The One Thing I Never Expected - Chapter 13
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Ryan/Brendon (Gabilliam, tiny tinyy bit of Joncer)
POV: 1st, Brendon's
Summary: Ryan is Brendon's best friend, they grew up together. But Ryan is different. An accident when he was a child left him deaf. Brendon has always taken care of Ryan, but now he's starting to care for Ryan in a different way...
Disclaimer: Fiction, I own nothing. It's not real.
Author’s Note: I don’t think anyone has been reading these, and they’re kind of important if you want information about the story, so starting now, I’m going to put them at the bottom.
Masterpost
Chapter 13
“What do you mean?” I whisper against Ryan’s hair. His face is buried in my neck. He’s still sobbing and shaking. My mom is covering her mouth with her hand, the beginnings of tears starting to form in her eyes.
“She’s d-dead. She’s gone, Brendon,” he sobs. His grip on my shirt tightens.
“What happened?” I hear my mom ask. Her voice sounds shaky.
“I-I don’t know. I just,” he pauses to take a deep breath, but his voice is still shaky. “I walked in, and…and she was just on the floor next to the door. She wasn’t breathing, and she didn’t have a p-pulse,” he chokes out, the tears still flowing. “I called an ambulance, but I couldn’t stay there, I. I needed you, Bren, I’m sorry,” he sobs. I just hold him tighter.
“No, no, why are you sorry? It’s okay, shh,” I mumble soothingly. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be alright, I’m here.” I keep repeating calming words in his ear, rocking him back and forth. He’s just slumped against me on the couch.
“I’m going to go to your house to wait for the ambulance, alright honey? You just stay here with Brendon,” my mom says calmly, but I know she’s just trying to stay composed for Ryan’s sake. She looks like she’s close to breaking down any second now, and she probably will the minute she’s out of sight. I just nod and pull Ryan into my lap. My mom runs out and I hear the car start a second later, just as I start to hear sirens in the distance.
“I was such a horrible son to her, and now she’s gone,” Ryan whimpers. I pull back to look at him incredulously.
“What are you talking about? You were never anything but perfect to your mom.”
“No,” he shakes his head. “I never spent time with her. I hardly ever even stayed at home. I took so much for granted. I spent every second I had with you, and I love you, you know that, but I should have spent more time with her.”
“Ryan, no. Okay, do you remember that time your mom took us to Disney World? And she took a thousand pictures? And then she said that she would take us on a trip every year from then on. And she did. We went to the zoo, the aquarium, the circus, all kinds of places. And then you started staying at my house all the time. You said the same thing before, remember? You said you felt bad for not seeing your mom as much, and then you threw her a surprise party for her birthday and told her you were sorry for not being around, and she was so happy. She cried. She told you that she loved you and that she wanted you to be happy. She said that she was the one who felt bad for taking on extra shifts at work, and you both just had a big cry-fest,” I laugh a little, and I see a small smile form on his lips. “She loved you, Ryan,” I finish with a sad smile.
“Brendon, what am I supposed to do now? What do I do?” he cries.
“Shh, don’t worry about that right now. We’ll deal with everything later,” I kiss him on the forehead and rub circles into his back.
“I don’t have a family anymore. She was all I had left. I’m all alone,” he says sadly as fresh tears fall down his face.
“Of course you have a family. Mom and I, we’ve always been your family. You’ve never been alone.” I wipe the tears from his face and smooth his hair back. “You’ll always have me, baby.” He buries his head in my chest and continues to cry.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed. You need to sleep,” I say quietly. He just nods and lets me lead him upstairs and to my room. I guide him over to the bed and crawl in next to him. “Just sleep, okay?” I whisper. I wrap my arms around him from behind him and place a kiss on his neck. He puts his hand over mine and laces our fingers together. I listen to him cry for a few minutes, muttering soothing words, until I finally hear his breathing even out. Carefully, I untangle myself from him and go back downstairs.
Really, I’m just as wrecked as Ryan is, but I had to hold it together for him. If I fell apart right in front of him, it would have only made things so much worse. I have to be strong for him right now.
I sit back down on my spot on the couch, and I finally let out the tears that I’d been forcing myself to hold back. I cry and cry until I can’t cry anymore, and I don’t even know how long I’ve been sitting here. I hear the door at some point, and then my mom walks in. I can tell she’s been crying as well. Her eyes are red and her face is tear-stained.
“So?” I ask quietly, my voice hoarse.
“Um, they asked some questions, and I told them what Ryan told me. They wanted to talk to him, but I told them that he wasn’t in any condition for that right now. They, um. They took her to the hospital for the autopsy. There wasn’t any blood or anything, so…” she trails off. I just nod slowly. My mom comes over to the couch and sits beside me. She puts her hand on my knee, and then she looks at me with sad eyes. I can’t take it anymore and I collapse onto her, both of us crying again. Julie was like a second mother to me. She raised me just as much as my own mother did. I feel like I’ve lost a parent. And she was my mom’s best friend, just as long as Ryan and I have been friends. This is hard on everyone.
“Why did this have to happen?” I sob into her shoulder. She hugs me tight.
“I don’t know, sweetie,” she whispers. “But we’ll be okay. We will.”
***
The next morning isn’t any easier. Actually, it’s afternoon, because we slept in. It was much-needed sleep for all of us. Ryan and I are lying on the couch, sitting in front of the TV but not really watching it. My mom has been cleaning all day; it’s what she does when she’s upset. Around four p.m., the phone rings. My mom runs off to get it, and I just keep smoothing my hand across Ryan’s side. He hasn’t said much today, and he won’t eat. It’s starting to worry me. My mom walks back into the room, biting her lip and looking at us carefully.
“Um, that was the hospital,” she says quietly. Ryan’s head snaps up to look at her.
“They finished the autopsy. It was a brain aneurysm,” she says even quieter than before. Ryan nods slowly and squeezes his eyes shut, probably trying to stop new tears from forming.
“Um,” Ryan starts, clearing his throat. His voice is scratchy from lack of use. “Was it, um. Was she in pain?” My mom sits next to us on the couch and puts her hand on Ryan’s knee.
“No. It’s kind of like falling asleep. The thing is, it’s easy not to notice aneurysms. I know your mom always had headaches, she just never thought anything of them. That’s what they were caused by. Basically, it’s like a bulge in the blood vessel, and it burst, causing her to almost immediately lose consciousness. So she wasn’t in pain,” she finishes.
“So you mean if they would have caught it sooner…” he trails off, looking pale.
“Not necessarily. A lot of times it can be prevented, yes, but not always.” He just nods sadly.
“I’m really glad she called me,” he whispers to me. “At the carnival. I think that was right before it happened, because she was going to the grocery store, and she asked me if I needed anything. When I found her, her purse was spilled on the floor.” His voice is shaky now, and his bottom lip is trembling. “The last thing she told me was that she loved me,” he chokes out, and then he can’t keep it in anymore. He collapses onto me again, sobbing. My mom smoothes his hair back.
“She had a will. Her lawyer is going to come over tomorrow to discuss it, and,” she takes a deep breath, “and I’m going to take care of the f-funeral arrangements,” she chokes out, squeezing her eyes shut. We all just kind of sit there and cry for a while, not talking, just holding onto each other.
-
The next day, the lawyer shows up. After I practically forced Ryan to eat, we sat down with my mom and the lawyer in the living room.
“Before we start, I’d just like to say that I am very, very sorry for your loss. Julie was a wonderful person,” he says sadly. Ryan just nods at him, and the man takes a deep breath.
“All right, my name is Jim, and I think I met you once before Ryan, when you were younger,” he says. Ryan nods. “Alright, well first things first. Since your mom was renting your house, and she didn’t own it, it’s going to go back on the market in a few weeks.” Ryan jerks his head up with a panicked look.
“But what about me?” he asks. I give him a weird look. Surely he knows that he’s staying with us. Where else would he go?
“That brings me to the next thing. Ms. Urie,” he says, directing his attention to my mother. “Julie said in her will that if anything happened to her before Ryan was of age…that you were to be his guardian,” he says carefully. She nods, like she expected it.
“Of course,” she says. “You’ll live with us, sweetie,” she says, patting Ryan’s hand. He offers her a weak smile in return and snuggles closer to me.
“Also, Ryan, your mother left all of the money she had saved to you. It’s around fifty thousand or so,” he says. My eyebrows go up. I knew Julie had a good job, but I didn’t know she had that much money. Ryan seems surprised too, but he just nods again.
“Um, I think that’s the only matters that concern you, Ryan, if you’d like to go now,” he says with a smile. Ryan gets up and grabs my hand, dragging me along with him. I start toward the stairs, but Ryan drags me to the front door.
“I want to go for a walk,” he says quietly. I just nod and follow him. He starts walking down the street, not letting go of my hand. He starts kicking rocks as he walks, and after a while, he looks up at me.
“I think I’m all cried out,” he says with a small smile. I give him one in return.
“Yeah, me too.”
“My mom wanted to be cremated, you know. It’s got to be in her will.”
“Why?” I ask, surprised. The idea of being cremated always kind of scared me.
“She always said she didn’t wanna rot in the ground, she wanted to be a part of the earth, not confined by it in a box.”
“Oh,” I say quietly. “That’s kind of beautiful.”
“Yeah,” he laughs softly. “You know that little creek she would always bring us to when we were kids?” he asks.
“Yeah, of course. That’s one of my favorite places.”
“I think that’s where I’m gonna scatter her ashes. At least, my part of them,” he says.
“What do you mean, ‘your part of them’?”
“I figure it’d be nice for your mom to be able to do it as well. They were best friends,” he reasons.
“You know my mom is never gonna let you do that,” I tell him. It’s true; she’ll never let him give her some of the ashes.
“Knowing my mom, it’s probably in her will that she wants her ashes divided between me and Grace.”
“Yeah,” I laugh sadly, “it probably is.”
“I’m really going to miss her,” he whispers, squeezing my hand.
“Me too,” I say, squeezing back.
***
So apparently when someone dies, people think food is going to cheer you up. Well, they aren’t entirely wrong. Ryan wouldn’t eat at all at first, but now he’s been stuffing his face with everything that the neighbors and family friends have been bringing over. And it’s been coming all day, and all day yesterday. It’s been two days since the visit from the lawyer, Jim, and Ryan is still a mess, but he’s a little better. He told me yesterday that there’s no use in being sad for the rest of his life, because his mom would want him to be happy. He’s surprising me with how well he’s doing. He was also right about Julie putting in her will that she wants the ashes split between Ryan and my mom. I guess I’m the only one who thinks it’s creepy, but whatever. William, Gabe, Spencer, and Jon also found out through me. They came over yesterday and haven’t left yet. They say they want to be here for Ryan for ‘moral support’ but I think they just stayed for the food.
“Hey, Halloween is next week,” Spencer says. I had completely forgotten about Halloween. It’s usually one of my favorite holidays, but what with the recent events, I forgot.
“Oh yeah,” says Ryan. “You guys should come over and we can buy too much candy and watch scary movies all night,” he says with the most enthusiasm I’ve seen him have about anything in days.
“You sure?” Jon says warily.
“Yes. Guys, I’m not going to just stop my life because of this. I mean of course I’m upset, I don’t think I’ll ever not be upset. And I cry all over Brendon about fifteen times a day, but if I lie in bed and wallow for the rest of my life, I’ll never move on. The first few days, I would barely talk or eat or even get up, but I know that I need to try and continue on normally if I ever want to be okay,” he finishes with a sigh. Everyone looks a bit astonished at his little speech. I never knew Ryan could be so brave and just…wise. I smile at him and grab his hand.
“I’m really proud of you,” I tell him. He just smiles at me.
“Well, I’m down for a Halloween sleepover,” William says. Gabe raises his hand.
“Yes, Gabe?” I sigh.
“Is sex allowed at this sleepover?” he asks innocently, eyebrow raised. William slaps his shoulder.
“Gabe!” he whispers. I just laugh.
“If you come anywhere near my-our bed, I will kill you,” I say to Gabe. Ryan smiles when I say ‘our.’
“’Our?'" Spencer asks curiously.
“Well yeah, Ryan’s moving in with us now,” I say it like it should be obvious, which it should.
“Yeah, but your mom is letting him share your room?” Jon asks, looking surprised.
“Um, yeah? He’s slept over tons of times since we’ve been together, did you think she was gonna change her mind now?” I ask.
“Dude, isn’t she worried about you guys having sex?” Spencer asks.
“She doesn’t care,” I shrug. They all shake their heads incredulously.
“Your mom is so cool,” Spencer says wistfully.
“What, depressed because you and Jonny boy can’t get it on in your house?” William smirks. Spencer drops his mouth open dramatically.
“Wh- I don’t! What are you- oh, screw you guys,” Spencer huffs, crossing his arms. Jon is determinedly looking anywhere but at any of us. Since when did we become a group of teenage girls?
-
“Hey, mom, can all the guys stay over on Halloween?” I ask my mom when I go downstairs to get Ryan some more food. She looks at me cautiously.
“Um, are you sure that’s such a good idea?”
“It was Ryan’s idea, not mine,” I shrug.
“Ryan wants them to stay over?” she asks. I nod.
“Okay, whatever he wants then.”
“He’s really doing a lot better. You can still see how sad he is, but at least he’s talking, and eating.”
“Oh, he’s definitely eating,” she says, looking pointedly at the empty dishes of food on the counter. “You’re down here getting him more food, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I smile sheepishly.
“Good, he needs to gain some weight anyway,” she smiles. “You’re doing fantastic, you know.” I give her a confused look. “I mean at being there for him. You’re doing good. He wouldn’t be getting better without you.”
“I’m just trying to make him happy,” I shrug. She smiles back.
“That chicken stuff is in the fridge, I know that’s what he sent you to get,” she says matter-of-factly. I laugh and go to the fridge.
When I get back upstairs, everyone is laughing and Ryan is shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
“What?” I ask with a slight smile.
“They want to play spin the bottle,” Ryan says condescendingly. My mouth drops open.
“Like hell I’m letting any of you kiss my boyfriend!” I shriek, handing Ryan his food and wrapping my arms around him protectively, glaring at them all.
“Dude, I was kidding,” Gabe says, laughing. Jon looks scared.
“You’re a bunch of teenage girls!” Ryan laughs.
“Says the dude that turned us all gay,” Spencer quips.
“So you’re gay now?” I retort. His eyes go wide, and he quickly glances at Jon, but I notice.
“No, I’m not gay…I’m just maybe not…onehundredpercentstraight?” he rushes out. William rolls his eyes.
“Dudes, Ryan and Brendon are the sappiest, most in love fucking couple ever, and Gabe and I are together, so do you really think we care? We know you guys have something going on. You won him a fish, Jon, a fish,” William finishes, and Jon scoffs.
“I told you, I gave him that fish-"
“You gave him that fish because Dylan and Clover would have eaten it, blah blah, enough of your excuses, Jon Walker,” Gabe smirks. Jon turns red, and Spencer bites back a smile, but not quite.
“Just admit it!” I say.
“We aren’t together!” Spencer exasperates. “We’re just…I don’t know,” he says, looking at Jon for an answer.
“We kissed, alright? Now shut up and let it go,” Jon snaps. Ryan starts giggling beside me, and I have to bite my lip to keep from doing the same.
After a while, they finally go home with a promise to come over on Halloween. Tomorrow is the day that Ryan and my mom get the ashes; right after the funeral. Let’s just hope Ryan will be able to get through it.
***
“Ready?” I ask. Ryan takes a deep breath, grabs my hand, and nods. He takes the small silver urn and looks at it, biting his lip. It’s pretty, and it’s got, ‘Julie Anne Ross, beloved mother and friend’ engraved on it, along with the years of birth and death. The funeral was sad. Ryan and I cried a lot, and he tried to say a speech, but he kind of broke down in the middle of it, and he slumped into me, crying into my neck while I mumbled soothing words and kissed his cheek. People gave us weird, disapproving looks, which I thought was extremely rude, considering they were at his mother’s funeral.
Ryan opens the top and leans down next to the little creek, still clinging to me with one hand. I can see him tearing up, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t as well. He tips the urn over, and we watch as the ashes slowly pour out into the water, swirling about and blending in, flowing down the stream. He pours it slowly, and after a minute, it’s empty. He’s crying steadily now, but he’s quiet. He stands back up, closing the urn, and collapses into me, hugging me tight.
“Shh, it’s alright,” I whisper, stroking his hair. He pulls back and kisses me softly.
“I love you,” he mumbles, his eyes sad. “I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I love you,” I say back, holding onto him.
“I think that it was a good idea to do it here. That way we can always come here. To talk to her,” he says quietly. “Is that stupid?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head adamantly. “It’s not stupid. It’s a place you’ll always be able to come back to where you can remember her,” I say softly.
He smiles briefly and looks one last time at the water. “I really am gonna miss her.”
“I know,” I whisper, kissing his cheek. He turns to me and smiles.
“At least I still have you,” he says, nuzzling my cheek with his nose.
“You’ll always have me.”
Next Chapter
***
A/N: No, this is not the end of the story. (: I cried a little while I was writing this, but I like the way it turned out. It took me forever to get it right, and now I have a headache, but anyway, I hope you guys like it. Next chapter will have the Halloween sleepover, so no more sad for a while. :D