[COMPLETE] Riki and Iason - Working things out
Who: Iason [blondiemaster] & Riki [equivocedly]
What: Ranmaru traps Riki in Iason's room. Iason comes in to be shocked. They work things out.
When: After this thread.
Where: Iason's bedroom
Rating: PG-15? MxM stuff!
To say that he was pissed off was an understatement. However, from what he'd been seeing on the journals and all that had been transcribed... surely if that boy had wanted anything to do that would hurt him, he would have done it already. But not only had he not bound him in a way to harm him, he'd... well. He had used force to knock him out but he could barely tell that he had. It was strange... why would anyone even care about being as gentle as he had been, when not even Iason cared?
He stopped. That wasn't true... not really. And he sighed, slamming the journal shut and moving his face in a hand as he slumped his shoulders and just groaned to himself.
"What the hell..." he hissed to himself. That kid... he wanted him to come back so he could leave.
Iason had been dining before he had finally decided to return to his room and retire. That's all he seemed to be doing lately anyways. His room had been a safe place for him to escape to ever since he had arrived in this place, and even moreso now that Riki had decided that he would be free. The entire situation made him beyond angry, but there was nothing he could do to fight it, lest he push Riki away even more. Ranmaru had suggested that he should tell Riki the truth, but that was even more difficult than giving his legs for Riki's friend.
Which Riki didn't even remember! It was so frustrating, an emotion that he was rarely even able to feel. He didn't understand this, and as he slowly unlocked and opened his door, another flow of emotions flowed into his mind, and he stopped moving abruptly.
"Riki!?" he asked softly as soon as he caught his breath.
Hearing the door open, Riki was immediately on his feet, eyes wide in shock. Soon, his own heartbeat, he believed, had stopped as well when he saw just who had arrived. While he'd told Ranmaru to come and get him out of here, and without a doubt, expected him to show up... he had half expected something like this would be the case.
This was the first time after that horrible night he'd seen the blondie with that pretty boy that he was seeing now and who practically worshipped him by addressing him so respectfully... he didn't realise that was just Ranmaru's nature to be as polite as he was and he didn't mean anything more by it. But even so... the fact that Iason hadn't told him otherwise had stung and he couldn't HELP but be..
He quickly tried to focus his expression into one of uncaring, and shoving his hands int his pockets, he jerked his head to look to the side.
"This was your idea?" he hissed, feeling tightening in his chest. He didn't want to look at Iason, afraid of the things he was feeling right now. It was frightening to even assume that he had missed the man... how much more was he going to break himself for his sake?
Iason, unfortunately, hadn't been able to look away from Riki, and as soon as he began talking, Iason was speechless, his mouth opening up and closing a few times before his mind was able to get over the shock of seeing him again so soon, being so...Riki. He couldn't be here, and like this...not remembering anything from before.
"No, I had no idea," he said simply, honestly. Well, Ranmaru had said something about getting them together to talk...but he hadn't expected for the boy to go this far! He swallowed, and stepped forward hesitantly, wanting...no, needing to be near him. It had been too long, and he missed Riki so terribly, even though it had been a scant few days.
How could he be this irrational!?
He could feel the other approach him and his heartbeat began to race so madly he was sure it would beat right out of his chest. Iason was coming closer, closer enough that he could feel him shadow over him. And when the other did approach, he found himself stepping back instinctively and he turned to look up at him as the backs of his legs hit the bed and he was sitting again, looking at him in surprise.
He'd never seen Iason look this emotional and it troubled him. Quickly, he cursed under his breath and got up again, beginning to walk forward to push past him and get out of the room. If I stay here any longer, I might say something...
"Then excuse me. I shouldn't be here." he whispered as he began to move.
Iason almost stopped nearing him, but there was a compelling need to be close to him. He almost couldn't help it, and he weakly neared him, more and more, before Riki was on his bed, and before he could even do anything, Riki was trying to move.
No. He couldn't let him leave. Not again. Riki was not willing to come near him, and if he thought that Iason didn't want him...then there would be problems. Had he truly trained Riki that well? It was something a pet dealer should feel exceedingly proud for...but...he almost wanted to say that he had practically broken Riki's spirit.
He stopped him, and instead of doing, or saying anything, he loomed over Riki, blue eyes focused on his tanned face, before he planted lips against Riki's.
No... It was all over, dammit...!! Riki's breath caught in his throat and his hands flew to grip the blondie's shoulders, fingers burying into the fabric of his clothing as he was kissed. He didn't respond, a tight sound of protest coming from him but even he had to wonder, had he had wanted Iason's lips to touch his like this...? He had wanted the blondie to hold him... and in the illusion that he actually wanted him...
"No!" the voice that broke free from him when he tore himself away from the kiss was strangled, shaking and pained, and he glared at Iason in aggravation "The second time... this is the second time I've been freed, Iason!! Do you really even want me?!" he yelled at the other. Why did he become so nervous around him that he couldn't even keep his voice stable?
Ever since I became replaceable... he found himself thinking as he found himself trembling. Damn it all, he was doing it again to him... playing those mind tricks that would have him succumb to him. He hated it... if perhaps, for the fact that he was certain there was nothing more behind it than his want.
Iason shook his head, cold eyes flashing briefly with a fury that only Guy had seen. "I did not free you, Riki," he said simply. He reached into his pocket pulling it out, not even caring that it probably said enough that he was carrying it in his pocket of all places. "It was in my pocket when I arrived," he said simply, trying to coerce his favor, in some form or fashion. He needed Riki to care, he needed Riki to realize that he wasn't playing with him.
That meant, however, that he would have to admit things that he never liked to come out and say. He sighed. "I thought you wanted to be free," he said simply, looking away from him.
He paused in mid-movement, realising in horror that Iason still had the ring on him. His eyes widened and in that surprise, feeling a sense of deja-vu as he stood at the edge, still looking at him with a stunned expression. Then... if he hadn't taken it off... who did? How, rather, had anyone but Iason been able to remove it?
"That doesn't make any sense... how?" he exclaimed, looking up at the blondie. Struck by the purity of his features again, Riki tried to keep himself from staring and instead focused on the ring. "If... if you didn't take it off, then..." Guy. The name came back to him and he struggled to place who it was, failing miserably and gritting his teeth.
"What the hell's going ON, Iason? You told me to think what I wanted when I saw you with Ranmaru, and now you..." he was shivering visibly now, and he clutched Iason by the upper arms.
"Of... of course I wanted to be free! Don't misunderstand!" he said defensively. I just... I thought you... you didn't... damnit, revealing that would be expressing feelings...
Iason blinked, and slowly released a soft, almost perfect-sounding breath. He couldn't simply say that he wanted Riki to be happy. It was true, but...how could he just come out and say something of that sort? He...couldn't just say it.
As that ran through his mind, however, his mouth was already moving, and by the time he was out of such a haze, he had already finished. "I only wanted you to be happy," but as soon as he said it, his eyes widened, and he visibly flinched, as he realized what he said, and he abruptly stood, moving to another side of the room.
"I..." he whispered softly, trying to distract Riki from what he had said, in any way he could, pacing towards his window.
I only wanted you to be happy...
What?
He froze in place, shock spreading through his expression. Did he just hear him right? Did Iason just...
The way the blondie moved so quickly startled him and he blinked, watching his movements. "Iason..." he whispered, confusion in his dark eyes as he turned to face the other's back. Was he joking? No, if he were, he wouldn't seem so embarrassed about it, would he? He stepped away from the bed, and a short distance away from where Iason was, watching him with a feeling of worry as well...
What had happened to him here? What exactly had happened to himself that Iason was so... strangely distant? He kept mentioning a person named Guy, and how he took off the pet ring. Chancing the knowledge, he whispered, "Then... did you tell whoever this Guy was to take off the ring? Just so I could be..." Happy... it felt so strange coming from Iason that even he couldn't repeat it.
Iason shook his head sternly, eyes flashing again with that same rage as before. "No, Guy..." his hand tightened into a very stern fist, something completely unlike Iason at most times, but...he wasn't the sort prone to rage and he had beat Guy's face in, unless, of course, Guy had taken something quite precious to him. Riki. He had...
Iason's arm clenched tighter, and he looked away from Riki, trying to mask the pure anger that spread across his nearly perfect features. "Guy did things of his own accord," he said coldly, trying to mask anything that would sound particularly...nasty.
"Huh..." Riki didn't understand. At all. Why would this stranger have wanted anything to do with him? Why would he go so far as to take off the ring? "How could he, if he wasn't you?" it didn't make any sense. The only other way the ring could have been removed was by making him... well. It was obvious that way hadn't occurred, he was still quite intact. And so he let out an exasperated sigh and looked to a side. "Sounds like a hacker. Or a stalker. You had nothing to do with it then." That meant... Iason never allowed it. Technically... he was still his.
Biting back a scowl, he then noticed how tense Iason seemed and for the first time since coming here, instead of spite or anger, he felt concern for the blondie. "Oi..." he stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm, tugging him back forcibly to face him.
"What's wrong with you? You're not acting like yourself!" why was he so concerned? In light of that realisation, he quickly let him go, looking to the side again. "Nothing's making sense. Then... what IS that boy to you? He gave you flowers and you looked... " happy with him. He realised how envious he was sounding and covered his mouth with a hand. "Shit. Why am I saying all of this?!"
Iason's eyes flashed, and he swallowed when he caught the look in Riki's eyes. Furious and altogether...beautiful. It was always like that when he glimpsed on his pet...even if Riki didn't like the idea of being his. Iason tried so hard to differentiate Riki and pet from his mind, but they were constantly synonymous, despite his best efforts. Perhaps it was because he constantly thought of Riki, but it didn't work. It all still reminded him of Riki.
Raoul would have called him pathetic, by far, but there was nothing Iason could do. He seemed to have lost all manner of control over his feelings for Riki...and anything else, for that matter. It was all gone, and he couldn't comprehend the reasoning behind this!
"I cannot seem to...restrain what I am saying," he said softly, eyes softening slightly as they caught all of Riki's face.
Unable to restrain... that was something he could barely believe where Iason was concerned. For all the time that he'd known him, he'd only seen him in perfect control. Not a single glimpse or even word out of place. The perfect favored one of Jupiter. And yet, here, he could barely control himself and was admitting all these things that Riki never even wanted to -dream- he' hear?
"You still didn't answer! If you still claim me as your pet, then why keep that boy around?! Why did he bring me here by force?" he snapped. Though when he looked up and met Iason's eyes, he found his voice dying, as he hesitantly stepped back. "I..." he struggled with his words, until he finally gave up and then yelled. "You couldv'e just... asked to see me. Like always. If you still thought of me as your pet... " he inhaled sharply. "Damnit Iason. What do you want from me?!"
Iason inhaled sharply. "That boy was...merely an acquaintance," he said simply. "He bumped into me in the hallway, and said I had 'sad eyes'," he explained simply, shaking his head at Riki's apparent jealousy. "He escorted me outside, and then you came into the picture, assuming everything you possibly could," he explained simply, not skirting around the details.
The other question caused him to pause before he reached up to cup his cheek, attempting to remain as stoic as possible. "I want what I've had for so long," he said simply. That was...perfectly reasonable for a blondie, without again giving away every card he had.
Sad eyes... that's what he'd said to him too, hadn't he? He was certain he'd made every effort not to look as distressed as he'd been feeling and... well, perhaps that hadn't quite come out the way he'd wanted it to appear, had it... and the more he thought back to it, the more he realized that he had been assuming things. It was pathetic of him, but what could he do? Iason himself had drawn attention to the fact that he was without his ring, and he though he...
Didn't want..
His thoughts came to an abrupt halt as he tilted his face up to look at the blondie's face. With every reason he had, he should have hated this man. He broke up Bison, he humiliated him and abused him in front of the public eye, alienated him from those in Ceres...
But he was holding him. Not only that, the words he said, screw the fact that he was saying them like he always did... held some sort of sincerity to them and he wasn't sure what to believe. His eyes were wide, until he narrowed them and jerked his face out of his hold.
"If you've never lost it, why're you acting like you can't have whatever you want?" he scoffed, feeling tired. He just... He sighed, and moved a hand to his hair, combing it back and shaking his head, looking down at his feet as he leaned against the wall nd turned to look at Iason. "Why..." he whispered as he squarely gazed into Iason's eyes. "Why would a Tanagura blondie go so far.." repeating the words he'd always thought and never voiced. "...to put a leash on a mongrel?"
Iason hesitated just for a moment, giving Riki a very frank look that should have said it all. He always thought Riki would have realized it at some point or another, or at least put it together. Why else would a blondie, the most prestigious of blondies ever associate himself with a mongrel? He had found Riki interesting, and perhaps he would have touched him and left Riki alone, had he not been so...beautiful...difficult to tame...everything that a Blondie like him had needed, or so it had seemed...as embarrassing as that was to admit.
Why was he acting like he couldn't have it? Oh yes, last time he had, Guy had taken it from him. It was alway something , what with him being an elite blondie and everything. It was almost impossible to actually word what he was thinking, say what he truly meant, especially when it was Riki who he was referring to. He wanted Riki just to know...but...
"Because a Tanagura Blondie only has a few ways to keep those he...wants around," he admitted softly.
He -did- realise it, that was the problem. He realised it, and didn't want to believe it. It was unheard of, and not only that, it should have been close to impossible. He'd never thought himself as someone who would be at the giving -or- receiving end of such emotions. The only thing he knew he *was* good for... Iason had been taking it, abusing it, whatever the matter was. He'd been willing. But these feelings... they were intangible,something he couldn't possibly hide without giving them away. And it scared him...
He fell silent, dropping his hand to a side and looking at Iason with a pained gaze. After a few moments, he pulled himself away from the wall and then, with a low hiss, he reached out and grabbed Iason by the shirt with both hands and pressed his forehead against his chest, shivering in pent up frustration and anger.
"You say that so easily, you bastard..." he hissed. "We're in this fucking hellhole. Paradisa. We don't even know where we are. Then..." he snarled and jerked his face up, glaring at Iason directly. "Does it even matter?! That I can walk away from you, because we're not on Amoi... when you can stop me and you don't...does it even matter to you, Iason?!"
"Of course it does," he murmured before he was even given a chance to ponder his question. There was the barest twitch of an eye, and Iason wrapped an arm around Riki's shivering shoulders calmly. Alot like they had in Dana Bahn, although...there was less...tragedy to come, or so he could hope. Afterall, Riki wasn't castrated, he wasn't missing his legs...and whatever he had lost...seemed to not affect anything too grossly important...although he suspected that it was something so imperative for him. He believed he had lost his emotional restraint, as the sheer amount of emotions he had begun to feel in this place was...astounding.
He wanted to tell Riki how much it mattered to him that Riki had returned on his own, without a pet ring or anything else to bind them, but he wouldn't. That was terribly unfair, especially since Riki couldn't remember coming back. Guilt. It was...just as peculiar as everything else he had begun to experience in this realm.
"You know I say very little easily," he managed, staring straight down at Riki. The cold, emotionless stare he usually managed never seemed to work with him.
And that was what confused him further. Compared to everyone else, there was that obvious fact that Iason's gentleness was reserved for only him. He may have made him do things that only a pet humiliated themselves doing, but it didn't mean Iason treated him any less gently. In fact, in comparison to what he'd heard from others... Iason was practically merciful.
Something about this embrace felt familiar and Riki realized it, but couldn't place why. Surely it didn't mean anything, though his heart was racing at the way the other held onto him. He wanted so much to yell, beat him, hurt him... and at the same time...
Fuck him... why am I feeling this way?! he thought frustratedly as he slackened his hold but remained close to him, drawing his head back to look up at the blondie's face.
"I don't fuck with minds like you. If you want something, you have to tell me!" he hissed at him, but his tone was pointedly softer. He hated being this vulnerable. "You don't know anything here... I don't know anything here. What the fuck would I do if you just..." let me go like that... he wanted to be let go, but at the same time, Iason was...
He hated admitting it. Iason was his... motivation.
"Even though this isn't Amoi, there isn't anything else I can do... I don't want to be useless, god damnit!" he choked out finally.
Iason reached out, and laid a hand on Riki's shoulder, gently tightening his fingers over the hardened muscle. He wondered how terrible it would be if he simply admitted what he wanted from Riki. Would he suffer embarrassment, or disdain from his peers? Here, he had no peers, and here he wouldn't suffer a massive onslaught of public disdain for simply taking his Pet as his. He still thought of Riki as his, as much as he tried not to. Riki would always be his, in his mind, no matter if he had his Pet Ring, or not.
Back when they had been attempting to escape Dana Bahn, the thought had occurred to him that he could manage to retain a lifestyle that he and Riki had established, even if he had lost everything that made him a man. He loved him, even if he hadn't said as much out loud. Blondies weren't fickle, and they knew what they felt, especially to something so important, so imperative, so...life-shattering.
He sighed, and looked down at Riki with a calm gaze. "Is it that difficult to figure out?" he questioned in a low, soft whisper. He didn't know how Riki could ever question just what he thought of him, just how...important Riki was to him. How could Riki even question how deeply...
"You could never be useless," he murmured.
Yes it was difficult to figure out and the more obvious Iason assumed it would be, the more Riki felt uncertain and yet, at the same time, his hopes were raising. Yes, they weren't in their own world anymore, did it mean that perhaps, just by some chance, some foolish chance that he didn't deserve... Iason felt more than lust for him?
It was just so difficult to fathom with their social standing.
However, when Iason's hand came over his shoulder, he stopped in his thoughts and looked up at Iason with a troubled look and sighed, moving a hand over to his on his shoulder, but instead of pushing it away, he just rest his hand there, keeping his head lowered.
"Just answer me." he stated then, remaining still. "I'm not going to play your games anymore. If you want anything... you'd better be direct about it." he told him quietly. Then, he turned a fiery glare onto the blondie, making sure he understood he was serious.
"I'm... not going to be lost a second time." he wanted to say 'I'm not going to lose' yet... something triggered the words into his sentence and he blinked, but shrugged. It meant the same thing anyway.
Iason's hand twitched just slightly at the extra contact, and he watched him talk, focusing more on his lips and eyes than anything else, even if the words he spoke struck him deeply, and he wanted to simply say what he felt towards Riki. What he wanted more than anything else right now was Riki, the only comforting thing in his life right now, or...un-life. He had died, he remembered the buildup very vividly, and was quite certain there was some measure of pain involved.
His eyes widened slightly at the phrasing, and lifted his other hand to Riki's shoulder, gripping him almost tightly, desperately. He swallowed slowly, and focused on him sternly, his eyes sharp, calculating.
Then, everything went to hell, and he found all reservations and calculations being torn apart, and he stopped the practice of thinking through what he wanted, and instead just leaned in. All impulse.
He forced his face to Riki's, mere centimeters apart, and stopped the movement. "I can't lose you a second time," he said softly.
Riki felt the blood rush to his face and wondered if for that moment, he had truly been broken by this man. The way he looked at him, the way he held him, it shouldn't have meant a thing and yet Iason was able to make it seem like it was everything in the world at that time. He went still, looking at the blondie's face with an anxious gaze, before he hesitantly raised his hand and clutched the other's top by the collar. Words that he usually said at beckoned command to the blondie fell past his lips as though he'd always wanted to say them.
"Then... don't stop now." What are you saying?! his mind screamed at him, but he could honestly care less right now. Without warning, he leaned in, deciding for himself-- that he wanted this, he was free and nothing beside his own want was making him do this... he leaned in and pressed his mouth to the blondie's.
He's taken me apart... all it took was these damn feelings... he found himself thinking. Then, it didn't matter.. this was what he wanted. No one else. Let Amoi be where it was, he was here now and if he was going to be in hell with Iason, he wasn't going to let it burn them unless they burned together.
Iason was lost, that was all he could comprehend at the moment, and his hands on his shoulders reached down Riki's arms, wrapping around his waist instead, bodies pressed together. He couldn't believe that it was happening. Riki was free and he had initiated this kiss. What he had been protesting against earlier wasn't happening now, and instead Riki was encouraging it. He wanted to cry, if he felt he would be able to. Regardless if he had lost his reservations (which he didn't know about) Iason wasn't going to cry.
He didn't want to stop, at all, ever, if he could help it. He wanted Riki to realize that he loved him, as passionately as any Blondie could. He had broken almost every law he possibly could under the rule of Jupiter just to have him. He simply didn't understand how Riki could even doubt that he had wanted him. He could never replace him, ever. Didn't he understand that? Iason had let him go for an entire year before forcing him to return. He could barely last that amount of time before he had to retrieve him. He practically couldn't live without Riki, he couldn't breathe.
He pulled away slowly, before pulling Riki into a tight hug, attempting to convey what he couldn't express verbally.
Riki found his head spinning, and the fact that Iason was returning the kiss was enough of a sign he didn't want this to stop. It was... comforting, in a way, to know that. As well as the fact that the other hadn't taken this as some sort of offense and pulled away...
For some reason he knew that there was something... something about the way that Iason was holding him. Something that was so much more different than the nights he believed had come before this. And somehow, he didn't mind, as if he was certain this was always as it must have been. Thoughts came to him, things he'd asked Iason a while back. He'd been risking himself for him, hadn't he...? Back in Tanagura. Katze had suggested it and yet...
He paused, blinking in surprise as Iason hugged him, and hesitantly, he brought his hands over the blondie's back, holding him close...
And with his face pressed against his shoulder, he sighed, shaking his head and just closing his eyes. For a few moments, he didn't move, beore a soft, strained laugh escaped him.
"This isn't really happening... is it." he whispered. "It's not so bad as the nightmares... but just as unreal." drawing back his head, he faced Iason with a troubled look. "What's happened to you... Iason?" he asked. He wanted to know. Was there something he was missing in the way Iason's behavior varied from the night before he ended up in Dana Bahn to now?
He sighed softly, and breathed inwards, the smoky, dark scent of Riki filling his lungs, and he felt compelled to simply tell the truth. If he avoided the thoughts, he began to feel a deep pain within his chest, delving deep within him, and he had to pause, and realign his thoughts, which always led to Riki before he could control the way his thoughts were being directed. He sighed into his neck, savoring the feeling of holding Riki before pressing his lips to his neck, right when he was beginning to speak.
"It is...as real as we can comprehend," he said simply, before the question forced him to pause. No longer could he deny what had happened at Dana Bahn, if Riki was going to ask, he was going to have to finally come to terms with what had happened, and answer it truthfully. He had tried to deny it, tried to skirt around the issue, and attempted to divert Riki's attention, not wanting to force him to return...
He should have known better. "I died," he said simply, emotionless. It had been a simple fact, at the time, but now it felt so...tragic, in some way.
The words startled him, and somewhere in his own thoughts he believed he knew it all along. But at the same time, he knew there was more to it. There was something that had affected Iason more than a loss of himself- and that loss had concerned him. He wouldn't be reacting this way had it not been something great enough to affect the man's emotions as they were.
His eyes were wide in surprise and he hesitantly drew back from the way the other caressed his neck with his lips... his good spots, he remembered them. And looked at Iason in wonder, pondering what he said. Then, seeing the expression on his face, he knew the blondie would never lie about something like this, and forced himself to believe it.
Yet... the fact that he said it so easily pissed him off and instead of saying anything, he grabbed Iason by his top and pushed him back, against the wall, and moved his face into his chest again. "Bastard..." he hissed, his voice shaking though he couldn't possibly understand why he was feeling this emotional. "If you died there then why the hell do you sound so content about it?!" his voice raised again, he then turned to look up at him, anger in his eyes.
"Why... why did you endanger yourself?!" he believed he knew the answer, but. "What happened down there? Why don't I remember it, Iason?!"
Iason blinked, and he was completely awakened to his senses when he was slammed against the wall. Surprisingly, he didn't feel anger, or pain, it was more...realization that Riki wanted him, wanted the answers, wanted the truth, wanted him. He smiled softly to Riki, and leaned back against the wall languidly. He shook his head slowly, and focus a blue gaze on Riki, one that looked cold at first glance, but beneath it was everything he was thinking, every thought of Riki, of their subsequent death.
"Guy," he said softly, realizing that it was the key to everything. "Guy kidnapped you, and..." he sighed, shaking his head. "You wanted me to save him," he murmured softly, before smiling to Riki gently. "I did," and he remained staring at Riki. Nothing about the fact that he had lost his legs, and couldn't go on, or that Riki had returned, and they had shared a final kiss before dying.
It was a complex situation, that he didn't want to think about...he didn't want to explain it all, but here he was, giving out every bit of information to Riki...why? It didn't matter to him, he wouldn't have been able to return to Jupiter anyways...not with it knowing how...devastated he had been that Riki had been kidnapped.
Riki's fingers tensed as he heard that name. He was... kidnapped? Who was this Guy and why couldn't he remember who he was? He looked confused, but finally, he hit upon a decision. If whatever this Guy had done to have brought Iason into such a state of loss that he was being this honest with Riki now, then it must have been something brutal.
And for once, he was almost feeling glad that he couldn't remember.
"Iason.." he had no reason to doubt that what Iason was saying was true, but he didn't like the fact that his thoughts were tampered with. "I don't remember any of this." but as he said those words, he realised he was holding Iason's clothing much more tightly than when he'd begun.
His hands were shaking and before he knew it, he sighed and looked up at him, determination in his dark gaze.
"And I don't want to remember. Whatever happened did this to you... the ring... everything." he sighed and then released Iason, but stood before him, head turned to the side. "The people here say we can't go back. If that's so... then I'd rather that never have happened."
Iason nodded slowly, drinking in Riki's words before he smiled faintly. "I think leaving the past for the past is certainly the best course of action," he murmured softly, leaning in to his pet slowly, pressing his lips against his neck, and savoring the smell, the taste of his skin, the feeling of holding him, standing and Riki was whole again. Completely and utterly whole. He wanted to reach down, make sure that it really was there, place the pet ring precisely where it belonged.
But he wouldn't, unless Riki requested it. Here...was not Amoi. He couldn't force Riki to do what he wanted...and perhaps...it was better this way. Whatever this place had taken from him, it had given him something of a conscience regarding Riki, if not everything else, and it perplexed him, made him want to scream and yell and cry to whomever was running this place that he wanted to figure it out, and that they should tell him what he had lost.
However, if he were to be completely honest...he didn't want to leave. Whatever he had lost wasn't that important, especially if he had regained Riki. Riki and he were alive, and breathing, no Jupiter or Raoul, or anyone to force them into positions. No pet dealings. Just Riki.
Riki stood still, staring at the wall behind Iason's head as the blondie's lips came and pressed against his neck. It was a strangely delightful feeling, and more often than not had caused Riki to go particularly weak in the knees when he was still acting as Iason's pet and under his command.
As much as he hated to admit it.
Almost as an instinctive response, his hand came up to clutch Iason's shoulder... allowing himself to submit to the touch and even tilting his head back a bit. Iason knew his body, but now... he wanted to know Iason's too. He hoped he could, anyway.
"Maybe..." he didn't finish what he was going to say, because then he turned his head and whispered the words past Iason's ear instead. "Maybe this is the afterlife." a soft chuckle escaped his lips, and he whispered the words he'd said back on Amoi, at Dana Bahn as it fell around them, and he would never know that he did. "Not... my style to flirt. But at least I can still curl up beside your feet."
Iason exhaled sharply, and his arms tightened around Riki even quicker, and it was almost enough to break the Blondie. Not enough, thankfully, he couldn't bear the embarrassment if that were to happen. He sighed, and leaned back again, smiling at Riki, very faintly, a lot like they had done before...when they were about to die. "You said that before," he said simply, eyeing his reaction with no more amusement than curiosity.
He couldn't stay separated from him for long, however. He pulled Riki back to him, resting his head in the crook of his darker neck, enjoying the scent. It was always the same, even when he had been a pet, even when he had taken Riki that first time in his living quarters.
It had been terribly...crude of him, but he still found everything about Riki incredibly alluring...almost like a magnet that had pulled him in, and never allowed him to conceivably escape.
He couldn't remember having said that and while this intimacy was awkward, it... certainly felt nice, after a strangely long period without it. Still, Iason kept targeting one of the areas on him that usually had Riki submitting to him unquestioningly, and he sighed softly, partly feeling strange about the action and at the same time, relishing it
"I don't recall." he replied simply, and suppressing a tight gasp, he rest his cheek against the blondie's face, then whispered, "Iason... are you going to fuck me tonight?" he asked. Being a mongrel, he wasn't eloquent in that matter, and he didn't quite care. "I'd... rather not, tonight." letting him that even though he was staying, he wasn't under his command. "Maybe... later, alright?" it was so awkward, but... it had to be said.
Iason shook his head slowly, pulling away from Riki and grasping his shoulders securely. "Its fine, Riki," he mumbled softly, a faint smile lilting across his lips. He didn't mind, as long as Riki was here...as long as Riki was his. Which...he was. Iason couldn't deny that Riki had practically said that he wouldn't run again.
Iason could be satisfied that Riki would at least remain with him.
That was enough for now.
What: Ranmaru traps Riki in Iason's room. Iason comes in to be shocked. They work things out.
When: After this thread.
Where: Iason's bedroom
Rating: PG-15? MxM stuff!
To say that he was pissed off was an understatement. However, from what he'd been seeing on the journals and all that had been transcribed... surely if that boy had wanted anything to do that would hurt him, he would have done it already. But not only had he not bound him in a way to harm him, he'd... well. He had used force to knock him out but he could barely tell that he had. It was strange... why would anyone even care about being as gentle as he had been, when not even Iason cared?
He stopped. That wasn't true... not really. And he sighed, slamming the journal shut and moving his face in a hand as he slumped his shoulders and just groaned to himself.
"What the hell..." he hissed to himself. That kid... he wanted him to come back so he could leave.
Iason had been dining before he had finally decided to return to his room and retire. That's all he seemed to be doing lately anyways. His room had been a safe place for him to escape to ever since he had arrived in this place, and even moreso now that Riki had decided that he would be free. The entire situation made him beyond angry, but there was nothing he could do to fight it, lest he push Riki away even more. Ranmaru had suggested that he should tell Riki the truth, but that was even more difficult than giving his legs for Riki's friend.
Which Riki didn't even remember! It was so frustrating, an emotion that he was rarely even able to feel. He didn't understand this, and as he slowly unlocked and opened his door, another flow of emotions flowed into his mind, and he stopped moving abruptly.
"Riki!?" he asked softly as soon as he caught his breath.
Hearing the door open, Riki was immediately on his feet, eyes wide in shock. Soon, his own heartbeat, he believed, had stopped as well when he saw just who had arrived. While he'd told Ranmaru to come and get him out of here, and without a doubt, expected him to show up... he had half expected something like this would be the case.
This was the first time after that horrible night he'd seen the blondie with that pretty boy that he was seeing now and who practically worshipped him by addressing him so respectfully... he didn't realise that was just Ranmaru's nature to be as polite as he was and he didn't mean anything more by it. But even so... the fact that Iason hadn't told him otherwise had stung and he couldn't HELP but be..
He quickly tried to focus his expression into one of uncaring, and shoving his hands int his pockets, he jerked his head to look to the side.
"This was your idea?" he hissed, feeling tightening in his chest. He didn't want to look at Iason, afraid of the things he was feeling right now. It was frightening to even assume that he had missed the man... how much more was he going to break himself for his sake?
Iason, unfortunately, hadn't been able to look away from Riki, and as soon as he began talking, Iason was speechless, his mouth opening up and closing a few times before his mind was able to get over the shock of seeing him again so soon, being so...Riki. He couldn't be here, and like this...not remembering anything from before.
"No, I had no idea," he said simply, honestly. Well, Ranmaru had said something about getting them together to talk...but he hadn't expected for the boy to go this far! He swallowed, and stepped forward hesitantly, wanting...no, needing to be near him. It had been too long, and he missed Riki so terribly, even though it had been a scant few days.
How could he be this irrational!?
He could feel the other approach him and his heartbeat began to race so madly he was sure it would beat right out of his chest. Iason was coming closer, closer enough that he could feel him shadow over him. And when the other did approach, he found himself stepping back instinctively and he turned to look up at him as the backs of his legs hit the bed and he was sitting again, looking at him in surprise.
He'd never seen Iason look this emotional and it troubled him. Quickly, he cursed under his breath and got up again, beginning to walk forward to push past him and get out of the room. If I stay here any longer, I might say something...
"Then excuse me. I shouldn't be here." he whispered as he began to move.
Iason almost stopped nearing him, but there was a compelling need to be close to him. He almost couldn't help it, and he weakly neared him, more and more, before Riki was on his bed, and before he could even do anything, Riki was trying to move.
No. He couldn't let him leave. Not again. Riki was not willing to come near him, and if he thought that Iason didn't want him...then there would be problems. Had he truly trained Riki that well? It was something a pet dealer should feel exceedingly proud for...but...he almost wanted to say that he had practically broken Riki's spirit.
He stopped him, and instead of doing, or saying anything, he loomed over Riki, blue eyes focused on his tanned face, before he planted lips against Riki's.
No... It was all over, dammit...!! Riki's breath caught in his throat and his hands flew to grip the blondie's shoulders, fingers burying into the fabric of his clothing as he was kissed. He didn't respond, a tight sound of protest coming from him but even he had to wonder, had he had wanted Iason's lips to touch his like this...? He had wanted the blondie to hold him... and in the illusion that he actually wanted him...
"No!" the voice that broke free from him when he tore himself away from the kiss was strangled, shaking and pained, and he glared at Iason in aggravation "The second time... this is the second time I've been freed, Iason!! Do you really even want me?!" he yelled at the other. Why did he become so nervous around him that he couldn't even keep his voice stable?
Ever since I became replaceable... he found himself thinking as he found himself trembling. Damn it all, he was doing it again to him... playing those mind tricks that would have him succumb to him. He hated it... if perhaps, for the fact that he was certain there was nothing more behind it than his want.
Iason shook his head, cold eyes flashing briefly with a fury that only Guy had seen. "I did not free you, Riki," he said simply. He reached into his pocket pulling it out, not even caring that it probably said enough that he was carrying it in his pocket of all places. "It was in my pocket when I arrived," he said simply, trying to coerce his favor, in some form or fashion. He needed Riki to care, he needed Riki to realize that he wasn't playing with him.
That meant, however, that he would have to admit things that he never liked to come out and say. He sighed. "I thought you wanted to be free," he said simply, looking away from him.
He paused in mid-movement, realising in horror that Iason still had the ring on him. His eyes widened and in that surprise, feeling a sense of deja-vu as he stood at the edge, still looking at him with a stunned expression. Then... if he hadn't taken it off... who did? How, rather, had anyone but Iason been able to remove it?
"That doesn't make any sense... how?" he exclaimed, looking up at the blondie. Struck by the purity of his features again, Riki tried to keep himself from staring and instead focused on the ring. "If... if you didn't take it off, then..." Guy. The name came back to him and he struggled to place who it was, failing miserably and gritting his teeth.
"What the hell's going ON, Iason? You told me to think what I wanted when I saw you with Ranmaru, and now you..." he was shivering visibly now, and he clutched Iason by the upper arms.
"Of... of course I wanted to be free! Don't misunderstand!" he said defensively. I just... I thought you... you didn't... damnit, revealing that would be expressing feelings...
Iason blinked, and slowly released a soft, almost perfect-sounding breath. He couldn't simply say that he wanted Riki to be happy. It was true, but...how could he just come out and say something of that sort? He...couldn't just say it.
As that ran through his mind, however, his mouth was already moving, and by the time he was out of such a haze, he had already finished. "I only wanted you to be happy," but as soon as he said it, his eyes widened, and he visibly flinched, as he realized what he said, and he abruptly stood, moving to another side of the room.
"I..." he whispered softly, trying to distract Riki from what he had said, in any way he could, pacing towards his window.
I only wanted you to be happy...
What?
He froze in place, shock spreading through his expression. Did he just hear him right? Did Iason just...
The way the blondie moved so quickly startled him and he blinked, watching his movements. "Iason..." he whispered, confusion in his dark eyes as he turned to face the other's back. Was he joking? No, if he were, he wouldn't seem so embarrassed about it, would he? He stepped away from the bed, and a short distance away from where Iason was, watching him with a feeling of worry as well...
What had happened to him here? What exactly had happened to himself that Iason was so... strangely distant? He kept mentioning a person named Guy, and how he took off the pet ring. Chancing the knowledge, he whispered, "Then... did you tell whoever this Guy was to take off the ring? Just so I could be..." Happy... it felt so strange coming from Iason that even he couldn't repeat it.
Iason shook his head sternly, eyes flashing again with that same rage as before. "No, Guy..." his hand tightened into a very stern fist, something completely unlike Iason at most times, but...he wasn't the sort prone to rage and he had beat Guy's face in, unless, of course, Guy had taken something quite precious to him. Riki. He had...
Iason's arm clenched tighter, and he looked away from Riki, trying to mask the pure anger that spread across his nearly perfect features. "Guy did things of his own accord," he said coldly, trying to mask anything that would sound particularly...nasty.
"Huh..." Riki didn't understand. At all. Why would this stranger have wanted anything to do with him? Why would he go so far as to take off the ring? "How could he, if he wasn't you?" it didn't make any sense. The only other way the ring could have been removed was by making him... well. It was obvious that way hadn't occurred, he was still quite intact. And so he let out an exasperated sigh and looked to a side. "Sounds like a hacker. Or a stalker. You had nothing to do with it then." That meant... Iason never allowed it. Technically... he was still his.
Biting back a scowl, he then noticed how tense Iason seemed and for the first time since coming here, instead of spite or anger, he felt concern for the blondie. "Oi..." he stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm, tugging him back forcibly to face him.
"What's wrong with you? You're not acting like yourself!" why was he so concerned? In light of that realisation, he quickly let him go, looking to the side again. "Nothing's making sense. Then... what IS that boy to you? He gave you flowers and you looked... " happy with him. He realised how envious he was sounding and covered his mouth with a hand. "Shit. Why am I saying all of this?!"
Iason's eyes flashed, and he swallowed when he caught the look in Riki's eyes. Furious and altogether...beautiful. It was always like that when he glimpsed on his pet...even if Riki didn't like the idea of being his. Iason tried so hard to differentiate Riki and pet from his mind, but they were constantly synonymous, despite his best efforts. Perhaps it was because he constantly thought of Riki, but it didn't work. It all still reminded him of Riki.
Raoul would have called him pathetic, by far, but there was nothing Iason could do. He seemed to have lost all manner of control over his feelings for Riki...and anything else, for that matter. It was all gone, and he couldn't comprehend the reasoning behind this!
"I cannot seem to...restrain what I am saying," he said softly, eyes softening slightly as they caught all of Riki's face.
Unable to restrain... that was something he could barely believe where Iason was concerned. For all the time that he'd known him, he'd only seen him in perfect control. Not a single glimpse or even word out of place. The perfect favored one of Jupiter. And yet, here, he could barely control himself and was admitting all these things that Riki never even wanted to -dream- he' hear?
"You still didn't answer! If you still claim me as your pet, then why keep that boy around?! Why did he bring me here by force?" he snapped. Though when he looked up and met Iason's eyes, he found his voice dying, as he hesitantly stepped back. "I..." he struggled with his words, until he finally gave up and then yelled. "You couldv'e just... asked to see me. Like always. If you still thought of me as your pet... " he inhaled sharply. "Damnit Iason. What do you want from me?!"
Iason inhaled sharply. "That boy was...merely an acquaintance," he said simply. "He bumped into me in the hallway, and said I had 'sad eyes'," he explained simply, shaking his head at Riki's apparent jealousy. "He escorted me outside, and then you came into the picture, assuming everything you possibly could," he explained simply, not skirting around the details.
The other question caused him to pause before he reached up to cup his cheek, attempting to remain as stoic as possible. "I want what I've had for so long," he said simply. That was...perfectly reasonable for a blondie, without again giving away every card he had.
Sad eyes... that's what he'd said to him too, hadn't he? He was certain he'd made every effort not to look as distressed as he'd been feeling and... well, perhaps that hadn't quite come out the way he'd wanted it to appear, had it... and the more he thought back to it, the more he realized that he had been assuming things. It was pathetic of him, but what could he do? Iason himself had drawn attention to the fact that he was without his ring, and he though he...
Didn't want..
His thoughts came to an abrupt halt as he tilted his face up to look at the blondie's face. With every reason he had, he should have hated this man. He broke up Bison, he humiliated him and abused him in front of the public eye, alienated him from those in Ceres...
But he was holding him. Not only that, the words he said, screw the fact that he was saying them like he always did... held some sort of sincerity to them and he wasn't sure what to believe. His eyes were wide, until he narrowed them and jerked his face out of his hold.
"If you've never lost it, why're you acting like you can't have whatever you want?" he scoffed, feeling tired. He just... He sighed, and moved a hand to his hair, combing it back and shaking his head, looking down at his feet as he leaned against the wall nd turned to look at Iason. "Why..." he whispered as he squarely gazed into Iason's eyes. "Why would a Tanagura blondie go so far.." repeating the words he'd always thought and never voiced. "...to put a leash on a mongrel?"
Iason hesitated just for a moment, giving Riki a very frank look that should have said it all. He always thought Riki would have realized it at some point or another, or at least put it together. Why else would a blondie, the most prestigious of blondies ever associate himself with a mongrel? He had found Riki interesting, and perhaps he would have touched him and left Riki alone, had he not been so...beautiful...difficult to tame...everything that a Blondie like him had needed, or so it had seemed...as embarrassing as that was to admit.
Why was he acting like he couldn't have it? Oh yes, last time he had, Guy had taken it from him. It was alway something , what with him being an elite blondie and everything. It was almost impossible to actually word what he was thinking, say what he truly meant, especially when it was Riki who he was referring to. He wanted Riki just to know...but...
"Because a Tanagura Blondie only has a few ways to keep those he...wants around," he admitted softly.
He -did- realise it, that was the problem. He realised it, and didn't want to believe it. It was unheard of, and not only that, it should have been close to impossible. He'd never thought himself as someone who would be at the giving -or- receiving end of such emotions. The only thing he knew he *was* good for... Iason had been taking it, abusing it, whatever the matter was. He'd been willing. But these feelings... they were intangible,something he couldn't possibly hide without giving them away. And it scared him...
He fell silent, dropping his hand to a side and looking at Iason with a pained gaze. After a few moments, he pulled himself away from the wall and then, with a low hiss, he reached out and grabbed Iason by the shirt with both hands and pressed his forehead against his chest, shivering in pent up frustration and anger.
"You say that so easily, you bastard..." he hissed. "We're in this fucking hellhole. Paradisa. We don't even know where we are. Then..." he snarled and jerked his face up, glaring at Iason directly. "Does it even matter?! That I can walk away from you, because we're not on Amoi... when you can stop me and you don't...does it even matter to you, Iason?!"
"Of course it does," he murmured before he was even given a chance to ponder his question. There was the barest twitch of an eye, and Iason wrapped an arm around Riki's shivering shoulders calmly. Alot like they had in Dana Bahn, although...there was less...tragedy to come, or so he could hope. Afterall, Riki wasn't castrated, he wasn't missing his legs...and whatever he had lost...seemed to not affect anything too grossly important...although he suspected that it was something so imperative for him. He believed he had lost his emotional restraint, as the sheer amount of emotions he had begun to feel in this place was...astounding.
He wanted to tell Riki how much it mattered to him that Riki had returned on his own, without a pet ring or anything else to bind them, but he wouldn't. That was terribly unfair, especially since Riki couldn't remember coming back. Guilt. It was...just as peculiar as everything else he had begun to experience in this realm.
"You know I say very little easily," he managed, staring straight down at Riki. The cold, emotionless stare he usually managed never seemed to work with him.
And that was what confused him further. Compared to everyone else, there was that obvious fact that Iason's gentleness was reserved for only him. He may have made him do things that only a pet humiliated themselves doing, but it didn't mean Iason treated him any less gently. In fact, in comparison to what he'd heard from others... Iason was practically merciful.
Something about this embrace felt familiar and Riki realized it, but couldn't place why. Surely it didn't mean anything, though his heart was racing at the way the other held onto him. He wanted so much to yell, beat him, hurt him... and at the same time...
Fuck him... why am I feeling this way?! he thought frustratedly as he slackened his hold but remained close to him, drawing his head back to look up at the blondie's face.
"I don't fuck with minds like you. If you want something, you have to tell me!" he hissed at him, but his tone was pointedly softer. He hated being this vulnerable. "You don't know anything here... I don't know anything here. What the fuck would I do if you just..." let me go like that... he wanted to be let go, but at the same time, Iason was...
He hated admitting it. Iason was his... motivation.
"Even though this isn't Amoi, there isn't anything else I can do... I don't want to be useless, god damnit!" he choked out finally.
Iason reached out, and laid a hand on Riki's shoulder, gently tightening his fingers over the hardened muscle. He wondered how terrible it would be if he simply admitted what he wanted from Riki. Would he suffer embarrassment, or disdain from his peers? Here, he had no peers, and here he wouldn't suffer a massive onslaught of public disdain for simply taking his Pet as his. He still thought of Riki as his, as much as he tried not to. Riki would always be his, in his mind, no matter if he had his Pet Ring, or not.
Back when they had been attempting to escape Dana Bahn, the thought had occurred to him that he could manage to retain a lifestyle that he and Riki had established, even if he had lost everything that made him a man. He loved him, even if he hadn't said as much out loud. Blondies weren't fickle, and they knew what they felt, especially to something so important, so imperative, so...life-shattering.
He sighed, and looked down at Riki with a calm gaze. "Is it that difficult to figure out?" he questioned in a low, soft whisper. He didn't know how Riki could ever question just what he thought of him, just how...important Riki was to him. How could Riki even question how deeply...
"You could never be useless," he murmured.
Yes it was difficult to figure out and the more obvious Iason assumed it would be, the more Riki felt uncertain and yet, at the same time, his hopes were raising. Yes, they weren't in their own world anymore, did it mean that perhaps, just by some chance, some foolish chance that he didn't deserve... Iason felt more than lust for him?
It was just so difficult to fathom with their social standing.
However, when Iason's hand came over his shoulder, he stopped in his thoughts and looked up at Iason with a troubled look and sighed, moving a hand over to his on his shoulder, but instead of pushing it away, he just rest his hand there, keeping his head lowered.
"Just answer me." he stated then, remaining still. "I'm not going to play your games anymore. If you want anything... you'd better be direct about it." he told him quietly. Then, he turned a fiery glare onto the blondie, making sure he understood he was serious.
"I'm... not going to be lost a second time." he wanted to say 'I'm not going to lose' yet... something triggered the words into his sentence and he blinked, but shrugged. It meant the same thing anyway.
Iason's hand twitched just slightly at the extra contact, and he watched him talk, focusing more on his lips and eyes than anything else, even if the words he spoke struck him deeply, and he wanted to simply say what he felt towards Riki. What he wanted more than anything else right now was Riki, the only comforting thing in his life right now, or...un-life. He had died, he remembered the buildup very vividly, and was quite certain there was some measure of pain involved.
His eyes widened slightly at the phrasing, and lifted his other hand to Riki's shoulder, gripping him almost tightly, desperately. He swallowed slowly, and focused on him sternly, his eyes sharp, calculating.
Then, everything went to hell, and he found all reservations and calculations being torn apart, and he stopped the practice of thinking through what he wanted, and instead just leaned in. All impulse.
He forced his face to Riki's, mere centimeters apart, and stopped the movement. "I can't lose you a second time," he said softly.
Riki felt the blood rush to his face and wondered if for that moment, he had truly been broken by this man. The way he looked at him, the way he held him, it shouldn't have meant a thing and yet Iason was able to make it seem like it was everything in the world at that time. He went still, looking at the blondie's face with an anxious gaze, before he hesitantly raised his hand and clutched the other's top by the collar. Words that he usually said at beckoned command to the blondie fell past his lips as though he'd always wanted to say them.
"Then... don't stop now." What are you saying?! his mind screamed at him, but he could honestly care less right now. Without warning, he leaned in, deciding for himself-- that he wanted this, he was free and nothing beside his own want was making him do this... he leaned in and pressed his mouth to the blondie's.
He's taken me apart... all it took was these damn feelings... he found himself thinking. Then, it didn't matter.. this was what he wanted. No one else. Let Amoi be where it was, he was here now and if he was going to be in hell with Iason, he wasn't going to let it burn them unless they burned together.
Iason was lost, that was all he could comprehend at the moment, and his hands on his shoulders reached down Riki's arms, wrapping around his waist instead, bodies pressed together. He couldn't believe that it was happening. Riki was free and he had initiated this kiss. What he had been protesting against earlier wasn't happening now, and instead Riki was encouraging it. He wanted to cry, if he felt he would be able to. Regardless if he had lost his reservations (which he didn't know about) Iason wasn't going to cry.
He didn't want to stop, at all, ever, if he could help it. He wanted Riki to realize that he loved him, as passionately as any Blondie could. He had broken almost every law he possibly could under the rule of Jupiter just to have him. He simply didn't understand how Riki could even doubt that he had wanted him. He could never replace him, ever. Didn't he understand that? Iason had let him go for an entire year before forcing him to return. He could barely last that amount of time before he had to retrieve him. He practically couldn't live without Riki, he couldn't breathe.
He pulled away slowly, before pulling Riki into a tight hug, attempting to convey what he couldn't express verbally.
Riki found his head spinning, and the fact that Iason was returning the kiss was enough of a sign he didn't want this to stop. It was... comforting, in a way, to know that. As well as the fact that the other hadn't taken this as some sort of offense and pulled away...
For some reason he knew that there was something... something about the way that Iason was holding him. Something that was so much more different than the nights he believed had come before this. And somehow, he didn't mind, as if he was certain this was always as it must have been. Thoughts came to him, things he'd asked Iason a while back. He'd been risking himself for him, hadn't he...? Back in Tanagura. Katze had suggested it and yet...
He paused, blinking in surprise as Iason hugged him, and hesitantly, he brought his hands over the blondie's back, holding him close...
And with his face pressed against his shoulder, he sighed, shaking his head and just closing his eyes. For a few moments, he didn't move, beore a soft, strained laugh escaped him.
"This isn't really happening... is it." he whispered. "It's not so bad as the nightmares... but just as unreal." drawing back his head, he faced Iason with a troubled look. "What's happened to you... Iason?" he asked. He wanted to know. Was there something he was missing in the way Iason's behavior varied from the night before he ended up in Dana Bahn to now?
He sighed softly, and breathed inwards, the smoky, dark scent of Riki filling his lungs, and he felt compelled to simply tell the truth. If he avoided the thoughts, he began to feel a deep pain within his chest, delving deep within him, and he had to pause, and realign his thoughts, which always led to Riki before he could control the way his thoughts were being directed. He sighed into his neck, savoring the feeling of holding Riki before pressing his lips to his neck, right when he was beginning to speak.
"It is...as real as we can comprehend," he said simply, before the question forced him to pause. No longer could he deny what had happened at Dana Bahn, if Riki was going to ask, he was going to have to finally come to terms with what had happened, and answer it truthfully. He had tried to deny it, tried to skirt around the issue, and attempted to divert Riki's attention, not wanting to force him to return...
He should have known better. "I died," he said simply, emotionless. It had been a simple fact, at the time, but now it felt so...tragic, in some way.
The words startled him, and somewhere in his own thoughts he believed he knew it all along. But at the same time, he knew there was more to it. There was something that had affected Iason more than a loss of himself- and that loss had concerned him. He wouldn't be reacting this way had it not been something great enough to affect the man's emotions as they were.
His eyes were wide in surprise and he hesitantly drew back from the way the other caressed his neck with his lips... his good spots, he remembered them. And looked at Iason in wonder, pondering what he said. Then, seeing the expression on his face, he knew the blondie would never lie about something like this, and forced himself to believe it.
Yet... the fact that he said it so easily pissed him off and instead of saying anything, he grabbed Iason by his top and pushed him back, against the wall, and moved his face into his chest again. "Bastard..." he hissed, his voice shaking though he couldn't possibly understand why he was feeling this emotional. "If you died there then why the hell do you sound so content about it?!" his voice raised again, he then turned to look up at him, anger in his eyes.
"Why... why did you endanger yourself?!" he believed he knew the answer, but. "What happened down there? Why don't I remember it, Iason?!"
Iason blinked, and he was completely awakened to his senses when he was slammed against the wall. Surprisingly, he didn't feel anger, or pain, it was more...realization that Riki wanted him, wanted the answers, wanted the truth, wanted him. He smiled softly to Riki, and leaned back against the wall languidly. He shook his head slowly, and focus a blue gaze on Riki, one that looked cold at first glance, but beneath it was everything he was thinking, every thought of Riki, of their subsequent death.
"Guy," he said softly, realizing that it was the key to everything. "Guy kidnapped you, and..." he sighed, shaking his head. "You wanted me to save him," he murmured softly, before smiling to Riki gently. "I did," and he remained staring at Riki. Nothing about the fact that he had lost his legs, and couldn't go on, or that Riki had returned, and they had shared a final kiss before dying.
It was a complex situation, that he didn't want to think about...he didn't want to explain it all, but here he was, giving out every bit of information to Riki...why? It didn't matter to him, he wouldn't have been able to return to Jupiter anyways...not with it knowing how...devastated he had been that Riki had been kidnapped.
Riki's fingers tensed as he heard that name. He was... kidnapped? Who was this Guy and why couldn't he remember who he was? He looked confused, but finally, he hit upon a decision. If whatever this Guy had done to have brought Iason into such a state of loss that he was being this honest with Riki now, then it must have been something brutal.
And for once, he was almost feeling glad that he couldn't remember.
"Iason.." he had no reason to doubt that what Iason was saying was true, but he didn't like the fact that his thoughts were tampered with. "I don't remember any of this." but as he said those words, he realised he was holding Iason's clothing much more tightly than when he'd begun.
His hands were shaking and before he knew it, he sighed and looked up at him, determination in his dark gaze.
"And I don't want to remember. Whatever happened did this to you... the ring... everything." he sighed and then released Iason, but stood before him, head turned to the side. "The people here say we can't go back. If that's so... then I'd rather that never have happened."
Iason nodded slowly, drinking in Riki's words before he smiled faintly. "I think leaving the past for the past is certainly the best course of action," he murmured softly, leaning in to his pet slowly, pressing his lips against his neck, and savoring the smell, the taste of his skin, the feeling of holding him, standing and Riki was whole again. Completely and utterly whole. He wanted to reach down, make sure that it really was there, place the pet ring precisely where it belonged.
But he wouldn't, unless Riki requested it. Here...was not Amoi. He couldn't force Riki to do what he wanted...and perhaps...it was better this way. Whatever this place had taken from him, it had given him something of a conscience regarding Riki, if not everything else, and it perplexed him, made him want to scream and yell and cry to whomever was running this place that he wanted to figure it out, and that they should tell him what he had lost.
However, if he were to be completely honest...he didn't want to leave. Whatever he had lost wasn't that important, especially if he had regained Riki. Riki and he were alive, and breathing, no Jupiter or Raoul, or anyone to force them into positions. No pet dealings. Just Riki.
Riki stood still, staring at the wall behind Iason's head as the blondie's lips came and pressed against his neck. It was a strangely delightful feeling, and more often than not had caused Riki to go particularly weak in the knees when he was still acting as Iason's pet and under his command.
As much as he hated to admit it.
Almost as an instinctive response, his hand came up to clutch Iason's shoulder... allowing himself to submit to the touch and even tilting his head back a bit. Iason knew his body, but now... he wanted to know Iason's too. He hoped he could, anyway.
"Maybe..." he didn't finish what he was going to say, because then he turned his head and whispered the words past Iason's ear instead. "Maybe this is the afterlife." a soft chuckle escaped his lips, and he whispered the words he'd said back on Amoi, at Dana Bahn as it fell around them, and he would never know that he did. "Not... my style to flirt. But at least I can still curl up beside your feet."
Iason exhaled sharply, and his arms tightened around Riki even quicker, and it was almost enough to break the Blondie. Not enough, thankfully, he couldn't bear the embarrassment if that were to happen. He sighed, and leaned back again, smiling at Riki, very faintly, a lot like they had done before...when they were about to die. "You said that before," he said simply, eyeing his reaction with no more amusement than curiosity.
He couldn't stay separated from him for long, however. He pulled Riki back to him, resting his head in the crook of his darker neck, enjoying the scent. It was always the same, even when he had been a pet, even when he had taken Riki that first time in his living quarters.
It had been terribly...crude of him, but he still found everything about Riki incredibly alluring...almost like a magnet that had pulled him in, and never allowed him to conceivably escape.
He couldn't remember having said that and while this intimacy was awkward, it... certainly felt nice, after a strangely long period without it. Still, Iason kept targeting one of the areas on him that usually had Riki submitting to him unquestioningly, and he sighed softly, partly feeling strange about the action and at the same time, relishing it
"I don't recall." he replied simply, and suppressing a tight gasp, he rest his cheek against the blondie's face, then whispered, "Iason... are you going to fuck me tonight?" he asked. Being a mongrel, he wasn't eloquent in that matter, and he didn't quite care. "I'd... rather not, tonight." letting him that even though he was staying, he wasn't under his command. "Maybe... later, alright?" it was so awkward, but... it had to be said.
Iason shook his head slowly, pulling away from Riki and grasping his shoulders securely. "Its fine, Riki," he mumbled softly, a faint smile lilting across his lips. He didn't mind, as long as Riki was here...as long as Riki was his. Which...he was. Iason couldn't deny that Riki had practically said that he wouldn't run again.
Iason could be satisfied that Riki would at least remain with him.
That was enough for now.