The One Thing I Never Expected - Chapter 16 (part 2)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Ryan/Brendon (Gabilliam, bit of Joncer)
POV: 1st, Brendon's
Summary: Ryan is Brendon's best friend, they grew up together. But Ryan is different. An accident when he was a child left him deaf. Brendon has always taken care of Ryan, but now he's starting to care for Ryan in a different way...
Disclaimer: Fiction, I own nothing. It's not real.
Author’s Note: At the end.
Masterpost My Tumblr
Chapter 16 (Part 2)
Unfortunately, Ryan woke up at seven thirty, just in time for us to get ready. Mikey and Gerard live within walking distance of my house, so we’re walking. I only know where they live because one of the previous parties I went to was at their house. It’s eight, and I’ve been ready for fifteen minutes. Ryan is still in the bathroom doing his hair.
“Seriously, Ryan, who are you trying to impress here?” I call to the bathroom door from where I’m lounging on my bed. “I have to pee!” I add as an afterthought. I could use the bathroom in the hallway, but I’ve refused to go in there ever since William and Gabe defiled it. I don’t care if they cleaned it. It’s not happening. Finally, Ryan comes out, and if it were actually possible for my jaw to be on the floor, it would be, because Goddamn.
“What? Does it look stupid? I look stupid, oh God,” he rambles. All I can do it shake my head. Ryan is wearing those tight black jeans that I love, along with a white long-sleeved shirt with a grey jacket and beige fingerless gloves. He’s also wearing brown leather boots that I’ve never seen before, and he has a cream-colored scarf on. But none of that is why I’m gaping. It’s his face. Instead of the thin line of eyeliner that he usually wears, he’s got it much thicker, smudged around his bottom and top eyelids. Actually, he has black completely covering his eyelids. I don’t know if it’s eyeshadow, or what, but I do know that he looks hot. He’s also got sharp little lines drawn along the corners of his eyes. I can’t stop staring.
“We need to leave right this minute before I ravage you right there against the wall,” I finally manage to find my voice. His worried expression turns into a broad smile, and I stand up.
“You really like it?” he asks hopefully, bouncing on his toes a little. I nod. “How do I look?” he asks, giving a little turn and making me smile.
“Dead sexy,” I wink.
“No, that’s you,” he says slowly, giving me a once-over. “Damn, Bren.” I laugh a little, because I didn’t even try to get dressed up. Okay, maybe I put on a little extra eyeliner and my red glasses that I know Ryan loves. Besides that, I’m just wearing dark jeans and a t-shirt with a black button-up jacket.
“What? I didn’t get dressed up like you,” I laugh.
“Come on, before I take you up on that offer to ravage me against the wall,” he says, tugging me out the door and down the stairs before I even get a chance to pee.
Once we’re outside, I take a deep breath of the cool air. It’s not cold; it never really gets cold here, but it’s a little chilly. It feels good. I’ve always liked colder weather, so it sucks to live here. Ryan tugs his scarf around his neck tighter before taking my hand as we both head off down the street. My mom doesn’t even know we’re going, because she took the late shift tonight. I don’t think she’d care anyway. She knows we’re not stupid enough to do drugs (excluding weed, but she doesn’t have to know about that) or get too drunk, and I’m already fucking my boyfriend in our house, so what other shenanigans could we possibly get into? I’m totally trustworthy.
After fifteen minutes or so of walking, we’re heading up the Way’s driveway. The loud music is audible from out here, and hopefully the neighbors won’t call the fucking police. Before I get a chance to knock, the door swings open and Mikey appears.
“Hey guys! Glad you could make it. William and Gabe are already here, if you wanna go find them. They were in the kitchen a second ago,” he informs us. We follow him inside, Ryan’s grip tightening on my hand when he sees all the people. I honestly don’t know why he wanted to come. He’s probably just trying to prove something. “Have fun!” Mikey says before walking off.
As we enter the kitchen, I instantly spot Gabe in his obnoxiously bright clothing; purple jacket and neon green shoes. He’s kneeling on the ground, chugging from a beer bong that some guy is holding above him while everyone cheers him on. I roll my eyes. Idiot. William is sitting on the counter next to a keg, pouring drinks for people, watching Gabe with an amused smile.
He spots us and waves us over. “Hey, Mikey got you on drink duty?” I ask, nodding toward the keg.
“Yeah, we were some of the first ones here,” he laughs, “so he put me over here. I don’t mind though; I like watching Gabe.” He glances over again as Gabe stands up, looking dangerously close to falling over. “It’s only an hour into the party, and he’s already almost drunk,” he says fondly.
“I can’t believe you’re with such a partier,” Ryan says. “You’re nothing like him.”
“Not until he’s drunk. Then he’s just like him,” I say with wide eyes, shaking my head. Ryan laughs.
“Oh God, two Gabes?” he whines. William laughs.
“Don’t worry, I’m the designated driver. So if you two wanna get shit-faced, go right ahead, I’ll make sure you get home.”
“I’m pretty sure if Ryan drinks anything, he’ll get shit-faced. He’s never had alcohol in his life,” I tell William, who gapes.
“Never?” he asks, and Ryan shakes his head.
“He’s only been to one party,” I shrug. William shakes his head sadly.
“You guys want a drink?” he nods at the keg.
“Ugh, no thanks. You know I don’t do beer.” Sorry, but it tastes like what I’d imagine piss tastes like.
“Right, right. Ryan?” he offers. Ryan eyes the keg warily because sending me a questioning glance.
“Try it if you want, but I’m warning you now, it tastes like shit,” I advise. William raises his eyebrows.
“There’s other stuff over here,” he says, pushing the keg aside to reveal a bunch of various bottles. “Smirnoff, wine coolers, Jack,” he lists, looking through all the bottles.
“You should probably start off with a wine cooler, or like, a spiked lemonade,” I tell Ryan, who just nods. William reaches behind him and hands him a strawberry wine cooler, and then hands me a vanilla Smirnoff.
“You know me too well,” I tell him, and he grins at me.
“What is that?” Ryan eyes the bottle in my hand.
“Vodka,” I reply, and he grimaces. He takes a sip of his drink.
“I like this,” he mumbles, taking another sip. I open mine and take a small sip of it, cringing a little when it hits my throat.
“God, it’s been forever since I’ve drank anything,” I say.
“Hey, at least it isn’t straight up vodka; that shit is like acid,” William shudders, and I nod. Ryan just sips his drink, acting like he’s knows what we’re talking about.
“I wanna try it,” he says to me.
“Are you sure?” I smile. “It’s strong.” He nods, so I reluctantly hand it over. He sniffs it first, making a face, and then slowly takes a drink. He makes another face and hastily hands it back. I laugh a little.
“God, what is that? Fucking nail polish remover?” he shrieks.
“Ah, it’s fun introducing people to the wonders of alcohol,” William sighs. “Oh God, he’s at it again,” he shakes his head, nodding toward Gabe, who is yet again on the floor with a beer bong.
“What the hell is this music?” Ryan says, distaste clear in his voice.
“Bad…techno?” I supply, both of us laughing.
We spend the next hour or so with William, not moving from the kitchen. Ryan goes through two more wine coolers, now on his fourth one, and he’s starting to get a little bit tipsy. I’m still on my first drink.
“Oh my God, William, I love your belt!” Ryan exclaims, pointing at William’s rainbow-colored belt. “It’s so colorful!” he squeals. William and I laugh at his obvious tipsiness. He then directs his attention toward me and smiles slyly at me, coming up and wrapping his arms around me.
“Hi,” he says seductively, attaching his mouth to my neck.
“Oh, so he’s gonna be one of those drunks,” William sighs. “He’s already horny enough when he’s sober.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ryan mumbles sloppily against my neck, and eww, slobber. He doesn’t seem to notice, though, as he goes back to what looks like trying to make out with my neck. I think he’s a little more than tipsy. I can feel the buzz of alcohol in my veins, and I decide that I’ll indulge him. We’re at a party. Everyone else is making out. Why not? I tug on his hair until he raises his head, and I grin before kissing him. He leans forward until I’m backed into the counter, and then he puts his hands behind my thighs and picks me up, sitting me on the counter without breaking our kiss. I hear William laugh, but I don’t move.
“Why’d you put me on the counter?” I mumble, pulling back for air. He smiles and grips my sides with his hands.
“I don’t know, just seemed like the thing to do,” he shrugs, and I chuckle lightly. He leans forward and presses his mouth to mine again, this time sliding his tongue in. He’s completely taking control, but I don’t care. I might as well get used to it, since he’s gonna be taking control when we get back home as well. He just doesn’t know that yet. I hope he doesn’t get too drunk and pass out. That would ruin my plans. We make out for a few more minutes, but then I push lightly at Ryan’s chest.
“What?” he asks dazedly.
“I have to pee,” I tell him, and he giggles, stepping back so I can hop off the counter. “I’ll be right back,” I say over my shoulder, making my way through the crowd of people to the bathroom. I expected a line, but it’s empty, so I quickly go in.
Before I go back out, I check myself out in the mirror. Ryan was right, I do look hot. I smile to myself before opening the door and going back out into the hallway. Before I can head back to the kitchen, though, someone steps in front of me.
“Hey, Urie,” Chris snarls. I sigh deeply. Great.
“What do you want?” I say in contempt.
“I just wanna have a little chat with you,” he replies in a tone that makes it clear that that is not all he wants.
“Too bad; I don’t feel like talking,” I shoot him a fake apologetic smile and make to walk around him, but he stops me again.
“What?” I ask sharply.
“You punched me,” he states dumbly.
“You were hitting my boyfriend, what did you think I was gonna do?” I retort.
“Your boyfriend is a little fag,” he spits.
“Shut the fuck up about him,” I say back just as hateful. Chris grabs my arm and drags me down the hall where there aren’t any people. He opens a bedroom door and hauls me in there, shutting the door behind him.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I say angrily.
“Teaching you a lesson,” he replies, walking toward me.
“What, you’re gonna beat me up where all your little friends aren’t around to watch? How unlike you,” I say sarcastically.
“Shut up, Urie,” he snaps. I glare at him. Seriously, what the fuck?
“Fuck off, Chris,” I say, heading for the door, but he shoves me hard, causing me to fall back onto a bed.
“Maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation if you could learn to keep your little mouth shut,” he spits. He comes closer to me and grabs me by the arm, only to shove me back down on the bed again, this time on my stomach. He holds me down.
“Seriously, what the fuck are you doing?” I yell, a little worried now.
“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to shove a fucking sock in your mouth,” he says, smacking the back of his hand against my face, catching my off guard. Before I even know what’s happening, Chris yanks my pants down. I’m officially scared now.
“What the hell?” I shriek. “What are you doing?” He swiftly takes his hand and slaps it over my mouth. I try to pry if off, but he’s holding it too tight. I mumble and yell uselessly against his hand, the sounds coming out muffled. I hear the clink of a belt buckle being undone, and I freeze. No. This can’t be happening. My heart starts being faster and I immediately freak out and try to get out of his grip, thrashing against the bed, but he’s stronger than me.
“This is what you get, Urie. You shouldn’t have messed with me,” he growls. He uses his other hand to pin my wrists behind my back, effectively cutting off my attempts to remove his hand from my mouth. Without any warning, without anything, he forces his way into me, and I scream. I scream so loud, that even though it’s muffled, it’s still loud. I feel the tears forming in my eyes, and all I can do is scream some more as he pulls back and pushes back in, the searing pain shooting up my spine. I can feel myself being ripped open. I can feel the pain throughout my whole body, and Chris is moaning. I feel like I’m going to throw up. He squeezes my wrists painfully.
“Shut up,” he hisses, thrusting in hard, multiplying the pain. The tears are flowing steadily down my face now. My throat hurts from all the screaming. I feel disgusting. Dirty. Chris laughs, like he’s proud of himself. “You’re so tight, Urie. You don’t let your little boyfriend fuck you?” I squeeze my eyes shut, thinking about Ryan. I was saving this for him. I’m his. And now he’s not going to want me. Not when I’m all…used. I scream some more, not able to keep the noise at bay. The pain is so intense. I feel like I’m being split in two. I can feel blood trickling down the inside of my thighs.
I try to push everything out of my mind. I feel myself go numb; not feeling anything inside anymore. The pain is still there, but my emotions aren’t. Chris is sounding like he’s having a good time, and it makes me sick. I cry and wonder why this is happening to me. I let out another loud sob as Chris snaps his hips back into me, rough and harsh, because he doesn’t care that he’s ripping me apart. He starts going harder, and I can’t take it anymore. I scream and scream, trying to move away from his hand. He’s unfocused for a moment, and I manage to move my mouth up, and I bite him as hard as I can. He yells and pulls his hand back, pounding his fist into my back repeatedly, bruising me.
I scream for real this time, as loud as I can, the first word that comes to my mind. “Ryan!” I scream. “Ryan!” I sob harder as Chris punches my side and continues to thrust into me. I keep screaming, and Chris is either too drunk or too out of it to realize. He starts going faster, and I scream again as his hips stutter and he comes inside me, the liquid burning my torn insides.
The door bursts open, revealing Ryan and William, and I’m screaming from the pain.
“Oh my God,” Ryan cries, running over. I feel Chris pull out, and I keep crying. My mind gets fuzzy. I hear William screaming, and I see Chris trying to run out, but William grabs him. I hear someone yell for someone else to call the cops, and I feel a blanket being pulled over me.
“You fucking son of a bitch,” Ryan screams, and then he leaves my view. I can’t lift my head. I’m in too much pain. I hear punches being thrown, and I hear Ryan screaming and Chris whimpering. Ryan is beating Chris up? I’m wondering how that’s possible when I pass out.
***
You know how when you’re asleep, but not completely asleep, and you’re sort of dreaming? And then your dream sort of mixes with reality until you’re brought back to consciousness? That’s kind of what’s happening to me right now. I was dreaming that I was on a paddleboat in the middle of a lake. It was pretty outside; the sun was shining and the birds were singing. But I was alone. There was someone who I needed, but I couldn’t figure out who. Then suddenly, the sky changed, and it was cloudy. It started raining, and there was thunder and lightning. I was scared, but I knew I was dreaming somehow. Then I heard my name. The scene changed, and I was on a bed, but I could still feel the rain.
“Do you think he’ll be okay?” I hear someone mumble. The rain is starting to sound farther away, and my mind tries to focus. Someone touches my hand, and I jerk back to consciousness, blinking my eyes open.
“Hey, his eyes are open,” I hear someone say.
“Brendon?” Ryan says, looking down worriedly at me. I blink up at him. I realize I’m in a hospital. I look down at my arm, and there’s an IV. I look around, and William is standing at the end of my bed, looking concerned. I turn back to Ryan. His eyes are red and puffy. He’s been crying. Suddenly, I remember the reason why I’m in the hospital as a sharp pain shoots through my back. The scene starts playing itself in my head again, and I feel the tears coming. I look up at Ryan and I start crying.
“Brendon, baby,” Ryan chokes out. He slides onto the bed next to me and wraps his arms around me, stroking my hair. “I’m so sorry, baby. God, I’m so sorry.” I can hear his voice shaking. He’s crying now too.
“I’m going to go tell Grace he’s awake,” William says quietly before slipping out of the room.
“I…I- why?” I sob. Ryan holds me tighter.
“I don’t know,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry,” he repeats, his voice raw.
“Why do you keep saying that?” I ask, my voice completely torn up from all the screaming.
“Because, I. I was messing around, drinking, while you were-I could’ve. I wasn’t even paying attention to how long you’d been gone, I just-"
“Stop,” I whisper. “It’s not your fault. What happened after I passed out?” I ask to keep him from arguing with me.
“Um,” I feel him swallow. “I kind of…” he trails off, showing me his hands. They’re both bloody and bruised, the skin on his knuckles torn and red. “I was so mad. I don’t even know how I held him down. I guess it was the adrenaline. But when I saw what he’d done, I just. I couldn’t-" he breaks off with a sob.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I ruined everything.
“What?” he asks.
“I’m sorry, Ryan,” I cry.
“What are you talking about? You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I was waiting for you. It was supposed to be with you. We’re supposed to have all our firsts together. We’re supposed to give each other everything, but now I’m just…used. I’m disgusting and dirty and used-up,” I cry.
“Brendon,” Ryan chokes out. “No. No, how could you think that? This is not your fault. What- do you think I’m not…do you think I’m not gonna want you anymore?” he asks.
“How could you after this? How could you want someone who’s been used? I’m so disgusting, Ryan,” I continue to cry against his chest.
“Look at me,” he says firmly. I look up at his tear-filled eyes. “You’re beautiful. You’re not disgusting or dirty or used, you’re beautiful and amazing. You’re sweet and funny and caring, and you’re the fucking love of my life, Brendon.” He says it with so much emotion that I can’t even do anything but continue to cry. “I’d never leave you, Bren.”
“I love you,” I say hoarsely.
“I love you so much, baby,” he mumbles, kissing my forehead.
I hear the door open, and my mom runs around the bed, leaning down to give me a crushing hug, squishing Ryan in the process. She doesn’t say anything. She just cries. She’s in her uniform, so she must have still been working when I was admitted.
“How are you feeling, sweetie?” she says quietly, stroking my cheek. It’s only then that I realize how much pain I’m actually in.
“It hurts,” I whisper. Ryan chokes out a sob, and my mom nods.
“Okay, it’s time for me to turn on the drip anyway,” she says, reaching for the bag attached to the IV. She fiddles with it until it starts to drip, and I frown.
“You’re my nurse?” I ask.
“Yeah, I was the only one available. They didn’t tell me- I didn’t even know it was you until I was in here,” she says with a shaky voice. She wipes her eyes. I know she’s barely keeping herself composed. She’s good at it.
“Ryan, sweetie, let me take care of your hands,” she says, walking across the room to retrieve some things from a drawer. She comes back with some peroxide and bandages. “I’m really glad you did it,” she mumbles to Ryan, smiling a weak smile that he returns. She cleans his knuckles and bandages them up before walking over and kissing my forehead.
“I’m sorry this happened to you, sweetie,” she whispers. I just nod. “The doctor did an examination while you were unconscious. The police have Chris in custody right now, but his family will probably bail him out in the morning. The doctor easily has evidence of…of forced entry, plus sample's of his, um, DNA, and there’s no doubt that Chris will go to prison, because he’s eighteen.”
“Um,” I clear my throat, ignoring the burning it causes. “How long will he be in jail?”
“At least five to seven years,” my mom responds, and I nod. “Are you feeling better yet?”
“Yeah, a little. I’m sleepy,” I say.
“Alright, I’ll let you get some rest. I took another shift so I can stay here and keep an eye on you. You’ll be able to go home tomorrow.”
“I know people aren’t supposed to stay overnight…but can Ryan…?” I trail off. My mom smiles.
“Already took care of it,” she says before kissing my forehead once more and leaving, probably going to cry in the bathroom. I appreciate that she tries to stay strong for me. I think about what happened. I’ve been avoiding the word in my head, because acknowledging it will somehow make it more real. But it just now really dawns on me.
“He raped me,” I whisper. Ryan stiffens. “He raped me, Ryan,” I repeat, new tears forming. Ryan keeps stroking my hair, and I bury my head in his chest.
“I know,” he whispers back. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“I really wanted the first time to be with you. I was going to. Tonight.”
“It’ll be okay. That wasn’t the real first time, okay? It doesn’t count, baby,” he soothes, kissing my forehead.
“Why did he have to take that from me? That was all I had left to give you,” I finish weakly.
“You have everything to give me. Just you being with me gives me everything I could want.” I smile a little for the first time, and I look up at him to see him staring back at me.
“Lie down with me,” I mumble. Ryan lifts the blanket up and crawls underneath it. I move over to give him room, and cry out when the movement causes pain to shoot up my spine.
“Bren,” Ryan says worriedly. He puts his hand on my cheek and kisses me. His lips are dry, but so are mine. He lets me snuggle into him under the blanket, and I feel drowsy.
“I’m sorry you’re in pain,” he says quietly. He leans over and kisses me softly, and somehow that makes all the pain melt away.
Next Chapter
***
A/N: I know, this was extremely sad. Don’t kill me! I was crying when I was writing it, and it took me all night. This was the longest chapter yet; 6,600 words. But I didn’t want to shorten it just so it would fit on here. It sucks that lj has a limit. *rolls eyes* but anyway, only four five chapters left! :c leave me comments. <3