As Time Changes, Time Carries Me Along...
This is probably going to sound rediculous, or stupid. or both. probably both.
i think im gonna just... stop messing around online, or worrying if my friends are on or such. I read your guy's journals, and it makes me look at my life. You guys post about stuff and have a life, where you do things. Visit relatives, go shopping, spend the weekend ( Read more... )
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matt, its good that you want to do somethign good with your life but i mean, my life isnt all what it seems like. i have ALOT of things going on right now, but i only focus on the good not the bad. thats why it seems like i have such a wonderful life. i go places on weekends to get aways from reality. im trying to evade something that cant be evaded. i dont write about it on here becuase if i did, then people would ask me how is life...they would ask me whats going on with my problems...and then it would ruin my fantasy world.
i could do what i did and stay online all the time too, that was another one of my getaways, but i decided not too. no it isnt good to be on all the time, but i dont want yo to think that you have to stop getting on all together. i love you you know that, and i worry about you. I still want to talk to you.
im sorry if i havent been here enough for you matt...you can always email me you know that.
<3 katy
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"im sorry if i havent been here enough for you matt"
that...
its just, no. you dont need to do that. you guys are online friends... i cant call you guys up and just go out and hang out. go to a party, go see a movie... or do things like that. sleepovers for us are all nighters at the computer.
thats just... not the same. i love you guys but i think i need to get out more... thats all. im tired of my mom treating me like shit cause in her opinion, all i ever do is sit at the computer.
i just... want alone time? i dont know katy... i am a mess on the inside. i lay scattered, blown apart into many pieces. I am truely a mess on the inside. and the computer isnt helping... maybe it is by not letting me get worse, maybe i will fall worse by not being online... but its worth a try. I'm just so tired of life right now... truely.
i dont know...
Matthew
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