Journal Entry - August 5th
I woke up this morning in my own bed, something I'd taken for granted before but appreciated all the more after over two weeks in the infirmary's quarantine. Yet my first thoughts upon waking had nothing to do with my homey little cot, or the work I could get back to once I had gotten dressed and eaten breakfast.
You see, yesterday, my world changed yet again.
It was my day to be released from my seclusion, and after two weeks of doing nothing but thinking, I'd come to a few conclusions, and made my share of decisions. So when I was finally dressed and walking toward the infirmary door, I was a man on a mission - to find Michael and tell him to Hades with thinking. Yet my mission was cut extremely short when I walked through the door to find him right there, waiting for me.
I guess that was symbolic in a few ways, but I didn't care. I was shocked at first, having prepared myself for a search through the school, and suddenly he was right there. He asked me if I was all right, and instead of answering, I practically launched myself at him and hugged him close - well, as close as I could get considering there's almost a foot's difference in height between us. I think I'm lucky I didn't snap his neck pulling him down, but he wasn't complaining - especially when I pulled back from the hug to tell him there would be no more thinking right before snogging him silly.
I know some people say that a snog is just a snog, but I'm of the profound opinion that a kiss can say things about you that are hard as Hades to put into words. My very first kiss was an innocent pressing of lips by two children who were simply curious and wanted to know what all the fuss was about. When I kissed Colin, I was seeking out answers about my own self-identity, but instead of answers I only found questions. When I kissed Meg, I completely lost myself in it, in her, and was introduced to feelings and desires I'd never known had lied dormant beneath my skin.
When I kissed Michael, I felt like I was home.
I can only imagine what Madame Pomfrey thought, seeing us in the corridor like that. All I could think of was to find someplace private where I could snog and talk to Michael without being interrupted. He was thinking the same thing and grabbed by hand, and I followed him willingly as we headed for the large room a number of us have been bunking in during the reconstruction. It was empty, and the moment we realized that, we were snogging again. But then Michael's fingers reached for the buttons of my robes, and I suddenly felt terrified. I suppose things were just going so fast, but I just kept thinking that I must be silly for feeling that way - we'd shagged before, even though the memories were still sort of fuzzy, so why be scared now? I encouraged him to continue, determined to try and move past my fear, but I could tell he was nervous too.
And then he paused and asked me what I was thinking. Maybe he felt something, and... well, with all we'd been through, I just couldn't lie to him. I told him I was scared. I think he understood, and he gave me an out, saying he'd take it at whatever pace I wanted, and... I took it. I was also feeling a little weak, not having gained all of my strenght back from my illness, so it was all probably for the best. I wanted to be with him, in one way or another, though, so I asked him to lay down with me on my cot, asked him to hold me as I rested, and he did.
We talked quietly to each other while I manfully tried to stay awake, talking about things that had happened while I was stuck in that room, talking about friends and memories, and finally repeating how much we'd missed each other. I told him I was sorry for taking so long, and I am. However, I think we both needed the time to think, to move past the past. He who doesn't accept the past is doomed to repeat it, and I think we both have things in our past that we don't want repeated. Now, we can move past them together.
I must have fallen asleep at some point, then woke up for a late supper. Michael and I talked some more, and then it was time for bed.
And now I'm getting up to a new day, and it feels as if I'm waking up to a whole new world. It's not perfect, and it's going to need a lot of work on many fronts, but... it's my home, and so is he. Even if we weren't snogging and hadn't shagged, we'd be the best of mates, which makes it all that much better. Merlin, I have a boyfriend now...
I hope Mum and Dad will like him.
You see, yesterday, my world changed yet again.
It was my day to be released from my seclusion, and after two weeks of doing nothing but thinking, I'd come to a few conclusions, and made my share of decisions. So when I was finally dressed and walking toward the infirmary door, I was a man on a mission - to find Michael and tell him to Hades with thinking. Yet my mission was cut extremely short when I walked through the door to find him right there, waiting for me.
I guess that was symbolic in a few ways, but I didn't care. I was shocked at first, having prepared myself for a search through the school, and suddenly he was right there. He asked me if I was all right, and instead of answering, I practically launched myself at him and hugged him close - well, as close as I could get considering there's almost a foot's difference in height between us. I think I'm lucky I didn't snap his neck pulling him down, but he wasn't complaining - especially when I pulled back from the hug to tell him there would be no more thinking right before snogging him silly.
I know some people say that a snog is just a snog, but I'm of the profound opinion that a kiss can say things about you that are hard as Hades to put into words. My very first kiss was an innocent pressing of lips by two children who were simply curious and wanted to know what all the fuss was about. When I kissed Colin, I was seeking out answers about my own self-identity, but instead of answers I only found questions. When I kissed Meg, I completely lost myself in it, in her, and was introduced to feelings and desires I'd never known had lied dormant beneath my skin.
When I kissed Michael, I felt like I was home.
I can only imagine what Madame Pomfrey thought, seeing us in the corridor like that. All I could think of was to find someplace private where I could snog and talk to Michael without being interrupted. He was thinking the same thing and grabbed by hand, and I followed him willingly as we headed for the large room a number of us have been bunking in during the reconstruction. It was empty, and the moment we realized that, we were snogging again. But then Michael's fingers reached for the buttons of my robes, and I suddenly felt terrified. I suppose things were just going so fast, but I just kept thinking that I must be silly for feeling that way - we'd shagged before, even though the memories were still sort of fuzzy, so why be scared now? I encouraged him to continue, determined to try and move past my fear, but I could tell he was nervous too.
And then he paused and asked me what I was thinking. Maybe he felt something, and... well, with all we'd been through, I just couldn't lie to him. I told him I was scared. I think he understood, and he gave me an out, saying he'd take it at whatever pace I wanted, and... I took it. I was also feeling a little weak, not having gained all of my strenght back from my illness, so it was all probably for the best. I wanted to be with him, in one way or another, though, so I asked him to lay down with me on my cot, asked him to hold me as I rested, and he did.
We talked quietly to each other while I manfully tried to stay awake, talking about things that had happened while I was stuck in that room, talking about friends and memories, and finally repeating how much we'd missed each other. I told him I was sorry for taking so long, and I am. However, I think we both needed the time to think, to move past the past. He who doesn't accept the past is doomed to repeat it, and I think we both have things in our past that we don't want repeated. Now, we can move past them together.
I must have fallen asleep at some point, then woke up for a late supper. Michael and I talked some more, and then it was time for bed.
And now I'm getting up to a new day, and it feels as if I'm waking up to a whole new world. It's not perfect, and it's going to need a lot of work on many fronts, but... it's my home, and so is he. Even if we weren't snogging and hadn't shagged, we'd be the best of mates, which makes it all that much better. Merlin, I have a boyfriend now...
I hope Mum and Dad will like him.