No shit. "911? Don't stall or anything, but there's a fire going on, and in a good 9 more minutes, it's gonna be bad. Could you come over and put this crazy shit out? I'll be on the sofa with a cocktail - don't you dare get water damage on that new parkay flooring I installed in the front hall..."

"Also - 911? Don't look for things that aren't fires. Like, bodies. There's one around here that I'm calling 'the arsonist', but not if you ask me. Anyhow, I thought fair was fair so I dropped his ass before he could blow the match out."