Stupid times call for getting stupid.
Stupid meme time: Google "[Your name] needs"* and post the top 10 results. My comments follow in parentheses.
Christen needs extra assistance when navigating over curbs and cracks in the dark. (Often true, particularly when there is Alcohol Involved. Which is often so.)
Christen needs to eat in order to regain her strength. (Also often true.)
Christen needs it for additional hydration. (Needs what? Gin? But anyway, also often true. The only thing better than hydration is additional hydration, as far as I'm concerned.)
Christen needs to get out of the ball pit! (I had forgotten what a ball pit was, but fortunately, I have the Internet. My friends at Urban Dictionary inform me it's "a prefered [sic] hiding place for petifiles at Chucky Cheese [sic]." That's gross. But if I won the lottery I would probably have a Ball Pit Room in my house. And you could all come over and hang out in it with me. Unless you're gross.)
christen needs help with her chic boots (Does this statement describe a demure-yet-deadly seductress or someone suffering from slight brain damage? Or both? I don't think I'd dispute either charge.)
Christen needs a photo to post. (Boring. Just boring. Move along folks, nothing to see here.)
Christen's professors were also insensitive to Christen's needs... (Like what? Like the need to come to class drunk, high and wearing only a filthy, bourbon-stinking bathrobe covered with cigarette burns? Yeah. Yeah, come to think of it, they were insensitive to my needs. Goddamn Ivory tower megalomorons.)
Christen needs to learn to present his ideas in a way that's not hateful and belittling... (Pronouns notwithstanding, I concede the correctness of this statement, in particular deference to any of the ugly, knuckle-dragging fuckwits I've tangled with on this or any other Internet. I mean, I LOVE YOU ALL LET'S CUDDLE UNDER A BLANKET.)
It's a challenge to set a studying pace and determine how much one-on-one time Christen needs. (It's also a challenge to think of anything interesting to say about this one. NEXT.)
Christen needs a kick in the butt though.... (That's all good and well, and I probably do, but I'm disappointed that this was higher up on the list than "Christen needs to get educated and learn to use a condom," "Christen needs way more tats," "Christen needs money," "Christen needs a bath" and of course, "Christen needs to get over herself." All but the very first of these statements are pretty freakin' apt.)
I can also report that a startling number of people misspell "Christian" as "Christen" -- my only explanation for statements like, "Every Christen needs to watch Abraham’s faith develop through the years and learn from Gods friend," and "The one thing every christen needs to do is make contact with the Father." Unless the authors of these statements feel that only people with my given name -- and then only in its rather uncommon spelling -- have the obligation to do these things. In which case, at first, with all due respect to the sincerity of these folks and their faith, it seemed creepy to be singled out like that, but then I started thinking what it would be like to join a religious organization made up only of people named Christen. I've actually never met another Christen (although my brother went to high school with one), but I think it could be pretty cool, especially if we all drank gin a whole bunch and watched bad '80s comedies all the time and never wore anything but pajamas.
*Yes, I tried "Xen needs" and the results were disastrously lame.
Christen needs extra assistance when navigating over curbs and cracks in the dark. (Often true, particularly when there is Alcohol Involved. Which is often so.)
Christen needs to eat in order to regain her strength. (Also often true.)
Christen needs it for additional hydration. (Needs what? Gin? But anyway, also often true. The only thing better than hydration is additional hydration, as far as I'm concerned.)
Christen needs to get out of the ball pit! (I had forgotten what a ball pit was, but fortunately, I have the Internet. My friends at Urban Dictionary inform me it's "a prefered [sic] hiding place for petifiles at Chucky Cheese [sic]." That's gross. But if I won the lottery I would probably have a Ball Pit Room in my house. And you could all come over and hang out in it with me. Unless you're gross.)
christen needs help with her chic boots (Does this statement describe a demure-yet-deadly seductress or someone suffering from slight brain damage? Or both? I don't think I'd dispute either charge.)
Christen needs a photo to post. (Boring. Just boring. Move along folks, nothing to see here.)
Christen's professors were also insensitive to Christen's needs... (Like what? Like the need to come to class drunk, high and wearing only a filthy, bourbon-stinking bathrobe covered with cigarette burns? Yeah. Yeah, come to think of it, they were insensitive to my needs. Goddamn Ivory tower megalomorons.)
Christen needs to learn to present his ideas in a way that's not hateful and belittling... (Pronouns notwithstanding, I concede the correctness of this statement, in particular deference to any of the ugly, knuckle-dragging fuckwits I've tangled with on this or any other Internet. I mean, I LOVE YOU ALL LET'S CUDDLE UNDER A BLANKET.)
It's a challenge to set a studying pace and determine how much one-on-one time Christen needs. (It's also a challenge to think of anything interesting to say about this one. NEXT.)
Christen needs a kick in the butt though.... (That's all good and well, and I probably do, but I'm disappointed that this was higher up on the list than "Christen needs to get educated and learn to use a condom," "Christen needs way more tats," "Christen needs money," "Christen needs a bath" and of course, "Christen needs to get over herself." All but the very first of these statements are pretty freakin' apt.)
I can also report that a startling number of people misspell "Christian" as "Christen" -- my only explanation for statements like, "Every Christen needs to watch Abraham’s faith develop through the years and learn from Gods friend," and "The one thing every christen needs to do is make contact with the Father." Unless the authors of these statements feel that only people with my given name -- and then only in its rather uncommon spelling -- have the obligation to do these things. In which case, at first, with all due respect to the sincerity of these folks and their faith, it seemed creepy to be singled out like that, but then I started thinking what it would be like to join a religious organization made up only of people named Christen. I've actually never met another Christen (although my brother went to high school with one), but I think it could be pretty cool, especially if we all drank gin a whole bunch and watched bad '80s comedies all the time and never wore anything but pajamas.
*Yes, I tried "Xen needs" and the results were disastrously lame.