Letters....
Dear Plague:
Okay, this is just getting ridiculous. Go. The. Hell. Away. You've made me all but lose my voice, postpone interviews that I would really like to go on, and you even screwed me over on my birthday. Let's not even go into how you've kept me from sleeping for, oh, THE PAST WEEK. I've been drinking over three whole pitchers of water a day and have been getting so much vitamin C that it's a wonder my skin hasn't turned orange. I've even tried conventional medicines! The zinc seems to be helping somewhat, but GOOD LORD, is having a voice too much to ask? However, there is one upside: I have abs de STAINLESS STEEL from coughing so much. I didn't even have to use Le Body Toner Platinum Edition!
Seriously, though, GO AWAY.
-Me
Dear Series Finale of the L Word:
What. the. fuck.
No, seriously. WHAT?
Ilene Chaiken, does it make you happy to know that you've totally destroyed any hope of lesbians EVER having a decent ending on television? You, of all people, had the chance to show the world that not all lesbians were man-hating, baby-obsessed, cheating, murderous monsters. You had the chance to prove that, hey, most lesbians are NORMAL!
Instead, you take that chance and utterly decimate it. Don't even get me started on Dana. Or a whole slew of other things. Mainly, I want to ask you about the finale. First off: SERIOUSLY?! I mean, we all knew she was going to die ahead of time, because, you know, you spoiled your own show before it even aired and then you gave us the season of Who Killed She-Who-Speaks-With-Manatees, but come ON. Ever hear of a little thing called Chekhov's gun? Oh, okay, for you, I guess, it's Chaiken's Railing. In any case, you do not make constant references to something and use crafty camera angles only to not go back to it! Goodness.
I did have a whole rant planned, but now that I'm thinking about it, the whole episode kind of pissed me off. I'm so done with you, Ilene Chaiken. I stuck by you when other lesbians refused to watch after Jenny started going to carnivals in her brain, Jenny started becoming one with the manatees, Alice embraced her inner stalker, Lara went away (sniff), that whole thing with Dana (no, the lesbian community will never forgive you), and every other character lobotomy you performed throughout the course of this series that could have done so much good for the lesbian community. Now, however, I'm done. I am not watching The Farm (seriously? The Farm?), even for Leisha Hailey. I'm done.
While I'm happy that you broke ground and all of that and actually let us lesbians say "Hey! There are people like us on television!", that was not the way that we lived, Ilene Chaiken. Not at all.
Ugh.
-Me
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try not to cough up a lung and finish up The Robber Bride on this lovely, cloudy (hopefully rainy!) day.