199-related panic
I have no freaking clue which concentration to pick for my thesis.
For the uninitiated, creative writing majors in UP get to decide which among their three concentrations to write for their thesis/creative output. 199 is the pre-thesis class, wherein we write the 'critical introduction' to our work (previous work produced in other workshop classes or for 200). CW 200 is the 'thesis' class. We can either revise our past works or write new things. At least that's how I understood it.
Honestly, no one ever tells the students anything they really need to know in CW. I should do a PSA for the underclassmen. I was in my third year when I even received a vague clue about 199, and the fact that we should have already accumulated a goodly amount of written work for 199 and even that is because of abductee175 and my 113 professor. Don't EVEN get me started on the reading list.
Back to the whingery.
My options are: Fiction, Creative Non-Fiction and Children's Lit/YA lit.
The easy answer for me would be Creative Non-fiction, that is, I have a lot of material from my past classwork, and I have an idea on who to ask to advise me. I even have a niggling idea for the pre-thesis essay, although whether or not that'd actually be a good enough idea remains to be seen.
YA lit or Children's Lit as an actual option only occurred to me once, when my CW 151 professor suggested that I could use my Einstein's Dreams-based 151 draft for my thesis since it was shaping up to be a long work (multi-chaptered work! me!) And I'm tempted, very tempted because the (tawagin mo nang bourgeois) moneygrubber in me knows that Children's Lit is pretty popular in the Philippines. However, I don't feel comfortable enough in that area, at least in my knowledge of and familiarity with Pinoy YA or Children's Lit.
Fiction though. Fiction is hard to give up. I have ideas. An insane amount of them, few of which will actually find their way onto paper. Fiction to me is what poetry is/was to abductee175 and on a weekly basis I wonder if I'm good enough. What's holding me back? The critical introduction part (no idea for it!), and being haunted by the fear that I am not, or ever will be good enough.
Insecurities can be so tiresome AND I DON'T HAVE THE FREAKING TIME FOR IT.
Plus, I know fuck-all about speculative fiction here in the Philippines. I will have to remedy that.
Why do I even equate not picking fiction for my thesis to giving it up?
Why is it that this entire semester, I keep thinking of things in terms of ending?
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO STOP BEING SO ANNOYINGLY EMO?
Ugh, and I do not have any appropriately angsty music on my PC.
The problem with me is... I am still saddled with the belief that my first draft has to be perfection. That though I don't believe in muses, I still rely on that nebulous inspiration thing to get me to write. That I can't get it through my freaking brain that writing is a process. That I can't revise for shit.
Argh. Argh. Emo-ness is reaching critical levels. Someone snark at me!!! Hurry before I start writing songs!
For the uninitiated, creative writing majors in UP get to decide which among their three concentrations to write for their thesis/creative output. 199 is the pre-thesis class, wherein we write the 'critical introduction' to our work (previous work produced in other workshop classes or for 200). CW 200 is the 'thesis' class. We can either revise our past works or write new things. At least that's how I understood it.
Honestly, no one ever tells the students anything they really need to know in CW. I should do a PSA for the underclassmen. I was in my third year when I even received a vague clue about 199, and the fact that we should have already accumulated a goodly amount of written work for 199 and even that is because of abductee175 and my 113 professor. Don't EVEN get me started on the reading list.
Back to the whingery.
My options are: Fiction, Creative Non-Fiction and Children's Lit/YA lit.
The easy answer for me would be Creative Non-fiction, that is, I have a lot of material from my past classwork, and I have an idea on who to ask to advise me. I even have a niggling idea for the pre-thesis essay, although whether or not that'd actually be a good enough idea remains to be seen.
YA lit or Children's Lit as an actual option only occurred to me once, when my CW 151 professor suggested that I could use my Einstein's Dreams-based 151 draft for my thesis since it was shaping up to be a long work (multi-chaptered work! me!) And I'm tempted, very tempted because the (tawagin mo nang bourgeois) moneygrubber in me knows that Children's Lit is pretty popular in the Philippines. However, I don't feel comfortable enough in that area, at least in my knowledge of and familiarity with Pinoy YA or Children's Lit.
Fiction though. Fiction is hard to give up. I have ideas. An insane amount of them, few of which will actually find their way onto paper. Fiction to me is what poetry is/was to abductee175 and on a weekly basis I wonder if I'm good enough. What's holding me back? The critical introduction part (no idea for it!), and being haunted by the fear that I am not, or ever will be good enough.
Insecurities can be so tiresome AND I DON'T HAVE THE FREAKING TIME FOR IT.
Plus, I know fuck-all about speculative fiction here in the Philippines. I will have to remedy that.
Why do I even equate not picking fiction for my thesis to giving it up?
Why is it that this entire semester, I keep thinking of things in terms of ending?
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO STOP BEING SO ANNOYINGLY EMO?
Ugh, and I do not have any appropriately angsty music on my PC.
The problem with me is... I am still saddled with the belief that my first draft has to be perfection. That though I don't believe in muses, I still rely on that nebulous inspiration thing to get me to write. That I can't get it through my freaking brain that writing is a process. That I can't revise for shit.
Argh. Argh. Emo-ness is reaching critical levels. Someone snark at me!!! Hurry before I start writing songs!