks over to the open bungalow they were using as a dressing room and let the coordi-nunas strip him of his glamour. He takes the offered paper towel first and gladly wipes away the sticky makeup on his face. It’s particularly thick today - they haven’t been in Bora Bora long enough for a tan to set in, so makeup is necessary for the illusion. Changmin has on more than usual, on not only his face but also his chest and other parts because of his revealing outfit. Yet another thing to curse Jaejoong for, though he figures a cool shower in this hot weather wouldn’t be so bad.
Someone hands him a water bottle and he drinks greedily, needing to replenish himself after the buckets he’d sweated while in front of the camera. As he drinks his eyes roam to the beach where Yunho is stepping off his jet-ski. The camera crew that had been filming him on the water moves onto Yoochun who waves at Yunho before starting for the other jet-ski.
“Done?” Yunho asks Changmin as he enters the bungalow.
Changmin hands Yunho a new bottle of water. “For now. We’ve got to film a dinner scene at sunset.”
Yunho checks his watch and smiles at Changmin. “Shower? Foundation and sunscreen don’t mix well together.”
Changmin agrees readily, bowing to the staff as they take their leave. They’re reminded to be back at around four to prepare for the sunset scene, but until then they’re free. While Bora Bora certainly is an ‘island paradise’, it’s hard to appreciate the ‘paradise’ part with jetlag still weighing them down. They had landed on the island late yesterday afternoon and immediately went into debriefing of the schedule during their stay. It had ended late and the only thing Changmin had managed to process was work first, play later. They’d have a few days to sightsee and relax - but only after they’d finished shooting for the music video.
After waking up early this morning to make use of the early morning light, rather than enjoy the island’s pleasures Changmin would rather take a shower followed by a very long, much needed nap.
They head for their designated cottage at the end of the walk and Yunho calls shotgun on the bathroom even before they enter. Changmin wants to argue but he can’t since Yunho’s older than him and he’d been about to offer use of the bathroom first anyway. He frowns at the way Yunho starts to strip on the way there, carelessly dumping his shirt and shorts onto one of the beds. Changmin averts his eyes when Yunho’s fingers hook into the band of his underwear.
Changmin walks into the kitchen, opening the fridge and sighing at the cool air that rushes out when the door swings open. He grabs another water bottle and downs the contents before slowly peeling off his shirt and using it to wipe at the smeared makeup on his chest. He has to do it slowly because there’s a little sting, a light sunburn warming his shoulders and collarbones. His face is warm too, but Changmin’s honest enough to admit that it has nothing to do with the sun more to do with Yunho’s casual strip show. He hates how it affects him.
Changmin tries his best to stay indifferent to their behavior, but it’s much easier said than done. His limited experience with women is incongruent with the rather active state of his hormones are in and it’s often difficult to ignore Jaejoong’s muscles, or Junsu’s ass, or Yoochun’s supposedly sexy collarbones. And as much as he’s tried to fight it, it seems he can’t simply disregard Yunho being mostly nude.
Changmin shakes his head and wishes Yunho would hurry. His need for a very cold shower just enlarged.
“Changmin-ah!” his name being called snaps Changmin back into attention. “Could you come here for a second?”
“What is it?” he asks loud enough to be heard through the bathroom door.
“Could you scrub my back for me? The door is unlocked.”
Changmin hesitates, eyes zeroing in on the doorknob like it’s something evil. “Uh…Yeah. Sure.”
He keeps his eyes low when he enters, because he’d used the bathroom this morning and knows it’s huge and all glass. There’s a large tub and an equally large shower right next to it. The weather is much too hot for him to hope that there’d be steam to hide things he shouldn’t see. Changmin doesn’t know quite where to look when Yunho turns around and beckons him closer.
“Take your clothes off.”
Changmin merely blinks. “What?”
Yunho throws him a strange look through the glass, slicking back the wet strands of his hair with his hands. “Take off your clothes.”
Changmin tries not to stare. “Why?”
“How are you going to scrub my back from out there? You have to come into the shower and if you do, you’ll get your clothes wet so you might as well take them off.”
He’s got a point, Changmin’s logic tells him, but Changmin can’t seem to get over the fact that Yunho is naked, in front of him, and wet. Very, very wet, Changmin observes, eyes moving lower of their own accord. Then they stop.
Yunho is also apparently very, very large.
“Um. Yeah- okay. Good idea.”
Changmin turns away to take his pants off, his movements slow and hesitant. There’s a slight tremble in his hands, though he isn’t sure if it’s nervousness or something else. Anticipation? Changmin doesn’t dare think of it.
He doesn’t - can’t - look at Yunho when he steps inside the shower. He’s half-expecting some barb or teasing at his prudish behavior but there is no such thing. Yunho hands him a loofah and soap before promptly turning around. Changmin would have sighed in relief, except Yunho’s back is nearly as impressive as his front.
“Gently, please,” Yunho says, laying both hands flat against the wall. The words are loud in the enclosed space, and without the roar of the multiple showerheads the blood rushing through Changmin’s ears is loud. “I think I’ve got a little sunburn.” Changmin can’t find his voice so he doesn’t risk an answer.
Yunho’s back feels a lot more amazing than it looks. The muscles ripple under Changmin’s gentle ministrations as Yunho resists the light push of his hands. Changmin forces himself to concentrate on the task at hand and not to revel in the feel of Yunho’s skin. It’s too easy to linger in places Changmin’s never seen up close and to press fingers into the dimple at Yunho’s lower back, where Changmin knows Yunho sometimes aches. The temptation to move lower, to skim the rise of Yunho’s ass, is even greater but Changmin somehow finds it in him to resist.
“Your turn.”
“What?”
“Are you all right, Changmin? You’ve been really distracted. Is it the heat?” Yunho looks at him with obvious concern and Changmin can’t help but think it’s funny.
Most of Changmin’s vocabulary flies out of his head the moment Yunho turns around.
“No, it’s all right,” Changmin says, looking away again and hoping his face isn’t as red as it feels. “I can do it myself. I’ll wait for you to finish.”
“Nonsense,” Yunho answers, catching Changmin by the elbow as he turns towards the door. “You’re already in here. We can finish together.”
There it is again. Yunho says it so casually, like its normal for two guys to shower alone together and scrub each other’s backs. In most circumstances it would be normal except Changmin knows just how soft Yunho’s lips are and just how smooth his skin is - that is definitely not normal. Changmin resists while he still can.
“No, I think I’ll wait till you’re done.” Yunho’s hand drops from his elbow so fast Changmin looks up in alarm.
“Okay.” Yunho says, but it’s the look in eyes that tells Changmin it isn’t.
Changmin has a hard time remembering that out of all of them, Yunho needs the reassurance most. As the leader Changmin’s aware he’s under more pressure than the rest of them and that there are certain things he does for the company that are shady - off the record. He doesn’t know what these things are, but there are some nights Yunho goes out alone and comes home in the wee hours of the morning only to bury himself in Jaejoong’s sheets, pressing in so close against Jaejoong under the covers that Changmin can’t figure out where Yunho ends and Jaejoong begins.
None of them sleep on those nights, though Changmin does a good job pretending that he does. No one ever talks about it in the mornings after (there are just some things you can’t talk about) but Jaejoong gets up early to cook Yunho’s favorite breakfast and Yoochun practically sprawls himself across Yunho’s lap to whisper about things Changmin isn’t allowed to know about - not yet. Junsu is twice as cheerful and, if it was possible, louder. Even Changmin knows to tone down the snark but most of the time he wishes he could do more than just that.
“Actually… you’re right,” Changmin says haltingly. “I mean, I’m in here anyway. No sense in going out again. If you don’t mind, then…”
Yunho’s face brightens instantly. “Nope. Not at all.”
Changmin smiles back as best he could and busies his hands with the knobs on the wall until water pours down on them from all sides. Changmin ducks under the sprays and is immediately thankful for the ice-cold shower. Some parts of him were getting way too warm but after being under the water long enough, Changmin is able to find his bearings and present Yunho with a calm face when the older boy holds up another loofah with an eager smile.
Yunho is gentle without Changmin having to ask. He scrubs lightly in circles, starting at Changmin’s neck, to his shoulders, down his spine, and then up and down his sides. He hesitates at the dip in Changmin’s lower back, and Changmin uses that hesitation to circumvent an awkward moment.
“Thanks, hyung,” he says in a tone overly bright and reminiscent of Junsu. “Where’s the shampoo?”
“Here you go,” Yunho replies after the shortest pause.
Changmin lathers his hair while Yunho finishes soaping the rest of himself - which he thankfully does with his back turned. When the water goes on again, Changmin can’t help but sneak peeks at Yunho from between the gaps in his hair. Yunho isn’t nearly as fit as Jaejoong or as thin as Yoochun, and his ass is nothing compared to Junsu’s but it’s strong and steady, not to mention his thighs were unbelievable-
“You’re staring.”
“What?”
Yunho pushes back his dripping hair with a hand and grins. “Like what you see?”
Embarrassment floods his cheeks, the evidence of which he hides by raising his chin towards the water showering down. “Wha- no, there’s- there’s something in my eye!”
“Do you need help?” Yunho asks coming closer and suddenly full of concern.
Changmin rubs at his face to make it look authentic. “No, no, it’s fine. I just- just need to rinse, that’s all. You can just- just… What are you doing?”
Changmin stares at Yunho, who is all of a sudden less than a foot away and finds it odd they’re nearly the same height. When had that happened? Changmin wonders fleetingly. It’s a bad time to once again come into the realization that Yunho is very, very wet.
“Are you all right?”
Changmin has to blink away the water from his eyes before he can answer. “Yeah. Fine. Just a little soap.”
Yunho smiles at him and it’s one very few cameras have captured. It’s the one Changmin’s seen aimed at Jaejoong when he finally gets the steps right to a complicated dance sequence. The same one that teases at the corners of Yunho’s mouth when Junsu sings with more than just his voice, but his soul. It’s the one Yoochun puts on Yunho’s face when he plays a new tune on the piano, all melodic and hypnotizing . It’s a smile Changmin’s tried to ignore every time it’s been directed at him.
Because with that smile Changmin knows it isn’t just a game. Changmin has a hard time accepting that.
“Good,” Yunho says, and Changmin knows it’s coming even before it happens.
Yunho leans in and kisses him softly on the mouth.
Then he’s gone, out the shower and toweling himself dry with a foot on the toilet. Changmin may or may not be in shock. It’s not that Yunho’s never kissed him before, because he has, though always nothing more than a simple press of lips. He never pushes for more than that and this kiss isn’t really different from others in the past except… Changmin might actually be ready for more than that.
“Hyung, wait!” Changmin calls out, half his body leaning out the shower door. Yunho turns to look questioningly at him. “You-um… There’s- there’s still soap behind your ears.”
It’s an extremely lame excuse but Changmin sighs when Yunho falls for it. “Oh. Really?”
“Yeah. Here, let me get it for you,” he says, beckoning Yunho forward to let Changmin reach behind an ear.
Changmin grabs his chance while he can. He pulls Yunho close, curling fingers at the back of his neck and pushing their mouths together. Yunho resists at first and Changmin surmises it’s surprise, which quickly wears off and soon Yunho’s kissing him back.
Changmin’s only kissed two other girls after Jaejoong had taken his first, but none of them had been like this. Those had been awkward and stilted, done a little out of duty and not with a lot of want. But this… Yunho sighs into their kiss and Changmin comes to the conclusion that he should have done this a long time ago.
“Thanks, Changmin-ah,” Yunho murmurs when they have to pull apart for air.
“For what?” Changmin asks, breathless. There’s an odd light in Yunho’s eyes, something bright and shining, but nothing compared to the sweet smile he aims Changmin’s way. Changmin’s pretty sure only he and three others have had the privilege to see this smile.
Yunho just shakes his head and kisses him one more time. He chuckles when he pulls back and Changmin won’t let him move too far away. “Been waiting for that for a while now.”
Changmin frowns with more than a little regret. “Sorry I took so long.”
Yunho smiles indulgently, brushing away the wet hair from Changmin’s eyes and leaning in to place a kiss at the tip of Changmin’s nose.
“Better late than never.”
A/N: I have been made aware that there’s an obvious change in tone in the end, but idk how to fix that without completely butchering it. Also, ima♥ says she likes it just the way it is and since this is for her anyway, might as well go with what she says :D
Also, obvious biases are obvious LOL. I’ve been craving HoSu lately though. Can anyone link me to anything good? There’s a decided lack of HoSu in the fandom.
Comments are ♥~