Something Worth Living For - Chapter 4
Author: ericasaur
Rating: Undecided- PG-13 for now.
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
POV: 1st, Switches for this chapter.
Summary: Brendon hates his life. Ryan does too, only Brendon doesn’t know that. What he does know is that something is wrong with Ryan Ross, and he’s determined to find out what that is.
Disclaimer: Fiction.
Beta: were_so_starvin
Author’s Notes: At the bottom.
Chapter Four
*Ryan’s POV*
As I’m running down the street I keep throwing frantic glances at my watch, cringing more every time another minute passes. I’m so fucking stupid. I forgot to set an alarm last night at Brendon’s, and now I’m going to be late getting home. I knew I should never have gone to his house. I knew nothing good would have come of it.
It’s too late now, though. I’m already twenty minutes late and my heart is already racing because I know what’s going to happen.
I finally round the corner of my street, determinedly not thinking of what Brendon is going to think when he wakes up to find that I left without saying a word. By the time I’m near my house, I’m panting and sweaty, leaning my hands on my knees and trying to catch my breath. Once my breathing isn’t quite so harsh anymore, I stand up straight and slowly walk up to my front door, no matter how much I’d rather turn around and go somewhere else, anywhere else, as long as it isn’t anywhere near here.
It starts as soon as I close the door behind me.
“Where the fuck were you?” my dad is suddenly in my face, his tall, broad form looming over me. “You know, I’m nice enough to agree to let you go to a friend’s house, and you can’t even be home in time when it was the only fucking thing you had to do,” he yells, frighteningly loud. I can’t help it when I shrink back into the wall; it’s a reflex. Of course this only makes him angrier.
“You really can’t do anything right,” he laughs incredulously, looking at me like I’m the most unintelligent person he’s ever known. “You’re so fucking worthless,” he smiles. But it isn’t a friendly smile, it’s a bitter one.
“I’m sor-”
“Don’t fucking give me that ‘I’m sorry’ shit.” He’s now crowding me against the wall, and a whimper escapes me despite my inner protests. “Even though you know you’re going to get punished, you disobey me anyway,” he breathes into my face, and I cringe because of the alcohol on his breath. “Do you do it on purpose, Ryan?” he asks condescendingly. “Do you like being punished? Is that it?” I can feel the tears welling up, and I try so fucking hard to keep them from spilling out, but I can’t stop them. All I can do is shake my head. “Well then I don’t know why you keep putting yourself in this situation. You’d think after all these years you would have learned your lesson. But you’re still an unappreciative, unwanted burden.” He grabs my collar, yanking me off the wall and leading me to my own personal hell.
*Brendon’s POV*
“Get up, sunshine!” an annoyingly bright voice radiates through my brain, effectively yanking me from my peaceful sleep.
“Mmph,” is the unidentifiable sound that comes from my mouth. I roll over and snuggle farther into my pillow, but then someone starts repetitively poking my side. “Go away,” I groan, swatting at the hand. The poking is persistent, and I roll back over to blink up at a blurry-looking Jayda. I glare at her. “Go away,” I repeat.
“Where’s Ryan?” she ignores me. I turn my head to look at the other side of my bed, which is empty and made up. I sit up, rubbing at my eyes.
“He’s not here?” I ask, reaching for my glasses on the nightstand. She shakes her head. “Why would he just leave like that?” I mumble, mostly talking to myself.
“He slept in your bed,” Jayda comments.
“How do you know?” I ask, gesturing to the made up side of the bed.
“Because I came in here last night to make sure he was okay and you were both already asleep,” she smiles. I feel my face getting hot but I just shrug it off.
“He refused to let me sleep on the couch,” I explain. She nods along, but that smirk doesn’t leave her face. “What?” I ask, not exactly managing to keep the irritation out of my tone.
“Oh, nothing,” she says airily, sitting down at the foot of my bed. “It’s just; you sure have taken quite a liking to him.” She slowly raises an eyebrow.
“Not- not like that,” I stutter. And that’s weird, I don’t really stutter, like ever.
“Keep telling yourself that, Bren,” she pats my hand.
“That’s like. That’s like- okay fine then, you and Spencer share a bed sometimes, you’re obviously in love with him,” I mock her, rolling my eyes. She doesn’t even flinch.
“Don’t try to change the subject,” she grins. “You like him.” I sit there, gaping at her while she hops up and skips out of my room.
I don’t like Ryan. That’s just- that’s completely absurd. I still hardly know him; we’ve only just become actual friends. Jayda’s insane.
But I am confused as to why he left before nine in the morning without even saying anything, so I grab my phone and send him a text before getting up, stretching my limbs, and heading into the bathroom.
When I go into the kitchen, I’m surprised to see that my mom is home from work- and making pancakes at that.
“Hey, Mom,” I greet, my tone conveying my surprise well enough. She turns around, smiling warmly at me.
“Hey, sweetie. Did you have a good night?” she asks after hugging me. I chew on my lip, thinking about Ryan’s panic attack and then how the night took a complete one-eighty and ended with me laughing at a sniffly Ryan while we watched Titanic. I involuntarily smile a little at the thought.
“Yeah. My friend stayed the night,” I reply.
“Yeah? A new friend?” she asks, glancing at me from where she’s pouring pancake batter into the pan.
“Yeah. His name’s Ryan,” I inform her. “He’s new this year, and he didn’t know anyone, so….” I trail off.
“What’s he like?” she asks. One thing I can say about my mother is that she is always genuinely interested in my life, and she wants to know everything. A lot of kids might find that annoying, but I like telling her these things, especially since I don’t see her that often, so it’s good that when she is home she makes an effort to have actual conversations with us.
“Well,” I breathe out a puff of air, leaning against the counter and watching her cook, “he’s really shy; quiet. He’s kind of extremely antisocial, and it’s just-” I break off, wondering if I should tell her what’s been worrying me.
“What is it?” she encourages me.
“Well, I can’t put my finger on it, but… there’s something off about him. He doesn’t- he doesn’t know about a lot of things that everybody knows about. Like, he didn’t know what an iPod was, or the Titanic, or about the World Trade Center,” I list, shaking my head confusedly. “I don’t understand,” I stress.
“What else do you know about him?” she questions, looking a little more invested into the conversation now.
“He had never gone to public school before our school. He’s been home-schooled all his life.”
“Well, maybe that’s why,” my mom shrugs. “Maybe his parents didn’t teach him those things." I shake my head, somehow sure that that’s not all there is to it.
“No. Can you name one person in this world that you know that doesn’t know what an iPod is?” I ask her skeptically. She smiles slightly.
“I guess not,” she agrees.
“And the World Trade Center? Mom, everybody knows about that.”
“That is really… odd,” she decides, scrunching her eyebrows.
“I know,” I sigh. “I just… wish I knew what’s wrong.”
*
When I’m in my room later, reading- and compulsively checking my phone only to see every time that Ryan still hasn’t replied to me- I hear a squeal coming from Jayda’s room. She and Spencer obviously know that I’m in a bad mood because they haven’t bothered me all day. I can’t help but let the curiosity get the better of me though, when I hear Jayda squealing a very un-Jayda-like squeal. So I get up and pad through the hallway to her room, pushing the door open to reveal Spencer lying on the bed laughing and my sister jumping up and down like a moron. When I clear my throat, announcing my arrival, she turns to me, grinning like an idiot.
“William asked me to go out with him tonight!” she nearly screams into my ear. I cringe back, looking at Spencer in a way that suggests that Jayda is clearly insane.
“That’s great,” I drawl, “but if you do with him what I did with him the first time we went out, I will beat your ass,” I warn her.
“Oh, please,” she scoffs. “We’re the same age, Brendon, it’s not like you have any authority over me. Why are you allowed to when I’m not?” she asks, seemingly not that concerned because I can tell all she’s thinking about is her date tonight with the way her face is twitching to let that smile take over again.
“You’re still my sister,” I remind her.
“You’re still gay,” she retorts immaturely.
“Hey, he likes the ladies too,” Spencer defends me, and I shrug in agreement.
“Whatever,” Jayda says, making her way to her closet. “Spence, come help me choose an outfit.” Spencer obediently follows her to her closet, and I watch as he hums in approval at some choices and makes various sounds of disgust at others. I’m amused at how whipped she’s got him.
By the time she does choose an outfit it’s nearly time for William to be here, because he’s apparently picking her up for a movie or something. I’m just lying on the couch in the living room with my mom, watching TV, although I don’t know what show she’s watching. I’m not really paying attention to it.
The buzzer for our apartment goes off, and unfortunately my mother makes me get it. I walk over to the door with a sigh, holding down the button and talking into the intercom. “Hello?” I ask lazily.
“Hey, it’s William,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. I don’t reply, I just buzz him in. When he knocks on the door I open it with a blank face.
“Brendon,” he greets with a smirk. I raise my eyebrows with a bored expression.
“William,” I say flatly. We just kind of stare at each other until Jayda comes bounding up, wearing more makeup than usual and smiling brightly.
“Hi,” she greets cheerfully.
“Ready?” he asks, smiling down at her. He’s so much taller than her that it’s kind of funny. She’s only five feet, and he’s gotta be at least 6’3.
“Yep,” she replies, calling bye to our mother and shooting me a look that clearly says, ‘it’s none of your business what I do,’ before leaving. I return to the living room to find that Spencer has stolen my seat and is now in deep conversation with my mom about the love affair going on between two of the characters on the show and how it’s completely scandalous. I shake my head as I go to my room, wondering if Spencer’s own mother even remembers what he looks like by now.
*
The following week, William is suddenly like Jayda’s shadow. He walks her to her- meaning our- classes, he sits with us at lunch, and he’s at our place a lot more than I’d like him to be. I don’t have a problem with him, but it’s just weird. My sister is kinda-sorta dating a guy that I hooked up with last year. And the part that surprises me the most is that he actually seems to genuinely like her. Not that she isn’t likeable, she definitely is, but William usually doesn’t date people, he just… well, hooks up with them without any sort of pretense.
I walk toward the lunch table but stop in my tracks when I see the two of them making out at the table. I’d really rather not watch that so with a look of utter disgust, I make my way back into the building and opt for eating my apple sitting in the hallway instead.
It’s interesting to watch people when they don’t think they’re being watched; that way, you see how they truly act. Like for example, Jennifer Brown constantly flirts with her best friend Lauren’s boyfriend, Brad, every time Lauren isn’t around. She plays the faithful best friend role until she’s alone with him. It’s blatantly obvious if you’re actually paying attention. That’s a perk of watching rather than interacting; you know things.
I could break up half the couples in this school with all the things I know, but I won’t, because one, it’s not my business, and two- and more importantly -that would take away a lot of my entertainment. Although, it would be pretty entertaining to see about fifty breakups take place at once.
When you’re alone you kind of hate every single couple in existence.
I’m watching Michael Doski pick his nose while he thinks nobody is looking when my view is blocked by a pair of long, slender legs. My eyes trail up the legs; up, up until I reach narrow hips, sharp hipbones visible where the tight shirt doesn’t quite reach the waistband of the pants. I swallow and skim up the lean stomach, fabric stretched tight so that every muscle and curve is visible, up the pale neck, soft-looking lips slightly curved upward, round nose, and finally landing on caramel eyes.
I inwardly kick myself when I realize a second too late that I was just checking him out.
And since it took me half a minute for my gaze to finally reach his face, I’m pretty sure he noticed too.
“There you are,” he smiles, gracefully sliding to the floor in front of me, folding his long legs together. He scoots closer to me in order to get out of the way of students walking down the hall, causing both of our knees to touch. He’s ridiculously close to me, and I usually don’t pay any attention to things like that.
“Why’d you leave the other day?” I blurt suddenly. I’ve been wanting to ask him all week, but I never got around to it. His smile falters for half a second before it’s back, but I notice it.
“I just had to be home on time,” he shrugs. I know he’s not telling me the whole truth. I don’t know how I can tell, but every time I ask him anything to do with his personal life, he gets this weird expression, one that I can’t place, and I just know there’s more to the story that he isn’t telling me.
“Why would you have to be home that early?” I ask nonchalantly. I don’t want it to seem like I’m prying, which is exactly what I’m doing. He looks slightly uncomfortable now.
“I just, um. We had this- this thing to, um, to go to.” He’s lying. I can tell. That was complete bullshit and I know it. But I know that if I confront him about it right now he’ll just get upset, or angry. Or maybe it would even cause another panic attack, and I definitely don’t want that to happen again.
So instead I just nod and fake a smile. He seems to look awkward for the next few moments, shifting his eyes around at everything but me. He eventually clears his throat and puts on another smile. “So, why are you eating here?” he asks with a tilt to his head. I can feel the annoyance pouring back into my face.
“Jayda and William,” I scowl. He immediately smiles, that secretive one that makes it look like he knows something I don’t. I don’t know how I feel about that smile.
“What?” I say kind of on the defense.
“Is it because, um- are you… are you jealous?” he asks carefully, like he’s afraid I’m going to yell at him, but that little smile is still there.
“Jealous?” I scoff indignantly. “Jealous of what exactly?” I’m guessing he means jealous that my sister is in a sorta-relationship and I have nobody.
“Um,” he mumbles, his smile sort of falling off altogether. “I meant jealous because of William,” he says quietly. Wait, he can’t possibly think that I want William. That’s ridiculous.
A sort of hysterical laugh escapes my lips. “You don’t seriously think I want William,” I repeat my thoughts to him. He looks a bit embarrassed, but shrugs anyway.
“You don’t still have feelings for him?” he asks, skepticism dripping from his words. I feel my disbelieving smile grow wider.
“I’m not sure I ever had feelings for him,” I laugh again. “We just hooked up. It was nothing,” I assure him, and I’m not lying. William’s not exactly the relationship type, which is why I’m surprised he’s so interested in Jayda. Ryan’s smile reappears back on his face.
“Oh,” he hums. “Then why do you hate being around the two of them so much?”
“Because I don’t want to see my sister make out with anyone, let alone a guy that I’ve hooked up with,” I say like it should be obvious, which I had assumed it was.
“I guess that makes sense,” he says, leaning back with his hands on the floor behind him. “But you can’t ignore them forever,” he reminds me.
“Yeah, I know,” I sigh, leaning heavily against the lockers behind me. “God, I’m exhausted today,” I groan, covering my face with my hands.
“Just two more classes,” he says with a sympathetic smile, pulling my hands away from my face. He notices the half-eaten apple in my hand and frowns. “You only ate an apple for lunch?”
“I’m not really hungry,” I reply.
“You really don’t feel good today, huh?” he asks seriously now. I just shake my head pathetically in response. Ryan opens his mouth but gets cut off.
“There you guys are,” Jayda smiles, standing over us with William at her side, of course. He’s eyeing Ryan warily.
“You’re that weird new kid,” he muses. I shoot him a glare, immediately feeling the need to defend Ryan. Jayda smacks his arm.
“Hey,” she mumbles, sending him a glare of her own. He doesn’t look phased.
“A lot of people say you don’t talk. What’s wrong with you?” he laughs, and it's not exactly a friendly one.
“Um,” Ryan swallows, and I can see his cheeks tinting pink.
“Leave him alone,” I warn William. He raises his eyebrows at me.
“He your new boyfriend?” he grins. Now it’s my turn to blush. “He looks like your type,” he nods, giving Ryan a once-over.
“William,” Jayda warns. He just keeps smiling though, like this is all a big joke.
“I heard you freak out if anyone tries to touch you,” he laughs cruelly. “What’s wrong with you, seriously?” he repeats.
“Leave him the fuck alone,” I say angrily, just about to stand up, but I don’t have to.
“William,” Jayda interjects calmly. “Ryan is my friend. One of my best friends now, and if you don’t leave him alone, I swear to God I will dump your ass right the fuck now,” she says seriously, her voice never wavering. William’s face is priceless; wide-eyed and mouth opening and closing like a fish.
“I- I’m sorry, babe, I was just kidding,” he assures her, reaching for her hand, but she yanks it away.
“Apologize to him, not to me,” she gestures to Ryan, who is looking at Jayda with something like endearment, along with some definite trust. William turns to Ryan, visibly struggling to be nice, and puts a charming smile on his face.
“I’m sorry,” he says politely. “I was just kidding around.”
Ryan shrugs, “That’s okay,” and looks to the ground. I feel my eyebrows crease, but out of sadness rather than confusion this time. He shouldn't just be okay with being treated that way.
“Good,” Jayda says, now taking William’s hand. “I’ll see you two in seventh period,” she smiles, walking away. Ryan blinks.
“Nobody’s ever taken up for me like that,” he says, sounding kind of astonished. “Thanks,” he smiles.
“It was mostly Jayda,” I wave him off, but with a smile nonetheless.
“Thanks,” he repeats, giving me a firm look until I crack. I laugh, feeling something close to adoration when I look at him.
“Anytime.”
*
I don’t even make it to my bed when I get home, I just collapse on the couch in the living room, earning an amused look from my mom. “Tough day?” she asks, and I can hear the smile in her voice.
“You could say that,” I answer. My voice sounds like it’s been run into the ground.
“Where’s your sister?”
“With William,” I roll my eyes. “He’s such an ass,” I add as an afterthought, and my mom laughs.
“You don’t think he’s bad for her, right?” she asks, sounding a bit more serious now. I think about it. Of course William can be kind of a jerk, but he isn’t a bad person, not really. He seems to really care about her, and who knows? Maybe she could change him. Girls always do like to change guys, or so I’ve heard.
“Nah, he’s not that bad, really,” I finally decide. “Plus, if he ever did anything to hurt her, she’s not stupid enough to take it.” That’s something I’m one-hundred percent sure of. Jayda’s tough; she doesn’t let anyone control her life, other than our mom to an extent.
“What about you? Found anyone interesting this year?” she asks, taking on a lighter tone again.
“Yeah,” I answer without thinking. And then I kind of freeze, because I have no idea why I said that.
“Yeah? Who?”
“Um, I mean no. I just said that without thinking,” I correct myself. I look over at her and she has that same smile that Ryan always has; the secretive one.
“Usually the things we say without having to think about them are the things we’re most sure of,” she informs me. I can see the lines in her face from smiling so much over the years. My mother has aged well, I think. She doesn’t have many wrinkles and her hair is still soft and shiny. Her skin is still smooth and pale, just like Jayda and I. We kind of both look exactly like her. It’s a bit freaky seeing the three of us together. If our mother were our age, I swear we’d look like triplets.
“I….” I trail off, having no idea what to say to that, pulling my thoughts back to her previous statement. I just said 'yeah' without thinking twice about it. I just...
Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something.
Chapter 5
*
A/N: This is a day late, I know, I’m sorry. But hey, I’m doing way better than I did with TOTINE, right? :b Leave comments! <3