Love/Hate (3/3)
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He ends up calling Spencer an hour later and crying to him on the phone, telling him the whole story. Spencer doesn’t even comment on the fact that Ryan is finally admitting he likes Brendon, he just listens, because that‘s what best friends do.
He doesn’t even know why he’s crying over this. It’s not like he’s in love with the boy. He only just realized that he has feelings for him. It’s just- he and Brendon kind of became close in a really short time, and now he’s scared that he’s lost him as a friend too. And no matter how hard he tries, he can’t stop thinking about that kiss.
* * *
Brendon avoids Ryan at school on Monday, just as Ryan feared he would. The same on Tuesday. And Wednesday. On Thursday, Ryan’s had enough. He corners Brendon when he sees him walking alone in the hallway. He grabs his arm, dragging him around the corner and shoving him against the wall. Brendon looks shocked, to say the least.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Ryan asks angrily. Brendon blinks his wide eyes at him.
“What are you talking about?” he mumbles, playing dumb.
“Stop it, Brendon, you know what the fuck I’m talking about,” he snaps, lowering his voice for the next part. “So what, you kiss me, and then you avoid me like the plague because you’re what, freaking out about your sexuality now?” Brendon opens his mouth but Ryan cuts him off, pouring out all his frustration. “That’s not fucking fair, Brendon. I didn’t even do anything. It’s real simple; if you like guys, you like guys. If you don’t, then you don’t. Don’t make this more complicated by treating me like shit. I thought we were friends?” he asks, some of the hurt seeping into his voice. He stops then, breathing slightly harder and glaring at a guilty-looking Brendon.
“I’m sorry,” Brendon says quietly, looking at the ground. “I didn’t mean to ignore you, really. I just freak out every time I see you,” he explains, stopping and biting his lip before meeting Ryan’s eyes. “You don’t understand, Ryan. I can’t like guys,” he says almost pleadingly. Ryan scoffs.
“I understand that more than anyone, Brendon,” he says condescendingly.
“I just,” Brendon sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve never been attracted to a guy.”
Ryan pauses. “Are you attracted to me?” he asks calmly. Brendon looks at him sheepishly, not giving him an answer, and Ryan is so tired of this gay crisis bullshit.
“For God’s sake,” he huffs, grabbing Brendon by the arm and yanking him across the hall and into the supply closet, shutting and locking the door behind them. He leads Brendon into the back of the room, behind all the shelves, and Brendon looks wary.
“What are you-”
“Shut the fuck up,” Ryan interrupts, pushing Brendon roughly against the wall. Brendon looks kind of scared, like Ryan might hit him. But instead, Ryan moves close to him, into his personal space, placing his hands on the wall on either side of Brendon’s head and staring directly into his eyes. “Are you attracted to me, Brendon?” he asks slowly and suggestively into Brendon’s ear.
“I. I, um,” Brendon stutters, looking nervous with Ryan pressed up against him.
“Do you want me?” Ryan asks huskily, having no idea where all this confidence is coming from. Brendon still isn’t answering, seemingly speechless, but now biting his lip. Ryan smoothes his hand down Brendon’s stomach all the way to his belt, quickly undoing it, along with his pants. He can hear Brendon swallow. He unceremoniously shoves his hand in Brendon’s boxers, smirking when he feels him already hard.
“Seriously, what are you doing?” Brendon whispers gruffly. Ryan doesn’t answer. He just drops to his knees. Brendon stares down at him disbelievingly.
“I’m tired of this sexuality crisis bullshit,” Ryan repeats his earlier thought. He yanks Brendon’s boxers down and wastes no time in flicking his tongue out against the tip, earning a soft sound from Brendon. He keeps eye contact with him while he moves forward, wrapping his lips around the head and sucking. Brendon groans, also not breaking the eye contact. Ryan’s only done this once, but he found out that he has a talent for it. He’s pretty proud.
His tongue swirls around the tip as he sucks, mostly just teasing. He moves down farther, taking in more. He bobs up and down, sliding his hand along with his mouth, and Brendon is practically falling apart above him. If Ryan didn’t know any better, he’d say this is the first blowjob Brendon’s ever had. He pulls off for a second, still lazily stroking with his hand. “You act like you’ve never had a blowjob before,” he says to Brendon teasingly. Brendon shifts his eyes guiltily, and Ryan’s eyes widen. “Seriously?” he asks. Brendon just shrugs, squirming in Ryan’s grasp.
Ryan smirks and takes Brendon’s cock into his mouth again, sliding his mouth down as far as he can this time, until his cock hits the back of his throat. He’s actually really enjoying this, and he kind of feels like a slut, lapping at the tip of Brendon’s cock like the way you eat an ice cream cone. But it’s worth it to hear Brendon making those noises. Every time Ryan flicks his tongue, Brendon whimpers. Ryan sets up a rhythm, sliding his tongue along the underside on his way down, sucking on the way back up, and Brendon just keens.
“Fuck, Ryan,” he manages to choke out between unsteady breaths. He goes to knot his fingers in Ryan’s hair, but stops, his hand just resting there, silently asking permission. Ryan bobs off and looks up at Brendon with dark eyes.
“Go ahead,” he murmurs. “Fucking pull it if you want,” he says roughly, sliding his mouth effortlessly back down Brendon’s shaft, and Brendon moans, obediently tugging Ryan’s soft hair between his fingers and tightening the grip, biting harshly on his lip to keep from being too loud because they are in school.
Ryan closes his eyes and concentrates on making Brendon feel good. He doesn’t even really know why he’s doing this, or what he thinks it’ll change. Ryan really, honestly feels like a porn star because not only is he sucking Brendon’s cock at an alarmingly fast rate, but he’s also being extremely enthusiastic about it. He hums a little, causing Brendon to jerk and swear under his breath. He really didn’t expect him to last this long, but he can tell he’s getting close because the hand in his hair is tightening more and more, and Ryan loves it.
“Ryan,” Brendon whimpers, a hint of desperation in his tone. “Um, you need to-” he cuts himself off, trying to pull Ryan’s head back, but Ryan swats at the hand and just keeps sucking. “Oh, fuck,” Brendon moans, his hips involuntarily jerking forward a little. Ryan brings his mouth to the head of Brendon’s cock, sucking on it and sliding his hand quickly along the shaft, now slick from his mouth. Brendon jerks as he comes in Ryan’s mouth, squeezing his eyes shut. Ryan swallows it all with no problem, wiping his mouth and pulling Brendon’s pants back up. He stands up, painfully hard but not worried about that at the moment. He leans in close to Brendon, a predatory gaze in his eyes as Brendon looks back at him in a post-orgasm haze.
“Now don’t fucking tell me you don’t want me,” Ryan whispers in a sultry tone. He turns around and walks out.
-
When Ryan walks into the band room that day, Spencer looks at him curiously.
“Are you okay?” he asks when Ryan sits next to him.
“I just gave Brendon a blowjob in the supply closet,” Ryan blurts. Spencer face distorts into disgust.
“Ew, dude, I so did not need to hear that!” he says, looking thoroughly scarred. “But also, what the hell happened?”
“Well, I kind of cornered him and demanded to know what was going on and he wouldn’t give me a straight answer so a dragged him into a closet and blew him?” he rushes out, an upward inflection at the end of his sentence. Spencer’s face goes from shocked to more shocked.
“Why?”
“Well, um. I wanted to make him face the fact that he likes guys,” Ryan mutters. “And I could tell by that kiss, Spence, that he liked it. And he definitely liked what I just did for him,” he adds with a cheeky smile. Spencer shudders.
“Okay, no more details, please,” Spencer pleads.
“I hope I didn’t just make things worse,” Ryan worries.
“I can’t believe you did that at school,” Spencer says incredulously.
“It was really awesome,” Ryan says, grinning stupidly again.
“But how was it awesome for you? You didn’t get anything out of it,” Spencer scrunches his eyebrows together. Ryan laughs loudly.
“Oh, Spencer. Your innocence amuses me,” he jokes. “It was awesome for me because I liked doing it,” Ryan informs him.
“Okay, time to change the subject.”
* * *
“Ryan!” someone calls. Ryan and Spencer turn around from where they’re walking home. Brendon runs up to them, clearing his throat awkwardly. Ryan suddenly feels shy, his face turning red when he remembers what he did earlier.
“Hey,” he says coolly. Brendon bites his already raw lip and looks up at Ryan.
“Can I talk to you?” he asks quietly. They both look at Spencer.
“I can tell when I’m not wanted,” he jokes, giving them a smile and continuing his walk home, leaving an awkward Brendon and a shy Ryan.
“So?” Ryan asks.
“So, um. I’m sorry. For acting stupid these past few days. And for running out on you the other day. It’s just- I freaked, okay? I don’t know how to feel about this,” he says tiredly, like he’s already given it a lot of thought.
“Are you only saying this because I sucked your dick and you think you can get some from me now?” Ryan asks bluntly, and Brendon’s eyes widen.
“Wh- no!” Brendon denies, shaking his head profusely. “Ryan, no, I swear. I mean, I’ll admit, that’s what made me realize that I, um. That I… like you. I mean, I knew I liked you. But that made me realize that I was being stupid and that I really, really want you,” he finishes, somewhat flustered. Ryan smiles a little despite himself.
“You’re really cute when you’re frustrated,” Ryan laughs. Brendon seems to relax a bit, allowing himself to smile.
“Does that mean I’m forgiven?”
“Yeah,” Ryan nods. “But what about your friends? I doubt you’ll be telling them about your… newfound interest,” he articulates, raising a playful eyebrow.
Brendon shrugs. “I’ll worry about that when I have to. What I really wanted to ask is if you wanna go to the drive-in with me tomorrow after the game,” he says shyly. Ryan’s insides get all warm and fuzzy.
“The drive-in? You know that’s just an excuse for people to make out in cars,” he teases.
“Well I happen to be a respectable date,” Brendon argues.
Ryan scoffs, “Yeah, you were really respectable in that closet today.” Brendon flushes about five different shades of pink.
“I never had the chance to tell you, by the way, that was- it was pretty much the best thing to ever happen to me ever, and it was also my first sexual experience, so,” he coughs. Ryan’s smile falls off his face.
“Fuck, I- I didn’t think. I’m sorry, Bren,” he apologizes. “I probably ruined it for you. I didn’t know-” Ryan is cut off by Brendon’s lips on his, and it’s as perfect as it was a week ago.
“It was really fucking hot,” he whispers against Ryan’s cheek. “The way you took control like that. It was such a fucking turn on, Ryan.” Ryan smiles, kissing Brendon again and biting on his lip, the one that’s already been bitten raw because of the way Ryan was making him feel. Ryan made him do that.
They eventually break apart, breathing hard. “Wanna come to my place?” Brendon asks.
“Yeah,” Ryan smiles. “I’ve been wanting to see it anyway.”
-
“Wow,” Ryan says, impressed. Brendon’s house is that really, really nice one that’s on his road that he’s always wondered about who lived there. It’s brick, but the dark colored, stone-like bricks. It has two stories and a million rooms. Brendon leads Ryan to his bedroom, which is in the basement. Which is soundproof. Ryan likes that little fact.
Brendon’s room is simple enough, except for the keyboard and three guitars lying around. Ryan has a guitar, but he’s usually too busy with band to play it much.
“I didn’t know you could play,” he says, gesturing to the instruments.
“Yeah,” Brendon shrugs sheepishly.
“Play me something,” Ryan suddenly demands, pointing at the keyboard. Brendon seems hesitant but takes a seat on the little bench, patting the other side for Ryan to sit on. Once he does, Brendon places his fingers on the keys and starts to play. He’s good. Really good. Ryan is almost positive that the song he’s playing is an original one, and it’s beautiful. He watches Brendon’s fingers gliding gracefully across the keys, mesmerized.
“Brendon,” Ryan breathes. “You’re amazing.” He’s not just talking about the piano playing either. Brendon stops playing and looks over at him.
“You know, I think I could fall in love with you, Ryan Ross,” he says softly.
Ryan decides right then and there that he is going to make Brendon Urie his forever.
* * *
“Ow, you elbowed me.”
“Well maybe if you moved your foot.”
“Just, here- yeah, like that. That’s better,” Ryan says, lying down in Brendon’s backseat with Brendon on top of him. They’re at the drive-in, and like Ryan predicted, all they’ve done is made out. Brendon’s car isn’t even on. They only hear the movie from everyone else’s radios.
“Hey,” Brendon says breathily. Ryan hums against his neck. “I want to, um. What you did for me yesterday. I want to.” Ryan stops and looks up at him.
“What, now? Here?” he asks dubiously. Brendon nods, grinning.
“My windows are tinted, it’s dark, it’s loud. Nobody will know,” he whispers sensually. Ryan shudders. He can’t help it. He bites his lip with want, nodding fast while Brendon starts to undo Ryan’s pants.
“It’s probably going to be bad. Because you know, I’ve never done anything. But maybe I’ll get better eventually, you know if-” Ryan clamps a hand over Brendon’s mouth, stopping his rambling.
“Brendon, shut up and kiss me now,” he breathes. Brendon happily obliges, leaning down to catch Ryan’s lips with his. Ryan successfully slides his tongue into Brendon’s mouth, causing Brendon to jump. Ryan giggles and pulls away.
“You know, I figured that since you’re the captain of the football team and all that you’d be experienced, but you’re like, virgin everything. You aren’t even used to having someone’s tongue in your mouth,” he laughs. Brendon swats at his arm, pouting.
“Try it again,” he urges, and Ryan smiles, leaning forward and licking his way into Brendon’s mouth again. He’s completely taken by surprise when Brendon starts sucking on his tongue, which is why an unexpected moan escapes him.
“Mmm, I think I like your tongue being in my mouth, as weird as the thought of it is,” Brendon muses. Ryan lets out another helpless giggle, smiling adoringly up at Brendon.
“You’re really adorable,” he informs him. Brendon smiles before remembering what he wanted to do in the first place, trailing his hand down Ryan’s leg and back up again, stopping on his halfway undone pants.
“You know you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to,” he whispers to Brendon.
“Trust me, I want to,” he replies, before leaning down next to Ryan’s ear. “I wanna know what you taste like,” he murmurs seductively, and Ryan could almost come in his pants just from hearing that.
Brendon tugs Ryan’s pants down halfway before leaning down and mouthing at his boxers, where he’s already half-hard. Ryan’s breath hitches just a bit, surprised that Brendon is so confident.
“So, do I just…?” Brendon trails off, looking up at Ryan with those big eyes.
“Just- start out small, get used to it. Don’t try to take it all at once, or you’ll choke yourself,” he laughs. Brendon bites down on his lip, going from innocent to sexy and determined in a matter of seconds. He pulls down Ryan’s boxers, and Ryan wills himself not to be too self-conscious, being exposed like this.
Brendon licks tentatively at the head a few times, Ryan biting his lip harder each time.
He seems to grow more confident, putting his mouth around Ryan’s cock and sucking experimentally. Ryan makes a lusty ‘oh’ sound, because Brendon’s lips were clearly made for this. He sucks harder, taking a little more and wrapping his hand around the base. Ryan feels so nervous doing this in public again, but it makes it so much hotter.
Brendon hums very enthusiastically around Ryan’s cock, causing Ryan to let out a slight moan.
Brendon bobs up and down as fast as he can manage, sometimes gagging a little when he goes down too far. He removes his mouth, earning a whimper from Ryan, to murmur, “Am I doing it right?” Ryan tangles a hand in Brendon’s hair, stroking one finger down the side of his face.
“You’re doing great,” he replies breathlessly. Brendon smiles, going back down on him and really sucking hard this time. Ryan honestly didn’t expect him to be this good the first time. It takes all the strength he has to keep from thrusting up into the wet, perfect heat of Brendon’s mouth. Brendon rubs his tongue along the tip of Ryan’s cock, circling it just right.
“Oh, God,” Ryan moans, holding onto Brendon’s hair, trying not to pull too hard. “Just like that,” he mumbles almost incoherently. “Fuck, yeah, just like that, baby,” he moans. Brendon takes him deeper, feeling accomplished, and Ryan starts desperately tugging on his hair, trying to somehow warn him because he can’t get any words out of his mouth besides, ‘yeah,’ and ‘fuck.’ Brendon pulls off just as Ryan comes, some of it getting in his mouth. He wraps his hand around Ryan’s cock, and Ryan thrusts up into his fist slowly, riding out his orgasm. Brendon is staring in awe, watching Ryan’s face screw up with pleasure, his bottom lip between his teeth and his eyes shut tight. Ryan stops, breathing hard, and takes one look at Brendon’s eager face before pulling him up and kissing him hard and deep, probably the most passion he’s ever put into a kiss, but Brendon fucking deserves it.
When he pulls back, Brendon smiles this soft, small smile that makes Ryan want to just hold him. “That wasn’t too bad,” Brendon laughs.
“I loved doing it for you. I kind of felt like a slut,” Ryan giggles.
“I have a slut for a boyfriend,” Brendon laughs, then stops when he realizes what he said. Boyfriend. “I mean- um.”
“Well…is that what you want?” Ryan asks, almost afraid of the answer. Brendon considers it for a minute, glancing nervously between his hands and Ryan.
“Kind of,” he whispers. “But I’m scared.” Ryan pulls his pants back up and then takes Brendon’s hand, rubbing it against his own cheek.
“Don’t be scared. I’m right here,” he smiles softly. Brendon immediately smiles back.
“I want you, I really do. But if I’m not immediately ready to tell everyone, you have to be okay with that,” he insists. Ryan pulls Brendon close to him, nuzzling his neck.
“I understand. You’re not ready for everyone to know.”
“So, you still want to be with me even if it’s a secret?” Brendon worries.
“Well, as long as I get to call you my boyfriend,” Ryan smiles, then adds, “And as long as I can tell Spence.” Brendon hesitates at that. “He’s my best friend, Bren. He won’t say a word. Plus, he really likes you.”
Brendon lingers for a moment longer. “Deal,” he finally smiles. Ryan grins, meeting him for a soft kiss and thinking that he’s never been happier.
* * *
“No way,” Spencer says, a huge grin forming on his face.
“Yep,” Ryan beams. “It’s official. We’re together. But you can’t tell anyone, Spence, I’m serious,” he says seriously.
“Of course not,” Spencer agrees. “I’m just really happy for you,” he laughs somewhat dazedly. “Wow. Brendon Urie, of all people,” he shakes his head. They make their way toward the band room, laughing and chatting along the way. When they open the door, they’re shocked to see that not only are Pete and Patrick both in there, but they’re making out against the wall. Ryan’s mouth drops open and he hears Spencer’s disbelieving laugh from beside him. Patrick’s head snaps up, his gaze focusing on the two and his face going pink. Pete is just staring at Patrick with heart eyes, not concerned in the least about their little audience.
“Um, let’s go in here,” Patrick mumbles to Pete, pulling him into an empty room and shutting the door, the click of the lock being heard a second later.
Ryan and Spencer burst into laugher.
* * *
Ryan sits in the bleachers watching his boyfriend - he nearly squeals at just the thought of it - on the field below. It’s the last game of the championship, and Brendon was really excited for it. They rode together here and made out in Brendon’s car for a good ten minutes before he got paranoid that someone would walk by and see. One week of them being officially together and Ryan feels like he’s died and gone to heaven. It’s weird to think that a month ago he was sitting in this same spot and thinking about how much he hated Brendon Urie, and now he’s dating him.
Brendon makes a touchdown and Ryan jumps up and cheers for him. He has to admit, the games are much more fun when he has a reason to watch them. Spencer laughs beside him, but cheers as well. Ryan wraps his scarf tighter around his neck- it’s ridiculously cold out, and his fingerless gloves don’t really help much, as Spencer so graciously pointed out.
Their team actually ends up winning the championship, which Ryan didn’t really expect, but he’s happy for Brendon nonetheless. He runs down the bleachers, Spencer on his tail, and waits for Brendon by the fence. When he walks out, he has a huge grin on his face, his features lighting up even more when his eyes land on Ryan.
“Congratulations!” Ryan yells, smiling so wide his cheeks are starting to hurt. “You did so great,” he praises. Before Ryan knows what’s happening, he’s being pulled in for a crushing hug and there are lips on his. He’s completely shocked, because Brendon just said a week ago that he wasn’t ready for people to know. They still have a whole semester of school left to get through. But that’s definitely Brendon holding him tight and moving his warm, soft lips against Ryan’s. Ryan can hear Spencer’s shocked laugh from behind him, as well as a few gasps and catcalls, and he really just doesn’t care because Brendon is kissing him like he’s the only thing in the world, and that’s really the best feeling.
They pull back after what seems like an eternity, smiling stupidly at each other and not paying any attention whatsoever to the shocked looks Brendon’s teammates are sending them.
Brendon grabs Ryan’s hand, pulling him through the crowd of football players, yelling, “I like boys and Ryan Ross is my boyfriend so fuck you guys.” Nobody says a word as they make their way out to the parking lot. They stop, leaning against Brendon’s car, and Ryan is so happy.
“You’re crazy, you know that?” he says, affectionately nuzzling Brendon’s neck like he likes to do, placing small kisses and bites here and there. “But I kind of don’t know what I’d do without you,” Ryan says. Brendon trails a finger down Ryan’s face, kissing him softly on the lips.
“Yeah, I think I could definitely fall in love with you.”
End.