Sometimes wank makes the world an infinitely happier place
Oh, my god, I need a Jensen version of this icon. I don't think this fresh bit of crazy (courtesy of wank_report) quite lives up to the original "Elijah Wood is my personal lord and savior" essay, but it comes pretty close. It's titled Why Jensen Ackles Matters: A Study in Fiction and Meta, and it encompasses, as the author helpfully explains at one point, "the makings of a very fine book."
A few excerpts, though I'm not even going to touch the prolonged sections where the author telepathically communicates with Jensen: Yes, he’s pretty. He was a beautiful boy, a stunningly gorgeous young man, as evidenced in the pictures that still float around the Internet. But as he escaped his twenties this past year his beauty seems to have mellowed into his bones. He’s more than just a face. His attractiveness truly seems to come from inside. Taken separately, his individual features shouldn’t logically add up to the sum of the breathtaking whole. His eyes don’t match, but they’re as clear and luminous as the tranquil sea, and you think you can see all the way to his soul in them. His lips have been described in sinfully delicious terms, and it’s true: porn stars would pay a lot for a mouth like that. He’s covered with freckles that tempt one to think of melted drops of caramel, fresh for the tasting. His nose is crooked: adorably so. He works out, so the body, arms, chest, all that - sure look healthy. He appears to take care of himself, which is attractive in and of itself. And the bowlegs? Thousands of fangirls can’t be wrong - as much as he may claim they’re his least favorite aspect, they’re one of the most endearing things about him.
***I’ll begin this examination by describing what I’ve seen is the typical Jensen fan ... we’re smart, and seem to have lives outside of fandom. Another interesting thing I’ve found as I’ve gotten to know more people who share my Ackles love: a lot of us are hot.
***“No one expects the days to be gods,” according to Emerson. Anymore, I actually disagree. We’ve been shown better, by Jensen Ackles. Now we expect no less. He’s an enigmatic prism we can’t help following. Jensen just gives, and gives, and keeps on giving. He adds sparkle to our days, we love watching the interaction, the sharing and mutual friendship between Jensen and Jared, which translates to the palpable chemistry between their characters, Dean and Sam Winchester.
He so perfectly captures the entire range of human emotion and experience in his work, that he reminds us of what it means to be human.
susannaheanes/prettyfreckles is, probably unsurprisingly, one of the driving forces behind PETJA and author of such other charming posts as this ("I was being a mite forward treating you as if you were someone I know, a friend, with whom it might be appropriate - with permission - to effect a "tough love" attitude. For all we know, you're actually quite happy the way you are") and this, though alas, the post where she called Dean "an angel in a goddamned testosterone-laced meat-suit" has been locked.
Oh, fandom. Never, ever change. Oh, wait, you don't. Are Jensen and Jared sending us secret gay messages through their clothes yet?
ETA: Apparently they are. I... don't entirely know what to say to that.
ETA, pt. 2: The essay has, alas, been taken down, despite the author's repeated claims that there is nothing mock-worthy about it and anyone who finds it funny just isn't as smart as she is. But all the really painful parts (with some bonus additional crazy, no less) still exist here: Theory 101: The Truth About Jensen Ackles (thanks to a helpful anon for providing the link).
ETA, pt. 3: Screencap of the entire essay
A few excerpts, though I'm not even going to touch the prolonged sections where the author telepathically communicates with Jensen: Yes, he’s pretty. He was a beautiful boy, a stunningly gorgeous young man, as evidenced in the pictures that still float around the Internet. But as he escaped his twenties this past year his beauty seems to have mellowed into his bones. He’s more than just a face. His attractiveness truly seems to come from inside. Taken separately, his individual features shouldn’t logically add up to the sum of the breathtaking whole. His eyes don’t match, but they’re as clear and luminous as the tranquil sea, and you think you can see all the way to his soul in them. His lips have been described in sinfully delicious terms, and it’s true: porn stars would pay a lot for a mouth like that. He’s covered with freckles that tempt one to think of melted drops of caramel, fresh for the tasting. His nose is crooked: adorably so. He works out, so the body, arms, chest, all that - sure look healthy. He appears to take care of himself, which is attractive in and of itself. And the bowlegs? Thousands of fangirls can’t be wrong - as much as he may claim they’re his least favorite aspect, they’re one of the most endearing things about him.
***I’ll begin this examination by describing what I’ve seen is the typical Jensen fan ... we’re smart, and seem to have lives outside of fandom. Another interesting thing I’ve found as I’ve gotten to know more people who share my Ackles love: a lot of us are hot.
***“No one expects the days to be gods,” according to Emerson. Anymore, I actually disagree. We’ve been shown better, by Jensen Ackles. Now we expect no less. He’s an enigmatic prism we can’t help following. Jensen just gives, and gives, and keeps on giving. He adds sparkle to our days, we love watching the interaction, the sharing and mutual friendship between Jensen and Jared, which translates to the palpable chemistry between their characters, Dean and Sam Winchester.
He so perfectly captures the entire range of human emotion and experience in his work, that he reminds us of what it means to be human.
susannaheanes/prettyfreckles is, probably unsurprisingly, one of the driving forces behind PETJA and author of such other charming posts as this ("I was being a mite forward treating you as if you were someone I know, a friend, with whom it might be appropriate - with permission - to effect a "tough love" attitude. For all we know, you're actually quite happy the way you are") and this, though alas, the post where she called Dean "an angel in a goddamned testosterone-laced meat-suit" has been locked.
Oh, fandom. Never, ever change. Oh, wait, you don't. Are Jensen and Jared sending us secret gay messages through their clothes yet?
ETA: Apparently they are. I... don't entirely know what to say to that.
ETA, pt. 2: The essay has, alas, been taken down, despite the author's repeated claims that there is nothing mock-worthy about it and anyone who finds it funny just isn't as smart as she is. But all the really painful parts (with some bonus additional crazy, no less) still exist here: Theory 101: The Truth About Jensen Ackles (thanks to a helpful anon for providing the link).
ETA, pt. 3: Screencap of the entire essay