(no subject)
O. M. F. G.
If I were given to hysteria, I'd be in convulsions of frantic screaming right about now. I am, however, given to despondent brooding and journal-angsting hence I am sitting in a computer shop (PC is being evil and not working, at a most inconvenient time too!) close to our house typing away while I'm entering random google keywords and trying to resist the urge to scream bloody murder at the fucker playing Savage Garden mp3s at top volume.
I *thought* I'd solved my CW 199 dilemma, though of course, I should have realized that it was far too easy. I decided on fiction, science fiction in fact, based entirely on what I wanted to do for my creative output for 200. I was going to do a steampunk/alternate history novel involving present-day colonial Manila (that's the alternate history part) It was going to be an ermmm short story collection, all stories being set in said 'world'. My 199 critical introduction was going to tackle the whole task of worldbuilding, and of course do an overview of Philippine science fiction.
Sound interesting? I thought so. In fact, I'd already racked my brain in coming up with a topic worthy of a critical introduction involving the story I was planning.
It is not to be, however. One of my many lamentable flaws is that I am perhaps too ambitious. I'm perfectly aware of the amount of work that *writing* the creative part was already going to take, and it turns out I hadn't even taken into account the amount of research and explanation that the 199 essay would need too. Apparently, what I was proposing is more suited to graduate work rather than for a mere undergradling such as myself. Although I didn't entirely *get* why, to even think about doing it, I'd have to narrow it down. Too much work/explanation, not enough time (one semester) Because I'd have to address several problems/arguments on Phil. science fiction. Or something. I wasn't paying close attention because I was reeling from the earlier pronouncement.
So. Now. Hysteria. And you know, some despair, because... I really *wanted* to do it. To write it. Hell, I was quite optimistically undaunted by the research I'd have to do because I thought, well, I'd enjoy doing it because this was something I wanted to do.
I need a new idea for 200 and of course the critical introduction. And I cannot think of anything. Nothing. I could do urban fantasy but then there'd be the whole thing on Filipinizing it and then we'd get into the local mythology and that's just not my thing. Nor am I into magical realism. I am done with trying to force myself to write to what I *think* my professors would like. That made NO ONE happy, least of all myself or my professors.
Although my 199 professor says that I don't really have to scrap the idea, I know he's just saying it so I won't get discouraged, so I won't learn all the wrong lessons from this (ie giving up on experimenting/ambitious work entirely) And you know, I understand completely but it's hard not to hear that and not be discouraged. I was planning on writing the short story already for CW 111 so I'd at least have one draft ready for 200. But now of course everything's just about shot to hell.
Buck up, some people have told me, you can always set it aside and do it for something else. Maybe for MA. The thing is, I know myself, and if I set this aside, I will never end up writing it. Heh. Plus, of course, research outside of a college environment would be a bitch to do, especially *local* research because not EVERYTHING can be found on the 'Net. And as for graduate studies, hell, my parents won't be paying for that so I need to WORK FIRST, and pay for my own grad studies.
Isn't it stupid to get all heartbroken over an idea? But I am. Heh, you can see why I don't have a lovelife.
Point is, I NEED A NEW IDEA AND I NEED IT FAST. Because our working biblio is already due on ermmm next Monday, I think. And I cannot think of anything.
ARGH!
If I were given to hysteria, I'd be in convulsions of frantic screaming right about now. I am, however, given to despondent brooding and journal-angsting hence I am sitting in a computer shop (PC is being evil and not working, at a most inconvenient time too!) close to our house typing away while I'm entering random google keywords and trying to resist the urge to scream bloody murder at the fucker playing Savage Garden mp3s at top volume.
I *thought* I'd solved my CW 199 dilemma, though of course, I should have realized that it was far too easy. I decided on fiction, science fiction in fact, based entirely on what I wanted to do for my creative output for 200. I was going to do a steampunk/alternate history novel involving present-day colonial Manila (that's the alternate history part) It was going to be an ermmm short story collection, all stories being set in said 'world'. My 199 critical introduction was going to tackle the whole task of worldbuilding, and of course do an overview of Philippine science fiction.
Sound interesting? I thought so. In fact, I'd already racked my brain in coming up with a topic worthy of a critical introduction involving the story I was planning.
It is not to be, however. One of my many lamentable flaws is that I am perhaps too ambitious. I'm perfectly aware of the amount of work that *writing* the creative part was already going to take, and it turns out I hadn't even taken into account the amount of research and explanation that the 199 essay would need too. Apparently, what I was proposing is more suited to graduate work rather than for a mere undergradling such as myself. Although I didn't entirely *get* why, to even think about doing it, I'd have to narrow it down. Too much work/explanation, not enough time (one semester) Because I'd have to address several problems/arguments on Phil. science fiction. Or something. I wasn't paying close attention because I was reeling from the earlier pronouncement.
So. Now. Hysteria. And you know, some despair, because... I really *wanted* to do it. To write it. Hell, I was quite optimistically undaunted by the research I'd have to do because I thought, well, I'd enjoy doing it because this was something I wanted to do.
I need a new idea for 200 and of course the critical introduction. And I cannot think of anything. Nothing. I could do urban fantasy but then there'd be the whole thing on Filipinizing it and then we'd get into the local mythology and that's just not my thing. Nor am I into magical realism. I am done with trying to force myself to write to what I *think* my professors would like. That made NO ONE happy, least of all myself or my professors.
Although my 199 professor says that I don't really have to scrap the idea, I know he's just saying it so I won't get discouraged, so I won't learn all the wrong lessons from this (ie giving up on experimenting/ambitious work entirely) And you know, I understand completely but it's hard not to hear that and not be discouraged. I was planning on writing the short story already for CW 111 so I'd at least have one draft ready for 200. But now of course everything's just about shot to hell.
Buck up, some people have told me, you can always set it aside and do it for something else. Maybe for MA. The thing is, I know myself, and if I set this aside, I will never end up writing it. Heh. Plus, of course, research outside of a college environment would be a bitch to do, especially *local* research because not EVERYTHING can be found on the 'Net. And as for graduate studies, hell, my parents won't be paying for that so I need to WORK FIRST, and pay for my own grad studies.
Isn't it stupid to get all heartbroken over an idea? But I am. Heh, you can see why I don't have a lovelife.
Point is, I NEED A NEW IDEA AND I NEED IT FAST. Because our working biblio is already due on ermmm next Monday, I think. And I cannot think of anything.
ARGH!